A fresh outlook

Dear Family and Friends,
What does it take for you to find a new outlook on life? For me it seems to have been a few days away in another world. Things that had become so ordinary seemed hardly worth doing, now they have new appeal.
This morning I ventured out into the fog and to a little house in Tracy, not much to get excited about for me but for the buyer who has tried and tried to find a place to buy, well this is to become home. I've found that it is good to remember that when I'm inspecting a property. As a degree of success comes our way it is so easy to forget how excited the prospect of getting that first new car, or even a car at all and then the dream of finding a partner, could it ever be? Then you were married, could we ever afford a new home? And then with the help of many caring people that first new house happened and oh the excitement of pulling wires for cable, sound, phone through the walls, seeing the rooms take shape, finally the smell of carpet and paint and finally moving day. Yet as I look back now its hard to remember the excitement over such a little house. We get jaded so easily. What was once a totally rewarding experience, getting to dine out with the family at Denny's now is the place of last resort and then grudgingly. Our first little camper sat on the back of our tiny Toyota truck and we could camp with the big boys, it has a sink, furnace, beds to sleep 4, an ice box. How we loved to travel with out little RV, to campmeeting, to summer camp, to the beach, the mountains oh what fun.
So now I live in a house that is twice as large as the first one and I live alone. I have a motorhome to enjoy and a boat I always dreamed of having. A vacation used to be a long weekend to visit family or a flight or train ride to Texas. Then we discovered Hawaii and we fell in love with the scents, the sights, the water, the people, the views from sea or mountain.
As the years pass our acceptance of what is normal changes dramatically and our expectations rise to the income level and beyond. My first little Corolla had a sticker of $1,900. The Odyssey was over $35K. And in a way they both accomplish the same thing. They get us (me) from here to there without walking. For many of you readers your comfort level may be different than mine. For me mine needs to adjust to reality. I live in a world where my profession is being changed drastically by forces beyond the control of the local appraiser. What used to pay $750 today pays $475 and yet everything that I have to pay for, education, state license, data sources, travel costs much more. At 61 years of age I'm probably not going to be able to move to a new career so I need a new outlook. Nothing I have described so far is really very important, most of what I've mentioned is wants, not needs.
So in the coming months I'll need to back things down, learn to live with less, live more wisely and I'm guessing that while there will be some regrets the new outlook will be OK.
Over the years I've observed many families who had to adjust to a dramatic cut in living style. Some survived even thrived while others faltered and never could adjust. When we consider for a minute how we live in the western world it is with so much more comfort and security than many people in the world. I'm trying to move from describing the phase of life I'm in from survive to thrive. I like the sound of that much better. It involves moving beyond victimhood to adventure and facing the next challenge with some zest and humor.
There is a sort of trite saying that carries real meaning for me. When I look at myself, my failures, defaults, errors in judgement, bad habits I don't see how I could be saved but when I look to Jesus with his amazingly loving and caring personality I can't see how I could be lost. Were it not for the forgiveness of Jesus life would just not be worth it. I'm totally unwilling to take a sheet of paper and write down my weaknesses and strengths, it would be just to hard to take, the inventory would be so terrible to comprehend, yet here I am, still living, standing, thriving even after a really challenging few years.
The joy of Hawaii was to get to with the kidos without having to rush off to work or to say constant goodbyes. For a few days I could just be a part of their little lives and do things that they liked and were good for them. To stand in the tot pool and observe Kallie who was busy at work chasing her little water bucket wading against the water which came nearly up to her neck in places, to retrieve toys as she hurled them out of the pool, to watch her expressions of joy and wonder. Then to watch Keanna as she began to put years of swimming classes into action, her little legs and arms churning up the water as she moved about, making friends with every kid she encountered, moving from swimming with her arm band swimmies to freestyle without them, learning the wonders beneath the water through snorkeling. I know these moments with these little ones do not last, soon Keanna will be too cool to be seen with her Pappa and Kallie will be busy with friends, this is as it should be but now they need me and I need them more.
At my age many things seem daunting, nearly impossible, that is the temptation, just give up, give in and stop dreaming. But why, I'm still breathing, I can walk my 3 miles, I can carry little ones for short distances, boxes, suitcases. I can work, learn and even make new friends.
Does any of this make sense to you? There are no easy answers to the question, why am I still here? Why didn't God allow me to fall asleep and keep Nan going strong, she was so much better with the kidos and with life it seems. I can't answer that but pondering it very long becomes a waste of precious time. Nan rests and I'm here and I've just got to make the best of it, we all do.
A fresh outlook, you bet.
love

tim