Dear Family and Friends,
What a pleasure it has been to have Dana with us for the past two weeks. As you all know sometimes guests or family come to visit and you just can't wait until they leave and the longer they stay the more you long for peace and quiet. Well having Dana here is as close as you can get to having Nan back, they both have hearts full of love for friends and family, they both are idea generators, action takers and so when Dana arrives there are no sad moments, no down times, no family fighting or tense words, just love and problem solving. God certainly knew what he was doing when he brought both Nan and Dana into the world, they just make things better all the time. So it was with a very heavy heart that we all loaded up one more time in the van and drove the hour to Oakland where we said our tearful goodbyes to Dana and Anthony. They both have brought a great deal of fun and joy into our lives and by ours I mean Nikki and Steve, Keanna and Kallie, Jason and Jo and Timothy as well as me too. We've packed a lot of living and eating into these two weeks, a lot of miles and dollars spent (thanks to Dana).
This evening when I thought she would be home finally from the cross country flight I called and she picked up with her friendly inflection, yes she was home and getting settled in with her 5 dogs, several cats, Jonathan and Ronnie. Anthony was there but getting tired and ready for bed. They had a safe and enjoyable flight back and were HOME. Dana loves to be home, who doesn't.
So now the new week looms, my prayer is that some more work will materialize, that funds will come in the mail or by Raven, that I will be able to figure out the next steps for my life, diet, work, study, rest.
I know you appreciate your children and it is very humbling and gratifying when your children tend to watch over you and help you through tough times. Mine are just perfect, they talk to me, encourage me, let me tag along, feed me and let me enjoy the grandkids. I am so thankful for family and friends. Your advice, counsel and ideas really motivate me and encourage me.
For those of you who have not yet faced a significant loss I hope my sharing the realities of my experience will help you prepare for your future no matter what unfolds. I know this for sure, there are no easy answers, no quick fixes for broken hearts, no magic words but I am finding that time passing eases the extreme pain and sense of loss and lostness. It has now been 7 months as of July 4. I can often hear her voice in the next room, smell the meal she is preparing, hear her quiet goodnight as I fall asleep for those were the sounds of 37 years together.
Will you take a moment tonight or this morning to just take in the magic of the presence of your loved one who is right there with you, treasure every day, speak what you feel, don't wait or withhold or punish, just do the right thing now, I mean now, not when you get around to it. Touch, affirm, revel in his / her presence, this moment. Humor me. Let your love show.
Good night my friend, a special thanks to Dana and to Ron for sharing her for a few days with us out here.
love
tim
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Sabbath evening
Dear Family and Friends,
Good evening from Willow Lake court. Tonight is the last night we have the honor of our guests being with us. Keanna is here for a sleep over, Nikki and STeve are enjoying an evening and we have just been munching and sort of debriefing on the two weeks Dana has been here with us. She has done amazing things and been a huge help to all of us. Now she needs to return to her own family to feed John, to be a companion to Ron and to resume baby sitting when needed for her 4 little ones.
To recap since she arrived she has visited Monterey Bay Aquarium, Jason and Jo's place, China Town in SF, bought out the local safeway store, prepared delicious meals and enjoyed the zoo, cared for the kids and hopefully had a nice vacation. She and Anthony will fly out tomorrow afternoon from Oakland at 3 something and arrive home at 9 in Houston. They will be missed and always appreciated.
Keanna enjoyed Sabbath School this morning, then Nikki and Dana joined us for lunch at Olive Garden, what a nice afternoon we had.
Tomorrow after delivering Dana to the airport I am going to spend some time taking stock of my situation and attempt to figure out a plan to live by, a plan which includes food, rest, finances and a real devotional life. I sometimes feel like I'm spinning out of control and I need to step up to the plate and make some real changes. I would appreciate your prayers as I approach this process and I do appreciate all you each have done to help with our and now my life.
Tonight I am grateful for the blessings of the past two weeks, the joys of family and sharing good times.
love
tim
Friday, July 4, 2008
4th of July family style
Dear Family and Friends,
10:30 and we are just back from Steve and Nikki's where we enjoyed an afternoon and evening of fun, friends, family and fireworks. Kallie was awake this afternoon for hours and enjoyed being in her swing and on the floor looking up at a special little tent with lights and sounds. Nikki and Steve along with Dana threw their typical great event, meal, BBQ. This evening the group migrated to the street for some safe and sane fireworks and a few less than fully legal ones, suddenly the cop car arrived just as a neighbor had started a ground based display of pops, flames. While the car idled the device just kept going and going. Finally it stopped and the officer said, you know those are illegal and the guy affirmed and then the cop left. It was a totally fun evening as the little ones tried their hands at sparklers, poppers and little fireworks.
