Art and Connie sail away

Dear Friends and Family,
Well its just you and me for the next 8 days because Art sailed south to Mexico this afternoon. We spoke as his ship was preparing to embark. He is sailing on the same ship we went on when we went to Alaska several years ago. It was a time just after Nan had had surgery #4 and was in a wheel chair for the first part of the trip. She became so disgusted with my driving of the wheel chair that after a couple days she just go up and walked. She claimed that I hit people's ankles, hit every bump on the deck and was overall a poor driver. some of the claims were true but people tended to move more rapidly after a couple strikes and ships have bumpy surfaces, they really do. We had a great trip and enjoyed our cabin with its full balcony overlooking the shore where little fishing villages doted the landscape and smoke lazily ascended from hundreds of chimneys. It was cold and sometimes rainy but we had a splendid time in spite of it. Sometimes we just curled up under our blankets and watched the sea go by, other times we ventured into the little towns to shop and enjoy the history that unfolded before us.
Today dawned with virtually no work for me to do so I pushed things around on my desk, did value checks and then decided to to a couple commercial inspections in Stockton. They turned out to be more work than full appraisals and yet only pay $90 each. Still $90 is more than nothing. While I was in Stockton I stopped by Bill Whitted's office to have my glasses looked at. A layer of protective coating has peeled partially off and makes seeing out of the the left eye very difficult. I ended up with an appointment for this Thursday and they assured me that at least part of the visit will be covered by my Blue Cross since diabetes is involved and eye exams are required with the disease, required each year and I've not been there for years. Seems I had other things to take care of during the last few years. So in spite of the cost involved I'm going ahead with the visit. It was one of the medical items Dr. Edwards laid out in the first place in January but I've put it off. Diabetes can lead to blindness so the visit is long overdue.
Ken and I walked this morning in spite of a stiff wind and very cold temperatures of between 37 and 40, not cold for our friends in Boston or Conn. or Rhode Island I know but cold for us out here in CA. We made good time in spite of the cold or perhaps because of it. Then the furnace decided to take a day off so it was just cold for most of the day. Well Ken just called to find out if we walk in the morning and of course I said yes so 6:30 comes early again.
This has been a day where just doing anything was a challenge. I know there will be orders again but they are sure not here now. So today was a bust all the way around, no orders and no checks but of course there were the normal bills that always seem to make it through. On the way to Stockton I passed a slow moving truck and then the bug did not act right. I could floor it but the turbo was not kicking in. However later after I had parked the car and was seeing the properties it seems to have healed itself and worked right again. I'm thinking the filter may be getting plugged and when I asked it to work hard passing the truck I sucked up gunk and the filter partially closed. That would be one answer, of course the fact that the fix engine light has been on for well over a year might also have a bearing too. Anyway the balky engine just went with a depressing day. We are coming up on the 4 month mark since we lost Nan and each 4th of the month is a stark reminder of the loss, when someone turned the beautiful lights out on life and now they only glimmer occasionally. Perhaps they will shine again, perhaps not.
I was so thrilled to hear from Deborah today, I think she writes from Benicia and she always has such interesting ways of saying things.
So good night my friends and family, I'm feeling like I need a lot of help and direction from our heavenly Friend and Saviour right now.

love to all,

tim

Legion of Honor and de Young Museum

Dear Family and Friends,
This day developed much differently than I expected. Ken and I walked this morning at 8 and then I did my normal oakmeal breakfast with grapes and a couple striples. The phone rang and it was Jason. They were going to the city today to the Legion of Honor and the de Young, would I like to meet them. My first thought was, no, I've got to work and then I remembered the Cat STevens song, Cats in the Cradle. First the dad is too busy to play with his son and then the son is to busy to play with his dad, in light of the message of that song I impulsivly decided to meet them and enjoy the day. It turned out better than one could even hope. The weather was perfect, chilly and windy but clear and sunny, I found a parking place right by the fountain at the front of the facility, met them inside and enjoyed the sights, oils from the 1600 and 1700s through new things just completed. We noticed that we were all hungry so we tried an Indian place on Clement which turned out to be very good. Satisfied we then drove to the de Young Museum and again took in all we could take in before becoming too tired. Little Timothy took it all in and charmed the docents, played and crawled and shivered with the cold when we walked back to the car. He was a very good boy and I've included a couple photos from today. Part of the de Young is a tower that is several stories in the air and has floor to ceiling windows overlooking much of San Francisco. That was very interesting. All to soon it was time to head home so they went their way and planned to go by Fort Funston where hang gliders reside and fly out over the surf in droves. I set the GPS for home but once reaching Orinda I was too sleepy to continue. I slept for over an hour and then felt better to make the trip home. Once home I made soup, watched a bit of an exciting movie and have now come into the office to write this epistle.
I want to thank my thoughtful children for including me in their weekend plans. At least now I can keep up when we have to walk places, that is in sharp comparison to the time we spend in Hawaii where every short walk caused huffing and puffing and seemed risky.
I just had the chance to talk to Sylvia who is just back from a business trip for her ultra sound classes. While on the trip she had the chance to catch up with Joyce and Glen Connor who were visiting Kim and her husband and the new baby Hannah. Sylvia is a constant source of inspiration to me. I do not mean to suggest that she does not struggle with this time of recovery, she does and she is honest about it with me and that is a help to me as well. We are both grappling with the reality of the whole process, that our loved ones are not coming back. This raw reality stikes us over and over many times when we do not expect it. Yes we both have the hope of seeing them again in eternity but in this life and in this present time we have to move forward alone with this gaping hole in our lives and hearts.
I was comforted by reading the messages to the blog today. I gain great strength from those who send messages and I deeply appreciate reading and savoring them like fine wine.
I do ask for your prayers that new work might be faxed or emailed in for this week. Its a very slow time and slow translates into reduced income.
Very soon I'm going to share with you a challenge Keith Tall issued to me, I think you will find it very facinating as I do.
Please set yourselves up for a good week ahead. You know the blank slate idea, lets do good things and suffer along with ARt and Connie as they embark on a cruise to the Mexican Riveira, similar to the one Nan and I took last spring.
Love to all, how can I help you this week?
Tim

A day of gladness and joy

Dear Ones,
Where do I start? Perhaps at the beginning.... Keanna came to visit last night and finally fell asleep about 8:45 give or take 15 minutes. Nikki had asked her to sleep until 8 this morning, a great plan but the room is so bright with the dawn that she came in at 6:10 to tell me she was very hungry. So I stumbled out of bed, found my robe and made breakfast. She loves to watch Vegi tales, a series of Christian stories for children. Each story teaches a lesson and I learned the lesson very well as we watched it at least 6 times. Selfishness is bad, sharing is good! Keanna ate all of her breakfast, was already dressed and ready to go. I hate to leave her alone for long periods of time but I did a quick shower, dressed and we drove to Tracy to Sabbath School. The short night was beginning to effect her and she was so tired, her eyes hurt but after a few minutes in SS she brightened and I think enjoyed herself. Jason and Jo arrived as Sabbath School was over with a very happy and smiling Timothy. Then Nikki arrived so we had some good minutes of family and I found myself tearing up, I was so shocked and surprised as it has been some time since that happened. The kids are great at grabbing a tissue and waiting for the fountain to stop, it did. Nikki and Keanna had to leave for Stockton but she got to see Keith and Marilyn Tall, our traveling friends who she had not seen for awhile. Jason and Jo with Timothy set up in the mothers room where Timothy set out to show his new crawling abilities, Boy can he go now. He was such a good boy and he got to eat and drink a bottle and crawl some more. Today Sue Miller was the preacher, what a nice surprise. She was effective, prepared and did an excellent job proving once again that we can never know what another person is capable of until we see them in action. I know Bob, her husband and church treasurer was very proud of her.
Then it was time to go to Lanza's. Dick and Becky have been part of the backbone of the church forever it seems. Every pastor longs to have families like the Lanza's in the church family. They are gems and their place is so cute. In the back there is a petting zoo with a goat, llamas, chickens, dogs and cats plus they have a wonderful pond which Dick keeps stocked with trout and Koi fish. The lunch was great and there were so many of our friends there from all generations. I especially enjoyed seeing Michael Ahn who is a close friend of Jason's. After the meal I enjoyed having a real conversation about the heart issues I face with Keith who has had bypass surgery and knows a thing or two about the heart. He issued a challenge to me which I will discuss in another blog. Both he and Marilyn were very helpful and revealed that they are faithful blog readers. That always amazes me and is rather humbling since I think most of what I write is pretty ordinary stuff and really rather boring. I'm always amazed that anyone reads it on a regular basis. It was amazing, seemed like Marilyn and I had been talking all along as I would mention something and she would know all about it from reading the blog. I also got a chance to catch up with the events in their adult children's lives which was great since when they moved to Canada many years ago the children were small. Finally I pulled myself away from the warmth of the Lanza home and friends, stopped by to see Kevin and Michael Ahn at their house as Jason and Jo had gone there to visit. Michael pulled out books of photos from when they were little, that was real fun and I got to see several photos of Nan from a much younger time. Wow, what a looker! And I even had hair back then.
Finally I headed home to fall asleep in the recliner while watching the christian dish. This evening the Hope Channel played a program that was recorded in 2000. It had many of the musicians I have known in my lifetime all singing and sharing together. It was sort of like a Gather event you see on Christian TV sometimes. It was wonderful, Calvin Knipschild was there with the Christian Edition, his group, Del Delker was there as was Bob Edwards, The Kings Herald quartet, Jamie Jorge with his violin and so many more, Max Mace, Val had a touching testimony about her little child and all the stuff he has had to go through, 25 sticks before they could get an IV in during one time in the hospital, really amazing and most of the people had tears in their eyes while she was sharing her story. It was just such a perfect ending to a very special and meaningful day.
I face such uncertainty right now as our profession, appraisers, are under fire for helping create the present financial crisis, business has nearly stopped as orders are NOT coming in, the upcoming heart tests I face on the 8th and 9th, my inability to continue my weight loss.....
Yet a day like this helps me get my feet back on the ground, helps me begin to plan new approaches to the immediate issues I face and reminds me what an absolute blessing I have with such special children and their children. Yes times are uncertain but my love for them and their love for me is unshakable. It has eternal meaning and present significance. Facing long hours alone is bearable knowing there will be times with these engaging and interesting children of mine.
I know that for some of you who have not lost someone very near and dear it is impossible to really understand what the family feels. I know I certainly did not have any idea of the depth and totality of the sense of lostness until it happened. I do not want you to understand since the only way to do so is to have the loss, put that off as long as you can, chose life, we did and I'm so glad we did.
So days like this one with Keanna, worship time, Jason, Jo, Nikki, Timothy, close friends, relaxing time to catch up. Days like today are even more precious and meaningful now and I thank everyone who had a part in this day. God spoke to my heart, my fears, my hopes today through you.

