Dear Friends and Family,
Its 7:45 and classical music is playing in the background. Lammerding just called to offer a trade of his suv for the van. Actually I am interested in downsizing myself out of a car payment altogether. One way to give yourself a raise is to reduce how much you spend.
I could not stay in bed this morning due to extreme back pain, it hurts to the point that I can't take deep breaths. So up to work a bit, then my kind neighbor Ken let me walk with him. I made it part of the way and then turned back as I knew I had other things to deal with. Then the dental office called to ask if I could come in early so a quick shower and on the road. They were very nice at the office but my gag reflect eventually caused the doctor to put an end to the procedure without completing it. He was able to get the nerves out by drilling and prodding but suddenly the gag reflect that I had tried so hard to control took over. So now I get to do it the hard way, another appointment, this time with the oral surgeon who will put me out so the work can be done while I am in laalaa land. They will install a pole and rebuild the tooth from the inside out. Then I will need a crown and the cost resembles royalty. When I am finished saving this tooth will have cost nearly $2,500. Like the pastor said to me in the hallway of the church when I was letting him know we needed to shut down the recovery fund, he said perhaps the funds just received could help with the cost of this dental work. Somehow it seems God knows things better than I do and a special thanks to who ever sent that money. It took the panic out of the visit today knowing there were funds to help.
After the disappointing visit to the endodonist I drove home. After I got home I made lunch. The first attempt at using a microwave meal was a disaster, it burned beyond eating. So I started from scratch and made noodles, added some mushroom soup, made biscuits (first time I have ever done that), warmed green beans and drank low sodium V8 juice. All very tasty. then the phone rang and an appointment in Manteca that I had been seeking came through so I drove there with a tooth that was beginning to wake and complain. I measured the home, did the inspection, got to know the owners a bit and then shot the comps. By now the pain was making itself known and I was so sleepy so I found a parking lot and simply went to sleep. Sometimes the pain would wake me but not enough to do anything, then back to sleep. Later the phone rang and the second appointment for Stockton came through. I drove there and found a perfect little home with a gentle black senior citizen who was a delight. We ended up playing her grand piano and singing hymns together. She also slipped me an Advil which has done a marvelous job with the pain even to now.
On the way home I spoke to Nikki who had another ultrasound of the baby today and everything seems in order. She says she can begin to feel movement of the little baby which is very exciting to grandpa.
When I got home I was hungry for something soft. I'm told my tooth is very vulnerable right now and has very thin walls. When they have finished rebuilding it and a crown is in place it will be good for years but now an apple or anything hard might be to much. So I scrambled eggs as Dana taught me and then made two perfect pancakes. What a feast and along with some yummy 1% milk the meal was complete. This is major progress, I've made two meals in one day and I lived!
A nice thing about the appraisals I did today, both were paid for on the spot. That is a huge help to have money up front instead of waiting for months to pass before collecting. Thank you Lord for that surprise blessing.
Tomorrow morning I visit Dr. James Edwards, my own personal physician. Together we will review the results of the blood work last Friday. I am becoming much more aware of the health challenges I am facing and starting baby steps toward a healthier future. This months CostCo magazine had a couple really helpful articles for me. Your encouragement is appreciated so much as I do things I have forgotten how to do due to neglect over the past couple years.
I have enjoyed talking to Jason who called to find out about the root canal, Art who called to offer to come and help on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to his visit. We will do the Stockton Doctor consultation with the oral surgeon, then head to Hanford to do two appraisals and then drive home. Art will stay until Thursday and some company will be very nice. Mary and Pam called to see how I was doing.
I am thankful for life tonight.
Take care and stay healthy if you can,
love
tim
Monday, January 7, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Nice to hear...