I've mostly rested today, sleeping for hours in my work chair. All the walking has sort of gotten to me and my joints are tired and everything is sore it seems.
In the morning I'm taking Keanna to Sabbath School and I hope Dana and Anthony will go too. The kids played so well today and had a blast in the wonderful back yard Steve has created. Kevin, ones of STeve very special friends, his mom and dad and Tara who is Kevin's 12 year old daughter were special guests and Tara held Kallie when Jill would give her up for a bit. Dana held and fed Kallie and I even got my chance. She is a happy contented baby who now weighs nearly 11 lbs and has grown over an inch in her first month. She is a wonderful addition to the family and her parents and Keanna adore her.
Meanwhile reality made its ugly way today when I checked the business account on line. Seems I have moved from the black to the red column overnight, I've just got to remember how many automatic charges come in around the first of the month and be ready for them. I'm praying that God will help once again with some much needed funds, He has not let me down yet but sure seems to do things last minute which is sometimes troubling.
I hope you are enjoying time with your loved ones and friends and that you take time to treasure the privilege of living in this great country, our freedom to friendships, to worship and to live as we please comes at a huge price paid in the blood of those willing to defend this country. I have deep respect for the families who have paid the ultimate price over the years and lost a son, a father, a brother or a sister in the cause of freedom. We now live in a world where there are many people who want us dead, who are jealous of what America means and stands for and wants us all gone, dead. I thank God I've had the high privilege of being born here, raised here and am able to live my life and enjoy my family and friends here, not somewhere else, here. As the fireworks are popping off every few minutes I think again of how precious real freedom is, I don't have to do what the group wants or the government wants, I get to do what I believe is right and move about freely without checking in with anyone. Much of the world is not so lucky.
Good night my family and friends,
love to all,
Tim
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Sylvia visits grief group.
Dear Family and Friends,
This evening as I write a cool breeze is beginning to blow through the house. Anthony has fallen asleep on the love seat and Dana has just given up and gone up to bed. She and Nikki and the children enjoyed a day of local shopping and preparing for tomorrow's BBQ at Steve and Nikki's place. Dana has so many yummy things and tonight she is making some baked beans the long way, cooking for hours. There are also some Krispy Creme Donuts but I'm leaving them in the box, that's just something I can live better without. However a few minutes ago I did have some wheat bread with fresh tomato's that Anthony picked from the plants on the deck.
I worked in this morning after the walk and after I installed the battery in the boat and vacuumed it out. I spent about an hour trying to find normal comparables, ones that sold without being bank owned. The appraisal worth $500 was cancelled because I could not find comps that were regular sales, they were all either bank owned or short sales and the lender just wanted non stressed sales. In Concord there are no such sales at this time of condo units. I hated to lose the deal, I could use the $500 but that is the way things are right now.
So this afternoon I drove to Napa to do an appraisal, beautiful property in a very nice development for people 55 and over. Problem is this, there are no sales in the development and no sales of competing units in other projects.
To compound the afternoon stress it took over 2 hours to reach Byron and the grief group due to extreme traffic problems getting out of Napa.
Sylvia visited the grief group this evening and in fact had already arrived when I finally made it. I think she enjoyed the group, they are very special people all searching for hope, courage and a better life. We have a great group leader and some very brave people. They have been a huge help to me over the past few months.
This evening my eyes are really dry and hurting and my special eye drops wait upstairs. I hope your 4th of July is a special day for you and your family.
love to all,
Tim
This evening as I write a cool breeze is beginning to blow through the house. Anthony has fallen asleep on the love seat and Dana has just given up and gone up to bed. She and Nikki and the children enjoyed a day of local shopping and preparing for tomorrow's BBQ at Steve and Nikki's place. Dana has so many yummy things and tonight she is making some baked beans the long way, cooking for hours. There are also some Krispy Creme Donuts but I'm leaving them in the box, that's just something I can live better without. However a few minutes ago I did have some wheat bread with fresh tomato's that Anthony picked from the plants on the deck.
I worked in this morning after the walk and after I installed the battery in the boat and vacuumed it out. I spent about an hour trying to find normal comparables, ones that sold without being bank owned. The appraisal worth $500 was cancelled because I could not find comps that were regular sales, they were all either bank owned or short sales and the lender just wanted non stressed sales. In Concord there are no such sales at this time of condo units. I hated to lose the deal, I could use the $500 but that is the way things are right now.