Love to all, thanks

Tim
ps sorry I don't know how to turn the photos upright yet.

Friday at last, Keanna has come to visit

Dear Friends and Family,
The week has ended, at least the stressful part, now its time to relax in God's hands and remember that He is in charge. Do you tend to forget that during the rush of the week like I do? And things are different between me and God now, I'm still working through the disparity of His promises and the reality of our loss. What good are the promises if they don't work? Or if they just work sometimes? Or for others but not for us? I have no idea how some are chosen to be delivered and others are not.
Tonight on my yahoo Marilyn Tall forwarded three photos of younger times for all of us. The first one was of us eating a desert with the church family, Estol Pruett is sitting behind Nan at the next booth and a very young Laura is sitting beside her and Nan has her tongue out, its so cute and brings back a playful side that I have long forgotten due to the years of stress and strain, suffering and the fight for life. What a glimpse into a happier time, a carefree time, a time when we thought we would live forever. I even had hair in back then, real dark hair and a lot less weight. I think I'll grab the photos from the yahoo email and put them here for you to enjoy as well. Sort of takes you back in time.
Keanna is sleeping soundly in her room upstairs. Nikki and Keanna were ready and I picked them up in the van, drove out to Bethel Island and we had Mexican food this evening, cute little place and such good food. Then we dropped Nikki off and came home. Keanna had an hour and played, had a bowl of Cheerios, dressed for bed and had her story, was tucked in and went right to sleep.
This little lady is so fun to observe. She is bright, opinionated, stubborn and so sweet. What a nice way to finish a week up, what a happy way.
The orders are not coming in and that causes concern. I am thankful for what work I had this week and more thankful that checks did come in every day so the bills are paid for the month but of course on Tuesday a new month begins and the mad cycle of locating enough funds to cover everything starts all over again.
This afternoon Dolly called from Oregon. She is cold and this morning they had snow again. She is so ready to come back to a hopefully warmer climate. She is in Oregon with Ken right now and they stick pretty close to their trusty pellet stove for warmth. She sounded good and called to check up on me. It felt nice to be remembered. I also spoke with Sharon who is now in her new home, has guests this weekend and says her new kitchen is working out well. She sounded tired but happy. Art is in the desert at the home were Connie lived before they met and has been doing some chores before they leave on their cruise to the Mexican Riviera, the same places we went on our last cruise. Here's hoping they get to complete their cruise, not fly home on a Leer Jet like we did. My brother called and is enjoying being retired, is walking every day and is feeling well. His life in Weed which is in the shadow of Mt Shasta is playing out well and he does not miss being up all night at the controls of a mile long freight train.
If all goes as planned Jason, Jo and Timothy are coming over to arrive in Tracy about the time Nikki picks up Keanna. They will then attend church and the potluck too. Afterwards we'll come out to the house for awhile. It will be great to see them again. Fortunately the house remains basically in order. Living alone does mean less housework.
I have enjoyed all the messages I have received this week from friends and family. The support really helps a lot as I figure out how to live each new day better than the prior one.
So I send my love to family and friends alike.

Have a blessed weekend!

love

tim

Grief Recovery Group is helpful

Dear Friends and Family,
Well here I am again, 9:45 pm, just home from a very engaging meeting this evening. Held in a small building behind the local Methodist Church our little group was actually much larger this evening. I was struck by how diverse each of our experiences are and how different we are in responding to them, yet there are threads of commonality as well. In our group we have a lady who continues to care for her 52 year old husband who is very ill with COPD, a grandmother who is currently caring for a daughter and her eight children in a small 3 bedroom home and who lost her husband a year ago to cancer, a gentleman who was just given a new drug for his multi myalgia (sp) and was shocked to discovery a huge drop in his negative cancer numbers, he never expected to have improvement in his condition, a gentleman who lost his wife a year ago and has had a week of anger and frustration, a lady in remission after a couple surgeries whose pardner is stuck working in Hawaii when they both want to be together and so it goes. I found it helpful to once again be in a place where what you feel and express is accepted, not challenged or questioned, just accepted. I enjoy being there with fellow human beings who are also attempting to find reasons for carrying on after having crushing losses. Our leader is outstanding and just gently keeps things moving, its a noisy group really. Insurance companies, medical facilities, drug companies are all discussed and ideas shared of how to cope, work through the maze, get solutions and answers.
Earlier Keanna was taking her swimming lesson in Brentwood and I watched her while Nikki exercised in a different pool nearby. Keanna is such a little imp, so full of ideas and life, what an inspiration.
I finally made it to the Stockton appraisal, the tomorrow I referred to yesterday became today finally. It was a very nice little house, 2,300 sf or so, perfect in every way, selling for just above $300,000 when a year ago it was nearly $500,000. These are pretty serious times on many levels. I've had almost no orders this week and I find myself caught up for the first time in a long time. Now I'm praying for more work. Its in God's hands really.
My faithful collection agency person, Kevin, called again today. For the first time he offered to take $4,000 in a lump sum to pay off the $16,000 bill. Unfortunately it might as well be $50,000 as I never see that large of sum of money at one time anymore. I'm thinking I need to have one session with an attorney to know what I am responsible for and what I am not responsible for before I make any agreements. A bill I am much more interested in paying is the $4,400 bill which IRS sent for the year 2005. That certainly needs to come first.
This weekend promises to have some pleasant moments. Keanna is coming for a sleep over tomorrow night and then we'll take in Sabbath School. Nikki will pick her up there and I'll stay for church and a potluck afterwards at Dick and Becky Lanza's home. Our friends the Talls are going to be in town. Keith and Marilyn have been very special friends for many years. Years ago they helped us build our first home in Tracy giving us the start we needed into home ownership. After years of a successful dental practice in Tracy they returned to Keiths native Canada and have lived there for many years now. They are very active in their church and have three wonderful children who like ours are grown and living their own lives. The last time we got to see them was a while ago, Nan was in a wheel chair and many friends met for dinner in Tracy with the Talls as they were passing through. It was a night Nan never forgot. These are the kind of people you hold dear to your hearts over the years even though you don't often get to catch up personally. I look forward to seeing them at church and the potluck afterwards.
Tonight a lady sitting across the group circle said she thought I was doing well considering that only less than 4 months have passed. Well I do believe that God is blessing with some degree of peace and acceptance, some days are tinged with sadness and loss, others are so busy and full that there is little time for reflection. I find great solice in music, like the CD that Irene arranged for me to have of worship music, glorious music and it helps to keep things in perspective. Today as I was inspecting this empty house in Stockton I found myself singing a hymn, not sure where it came from or what the neighbors thought but there I was measuring and singing. I believe that is progress and I also believe Nan would approve if she were here to do so.
Ken and I walked at 6:15 this morning, we did so in 40 degree windy weather, yes we were bundled up and this morning we stayed that way, gloves on, stocking hat in place over the ears yet the walk was great and as we rounded the final corner the sky was red with sunrise signalling a new day, a blank canvas, a time of promise.
So I wish you well this evening, Carrol is feeling better, Roger and Carol are getting the help they needed, my kids are all feeling much better than a week ago and the furnace even worked for an hour today filling the house with a new kind of warmth!
Love to all, no matter what life is precious, people do matter most and we've got more time to live....

