Photos of Timothy brighten a mundane day!

Dear Family and Friends,

Good evening to all. This has been a work day and I have the sore backside to prove it. I also moved two weeks worth of trash nicely compacted to the garbage can since they come to collect in the morning, other highlights include making a new loaf of bread, doing loads of wash, managing to disable both of my phone lines. They are Vonage lines and when the internet fails so do they. Well now I can hear my side of phone calls just fine but the person on the other end only hears about every 4th word. Sort of hard to make appointments that way. Not sure how to solve the problem either. If you call use the cell phone. It sort of works.

Jo and Jason shared photos this afternoon and evening and I've included a few of them here. Timothy is really growing up and it is obvious he enjoyed a visit to a special garden.

The upcoming week looks to be a busy one which is good, working hard means less idle time to think.

Hope your week is exciting and that you are staying healthy. It does appear that winter is coming soon, our walk this morning was cold, damp and invigorating. Breakfast was Belgium Waffles, fried eggs and an orange. Lunch was salad and warmed up pizza and dinner was toast and tomato with pop corn.

Take care

love to all

Tim

It was a F & F day! (friends and family)

Yes those are the best days, family and friends, much better than work till you drop or drive till you can't move. Friend Ken and I walked this morning in a surreal time of mist and fog. The Family Keanna went with me to Sabbath School where friends Emily played the piano and friend Kim led out in the program. Then to Olive Garden with family Nikki, Kallie and Keanna. Then to friends Glen and Joyce Conner's place in Lodi where family and friends were gathered. It was vintage Joyce with lots of interesting food, wonderful deserts, photos of family and a precious grandbaby. Then a quick drive home to see friends Starr and Lady at the door. The friendly mail person did NOT bring money today which is irksome but the rest of the day was warm and good.
When one gets the chance to renew friendships with special people you know and trust and have been close to for 30 years, well that is special.
As I reflect I realize how fortunate we were as a little family to be thrust into the Tracy SDA church family. We could have been sent anywhere in Northern California, to any of many churches but God directed us to Tracy. From the first day in town we were welcomed and loved, given a chance to fit in and found deep compassionate people who loved their Lord and each other. Tracy church has a talented and widely diverse membership and when we arrived we found that the church had about 11 doctors and dentists as members. These were no prissy detached medical people but very involved and caring real human beings. Although my parents live in Washington and Nan's lived in Texas the local grandmas and grandpas just accepted our little ones like their own. It was a magic time of choir programs done in cooperation with other churches in town, of a growing church school, of several families that were of similar ages who all had little ones. We all pretty much agreed on the basic rules of life and no matter where the kids were, in any home of the group of families the same rules were applied fairly and quickly. How thankful we were to be able to be a part of such a special time with people with deep convictions and a readiness to entertain, to baby sit, to support and to work together. And so today I had a chance to reconnect with some of those people once again and it was very special.
I know that many of you are fully aware that on Thursday of this week it will be a year since a Nan ceased her relentless struggle to live and reclaim her life. I will always remember that one minute her breathing was shallow but steady and then a terrible silence filled the room. One minutes I still had my beloved Nan with me, I could touch her arm and feel the warmth and then she was gone. It was an unbelievably terrible moment and a grief emanated from deep inside my chest that I was unaware of before. It felt almost primal. I was sure that I was prepared for anything yet at the moment that marked the end and a new beginning I felt ripped in two.
You can't prepare for the moment, you can't understand the moment, you don't even want to try for it is terrible enough to experience, no reason to try to anticipate it. There had been at least 50 times in the few years that proceeded that morning when we received terrible news or faced dire circumstances, when it seemed hope was gone but each time a surgeon stepped forward or a new drug was available or a trial had opened and we stepped into another phase of hope. Nan had cautioned me at the close of the summer, she simply said, "honey, I don't think we are going to get out of this one" and eventually she was right.
Now I have decided to live life to the full partially because I believe God has granted me more time to live but also in honor of her courageous battle, she never gave up, she never stopped doing everything she could to smile for the kidos, to hold them, to talk to them, to treasure them, she always loved to hear from Nikki and Jason and would perk up when they called or could come by. How can I now live in a less courageous way than she lived when she had so much going against her? Sometimes people comment on the manner in which I cared for her but I've go to tell you when you are in the midst of the battle you don't stop and consider your options, at that point there are no options. When the person being lambasted by a disease is behaving in a totally courageous manner how could you even consider doing anything but your best to support such a supreme effort. No one said no to Nan when she had her mind made up, not if they valued any future contact with her or their safety. She was a strong person and once her mind was made up there was hell to pay if she did not get to carry out her plans and that gave her at least another year, she just never gave up.
What lessons can we learn from Nan's intense battle plan? When you love something enough you focus on taking care of it, she loved her family that much and she made sure she did everything in her power to watch out for the family and to be there to give orders.
So in the spirit of Nan we the family will get through December 4 and we will get through Christmas and her birthday, we will do it because we must and because she sure would have wanted us to be strong and care for each other.
So in this context today with its F & F moments has been very special and meaningful to me. Thank you all.

