Why are we here?

Dear Family and Friends,

Did you ever wonder why you are here? alive, breathing, sharing, admiring, dreaming, resting, waking, spending, working, caring, fearing, tasting........... what is it all about anyway?

Been thinking a bit about a life I once enjoyed with Nan. In a few words she could thrill me, excite me or destroy me, why was that, what was there about her thoughts, her words, her glares or smiles that had such power? Well she was a pretty thoughtful and confident woman, a human being who did not decide how to act by what someone would think, no she did what she thought was correct for the situation. I miss her moral compass, her insights into what was right, all the way from her frown if the colors I had chosen were wrong to her discomfort if I was hogging the conversation with others or if I was driving with my emotions instead of my head. She was one of those rare persons who just knew how to live in a pretty responsible manner and it was a privilege to be along for the ride. Not always but usually she made good sense and had courage to live up to her convictions. She made wrong things right, stood by her family no matter what and was a good friend to many and a very close friend to a few.

So how do I move forward as I search for a purpose instead of floundering about? Not sure yet but I've not stopped praying about it and searching for the answers. As I write the rain has started to fall outside and I hear it striking the window, the smells that come when it first rains are everywhere and it is a pleasant moment. I have classicall music playing through my bose speakers and I'm winding up the day. I will always be deeply grateful to a loving God who allowed me the honor of meeting Nan at Pinecrest, of allowing us to fall in love and guiding us through our lives together. He blessed us with two precious and wonderful children who have grown to be the love of my life and now with the little ones I am so blessed. My story is not unique, in some ways its a terribly sad story, the tragic loss of Nan at 55, that is always a awful hit to a family but I know other families have also experienced terrible losses, some through divorce, others through death. Yet this blog is about my experience and so I share much of what I am going through though I know much of it seems self serving and boring, it is a pretty honest look at how one individual is attempting to find his way and I thank you for going with me as I journey forward.

love

tim