love

tim

A delightful encounter

Dear Family and Friends,
Ken could not walk this morning so I took the dogs to the park which they enjoyed very much. The a quick yogurt as breakfast, research and off to Antioch to see a home that the people might lose without the FHA loan and the appraisal. They had hoped and expected $470,000 and I'll be lucky to make $320,000. This is due to the sad situation that now the only sales are those that are bank owned and they sell them cheap just to get them out of their inventory. After Antioch comparable photos were shot I dialed in the address for the Fremont property and followed its lead. On the way I discovered that my phone had not been all all day, that was a real surprise and when I did turn it on I found I had missed 7 calls. Some were more important than others but all were missed just the same. So as I flew down Freeway 680 in the fast lane I listened and then talked. Thanks to the blue tooth Jawbone I did that fairly safely, Les, good advice on the Jawbone.
In Fremont I realized that I had seen the home two times before. Its a home that is better every time I inspect it. This time it had a beautiful new kitchen with granite, custom cabinets, gas cooktop, clever lighting, roll out drawers, it was a wow kitchen! As we talked the owner shared that she was just about to embark on caring for her mother who has many many health issues including cancer. So we had a lengthy discussion of the whole care taking process and how much she would need home health care by a dedicated nurse like our Terry was. I left my numbers with her to call if she needed to talk. She in turn suggested a book that she felt is outstanding. A true story it tells of a local person who was hiking, ended up lost and in a strange village, was cared for lovingly by the people and has now ended up providing several school buildings all donated by interested bay area people. The book is named 3 cups of tea. She also introduced me to a device from Amazon books, an electronic device that lets you hold and read several books which are downloaded directly from Amazon for a reasonable fee. It means you could be stuck someplace and have all the books at your disposal that you could ever possibly need to read yet is light weight and very portable.
So once again in spite of doing a fairly boring job, appraisals, I found an interesting person to learn from and to share with. Then after shooting the comp photos I searched for food, I was hungry and finally found a Taco Bell. So bean burrito later I was back on the road to drive up the Niles Canyon Road, beautiful this time of year, through traffic to Livermore where I decided to come home rather than drive another hour to Stockton to do that appraisal. Tomorrow, tomorrow as Scarlet from Gone with the Wind would say.
When I reached home I found that the wizards Loree and Tamara had been at it again and the office was tidy, files were put away and real honest progress was evident. Messages were by my computer and it felt so good to arrive to a well ordered office. Thanks Loree and Tamara.
Now I'm sleepy, tired and ready to rest. This evening I heard from Sharon, sister in law from Texas and she is getting settled into her new home in Texas. Amazingly she is finding the closets she designed for the new home to be too small, mind you there is a closet which serves another closet in the master suite, too small indeed!
I am so happy for her, that she is finally in her new digs and starting to enjoy it.
So good friends, in the east, south, west and north, may God bless you. Earlier in the week a friend sent me a funny email which related to money and if I would pass it on the money angel would bring money, well money has continued to come in, not huge amounts but at least some nearly every day. Thank you Lord for releasing that handful of checks someone mentioned you were holding.
Good night

love

tim

Loree and Tamara attack the office!

Dear Family and Friends,
Well a whirlwind hit the office today, more normally known as Loree and Tamara these two walked over from their house and went to work on the files, statements, file cabinets, boxes and the malaise that had settled over the office. What a difference tonight. The office has a nice scent of flowers instead of "bachelor and dogs live here". Things are in order and they are only partially done. What a boost to the morale. Clients were pleased to hear someone other than me on the phone and the nicest thing they did, at 4 they went to the bank with the largest deposit yet this year. Not that it was huge or anything but still it represented 5 checks, that's a record for this year so I was able to cover some bills and pay on some others. What was I doing during all this activity? Well enjoying it for one thing, nice to have warm bodies in the office again and if you know Loree she likes to be warm so in the afternoon when I thought it was too hot she was just right. I was clearing my desk of conditions, value checks, appraisals that needed to go out and making serious progress.
This evening I broke away to go observe Keanna enjoy her tumbling class. She is so cute and its a blast to watch her in action. Nikki and I got a chance to catch up on events and on how the baby is doing, mostly kicking! I've included a photo of Keanna in action.
Just now Sylvia sent an email with a very thoughtful message. I've cut and pasted it here as I think it speaks to me and perhaps to you too.

Lessons in Life by Regina Brett
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45
lessons life taught me.

It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

01. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
02. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

03. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

04. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does
05. Pay off your credit cards every month.
06. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to
disagree.
07. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying
alone.
08. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

09. Save for retirement starting with your first
paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the
present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no
idea what their journey is all about.
14. If you want friends, you have to be a friend.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But
don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in
today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer,
write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood, but
the second one is up to you & no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in
life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the
fancy lingerie. Don't save it--TODAY is a special
occasion.
22. Be prepared, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear
purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words:
'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone, everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your
business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will
change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because
of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you
stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood; make it
memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting
everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw
everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it
now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful
or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you
loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you
need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show
up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

I'm going to be reading and rereading this over as it contains a lot of wisdom.

Today I was speaking to an reviewer who was sitting in New Jersey and I mentioned losing Nan. After a few seconds she replied that she lost her mother almost the same time and then we shared how we were coping and she decided she would find a grief recovery group for both her and her dad who was alone for the first time in over 50 years. It was a precious chance to lift each other up, across the country and by accident since we were discussing business at first. People still need people, perhaps now more than ever and if we will be open we can help others.

Tonight I had my Garden Burger at Mimi's Cafe in Antioch and in the past I've avoided going there as that was a place Nan and I often enjoyed time together over a breakfast or soup. Yet tonight it was OK to be there alone and I enjoyed my tasty meal and then drove home.
The day has had many blessings not the least of which is emails from friends and insightful thoughts they contained. Thank you for being engaged in my life. You do make a huge difference. And a special thanks to Loree and Tamara who did a very tangible things to the office and the business today.

