Coping with Christmas

Dear Family and Friends,

10:35 and I'm just back from meeting Nikki and family at the airport. Their flight was on time, it managed to take off before the big joke, Obama landed shutting down the entire airport for a time. They were grateful to be in the air and on their way home. Kallie decided this afternoon was the time to stay awake for the entire trip and she let everyone know she was there and bored for the whole trip. Yet they all survived and met me at the van with all their luggage in hand and we quickly loaded up, placed the child seats in place and drove home.

Knowing it was Christmas eve I had gifts wrapped for the kidos and sitting on the dash board of the van. Keanna spied them and was delighted. As soon as they were settled into the car they opened their little gifts, for Keanna it was a soft pillow with the word princess across the front and was in the shape of a crown. For Kallie it was a tiny ginger bread doll. It was the least I could do to welcome them home and it worked.

Wouldn't you know it was 39 degrees by the time we got home, a bit different from the 80 degrees they have lived with for 2 weeks. Keanna regaled me with stories of learning lots of new fun things to do in the pool, somersaults, cartwheels, all underwater! Seems the little kidos taught each other as they played. Keanna was so excited about seeing sea turtles in the surf and learning to snorkel.

Nikki and Steve survived the trip but are really tired of so much togetherness. I can well remember that same emotion after trips when the kids were tiny. You literally come home from vacation to rest up.

I must share something rather exciting with you regarding my own health. Since returning from Hawaii I've been spared the terrible coughing episodes. Seems the warm humid air really has helped my chest. Not that I'm free of issues. I've noticed that my mollers on both sides are aching, almost like a tooth ache, enough that I took a Motrim before going to the airport and if you know me you know I don't take pain pills lightly.

This has been a low day emotionally. I think the process of Christmas shopping by myself really got to me, first off there is so little money that the gifts are meager, secondly Nan always began to consider gifts in July or so and by now the tree would be supported by dozens of carefully selected gifts, just the right thing, new soxs, shirts, sweater, a tire pump, a new camera. She and Nikki both have the gift of selecting excellent gifts which mean something. Its not an ability I share and as I drove home I just felt very sad and so alone. Calls to friends and family helped a lot. Life is so different, most of the time it is just so drab, no one to love, to help, to serve.

Am I glad that Nikki and Steve are back? You bet. In the morning we will do Christmas at their house. The thing about my kids is they are more than kids or family, they are my friends, what a blessing each and every one of them is!!

How are you doing? What do you like most about Christmas, the whole season? What do you like the least?

When I came home this afternoon I did what I know will help a down mood, I tackled tasks, took all the trash out of the van and got it ready to go to the airport, did a doggie patrol on the back deck and it did need it, did several loads of wash, wrapped presents for the kidos, made a tomato sandwich, watched the Christmas evening show on Fox, it was very good with Mike Huckabee and all the little kids of the various Fox on air people. Great music and dozens of service people in the audience.

When I remember how good it was to experience Christmas when Nan was in her prime it makes me really wonder how anyone could walk away from a family. The life I now live happened in spite of everything we could do to save Nan. She was wonderful in her fight and love of life. I am so proud of what we did together to save her life, yes we did eventually fail but we sure liked the experience of fighting together for life.

I guess the frustration is that now I've learned to really actively love in a manner I would never have guessed I was capable of and now I have no one to extend that love to. Of course I love and care for my kids but I mean in a 24 hour a day relationship with someone of my own.

So my wish and hope for you is that you put everything you have into making this a very good Christmas for those you love and who love you. Go all out while you can!

Love to all,

Tim