Workout

Dear Family and Friends,
I'm just back from a shortened workout at the club. The oral surgeon said I could workout today but it was very hard work and my heart was really roaring so I scaled back to 2 reps of 12 instead of 3 and I'm still breathing hard even now that I'm home.
Today has primarily been a day to do those things that would generate income the fastest. It has paid off as I made a pretty good deposit on my way to the gym. Now I need to settle down and crank out a bunch of work that is due clients.
I've hardly had a chance to think today as between phones calls, emails and working the computer I've kept busy. Every once in awhile I'd try to find something I could eat without too much pain. I'm using much less pain meds now and have backed off the vicodin at least for now.
Many of you will have had teeth pulled before and you know the recovery curve is pretty quick. This evening I had noodles and mushroom soup which went down soft and tasty. I started the day with tea which was also soothing.
I feel like I need to say something profound as the end of the year approaches but I don't feel much. A life I remember well and that I enjoyed profoundly is over and in its place is uncertainty, momentary glimpses of joy, loneliness and defeat. I'd like to sugarcoat it with happy faces but I can't. I've tried to be honest with the blog, no I've not shared everything that has happened but I've shared most of it, always thinking it might help someone else in their walk.
I think what I miss most is the ability to give, to help, to solve problems, to lift people up, now it seems to be much to much about me, not others and looking out for ones self does not bring joy or meaning at all. I want to love, to help, to cure, to solve, to help smiles come back on faces, to see hope reenter long faces.
How I appreciate you family and friends, I'm just sorry that so much has changed that I can no longer be the problem solver, at least not right now. Yet I don't sense any less caring on your part, in fact more so and I appreciate that. It is new to need.

love

tim