love to all

tim

Evolving business

Dear Family and Friends,
Welcome to each of you this evening. Just another typical unfolding day here at the office and on the road. Walked with Ken at 6:30, oatmeal and toast with avocado, hot tea. Yes I finally decided to make the switch. I've known for weeks I needed to cut the mocha but I do love the taste and smooth feel of it slipping down my throat. However the hot tea was great this morning, herbal cranberry and something else. It really was quite good.
As I worked to complete the Benicia appraisal the calls started. Contrary to times in the past when the phone ringing was seen as a nuisance now it is a welcome sound, sort of like a cash register ringing. It was a desperate loan officer from a company in southern California. He said an appraiser had cancelled an appointment with a client after the guy had taken the day off from work. The loan guy was nervous about losing the deal and making the homeowner angry, of course I said I would help and took the order. As I started to do research I think I understood why the appraiser cancelled without reason. They needed a value of $240 for a little condo in Stockton yet when I looked there were 3 model match properties on the market for $179,000 and no sales that supported the $240,000 value. So I called the loan guy to report what I had found. He said the appraiser had told him yesterday morning, value is no problem. I have a model match in the project for $240,000. Well MLS knew nothing of it and that is usually not a good sign. When I checked public records I found the $240,000 sale alright but it said that the loan for the purchase was a private one for the full $240,000 price. Well that is unheard of in this market so it was easy to see that something was not right. After looking at the market for a 2 mile radius I found enough data to support a possible $200,000 but I don't think that was enough to make things work. He said he would call back but he never did. As I waited for his call back I did research for other properties and then left for Brentwood to have my blood drawn. I've been putting it off, don't like needles at all. Today's hurt a bit but after 5 vials I was a quart low on blood and left. Then I set the GPS for San Bruno and made it to my appointment to the minute on time. I had no traffic all the way through Walnut Creek, Oakland, Bay Bridge, SF and pulled up at 4 pm on the dot. The people were simply wonderful and the property was perfect, a kitchen that was Sunset Magazine, good paint, clean everything with good comps in the neighborhood. Then it was time to find food and I happened on a new Mall. Then I discovered a BJ's Bar and Grill. Nan and I often enjoyed one of several BJ's when were at City of Hope Medical Center near Glendale. so I took a chance, a great garden burger, a huge dinner salad, perfect food. Then a Barnes and Noble called to me so I found a couple more books on tape to listen to while driving, Nikki, Sylvia and I all enjoy books on tape. They were on special and with my membership I got another $3.80 off the price. Then back to the car where the weather had cooled enough that the shorts I was wearing felt inadequate. But the car was warm and the book was good. On the way home Julius Melendez called, he is the horn player that so graciously played for Nan's graveside service. He talked for 30 minutes about life. His two boys had back to back accidents on their skateboards, one with a severely bruised kidney and the other with a broken ankle, one on Sat and one on Sunday. He invited me to lunch the next time I am over that way. This guy can play the horn like Doc Severson from the Tonight Show, he is outstanding. It was nice to talk but part of the conversation was garbled, cell phone issues on both ends. He also plays with the Santana group and says he is pretty tired of traveling, he's been around the world dozens of times with the band as they are very popular in Japan, Europe, England as well as gigs in the States.
I needed to see the interior of a house in Oakley and have been having trouble remembering to stop there on my way home so late at night. Well tonight I remembered only to find out she has a fever and the flu so we'll wait for that visit.
A couple FHA orders have come in and I have to see something in Stockton soon and perhaps in Woodbridge and then Oakland, so it goes, never know more than a couple days ahead where I'll be next but thank the good Lord for some work coming in. I'm so glad I went for the FHA approval years ago when there was hardly ever an FHA order, now they are most of my work load.
Today the nice people in San Bruno came and chased me down to remind me they needed to pay for the appraisal and then gave me a little lemon cupcake thing she learned to make on the food channel, yummy and I'm sure it would be OK with LeAnn since it has fruit in it! Right. Also two checks came in the mail today, what a difference a couple checks makes in my ability to meet my obligations. today only two bill collectors called, seeking payment for medical bills from last February. They have billed me twice since then and wondered why I had not paid. A fair question really.
I think I'm in the middle of adjusting to my new blood pressure / heart medicine as I have unusual stiffness in joints and some heart pressure at times. One can never tell what's next.
I was so glad to hear from the new friend in Benicia again and also from my friend in Georgia, Karen. What an amazing world this is where distances don't seem to matter anymore due to all the new ways of connection.
So I head for bed now, relieved to be safely home again, glad that Roger and Carol are at Dollywood enjoying themselves, glad the Bob and Carrol had a great day at the clinic and that no more chemo is needed at this time. Unless you've been at that point in the medical world and get results of tests you just cannot know the anxiety you feel until the word comes through, it is either good or bad and I've had plenty of both over the years.
Take care of yourselves and if you have been mulling over starting to walk a bit find a friend or neighbor, make a deal to be accountable to each other and do it. This is great time of year to start and you will never never be sorry, fresh air, blood surging through the veins that are still open and a sense that you are doing the right thing.
Sending love to each and every one of you.

love

tim

A good Easter

Dear Family and Friends,
Tonight's report will be brief as I'm completing an appraisal yet tonight of a property I saw this morning.
After seeing the local property I enjoyed a visit to see Keanna in action. She and her mommy had colored eggs and when I arrived Nikki went out to the front yard to hide them. Steve has such great landscaping that there were many places for them to hide. Keanna burst out of the house and went to work. Slowly she worked the yard until she found all 17 of them for her little Easter bucket. They she wanted to hide them for her Pappa which she proceeded to do. She did a great job of hiding them and I could find all but one, finally we found the last one and since the shell was cracked I got to eat it. Steve was putting spring touches on his plants and bushes and we had a really fun time. Finally I headed home to work but feel asleep in my chair. When I woke it was just the right time to go next door where I was invited to have Easter dinner. What great food LeAnn and family had created. That was a very nice surprise to be able to spend the time with them. Then home to work again but soon it was time to head to Walnut Creek for a chance to spend a few minutes with my friend Amanda. We have gotten to know her over the years and she and I exchange emails from time to time so we caught up with each others families and how we are each doing in our lives, then she had to go as she has to be at the airport at 5 in the morning for LA where she works during the week. I drove home through the beautiful Marsh Creek Canyon, greeted the dogs, fed the fish, made a hot chocolate and sat down to work again. I'm trying to slug through creating the appraisal yet tonight but I've decided that sometimes I am just a bit lazy. Harsh point to become aware of.
Yet as I look over this weekend I've been so blessed to be able to spend time with the family, friends and even to be able to squeeze in a bit of work which paid at the door, yes!
Happy Easter to all and like Keanna told me, Good Friday is when Jesus died and Sunday / Easter is when Jesus rose up and went to Heaven, her words. Not bad for a 4 year old!
Yes we all have hope and are able to look at ourselves in the mirror day by day because of the love and life of Jesus. He puts meaning into this mad rush we call life. He gives us the smiles and giggles of little children, the precious moments with family and friends. In spite of a world gone mad there are still precious and tender moments when life is so special and worth it all.
Love to all,

Tim

A joyous day with family

Dear Friends and Family,
Welcome to our new friend from Benicia. I just happen to love her town and its nice to have a part in her life.
This morning Ken and I walked our 2.5 miles in 49 minutes, then a quick shower and yogurt before driving to pick up Ms Keanna. She had finished her breakfast, was in a beautiful dress from Grandma Jill in Tracy and we drove off to Tracy. But we hit a detour so wasted a few precious minutes. When we arrived at Sabbath School the room was filled with boy and girls. We joined in and the lesson was excellent. The craft was fun, pinecones with peanut butter and then dipped in bird seed. At home it becomes a bird feeder. Clever. The kids had a blast with the peanut butter. The to Olive Garden to meet up with Nikki. A great lunch with excellent waiter. I've included a photo of our happy group. Then they went their way and I came home for a nap. At 2 I woke and headed out for Jason and Jo's place on the ocean near Aptos. I delivered stuffed animals, a book, an Elmo to his highness. He was smiling and started crawling. He also pulls himself up now. Go Timothy. Then later we ordered Chinese food, it was excellent. Then at 7 I left for a quick visit to Art and Connie's. They were playing Mexican Train dominos with friends and it was fun to observe. Then back on the road for home. I arrived a few minutes ago at 10:35, fed the fish, talked to precious Starr and Lady, fed them treats, made a hot chocolate for myself and now I'm blogging.
What a wonderful day, I have that emotion inside that is especially touched by spending time with my kids and their kids. It seems to make everything else worth it and we openly talk about how much we miss mom and different things we remember. It helps to know I'm not the only one with the heart ache yet I am so sorry they have to experience it at all. If Nan were alive she would be all over this Easter time making sure to do her part to add fun and meaning for the grandkids. There is no way I can step in and cover everything she did on the same level that she did but I'm not about to quit trying. Timothy is big, strong and loves to smile and laugh. Keanna is more and more coming up with comments that demonstrate just how bright and engaged she is in the life around her. Watch what you say, you might hear it again coming from her at the most amazing time.
Joy is the best word to describe these precious gifts from God and soon there will be another one, I can't wait for the newest princess to make her appearance.
It was so good to read the emails and comments to the blog that came in during the day. Thank you for your help.
Well I'm seeing a local property in the morning at 10 am and will need to have a response / value by evening. I guess you know why I do such things, its the money when I work on weekends. Cash in hand. yes.
I hope you enjoy the photos I have included. Life is a pretty big challenge with constant concerns over my hearts condition, eye glasses that are severely scratched, broken tooth, spinning room when ever I lie down or get up, constant pain in my inner ears. Nothing to severe but all things I need to deal with eventually. Yet I feel so much better now than 3 months ago. I believe Nan would be very happy with the progress I am making. Now I need to make more progress and dump some weight.
Good night my friends and family, you are very precious to me.

love

tim

Loren finds new profession...

