Mixed emotions

Good evening, its 11:30 and I have bread baking but at this point I think the bread maker may have died. A while back I heard it start to knead and then it quit. The red light is still on but I think this may be the end of the line for Mr. Bread maker. I had planned to go to bed and get up in the middle of the night to take the finished loaf out, lets hope it starts to work again. Oh well.

Today was stormy, chilly and rainy. I worked in this morning and then drove to San Francisco this afternoon for a 3 pm appointment. Considering all the traffic I encountered it was a wonder I made it by 3:45. Then it was over to a much nicer home for the second appraisal. Newly remodeled in every room the house was near perfect. Yet I was glad to leave the neighborhood and head home. As I drove thanks to bluetooth devices I was able to have conversations with Art, my brother Jerry and Sylvia. Earlier in the afternoon I reached Sharon and found her to be in good spirits but very tired. I called others but they were not there. It helps a great deal to have someone to talk to while driving, sort of calms the nerves. I never cross the Bay Bridge without thinking of the shock the people got so long ago when they were crossing it and the earthquake hit breaking the bridge. I guess in life we just have to put aside our concerns and do what seems God is leading us to do.

Often as I am traveling I remember times when Nan and were traveling together. She was a pleasant fellow traveler, usually had a book going on the system or was reading one herself. She was good at directions and kept an eye on the gas gauge, the speed limit and always was on the watch for police.

Traveling is like life, we turn, we back up, we change directions, we speed up, we slow down, life is like that. This week for me as been sort of lived in denial, denial that starting today all the working relationships I've encouraged over the last 22 years will mean nothing. Now all orders must come through an impersonal panel that takes their cut in the process. They are much like leaches, they draw blood out of the system and perform no helpful service. Today an order came in from a management company, it asked that I drive 2 hours each way, perform an appraisal and they were willing to pay a whole $200. That is half the going rate so after doing some basic research I said NO.

So I wonder what will happen in the near future. I need to just take control of my fears, stop procrastinating and submit packages to various lenders and management companies in hopes I can find some work to do. Your prayers about all of this would be appreciated.

In the morning I get to take 6 year old Keanna to Sabbath School. Its been a bit since we could go and I'm looking forward to it. Ken wants to walk at 7. My back has been really giving me fits today, lots of pain, enough to make changing sox's almost impossible. I wondered how it would be to drive for so many hours today but I was actually better tonight than when I left early afternoon.

Thank you for being a part of my circle. May God bless your weekend with peace and meaning.

love

tim
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