Amazing day

Dear Ones,
Ken and I finally hooked up to walk this morning after 12 days. Can't say it felt good but it was a good thing to do. After breakfast I drove to Lodi for the worship hour and an excellent Christmas Worship Hour. The music was really outstanding.
Several of us had lunch at Strings, it seemed like half the clients were from the church having lunch too. After lunch it was time to take a bit of a nap and then Sylvia came with her mother and drove us all to Placerville SDA Church for a Christmas concert. It was really amazing, full orchestra, full choir in costumes, excellent set and lighting and the message of the season got through very clearly. For me this has been tear stained day, not sure why but it started with beautiful Christmas music on the XM radio this morning, continued during the music at church and picked up again during the concert this evening. I'm not complaining as I think emotions for me get a bit pent up and need to be released.
In my personal life I have so many conflicts between expectations vs my own performance, work related serious challenges, money and bill management, being lonely or being willing to do something about it. I rarely experience peace and after awhile that builds up into bubbling emotions and even anger.
Today was a wonderful excursion into being normal, with long time friends who are tremendous people of character and depth. I almost felt OK for a change. I even faced the day wearing a tie, a first in over a year.
There are so many what ifs! What if after the first of the year I no longer receive orders? What if a time comes when I'm out of retirement funds? What if my health has a problem?
Tomorrow morning at 10 I'll be in San Mateo which is about 1.5 hours from the office. When that work is completed I'll head to Carmel Valley and then get the chance to catch up with my friends Art and Connie who live in Gilroy on the way home. So tomorrow will have some serious driving and perhaps I can even slip in some Christmas shopping along the way.
So for now I wish all of you a pleasant peaceful weekend and I send special greetings to my kids, Jason and family in Denver and Nikki and family in Kona. They seem so far away yet they are happy so its OK.
Love to each and every one of you,
Tim
ps I'm considering a new name for my new blog, do you have suggestions? I'd love to hear from you. timmustard@yahoo.com is a good way to reach me.