Dear Friends and Family,
If you look carefully at the photo I have posted you will see that there are little ties holding the bottom of the screen to the car. Loren did that. When we arrived in Modesto today we found the ties I had already used had failed and the bottom of the screen / grill was dragging on the pavement. What to do, well super body and fender man Loren directed me to a nearby auto parts store where we obtained about 100 ties of various colors. He then proceed to reassemble the broken pieces of the grill and directed me to install ties. When we were all done it looked so good that people stopped pointing at the car as we drove by. Thanks Loren you can work wonders!
This morning I walked the dogs to the park, had a light breakfast, worked until time to leave for lunch at the Dunstons. Only a very silly person would miss that opportunity. The food was great, I mean outstanding. Then we loaded up for Modesto where we found our subject for the appraisal, asked them if we could come back and went in search of a lady with a money order, her directions were a bit off but we found her, collected the check, then back tracked to the house, did the appraisal, shot the comps and headed for Stockton to meet Pam who had clever little items for Timothy to celebrate Easter with. Then we headed back to Loren's home in Tracy to arrive just in time for dinner. Red potatoes, little vege meat items in sauce, broccoli, olives, carrots and pie. Wow I feel like I've been to heaven. I even got to bring some food home where it safely waits in the frig for Sunday. Oh yes and there were some cookies, well something happened to many of the cookies this evening.
It was great to have Loren along for the ride, he puts up with my driving without panic, guides me to right addresses and we get a chance to listen to great music and to catch up on the worlds problems and our solutions.
Tomorrow I get to walk with Ken at 7:30 and take Keanna to SS at 9. Then lunch with Nikki and Keanna and head down to see Jason and Jo and little Timothy. What a great day to look forward to.
As I look back over the week it seems very long, all the way from the cardiologist's pronouncements, to seeing a few properties, to trying to stretch a few dollars to cover many things, eating even more carefully, walking, catching up with people like Sharon, Pam, my own kids, seeing Keanna in action at tumbling...... many things to be thankful for. I have issues, we all do, mine seem troubling because there are no quick fixes for most of them. It took me a long time to get this unhealthy and it will take some time to regain lost ground.
I was so touched to hear from Deborah in Benicia today. I'm not sure I know who she is but I was sure glad to hear from her and it reminded me of how much I enjoyed visiting Benicia this week, what a beautiful place to live, to enjoy.
Please enjoy family time this Easter weekend. Touch each other, hold hands, lock eyes, enjoy the full moon, take time to love each other, to talk to your kids, to listen to your teens, soon the next phase of your life will happen and this phase will be gone forever. Are you enjoying it to the fullest? Could you watch a little less TV and invest a bit more in people with your time and energy?
I love you and I am lifted by your love as it comes to me in so many different ways. Yesterday it arrived in the mail, the return address was Bird, Norwood OH. thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.
love

tim

Are you OK?

Hi There,
I'm wondering about this thing we lovingly call life, is it worth the effort? Often the answer is a resounding yes, when you look in the face of a grandchild, yes, when to struggle to survive well maybe.
Ken and I walked in very brisk air this morning, then the morning progressed for me and as it passed I got more and more tired and was feeling strange. It was not like a normal low blood sugar feeling, it actually caused me some concern. I had lunch and purposely included grapes and some grape/berry juice to try to spike my blood sugar but when I came back to the office I sought a nap in my chair. After sleeping for some time I woke to feel better but I had lost a lot of time. Knowing that if I completed an appraisal from Martinez I could deliver it and pick up a check was the encouragement I needed but before I could work on it I had to deal with yet more conditions, lenders add new things they want to have included in appraisals we have already completed, oh that they had been more cautious when it counted, when they were making the stupid loans over the past two years. Now everyone is super cautious and it adds hours to our appraisal writing process as we try to outguess what they will want next. And then there was a decision from FHA which really boggles the mind. While they are touting there loans as the answer for people who want to buy a bank owned property they have this little rule. A property has to be in one owners name for 90 days before FHA will do a loan on it. That means a bank owned property has to be owned by that bank for 90 days before FHA will consider making a loan to a potential buyer. A really worthless rule for these times. The banks want to unload properties as soon as they can and now they can't sell them until 90 days passes. So two appraisals had to be rewritten out of FHA rules and into a conventional loan today due to this rule and of course all that work was work I cannot charge for so time, my only valuable commodity is wasted.
Finally I had the conditions cared for and could concentrate on producing the appraisal for Martinez. As soon as I was done and it was printed I drove it to Martinez, picked up a check and drove back by way of Olive Garden for 1 bowl of salad and 1 bowl of soup and just water this time, cheaper and I don't need iced tea late at night. Now I'm home but will go to the bank yet with a deposit tonight, the accounts both need help once again.
I can see I will not make it to Hanford this week. Tomorrow I go to Antioch for a FHA at noon and then 2:30 in Modesto and then I meet with an agent who has a check for a report I emailed out today, checks are nice! I hope to see one in Stockton as well tomorrow but have not heard back yet. This has been a very slow week order wise. Probably the worst week yet.
I have send photos of the stair chair over to Steve who will put it in Craig's list. it would be nice to get it into the hands of someone who needs assistance between levels in their home and I could use the funds as well.
I got to talk to both Nikki and Jason today, that is such a lift for the day. Both are doing well and enjoying life. I'm getting really anxious to see the new little baby. She is on schedule and is growing well, kicking up a storm and making Steve and Nikki's life interesting. Keanna is looking forward to her new little sister too.
I hope you are OK, I'm not sure if I am or not but I'll keep going through the right motions and hope eventually things will get better on all fronts. Right now there is little joy other than in the people I love and who love me.
Take care my friends, my family. Happy Easter and my we remember the joy of a risen Lord this weekend.
love

tim

ps There are some really cute photos of Timothy that Julie took. The address is: http://picasaweb.google.com/julieszto/TIMOTHYBABY?authkey=RknE0smqdQc

Moving forward

Dear Family and Friends,
This has been a pretty typical day with no extreme highs or lows. Starr, Lady and I walked this morning. We had only been walking a few minutes when I noticed that there was a stream of blood coming from Stars's eye. I was filled with panic at first as I love that little doggie so much and to think of her in danger, well it was overwhelming. She sleeps snuggled right against my back every night, she welcomes me home, she begs for treats every time I move, she listens to my tears and my laughs. So as we walked I kept stopping to examine her face and the blood stopped and by the time we got home there was no evidence of the bleeding at all. My theory is, she lunged at a big dog as we passed through the park and perhaps the lease was across her face and caused a little bubble she has at the corner of her eye to burst. She seems fine and finished the walk of 2 and 1/2 miles just fine. both dogs were very glad to rest when we got home. I headed to the shower, then breakfast, then the desk in the office to prepare for the day, to enjoy emails, seems Carol Peden was much into sleeping last night. She was writing things to me at 1 am her time and then again this morning at 6 am. Does she think she is a teenager again? Night time is for sleeping and resting girl! I was glad to hear from her and she always has such sage advice filled with her heart of love. They are thrilled to have the new couple there and once they get them trained it holds promise that we might get to see them more out here too. Mexican domino's anyone?
At 11 I left for Benicia and noticed the tank was nearly empty in the bug. I had over 500 miles on the tank when I left and by the time I finally located diesel in Benicia it was 552 miles. Problem was the cafe where I had a sandwich for lunch had kept my card so I had to drive back downtown, park, run in and retrieve my card. I think I know the problem. I was ready to leave when the waiter brought the tag and I not think I stiffed him, no tip at all. I don't remember thinking about the right tip, I just signed and left. No wonder he was a little cranky and kept my card. Next time I'm in Benicia I'll fix the problem with him. Of course when I drove out the gas station I had the gas filler already open so the gas cap fell on the street and lucky for me I heard it, retrieved it and replaced it. Some sort of rushed minutes there. Well the fuel was just $4.21 a gallon so my little bug took $54 to fill. Can you believe it? A year ago $25 filled it. Whoa, we've got problems here, I can only imagine what it must be like to fill a semi right now.
The home is Benicia was outstanding. Handcrafted and designed by the owners it was full of gleaming wood beams, imported tile, interesting design. The lady owns a lamp and shade shop in Berkeley and everything they sell they make by hand. The home was full of examples of her work, stunningly beautiful items throughout and Sylvia, she is a big time birder, travels all over the world to see birds! The home was built on a hillside, had redwood decks, a swim spa and a regular spa, either of them used much any more. The garage was full of high quality wood working tools. What a property to see. While I was there an order came in to my blue tooth, nice to get work. Then conditions started to be phoned in. Conditions are free things you have to do to explain what you did in the first place in an appraisal. They can be anything from fixing a typo to supplying several new comparables with photos. Condition work is done for free and is considered part of the appraisal assignment. No one likes to do this part of the job but its not something you can skip out on. Lenders have memories and if you are nasty to them over conditions they won't bother you with a new appraisal order, why would they when they have so many choices.
After completing the work in Benicia I headed home and things moved well until Antioch where traffic seems to always bunch up. Then to Longs for meds and then home to work on those conditions.
I had such a good lunch. Rye bread from a bakery in Berkeley, swiss cheese, decent tasting tomatoes, lettuce and spinach. It was so huge that one could hardly get the mouth around it, tiny in over all amount thought and just right. That along with some floral ice tea was perfect. This evening I fixed the whole bunch of asparagus, I now realize way to much, the rest of the brown rice, half a glass of V8 juice, a bit of cottage cheese. Yummy stuff and I'm full.
Talk about free labor. Some day this week I have to drive to Hanford to find two new comps and then drive home. That's about 5 hours of driving for free, yuk. Serves me right for taking an appraisal assignment that far from home. Of course the fact that they let it sit on a desk for 3 months before submitting it is a bit of an issue too, they let the appraisal get dated in the process.
I'm feeling pretty good these days. Most of my thoughts of Nan are positive and uplifting, grateful really that I got to be with her all those years. She was an amazing woman with a very strong will. God used her a lot to touch lives in her quiet way.
Tonight as the sun sets it sets over a good day, not an exciting day but a solid good day. I've started working on getting statements out to remind our dear clients that we need MONEY. When Loree gets back then we'll get them sent out and hope, pray for a good response.
Do you know how dreary my life would be without you? I'm so thankful for the varied and interesting world of friends and family I'm blessed with.
Sending love to all,

