Peace

Dear Family and Friends,
Well my family has disappeared into the Tahoe mist. They left mid morning today and after 4 hours of traffic arrived at the time share. Everyone is excited about all the features of the unit with its lock out, queen sized beds and 3 pools within the project. I've even found out that I can park the motorhome on the lower parking level. I'm going to drive up in the bug in the morning for the day to get the lay of the land and to join in the fun.
I decided to face the music today, that is the music of taking the required courses so I can apply for a license renewal. So I settled down after the family left and started working through the on line classes. While they were not easy by this evening I have the courses completed and am waiting for the certificates to be printed. It feels good to tackle something so vital and yet so challenging. I discovered that I know a lot about the subject of appraising in general but not so much about all the new laws and regs.
I had a mild meltdown this morning. For some reason I sent to the piano and started to play and as I played a heavy sadness came over me and I started to cry, no one saw, no one knew but after a few minutes the tears finished and could move on. To have all the family get together and yet miss the sparkplug who kept everything together for everyone is frankly very hard. I find no good in this loss. I am very relieved that she does not have to suffer but in the larger context of getting the disease in the first place I just find no peace at all.
This evening Jason called as he often does and as we talked he shared some alarming news regarding our beloved John Cress. Seems he has discovered that he has some sort of cancer yet surgery is not until the 28th of the month. My experience tells me, push the surgeons to do it now, not then, if someone is on vacation, get someone else. Thank goodness he will get the care he needs. I know he will appreciate your prayers in his behalf.
I've been reading some very sad stories of the much higher cancer rate in countries with government run health care and even now clinics are popping up in Canada where people that can afford to pay can go get needed CTscans and MRIs instead of waiting for months.
Just now I'm in from mowing the front lawn, some times I just can't take another minute of chasing paper and computer screens and have to get out and touch reality. I did that this afternoon, in the midst of taking one of the courses I drove to Tracy, inspected a new home that is under construction for the bank and then drove back. It felt good to just get out and feel the air, burn some diesel and be alive.
I think I will enjoy making the trip to Tahoe tomorrow. It will be tinged with sadness as Nan loved Tahoe even more than I did. We met there 38 years ago at a summer camp, we were guests at Barb and Gerry's cabin at Homewood many many times and camped in front of the cabin in first a tiny camper, then various motorhomes over the years. Gerry would always come out early in the morning and shake the camper waking us for the day. It became a ritual and we fumed but secretly loved it. A couple of times I even had boats that I owned at the time in the lake for early morning water skiing or wakeboarding. No matter what time of year you did not linger in the water for long when you fell as it was cold and clear. After Nan and I had become an item at summer camp one Sabbath we got permission to take a hike to the top of Pyramid Peak. Along with another couple we hiked even through snow fields until we reached the top. It was a great experience and it reminds me of how capable Nan was during most of her life until the cancer hit. We lost the trail coming down and ended up at the Highway 50 well below the point where we had started and it was growing dark. We were glad to make it back but how we loved the day, the views from the top were amazing and to be with this beautiful 18 year old blond with blue eyes that could penetrate your soul, well lets just say I thought I was in heaven.
Yes Tahoe will bring back some memories. A few years back Nan decided we should go to camp meeting at Camp Richardson. She was weak and suffering but she decided we needed the van there as well as the motorhome so she drove the van up Highway 88 herself behind the motorhome. Oh yes she was so tired when we finally arrived. We rented a scooter so she could ride to meetings which were about a 1/2 mile away from the spot where we parked. We had a wonderful time and I remember that Nan was able to create a Sabbath Dinner and George and Yvonne were able to join us for lunch. It was a magic day.
And so here I sit on a nice Friday night alone again. Its not unusual, its the way it is but I've not come to total peace with always being alone, its not me. Yet right now I have other things to consider, always finances, work.....
If I had a wish it would be that you and yours have a good meaningful weekend and that you take some time to reflect on what it means to be free, to be an American and to remember the terrible price that was paid by the fathers of this nation. I am fully aware that times are tough right now, for some these are the worst times you have ever experienced yet when taken day by day there are still pockets of joy, bursting moments of the human spirit that longs to laugh, to kid, to touch, to hug. For now we must just treasure the little bits of joy that come sneaking through the cracks of gloom and doom. Sunsets are still free, moonlight is still magic, kidos are the voice of God. I think of Timothy talking on the phone this afternoon, I love he says over and over, Kallie pitching her food off the edge of where ever she is, reaching up and saying Pappa, of serious conversations with Keanna about life, adventures, seeing her race her bike around her block, takes your breath away.
So love the one you are with and whisper a quiet prayer of thanks for this life, here and now.

love

tim