So this afternoon I drove to Napa to do an appraisal, beautiful property in a very nice development for people 55 and over. Problem is this, there are no sales in the development and no sales of competing units in other projects.
To compound the afternoon stress it took over 2 hours to reach Byron and the grief group due to extreme traffic problems getting out of Napa.
Sylvia visited the grief group this evening and in fact had already arrived when I finally made it. I think she enjoyed the group, they are very special people all searching for hope, courage and a better life. We have a great group leader and some very brave people. They have been a huge help to me over the past few months.
This evening my eyes are really dry and hurting and my special eye drops wait upstairs. I hope your 4th of July is a special day for you and your family.
love to all,
Tim
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Dana continues her quest
Dear Family and Friends,
9:45 and just back from my second 2.5 mile walk of the day with Ken. He can't walk in the morning so suggested we walk tonight. Loree has agreed to walk at 7 in the morning and that will be wonderful. She walks strong and fast and can bring me up to date on all the events from the Rister family.
I went to San Jose today and found a really nice place, perfect landscaping, clean and updated home and a gentleman who lost his wife 3 years ago after 51 years of marriage. We shared notes and I enjoyed the visit very much. When I left my blood sugar was very low so I popped a little tablet Jerry left in the car for just such times and then felt better. I drove through worsening traffic to Walnut Creek to the VW dealer where a new key for the bug waited. They did not have to program it after all so saved $70. I decided to come home Marsh Creek Road which is usually a time saver. Tonight there had been an accident so we waited for a while before traffic moved again. Then I went to Kragen and spent the $70 for a battery for the boat as Steve has indicated he might like to take the boat out and enjoy some water time. I'll slip the battery in place in the morning and it should be ready for the season. On the way home tonight the engine overheating light came on in the bug. I know by practice that the quickest way to cool down an engine is to run the heater at its hottest setting and the fan on high, this pulls heat out of the cooling system and in a minute or two the engine heating light went out. I really need to get that looked at and the AC also before I ruin something. Just hard to get it in for service and have no car in the process.
Dana has been a very busy bee today. She continues to attack the drawers, shelves, closets sorting, trashing and giving me a huge boost. She has worked tirelessly since coming and has made huge progress in the process. I would like to do something really nice for her but I really am at a loss, she does not care for perfume, jewelry, fancy clothes and she already has 5 dogs so probably a puppy would not really fit her needs, so do you have ideas, what do you give the sister in law who is content with what she has but has helped in so many ways since coming?
Work continues to trickle in, never enough but almost always something to do. This time of the month is always a challenge at this house since so many automatic payments come out near the first of the month.
Our smoke has cleared a lot and we are all breathing better. After almost not sleeping at all last night I intend to go to bed soon and sleep until 6:45, that is my hope at least.
So good night to all our dear friends and family, you make life really worth living.
love
tim
9:45 and just back from my second 2.5 mile walk of the day with Ken. He can't walk in the morning so suggested we walk tonight. Loree has agreed to walk at 7 in the morning and that will be wonderful. She walks strong and fast and can bring me up to date on all the events from the Rister family.
I went to San Jose today and found a really nice place, perfect landscaping, clean and updated home and a gentleman who lost his wife 3 years ago after 51 years of marriage. We shared notes and I enjoyed the visit very much. When I left my blood sugar was very low so I popped a little tablet Jerry left in the car for just such times and then felt better. I drove through worsening traffic to Walnut Creek to the VW dealer where a new key for the bug waited. They did not have to program it after all so saved $70. I decided to come home Marsh Creek Road which is usually a time saver. Tonight there had been an accident so we waited for a while before traffic moved again. Then I went to Kragen and spent the $70 for a battery for the boat as Steve has indicated he might like to take the boat out and enjoy some water time. I'll slip the battery in place in the morning and it should be ready for the season. On the way home tonight the engine overheating light came on in the bug. I know by practice that the quickest way to cool down an engine is to run the heater at its hottest setting and the fan on high, this pulls heat out of the cooling system and in a minute or two the engine heating light went out. I really need to get that looked at and the AC also before I ruin something. Just hard to get it in for service and have no car in the process.
Dana has been a very busy bee today. She continues to attack the drawers, shelves, closets sorting, trashing and giving me a huge boost. She has worked tirelessly since coming and has made huge progress in the process. I would like to do something really nice for her but I really am at a loss, she does not care for perfume, jewelry, fancy clothes and she already has 5 dogs so probably a puppy would not really fit her needs, so do you have ideas, what do you give the sister in law who is content with what she has but has helped in so many ways since coming?