Tim

Nan's lemons make the day

Dear Family and Friends,

This has been a day of bouncing back. 1st good event, walk with Ken around the lake without incident, 2nd special moment was deciding to pick the lemons from Nan's special tree. Nan had wanted the tree, loved lemons, thought the tree got frozen out and last year it came roaring back to life with blossoms and then fruit, well it has been calling to me, come pick the lemons and today I answered the call. I'm trying to find ways to get more pure water into this stubborn body, well I picked the lemons and cut one in two pieces, juice sprayed everywhere on the counter. Then I squeezed a half of the lemon into a huge glass of water. It was amazing, tasted great and went down smoothly, so much so that I'm having another glass right now. It felt like Nan had supplied just the right taste to get me drinking water again. I've included a picture of the lemons I picked from her little tree this afternoon. Quite amazing and a happy moment of remembering how she loved that little tree.
Then this afternoon in talking to Nikki I was reminded that this was the evening that Keanna goes to tumbling classes so it gave me a nice excuse to break the routine of sitting in this chair. I've included a couple photos of her in action. She still tires easily after her week of fever and flu but she had a great time. Toward the end of the session Steve came and we all went to dinner at El Camino, a local Mexican place that is pretty good and has been in our family history for many many years. Steve related a very sad story at the table, one of his buddies was riding a dirt bike and misjudged a jump, ended up with internal injuries and died. Boy that makes you stop and consider for a minute, a time to just be relieved that you have one more day to see family, let them know how much they mean to you.
I've also included a photo of a portion of the family room in its cleaner state. What a difference from how it has been for several months. I enjoy relaxing there for a few minutes each day.
I've also appreciated the comments, emails and calls from friends re: yesterdays visit with the doctor. As I've thought it over I've come to realize that he has no history with me, all he knew is what he saw when I walked in yesterday so his evaluation has to be based on what he saw and on the January blood test results. Those tests reveal a pretty confusing puzzle. Here is a summary: on the matter of cholesterol my TC, total was 107 which is amazingly good, my HDL (good cholesterol) was 35 when it should be above 50 so that is a very high risk factor, the LDL (bad cholesterol) is 24 and below 70 is highly desirable so that is sort of good news maybe, the Triglycerides were 242 which places me in the moderate risk area with below 150 as most desirable. Strange results to say the least. So in response to these numbers he took away Zetia and added Coreg. I made those changes today.
For lunch today I had brown rice, salad, fresh tomato, V8 juice and a small amount of cottage cheese. It felt just about right and for breakfast a banana, 1/2 cup of oatmeal with no salt, no honey, skim milk and a whole wheat English muffin with a small amount of peanut butter, for dinner tonight one bean burrito and brown rice. What has helped a lot today was getting enough water, thank you Nan for your lemon tree help!
I had a call today from a man who I almost immediately knew was going to be a bit difficult. He had been referred by a friend and had already turned down three appraisers because he did not like the way they talked on the phone. So I turned on what charm I have left, cut him a deal for cod payment, listened as he spoke of his custom built home and ended up with an order and an appointment to see the home tomorrow at noon. Sometimes it comes in handy to just listen and try to be a problem solver. I look forward to seeing his home in Benicia which happens to be a great little town.
My angel, Jean, has been writing appraisals all day long and must be bone tired by now tonight. She has done excellent work and together we've gotten several to the lenders where they belong. Loree is with her family enjoying the snow since the girls are out of school. I've been multi tasking today, while I work I have the washer and dryer running continually catching up with a couple weeks of laundry. The dogs have been keeping excellent company with an occasional bark or dogie perfume (treats are the reason I think). I had to start the day off with an infusion of money for the greedy bank, they actually want funds to cover checks and online payments. Jim our wonder working computer tech wizard has the receptionist desk computer working again. He did it all from his office over the Internet. We truly live in amazing times. He is like the absolute nicest person and has helped me out so many times when the computers act up. Over the past two years his help has literally kept us up and running no matter what the problem. If you ever need computer help and you live in this area, he's your man. I'll help you make the connections to him.
So in light of yesterday and its discouraging setbacks and sobering moments today has provided some shafts of light and hope. Lemons, Keanna, Jean, blessings are there for the picking.
Thank you for your encouragement today especially the call from Pastor Jim. He always seems to know just when to call and what to say to get me back on track again. Thank you Jim.
So I'm sending my love and appreciation to all of you.

love

tim
ps little blessings do happen, the spell checker is working again this evening for this blog, its about time!

Serious times at the cardiologist's office

Dear Family and Friends,
Today started off well with a nice walk around the lake this morning at 6:30 with Ken, it was cool and while we walked the night turned to day. Then back for a shower and breakfast. Then I worked a bit at my desk and decided to take Bob and Carrol up on their invitation to have lunch at Fosters in Rio Vista. Sure enough they had corn beef and cabbage for .99. I passed on both but enjoyed the deep fried asparagus and some salad. It was great to see them and to meet a friend they brought with them who lost her husband about the same time Nan died.
I left Rio Vista and headed for Dr. Savage's office in Brentwood. He was the last of the bunch that Jim had me visit in our attempt to get me healthier back in January. This doctor's office has been putting me off again and again due to scheduling conflicts since the first of January. Well today was the day. I arrived early and was finally brought in an hour late. It was amazing that when they took my blood pressure it was not high but instead it was 112 over 60. Heart rate was 62. I had a electocartiogram, the nice nurse decided to shave a bit of the hair off my chest where the probes were to be located. In the process she cut me so I bled and bled with a new shirt, errr. Finally I met the doctor and he was not impressed that I was walking or eating better. He had the blood work results sent over from January and was amazed to find my cholesterol was just 107 but the good cholesterol was dangerously low back then and the bad was also very low while the trigliserides were through the roof. He decided to drop one of the cholesterol meds, Zetia and started me on one of his own, Coreg CR. In the course of the conversation he listed to my heart and discovered a heart murmur deep inside one of the valves and in summary said my chance of having a heart attack was about 80%. So on the 8th of April I have an echocardiogram and then the next day I have something with a nuclear component followed 3 hours later by a treadmill stress test and further tests looking at my heart. Then I have a follow up visit two weeks later for his observations. He also wants me to see a diabetes expert in Antioch, have more extensive blood work done at the lab, wants me to back off walking so fast and basically just took what joy I had left away. He did say the electrocardiogram showed no heart attack and he kept asking me for when my chest hurt. I tried to explain that I'm pretty sure that was caused by depression but he gave that no credence at all nor diet changes nor exercise changes. I feebly tried to mention I was concerned about the costs and he was nice enough to give me one months supply of the new drug he wants included every day.
So needless to say I'm a big blown away by all this. I kept thinking, he really should have seen me when I came back from Hawaii, before the walking, the better diet.
So I'm trying to sort things out in my mind. Nikki was very supportive when we talked and that helped a lot. Jason also called but I never was able to catch up with him when I called back. Art sort of talked me through things and that helped too.
So I went to the Safeway and bought even more carefully this time, tried to pay at the register and of course the bank refused to clear so I had to use my trusty $100 that Sharon gave me for Hawaii, well actually she gave me $500 and the $100 was still left. As soon as I can I'll replace that as I never know when I'll be in jam and with no credit cards working one needs an escape. It worked minutes before at the post office when I shipped a Nan book to Dana so she could share it with Nan's mother this weekend in Texas.
Well I'm home and I don't know what to eat or not eat. I bought some grapes and I've been eating of few of them, figured they probably are not bad for me.
What the doctor said was very frightening, didn't mention weight, didn't mention diet but I know he had to leave since his son was pitching a baseball game somewhere.
Well thats about all I have tonight. I guess mac and cheese is out of the question!
Take care and I'd appreciate your prayers.

