Joy comes to visit

Dear Family and Friends,I

I'm sending out the blog early this evening while I'm still basking in the afterglow of special visitors this afternoon.

At 2 pm I picked up her highness, Miss Keanna at school and we drove the few blocks to the house where Sylvia was pulling weeds in the mist. For the next several hours just hearing the joyful sounds as they played games, repaired the bunny who had a seam that was giving, made snacks and took turns looking at the birds nest that is nestled adjacent to the kitchen garden window. Keanna was able to see tiny eggs and was thrilled.

Now in the quietness of the house after they have gone I still hear echos of joy, of life, of caring. I can still Keanna announcing that I was now bald as Sylvia took off a few remaining strands of hair at the end of the much appreciated haircut. Quick to reassure me that I was not really bald Sylvia and I both laughed at Keanna's words.

What can make such a drastic change in the days mood? It takes people, caring people and the magic sure worked this afternoon. While I sat and jammed out a much needed and overdue appraisal Sylvia kept Keanna busy as they fed the dogs, the fish, blew bubbles and did some chores too. Keanna came in full of energy and left still full of energy but with a tiny basket of treats straight from Japan which she dearly loved.

Thank you Sylvia and Keanna for making my day! You both are very special people.

Now I'm off to town to get meds, dog food, fish food, bird food and perhaps some people food for the pantry as well.

So have a pleasant evening. To add to your pleasure I've included photographs of growing color in my yard in spite of my neglect and abuse. The iris is growing from an area where Nan long ago planted bulbs hoping for yearly visits of color and of course that flower standing so regal certainly takes me back to a happier time where she could do things like garden and plant bulbs.

Sending love to all and special praise to my brave friend Lois who is winning the battle over smoking. What a battle it has been as she has struggled with a very real challenge all week. Ray and I are both very proud of her, go girl!

Tim

Another day

Good evening,
I'm just back from a quick dinner at the new Olive Garden in Stockton. This afternoon two orders came in and both were marked COD. Well that tends to get my attention so I called and made appointments, one was for Thursday but one said come tonight. So I left for manteca but just before I left the owner called back to say he had decided to not pay me and that it would come from escrow. Well that is nice but it will be at least a month from now instead of now. It was disappointing to say the least. The home was perfect and of course there were no comps in the entire project, a 55 and over Pulte development called Woodbridge. Once I was through I was really feeling hungry and just worn out. I've either sneezed or coughed constantly all day and along with the frustration of trying to master the new appraisal form which took hours to begin to understand I was ready for a break.
The Olive Garden in Stockton is brand new, very nice and was packed with hungry people. They let me eat at the bar so the service was perfect, the soup and salad quickly appeared and the water even tasted good. Now I'm home and sort of feel like a truck ran over me. Little things helped make the day special, my faithful HP1000 decided to have a laser misread and failed. So I switched it with the one on Nan's desk. At 554 miles I decided to buy diesel but the promised $2.26 on the sign was really $2.32 at the desk inside. The dog food ran out and there was no money in the mail. There was a special overnight envelope sticking out under the front mat and it contained a check for one FHA appraisal, $450. Mind you I completed the appraisal over two months ago and it took a trip to Roseville to do the work but being paid today felt very good. At the mailbox I discovered a nest of wasps which I dispatched with a can of raid I found in the garage.
It is nice to have the weather warm enough that the furnace can remain quiet and cost free. Anything to save a buck helps.
Good night my friend and family,

love

tim

Learning curves, a pain

Dear Family and Friends,
Well here I am again ready to share the wonders of being alive today.
Breakfast was right after a good walk with Ken, good range grown brown eggs and toast, apple sause. I worked in for as long as I could and then headed out to Redwood City. I found a very nice place with some updating, good care and lovely people. Then it was off to San Francisco to shoot photos of comps for the appraisal I started the other day and became ill. It was a beautiful day, warm even and I had a good book playing so the day went quickly. Upon arriving back at Discovery Bay I went ahead and inspected a large home located in the Country Club which was devoid of all light fixtures and kitchen appliances. How sad that people think they need to take such items which clearly should remain with the home. Then it was home to be greeted by two dogs, two cats, a new nest of little birds in the kitchen garden window. Since it was time to eat I pulled out some brown rice, mixed in a big of mushroom soup and hit the microwave button for 1 minute. Using romain lettuce hearts, a fresh tomato, sliced olives and bits of cheese I made a great salad. Then I sat at the freshly cleaned table and enjoyed the tastes of the food.
After eating it was time to get down to serious work. Tonight was the first time I've tried to fill out the new form which the wizards at FNMA have forced on all appraisals. To fill out the blanks you have to be able to get the data for certain time periods, 7 to 12 months ago, 3 to 6 months and then 3 months to present. For sold homes, for listings and how much did the sale price differ from the list price and how long did they take to sell. I was working on the appraisal for Redwood City and try as I might I could not get it to give me the data for the time periods mandated by the form so I'm going to bed with 1/4 of a page of the report filled out and no idea of how to fill out the required information. Tomorrow I'll call the board and see if the system can even spit out the info I need. This is going to be a long month as we all learn how to get the data, fill out the form and still get our work done. God will need to help us through this process, its not easy.
So for now I'll sign off and get rest. Good night to all.