Just when I was heading to bed I decided to check the blog and there were emails there. I'm so sorry about it being difficult to use. Unfortunately I don't have any idea of how to reply to a blog, never did it so I can't be much help. Bob, sorry you lost the message you wrote and had to settle for a short one. I do understand that as I've written entire blog messages before and then somehow lost them, it never seems just right the next time. Nice to hear from all of you tonight, what a nice way to fall asleep. Thanks
tim
tim
A low Sunday
Dear Family and Friends,
I am writing early because writing here is something I can actually do and am willing to do. I've been battling with depression today yet have accomplished a few things. Marilyn has refused to come back and take down the deer that she installed in the front yard. I'm sure her contract required her to repack the deer but she says something about a little matter of 3,500 miles distance and she is needed where she is, so the deer are in a pile in the garage safe from the wind and neighbor dogs. I also revamped the boat cover over our ski boat which has been holding many gallons of water instead of the water just running off. As usual I installed a single light bulb which burns all winter under the cover, that single light bulb will keep the interior of the boat dry and help maintain the condition of the interior seating etc. Steve purchased just the right cover this year and it works great, just needed a little support so the rain drops will run off instead of pooling. I brought in firewood to dry before the next round of rain. Lunch found me with a bowl of split pea soup we got on the last motorhome trip we made to Jason and Jo's house. We stopped at Anderson's split pea eating place along the freeway. The soup was good and I found a huge box of crackers, more than I could eat in a year. I keep finding things, many of which get thrown away, others I tuck away in hopes that I might use them. There are so many parts of our life that I never had anything to do with, I just was on the receiving end of good food well prepared, of having clothes that fit and were clean, of the social calendar being cared for, suddenly its all up to me and I'm sometimes overwhelmed. For example I am dreading the root canal with reports from you that range of nothing, got up out of the chair and went back to work to many months of follow up agony so I don't know what to expect but I do expect it to be nasty business since I gag easily when even someone suggests they put their fist down my throat. I'm also apprehensive about Tuesday Dr. visit where I find out the results of my blood work.
I walked the dogs this morning to the park and found myself winded when I got home. They enjoyed the chance to get out but I didn't get the emotional lift I usually have had in the past.
The thing I don't enjoy about being alone is having to think way too much about me, I like it a lot better when the focus of my living is on someone else.
As you can see I've changed the name of the blog today. This was done at the request of several people who felt it was time to make a positive change. I hope the new one is better and explains the current status of what I have to report. Eventually I'll drop back to just writing a couple times a week.
I discovered that there are music channels on my digital cable box for the TV. One of the channels is KQED, a classical station from the bay area that is so good and enjoyable. I further found out that I can run audio cables directly from the box to the receiver so once I find the station I don't even have to leave the TV on. I like to have classical music in the background, sort of makes the house less creepy and still.
This evening I need to settle down and complete some work that is needed by lenders. I also have a few orders to make appointments for but since I'm not sure of my condition after the root canal I hesitate to make them for tomorrow, yet I very much need to. What to do?
Lets be clear about one thing, I know I have much to be thankful for, that Nan was able to pass in her sleep without agony and misery at that point, that her family from Texas and Denver were wonderful and supportive, that my family has been incredible in their kindness and support and for the hundreds of cards and emails from you. I read and reread every one and let the messages soak in. I know what has happened to nan is unfair, a beautiful lady should not have to go at 55 years old, yet it has happened and we did everything humanly possible to save her and eventually had to admit defeat. I am thankful that I was good to her, that I cared for her, that I gave her my very best. If there was one thing Steve Ahn pounded into my head, I did OK as a caregiver and I thank him for that.
As I wander around the house I see many things that could use my attention, so far I've got the reef tank into better condition, I've got most of the laundry caught up but there are so many projects yet to do. I need to ship out the wonderful DVD's of the services to those of you who have mentioned that you would like them. I need to thank the many who have written expressing support. I need to water the plants, feed the dogs, clean the cat box, clean this office and on it goes. I have not done any of it today, just sat in the gloom.
I'm told it gets easier as time progresses. I am amazed at the hold Nan has on my heart and my thoughts and memories. What a tremendous privilege I've had to be with her for so long.