love

tim

Nikki has a birthday

Dear Family and Friends,
This has been a very nice day. Since it was so windy this morning I decided not to walk outside but to use my tredmill so for 45 minutes I walked and ran slowly for an excellent workout. In the morning it will be an exterior walk though around the lake with Ken, fresh air is nicer. Its amusing to watch the dogs and cat as they sit by and watch me walk in place, they have such strange looks on their faces and then finally they just walk away.
Today was Nikki's birthday and as of last night the plans were a bit sketchy due to the various states of illness for all of us. This morning we went to the wonderful Byron Inn to wait and finally be seated, the food is just about perfect there. Then as we drove home we decided to go to the Cow Palace to the garden and lawn show. The show had everything, waterfalls, gardens, rocks, orchids, plants, dozens of private sellers hawking their various wares. It was really a beautiful show. When we were all so tired we could not walk any more we drove home to Antioch to the Uno's Chicago Style Pizza Bar and Grill for some pretty good food. Then finally home. None of us are feeling perfectly healthy yet but it was so good to be able to spend the day together. Keanna was a very brave little girl, rested some in her stroller and took in the sights and sounds, did some crafts along the way, watched a movie in the car and arrived home having fallen asleep.
Now I am heading to bed in the next five minutes. Tomorrow afternoon I see Dr. Savage, a cardiologist on referral from Dr. Edwards. My health situation has changed so much since the referral was made that I hope to be able to persuade him to hold off on expensive tests for now. I really think my daily 45 to 50 minutes of fast walking have demonstrated a fairly healthy heart. I hope I am doing the right thing.
Once again it is H day, that is house payment time. The two payments total about $2,800 and its always a huge challenge since checks trickle in a few at a time, never a large amount on any one day. It seems the money trickles out at a rate close to that coming in. I can hope, pray that some checks arrive in the mail tomorrow.
All in all this has been a weekend and as some of you know who have learned to live with an empty house, the weekends can be the hardest time since weekends were the time we spent 24/7 with our loved ones. Now they are a very quiet time with hours of silence and plenty of time to think and remember. I know there are many of us who now face life alone and we each face it in slightly different ways. I also know it is very quiet and can be a time of sad reflection as we remember other similar days which were filled with that special person.
I do not mean to complain or gripe at all, this is the way it is and I know I need to learn to accept it and make the best of it. Yet I find that in these blogs I don't have to white wash anything. I can simply say what I am experiencing and you can respond in the same manner. I get so many replies privately to my email, discoapp@comcast.net or timmustard@yahoo.com. I find great support and encouragement when I read what you forward to write. I feel like I am in the middle of people, not so alone and thats a good thing.
May God bless you as you move into this new week He has granted us. Oh that we can reach someone who needs what we are uniquely equipped to give, give us the courage and love to do the reaching out.

love to all,
Tim
ps This could be the week that Sharon moves into her little bungelow in Texas, don't you wish you could just join me for a peek! Sounds wonderful in every way. Go for it Sharon!

The blest day is the best day.

Dear Family and Friends,
What a nice day. At 8:30 this morning Nikki called to say she thought Ms Keanna was doing well enough for Sabbath School so I put the shower in overdrive, dressed and arrived at 9 for pickup. Keanna was ready in a pretty spring dress and we drove to Tracy. Poor Keanna's eyes showed the evidence of a week of fevers and illness. She is weak and tires easily, she and Steve have had a week of flu unlike anything this family has seen before. She mostly sat beside me in Sabbath School and when she told me it was time we left, then she rested in the car a bit and we drove to Old Spaghetti Factory in Stockton to meet Nikki and Pam. We enjoyed lunch and Keanna drew and colored a very nice picture, had some food and then they went their way and I drove home to rest and recoup. This evening I braved the wind and cold weather to weed eat a few nasty stands of weeds, moved the lawn and placed on fertilizer on it, turned on the sprinklers and then came inside. I hatched some food together, it was warm and tasty and the stuff that was not tasty went down the drain. I had tried something from the freezer but it was freezer burned and was too far gone.
I rested in the recliner for a bit, tried to tidy up the lower office a bit in an attempt to make that computer talk to the server but still no luck with that endevour.
I have enjoyed hearing from Roger and Carol today and Bob and Carrol. They had graciously invited me over for games this evening and I considered it for a long time, so long that when I woke it was too late. Sounded like fun and I will definitely look forward to it in the future. These two couples have been such a solid daily support, they really make a difference in my life.
When I think of them and I do often during the day as I drive my thought go like this. I am so thrilled that Roger and Carol finally have help and I long for the day when they can report that Lakemont is under new ownership. It has been a real blessing to not only them but to hundreds of people who come and stay for a day, a week, a month or even a year. They have had a very real ministry there as well as a beautiful base for their busy lives.
I also think of Bob and Carrol, of the terrific challenges they have faced with Carrol's health challenges, I am so proud of their courage, their daily love of life and for the frequent visits they made all during Nan's final year. Their visits brought a real time of brightness and enjoyment to Nan. Carrol knew just what to say, could answer questions we might have and would rub Nan's legs and feet bringing relief.
Nan and I have experienced genuine friendship over the past few years, deep, honest, caring friendships that span from this life to the next one. We have been blessed with so many quality people from family and friends. All brought their own brand of blessing, all helped as God directed.
Keanna and I talked a lot about her Grammy today, she says it makes her sad sometimes to think about Grammy because there are so many things she wants to tell her Grammy. Today she remembered the beautiful little book she made and placed in the casket with Nan, of the little stuffed Pugs, one for Keanna and one for the casket. She will certainly never forget her Grammy and has been touched in her life with Nan's incredible love and compassion. No matter how Nan was feeling, when Keanna walked into the room Nan went into smile mode and loved her time with this precious person. They had a special bond and its makes me very angry when I think about that bond being broken by cancer, the horrible unfairness, the wrenching loss. I can hardly bear it. Jason says he feels the same at times, why Nan? Whats the point?
I feel like I have sort of stumbled through these last 3 months, I have kept getting up, kept working hard but there are very few pockets of joy or meaning along the way, those moments are supplied by the kids, their kids and the incredible circle of friends that seems to take turns sending hope and courage.
And so another week begins and this new dreary life goes on. I am so lonely at times and I am reminded how fortunate I was to have had a lady with an even temperament, a great lover of fun and excitement, of travel, of entertainment, of good food, of family. As I look back there is nothing to complain about or to remember with bitterness. Nan was the ultimate good guy, loyal, steady, elegant, faithful, strong, loving, tender and very special to me.
love to all family and friends,

Tim

Finally the week comes to an end, yes!

Dear Ones,
Home never seemed so good as it did tonight. After a rather long day it was nice to come home and whip up a combo of lentils, baked beans, a dash of tomato juice and tofu cubes. When heated in the microwave it tasted really good, hearty. Then to relax a bit in the recliner in my newly cleaned family room. Then to the computer to write this important document.
Jason called and reported that our work on batteries was in fact a success. They took a charge and the golf cart is once again on the road, what great news to do something right! Jason has had a very big week as he prepared for the academy day, a two day process where potential students and their parents come to experience academy life at MBA. He says there are large numbers of people coming this year which is very exciting and means more work for him. Timothy is some better and smiling his way through life. Jo gave me such a precious printed book of photos of Timothy and me, it is just too cute.

At lunch time today I attended a retirement lunch for Ron Samoian, a long time friend. He has worked at the Lawrence Livermore Lab for the last 27 years and has contributed a lot to this nations safety through his work on weapons and they eventual destruction. The room was filled with fellow workers who had come to honor him for his work. He is a fine person and will have a time of adjustment in retirement as others have but he will never be out of something to do. He has contributed to Nan and my life in many ways. Once when he and Art were joining us on a cruise we ended up with just Ron as Art took ill just before the trip and was not able to go. Ron was a perfectly wonderful travel companion and when we could fight all the single ladies off we actually got to talk to him. He was so kind to Nan over the years and is a one of a kind guy who we both loved.