love

tim

Down day

Dear Family and Friends,
While this day started pretty well with a good walk around the lake with friend Ken I've had a fairly lazy day. I enjoyed worship service at Lodi Fairmont but sadness filled the place as just this week a huge funeral service was held for an entire family that was lost in the plane crash which claimed the three Adventist families. I'm told that over 1,600 people attended the 4 hour service. I must admit I have no way of handling or understanding such losses right now in the context of God's role in our affairs. And on the way to Tracy Church this morning where I was briefly before deciding to attend Lodi, all along the way every 100 feet or so there was a search and rescue person many with dogs, equipped with radios searching the canals and ditches all along Tracy Blvd. The little 8 year old girl has still not been found and the entire town is mobilized in the search.
After the worship hour and an interesting sermon which almost kept me awake full time I met up with Bob, Carrol and Pam at a little place with excellent salads in Woodbridge. Then after a kind and cold can of Dr. Pepper to get me home I arrived and napped for the afternoon. This evening I woke and made a little grilled cheese with tomato slices, a small bowl of tomato soup, took my pills and now I'm ready to rest.
With the increasingly severe financial crisis I'm in present and the concern about future orders once this new management company requirement takes place I feel some constant strain and a general feeling of unease.
In reflection about the blog I often wonder about being so open about what I am experiencing. I know that many of you have voiced your input that you would not be so open about sharing as I am. I can certainly understand that. Be assured I don't put everything in the blog. However I do try to be as transparent as possible since I remember that others will follow this same path not by choice but by fate, by loss of a loved one and how can I be helpful if I only give a sugar coated version of what its like to rediscover living without your loved one. So if my candor makes you uncomfortable at times I think it might serve a purpose, I certainly hope so as this is one of the pillars of my day, to blog. I hope you find gems along with dust as you read. As always I need God's help in so many ways, His guidance, His power, His resources, His forgiveness and His tender hearted love. He keeps me going and He does it best through the precious members of my family, the kidos, the kids, the kinfolk, all precious to my heart.

love

tim

A week closer

Dear Family and Friends,
This evening brings to a close a challenging week for the family here in Discovery Bay. We have all battled the flu bug, first Kallie, then Nikki followed by Keanna. About the same time I discovered a new drastic way to dump 10 lbs in two days through extreme cleansing! By this afternoon I felt secure enough to venture out and see 3 properties in Hercules. The orders said that they were three vacant properties so I thought, these are safe, no one to give the flu to. Imagine my surprise when at the first door I heard a huge dog barking and then saw a very large pitbull lunging at the gate. My heart sank, were my well laid out plans to be wasted? The person losing the house was still there, living in a back room and trying to figure out what next for his life, in the last year he has been divorced, lost his mom and now his job as a dean at a university was gone. We spent some good time sharing and I was able to proceed and do my work. Eventually I had seen all three homes and while I still had energy I headed home.
Upon arriving home I found the following email from my dear friend Irene, a fellow GISTer. I wanted to share it here so I could ask that you join Irene in seeking God's healing. How wonderful it would be to have Irene's tumors shrink!