Well I thank you for listening and I would appreciate your prayers for tomorrow and my appointment with Dr. Doom.
I really appreciate all of you tonight.
love
tim
I am writing early because writing here is something I can actually do and am willing to do. I've been battling with depression today yet have accomplished a few things. Marilyn has refused to come back and take down the deer that she installed in the front yard. I'm sure her contract required her to repack the deer but she says something about a little matter of 3,500 miles distance and she is needed where she is, so the deer are in a pile in the garage safe from the wind and neighbor dogs. I also revamped the boat cover over our ski boat which has been holding many gallons of water instead of the water just running off. As usual I installed a single light bulb which burns all winter under the cover, that single light bulb will keep the interior of the boat dry and help maintain the condition of the interior seating etc. Steve purchased just the right cover this year and it works great, just needed a little support so the rain drops will run off instead of pooling. I brought in firewood to dry before the next round of rain. Lunch found me with a bowl of split pea soup we got on the last motorhome trip we made to Jason and Jo's house. We stopped at Anderson's split pea eating place along the freeway. The soup was good and I found a huge box of crackers, more than I could eat in a year. I keep finding things, many of which get thrown away, others I tuck away in hopes that I might use them. There are so many parts of our life that I never had anything to do with, I just was on the receiving end of good food well prepared, of having clothes that fit and were clean, of the social calendar being cared for, suddenly its all up to me and I'm sometimes overwhelmed. For example I am dreading the root canal with reports from you that range of nothing, got up out of the chair and went back to work to many months of follow up agony so I don't know what to expect but I do expect it to be nasty business since I gag easily when even someone suggests they put their fist down my throat. I'm also apprehensive about Tuesday Dr. visit where I find out the results of my blood work.
I walked the dogs this morning to the park and found myself winded when I got home. They enjoyed the chance to get out but I didn't get the emotional lift I usually have had in the past.
The thing I don't enjoy about being alone is having to think way too much about me, I like it a lot better when the focus of my living is on someone else.
As you can see I've changed the name of the blog today. This was done at the request of several people who felt it was time to make a positive change. I hope the new one is better and explains the current status of what I have to report. Eventually I'll drop back to just writing a couple times a week.
I discovered that there are music channels on my digital cable box for the TV. One of the channels is KQED, a classical station from the bay area that is so good and enjoyable. I further found out that I can run audio cables directly from the box to the receiver so once I find the station I don't even have to leave the TV on. I like to have classical music in the background, sort of makes the house less creepy and still.
This evening I need to settle down and complete some work that is needed by lenders. I also have a few orders to make appointments for but since I'm not sure of my condition after the root canal I hesitate to make them for tomorrow, yet I very much need to. What to do?
Lets be clear about one thing, I know I have much to be thankful for, that Nan was able to pass in her sleep without agony and misery at that point, that her family from Texas and Denver were wonderful and supportive, that my family has been incredible in their kindness and support and for the hundreds of cards and emails from you. I read and reread every one and let the messages soak in. I know what has happened to nan is unfair, a beautiful lady should not have to go at 55 years old, yet it has happened and we did everything humanly possible to save her and eventually had to admit defeat. I am thankful that I was good to her, that I cared for her, that I gave her my very best. If there was one thing Steve Ahn pounded into my head, I did OK as a caregiver and I thank him for that.
As I wander around the house I see many things that could use my attention, so far I've got the reef tank into better condition, I've got most of the laundry caught up but there are so many projects yet to do. I need to ship out the wonderful DVD's of the services to those of you who have mentioned that you would like them. I need to thank the many who have written expressing support. I need to water the plants, feed the dogs, clean the cat box, clean this office and on it goes. I have not done any of it today, just sat in the gloom.
I'm told it gets easier as time progresses. I am amazed at the hold Nan has on my heart and my thoughts and memories. What a tremendous privilege I've had to be with her for so long.
Well I thank you for listening and I would appreciate your prayers for tomorrow and my appointment with Dr. Doom.
I really appreciate all of you tonight.
love
tim
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