After lunch Loree had me scheduled for the afternoon in Tracy and Modesto. I inspected two sales in Tracy and discovered that there are many pending sales now being reported. Things are changing for the good but you'd never know it listening or watching the news. The agents I met with today say they are too busy to keep up right now. I arrived in Modesto and found the air had a chill to it so I measured quickly, shot my photos and then shot the comps and headed home. I slowed it down coming home, no reason to race and that way I could relax a bit.

This has been a good week, highlights include talking to my 4 kids and their kids, getting a good report from the doctor, receiving several checks and credit card payments this week, having Loree help with scheduling, having the thrill of paying $4.00 per gallon for diesel!!, suffering through a large iced tea I purchased at the gas station to find it was mostly water that tasted like soap, really awful, hearing from my friends at various bill collections agencies, some even spoke english or a version of it, walking every morning, sleeping well every night, hearing from friends, getting books and tapes in the mail, feeling pretty good in spite of a really bad cough and a constant pain generated by a tube near my ears. So some good, some bad.

I've had many pensive and sometimes happy moments remembering times with Nan, how she would prepare certain dishes, shop till she dropped, plan events, model outfits with only one response expected from me, thats nice honey, love it, look how slim it makes you appear.....

How was your week? I know Roger and Carol are into a new adventure with the new couple and I so hope that this is good chemistry. I always enjoy Bob's weather report and he is looking for rain without wind. I hope he is right. Sounds like their week went well and Irene had a clear CT scan and my poor kidos suffered with fever and flu all week, STeve and Keanna. What a winter this has been, more snow and cold than usual, sort of makes you challenge all the hype about global warming, wonder if we will look back in a few years and chuckle.

I heard from Wes today. Wouldn't it be nice to hear from Wes again? Perhaps we scared him away, you know he is very timid and can get his feelings hurt so we need to be very careful, maybe we can coax him out again.

Bedtime is now. You are precious and I love you but God loves you even more and He can do good things about His love for you. You are in good hands.

love

tim

Challenging time for Keanna and Timothy

Dear Family and Friends,
I'm just home from a quick visit with Timothy, oh yes and his parents Jason and Jo and Uncle Clayton. I needed to do an appraisal in Hollister which is just a few miles from MBA where they live. Yesterday it was discovered that Timothy is suffering from ear infections, one a 5 and the other a 8 which is even more severe. This afternoon as a backed the bug up to the garage Jo brought him out and as I looked up Timothy was grinning broadly and watching what I was doing. In spite of not feeling well he was all smiles and happiness. His antibiotics are beginning to work and he is sleeping better and suffering less. Keanna on the other hand had a fever again this evening and has battled the flu along with her daddy all week. We had hoped she would be well enough for a sleep over and Sabbath School but now that is in doubt. She is not very anxious to take the medicine she needs to take, 4 year olds really don't like medicine much and are old enough to begin to exert their little wills.
I had driven over to see the kids tonight for a reason. Recently the Yamaha golf cart dealership in Livermore had sold me two used batteries for a really good price and Jason and I had decided that of the 6 batteries in his golf cart 2 were bad, dead. So this evening we unhooked the "bad" batteries and set them aside and installed the newer ones I had brought. When we were all through we plugged in the charger and it blinked but would not accept a charge. We had devised a method to determine which batteries were dead which ones were OK using a trickle charger jason had borrowed. The golf cart store had said to do a quick charge on each battery one at a time. One by one we hooked up the charger allowing it to work for a few minutes and noting about 3 amps on the meter but two of the batteries would peg the meter past 12 amps and then the charger's little circuit breaker would break turning it off completely. I decided that meant the battery was totally dead. Well I had it exactly backwards. We put the charger on the newer batteries I had brought and found that they pegged the meter to 12 amps and we knew they were good and held a charge so we took the two batteries we had thought were totally bad and installed them in place of two of the batteries we had thought were totally good and then the charger amazingly came on and stayed on charging all the batteries. Success in spite of ourselves. My assumption was 100% wrong and yet we made it work. Both jason and I were delighted to see the charge kick in and begin to lift the batteries to full charge. Now we know if others are weak we can replace them for just $20 a piece. In comparison if you take the golf cart in for a new set of batteries they cost $1,000.
All too soon I had to head home, stopped ad Fuddruckers for a garden burger and salad then drove on home. And there were two checks in the mail, yahoo!
So my friend a good day with the dogs and I walking this morning, they loved it, then yummy breakfast, then a morning of calls and work, then a safe drive to Hollister through beautiful green hills and blue skies.
I find it interesting to observe what is happening with the Spitzer mess. The young girl involved has had 1 million hits at 98 cents per hit for one of her songs and someone estimated that she will make nearly a million dollars in the next 10 days. What a world we live in where the proud and mighty fall, gold is worth $1,000, diesel is $3.99 per gallon and stamps are now .41 cents. I think I need to raise my prices.
I want to take a moment and thank Irene who sent me a CD which arrived today, Don Moen, I will sing, praise music CD. I'll hear it the moment I start driving in the car tomorrow. Also special thanks to Karen Loomis, the book arrived today. How you find time to do the things you do I just don't understand. Thanks so much.
Now all I need to do is find some time each day for serious reading to catch up with all the good things that have come my way.
A special thanks to Jo and Jason who prepared a beautiful book of photos of Timothy and me, it is so precious and captures him since birth. What a nice surprise.
So good night my friends, my family. I love you all, I miss you all, I can't wait to hear from you or see you soon.
love

tim

Good news from the doctor

Dear Family and Friends,
This morning I had an appointment with the doctor who did the colonoscopy. The visit took 5 minutes. He related that he took two polops out (I don't know how to spell the word). One was of no worry and the other is the kind that requires you to come back in three years for another colonoscopy since it is a type that can eventually grow into cancer if not taken out. I was relieved to hear him say I was fine.
Then I inspected a FHA purchase in nearby Oakley, then a follow up appraisal in Brentwood to one I did several years ago. That visit was incredible. The owner buys, collects very old radios and then restores them, makes them work and enjoys them. He must have had 10 or 15 sitting around the house and he showed me that each one worked. He has an amazing collection of old tubes in his shop in the garage. In addition he created a small version of a Chris Craft woodie, a tahoe wood boat that the wealthy used to enjoy in Lake Tahoe and other lakes. The boats are beautiful, sound great and are just a work of art. He has created a model from scratch which is about 3 feet long, has an engine, lights and is perfect. What patience and perfection.
Then it was time to race home where Loree had everything under control, making appointments for the rest of the week, setting up orders, playing with files... Thank you Loree for setting up the week. Then it was time to leave and drive to Martinez to see a couple brand new homes never lived in and not yet sold. What a time to have new homes completed with no buyers in sight. The homes are beautiful with hard wood floors, granite kitchens, crown moldings, custom cabinets, marble bathrooms. And they sit waiting for buyers. The bank wants to know what they are worth now so I'll give that a stab, who really knows in this market, what is true today might not be true tomorrow.
Then I fought my way back through some traffic, hit the new bypass and zoomed home. Once home I decided I needed vegetables so I made frozen corn, peas, vegetarian baked beans, lentils (well they was sort of an experience) did you know the water you put in when you start the lentils cooking may not still be there in the pot after 30 minutes. Well I do now, I nearly burned them and they do have a special flavor now, not too bad though. I also found some vege steak strips that Dana had purchased and fixed some of them for protein, not bad at all. Dinner out of the way I crashed into the recliner in my newly cleaned family room and watched some FOX news then channel surfed my way up to the Gilmore Girls, an old black and white movie about 4 sisters who were a gang of robbers, pretty tame stuff but I was rescued from boredom by a call from a client, Judy, then Art and finally by a owner who has a house I was to see tomorrow. There has been a death in the family and he will have to reschedule. Boy I understood what he was facing and told him to call me next week when he was ready for a new appointment. Then I drifted back into the office to write this epistle, to try to fix a computer that is on the outs and then head to bed. Sleep is pretty precious and I never seem to get started on the process early enough. Ken and I walked this morning and that was good, went quick and it was dark and cold when we started.
Steve and Keanna are just starting to get better, Keanna does not feel like eating yet and Steve can hardly move. Nikki is still partially sick but back at work, trying to save her sick days for when the baby comes.
So the day rushed by with plenty of action and adventure. Seems my life is going like that, rushing by with few moments for reflection or peace.
Roger and Carol had potential buyers looking again today, they are resigned to God's timing. At least they have this new couple who will help them and that part is exciting. Irene had a CT scan which has been reported to her as looking good, that my friend is great news!
So good night my precious and hardy friends, good night to each member of the family, you are the best in the world.
love

tim