April 3, 2009
Dear Family and Friends,
After being on Prednisone for three weeks my alkaline phosphatase (blood test) number has not been reduced to an acceptable level that would qualify me for the IPI-504 clinical trial at OHSU. One reason why this number has been elevated is because of the chemo-embolization that I had in late January combined with the GIST tumors that are irritating the biliary system in my liver. So Dr.Heinrich has discontinued Prednisone. I will be taking Dasatinib (a cancer oral pill taken daily) instead of waiting for the clinical trial qualification. Dasatinib is approved for another cancer but will be available to me through "off label."
Back in February, my CT scan showed 3 tumors in my liver and 4 nodes in my lungs. Now there are 6 each in my liver and in my lungs. The tumor in my lower spine has increased in size. Dr. Heinrich hopes that Dasatinib will control the growth but the odds of it working are very low. I see that having been on no drugs is worst than the Dasatinib odds. This will be the fifth cancer drug I will be taking and unfortunately as we go down the line, it seems each successive one has lower odds than the previous. However, I will continue doing weekly blood tests to check on the alkaline phosphatase number. When it comes down to the acceptable range, then I can reapply for the clinical trial which has more potential than Dasatinib.
Each week my hopes were high and I wanted to be on the clinical trial so desperately. I couldn't understand why God was allowing this to happen, especially when I was given signs initially to proceed with applying for the clinical trial. A couple of weeks ago, I had a long talk with my good friend, Pinnie who ministers to members of my church. I just love talking to her because she helps me make sense of what God might be doing in my life. I had been so focused on on getting onto the trial that I really hadn't thought it would be possible for God to heal me completely - asking for no tumors and no more cancer. I guess I had not truly believed that God wants me healed. She gave me a book that was written by Dodie Osteen (mother of Joel Osteen) titled, Healed of Cancer. Dodie was diagnosed with liver cancer in 1981 and was told she had just weeks to live. Within a month, her faith in God and lots of prayers involving many others she asked God for complete healing which did happened. She is not advising everyone to do as she did but only if they are strongly compelled to do so. The latter part of the book has 40 scriptures about healing that she reads daily. I'm still going to pursue the clinical trial but I'm also going to pray more fervently about healing. She helped me to see that God can fix things but sometimes he choses a different way and perhaps a better way than we expect.
I haven't qualify for the clinical trial and don't know if I will but I know it is not hopeless for something else to happen. As some of you have replied to me, "As one door closes, another one opens." Thank you for reminding me of those encouraging words.
The past few days I have been reading a book called Knowing God's Will by Evelyn Bence. In it are many quotes and Bible verses but the one that spoke to me is one from Colossians 1:9-12 (NIV). "For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may be strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light." This passage was written to encourage the Colossians by the apostle Paul while he was imprisoned in Rome. I fine this utterly amazing and awe inspiring.
Again I want to thank you all for your caring thoughts and heartfelt prayers and I still so desperately need to sustain me. Please pray for healing and eradicating all the cancer. At the same time, I will keep Colossians 1:9-12 with my prayers for you.
With a grateful heart,
Irene

Will you join with me in keeping Irene in your prayers. Irene was a dear friend to Nan, made many trips to be with her for Dr visits, hospital room visits, visits in our home and in my way of thinking is one of God's special angels for this time. She has touched our lives in so many ways and gave Nan such prayerful support. Nan loved her deeply. Now she needs us. Will you pray?

love to all

Tim

Rough day

Dear Family and Friends,
In a few minutes I'm going to bed. I know I'm better today than last night but I sure feel rough. After my bout with dumping my cookies in SF I started to cough and that has continued to the point where my lungs and chest are very sore now so that just sort of adds to the fun. Since yesterday morning I've dumped 5 to 6 lbs. Today at the urging of family and friends I've had some apple juice, toast, apple sauce. I've run a fever all day and tonight my eyes burn along with other crucial points in my body. The bottom line is I'm better and I'm thankful for that.

This afternoon I was sleeping under a little heated blanket that Nan loved so much in the recliner. Suddenly Starr started gentle barking at my side. She would not stop until I finally got up, I think she knew something was not right for me to be in the chair for so long. It was cute.

I was able to cover the house payment by depositing the checks that had come in and raiding the personal bank account, taking the case out of my wallet and now I have $14 in the business account. That is a whole lot better than the $20 I had toward the whole payment a few days ago. The Lord's ways are strange to say the least but He is there.

Well I'm going to sign off now and go to bed. I hurt everyplace that can hurt but I'm better. I think the girls are better too even though Kallie lost some of her dinner last evening. What a nasty bug this has turned out to be.

Sending love to all,

tim

Flu

Hi
I missed last night for a reason. Yesterday I was in SF to see a house and after I was through I became very ill. GPS guided me to a shell station which even had a shady place to park and I slept there for awhile. I could feel I was getting worse so finally stumbled across the long parking lot, grabbed the key and made very good use of the bathroom. Then I purchased some pepto bismal and headed back to the car, I didn't make it, I think the Lord provided a nice big trash can which I proceeded to fill. Finally I made it back to the car where I sat for awhile. I had a couple things working against me, no food since morning so blood sugar was getting low and aches and pains everywhere. I wondered how I would make it home. Every mile seemed to be more challenging as I drove but finally I made it to the driveway where my car still sits. I lunged into the house and found the recliner, stayed there until 7:30 and then rode the stair chair up to bed where I found comfort and warmth. This is the worst I have felt in a very long time and at this point I'm going to get a lot of rest today. Yesterday as I drove I picked up about 5 new orders but they will just have to wait a day.
Nikki, Keanna and Kallie continue to be sick with this bug and its made their life very miserable too.
I just mixed some apple juice with room temp water and have kept that down so far and I think I'll try some rice pretty soon. Due to diabetes I do need to eat something. If you can avoid this flu do so. I don't want any visitors for fear that they will come down with it.

We all could use your prayers. Thanks

Tim