Work continues to trickle in, never enough but almost always something to do. This time of the month is always a challenge at this house since so many automatic payments come out near the first of the month.
Our smoke has cleared a lot and we are all breathing better. After almost not sleeping at all last night I intend to go to bed soon and sleep until 6:45, that is my hope at least.
So good night to all our dear friends and family, you make life really worth living.
love
tim
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
A Family Day of Joy
Dear Family and Friends,
This has been one of those special days one always remembers. We loaded up the van this morning at 9 and headed to MBA where Jason and Jo reside. We arrived about 11 and enjoyed time with them. What fun to have a house full of little ones playing, adults catching up, yard inspections of growing plants, seeing the new safety gates. Jason and Jo had arranged for passes for nearly everyone to enjoy the world famous Monterey Bay Aquarium and we loaded up again and drove down. It was a perfect day weather wise and everyone was happy and relaxed. We found parking near to the entrance and spent several hours enjoying the various creatures that are on display. This really is a special place for kids Keanna and Anthony's age and they just played themselves out running from one place to the next. Finally Timothy just got too tired and they left to take him home for a nap, perhaps they caught a nap too. Eventually we pried the kids out of the place, Dana and I were super tired and Nikki and Steve were mildly tired. Kallie woke to enjoy looking at some tanks but mostly slept in her stroller. As we left she had a short little cry, Nikki stopped and just held her and talked to her and then she slept again. We stopped at a Mexican place that Steve and Nikki knew well from living in the area for years, the food was great and we were all very hungry. Then having been fed and watered we reloaded and Nikki drove us safely home. I sat in the very back and enjoyed watching the kids movies on an old DVD player that Dana found and got working but also just watching the kids interact to each other. Steve rode in the middle row with Kallie in her safety seat and Dana and Nikki handled the driving and navigation up front.
Now we are all tired, well that is except Kallie who may want to be up since she slept nearly all day. Nikki was sort of dreading that, the awake at night part.
I want to thank Nikki for driving, Jason and Jo for doing such a great job of finding passes and being our guide, Dana for being the sparkplug that probably got this whole day rolling and Steve for helping keep the kids busy, safe and in sight all day. That last one is no easy task as they move fast.
Loree covered the office today, made a deposit and took the phone calls, checked on Starr and helped here in the office.
This is a day I will always remember and Nan would have been so happy to see the van used to capacity for the family.
Love to all,
Tim
ps, Don we are thinking of you tonight.
This has been one of those special days one always remembers. We loaded up the van this morning at 9 and headed to MBA where Jason and Jo reside. We arrived about 11 and enjoyed time with them. What fun to have a house full of little ones playing, adults catching up, yard inspections of growing plants, seeing the new safety gates. Jason and Jo had arranged for passes for nearly everyone to enjoy the world famous Monterey Bay Aquarium and we loaded up again and drove down. It was a perfect day weather wise and everyone was happy and relaxed. We found parking near to the entrance and spent several hours enjoying the various creatures that are on display. This really is a special place for kids Keanna and Anthony's age and they just played themselves out running from one place to the next. Finally Timothy just got too tired and they left to take him home for a nap, perhaps they caught a nap too. Eventually we pried the kids out of the place, Dana and I were super tired and Nikki and Steve were mildly tired. Kallie woke to enjoy looking at some tanks but mostly slept in her stroller. As we left she had a short little cry, Nikki stopped and just held her and talked to her and then she slept again. We stopped at a Mexican place that Steve and Nikki knew well from living in the area for years, the food was great and we were all very hungry. Then having been fed and watered we reloaded and Nikki drove us safely home. I sat in the very back and enjoyed watching the kids movies on an old DVD player that Dana found and got working but also just watching the kids interact to each other. Steve rode in the middle row with Kallie in her safety seat and Dana and Nikki handled the driving and navigation up front.
Now we are all tired, well that is except Kallie who may want to be up since she slept nearly all day. Nikki was sort of dreading that, the awake at night part.
I want to thank Nikki for driving, Jason and Jo for doing such a great job of finding passes and being our guide, Dana for being the sparkplug that probably got this whole day rolling and Steve for helping keep the kids busy, safe and in sight all day. That last one is no easy task as they move fast.
Loree covered the office today, made a deposit and took the phone calls, checked on Starr and helped here in the office.
This is a day I will always remember and Nan would have been so happy to see the van used to capacity for the family.
Love to all,
Tim
ps, Don we are thinking of you tonight.
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