love

Tim

Peace

Good evening,
After a busy day it has been nice to unwind this evening. There was some incredible music on 3ABN tonight and then on the Loma Linda channel. I made a dinner of brown rice and some vege meat meal starters that we found in the freezer. Then I cut up a fresh Roma tomato and it was all very good. Just finished putting away the new brown rice I cooked up this evening. Its nice to have on hand to use a moments notice.
I worked in this morning after walking the big 3 with Ken. After I completed an Oakland appraisal and emailed it out I drove to Oakley, picked up a check and conducted an appraisal inspection of a little house, bank owned and ready to sell. When the properties are bank owned and empty they usually put a lockbox on the door that only needs a code and the code is usually found in the MLS listing so I don't have to bother the agent, just go when I can. I was so engrossed in a story on the XM radio that I remained in the car outside the house while I selected and located the comps on a map. Once the story was over I measured, photographed and inspected the little place and then quickly drove the comps which were all very recent and located just blocks away. Then as it was growing dark I drove home and deposited the check on my way. The hungry bank always seems to need funds. This is the weekend of the house payment so that is a looming challenge but tonight I'll just put that aside and relax and settle into the peace that comes from having a safe place to rest ones head.
I went by and took an inventory of the linen in the motorhome. I was very surprised to discover just how much stuff had accumulated in the cabinets of the motorhome, many pillows, many blankets, several sets of sheets and pillow cases and some more of Nan's clothes from our last trip down to see Jason and Jo at the end of 2007 summer. Its OK, making such discoveries seems to be part of the process. I've come to think of our life together as packing a whole life into the 37 years we knew each other. And it was good. Now a new page is being turned in the book of life and today's challenges have to be met, new relationships forged and I've got to make the most of the opportunities with the precious kidos and wonderful friends. As the house is beginning to take shape future opportunities start to be visible on the horizon.
Next week, Thursday, will mark one year of recovery and reflection. No one in the world could have better support or better reasons to place hope in the future.
Tomorrow morning I'll pick up Keanna for Sabbath School. Then in the afternoon I am considering visiting friends and relaxing with them.
I'm hoping that you and your family will have an enjoyable and meaningful weekend together. Can I urge you yet another time to take time to express how you feel toward one another, DO NOT TAKE RELATIONSHIPS FOR GRANTED. They can slip away in a moment and need to be treated like quicksilver, held gently in your hands and treasured. Do it, don't plan to do it, do it, don't think about doing it, do it, don't wait until a better time. Please do it. For some of us who are on the other side now we can't go back and say I love you one more time and we are very glad we said it often and showed it often while we could. Relationships are like a beaker tube with a slight leak. Good will, touching, kind words, affirmation needs to be poured into the beaker of the relationship all the time, don't assume because you said nice things recently that its covered for awhile. The wear and tear of life tends to drain the tube pretty fast so it needs constant infusions from you. Not good with words, then do what you are good at. Speak up, step up, pony up, stand up!
I'm speaking from a soapbox that is standing in a quiet house that now holds one person. You enhance my life by taking good care of your own. When I hear about divorces and hurting relationships I just cringe, I think, fools, what is wrong with you, you are both still alive, it worked once for you, you can make it work again if you put your own selfish little desires aside and do the right thing. Fake it until you feel it again. Coming from a broken home and learning to live with parents going their own selfish ways when I was 11 I can tell you it messes up everything a kid holds to be precious.
For those of you who do let each other know often how you feel I say right on, then if something should happen your regrets are few and your memories are more intact, more precious.
So I send my preaching love to you all tonight,

Tim

Thanksgiving a day with family and great food!

Steve and Nikki's amazing back yard!

Kallie enjoys grandma

Kallie finally gets to eat after watching everyone else stuff their faces!

Keanna shares her sand box with her cousin, grandma and Lacy

Kallie enjoys a moment with Tara and Pappa

Kallie and her mommy have a hug!

Dear Ones,

Mostly I will allow the photos to tell my story this evening. Nikki and Steve did an excellent job of hosting the thanksgiving feast at their home. They had all the bases covered with food everyone could enjoy. There must have been about 15 people there and I know everyone had an excellent time. Jason and Jo were with their former neighbors the Leoni's who now live in Milpitas for the day and had an excellent time too.

I've included a few photos I took this afternoon. Steve's mom and grandmother were there as were his brother David and Lacy with their little one. Jill and Roger came from Tracy along with Kevin their son and one of Steve's best friends. Kevin's daughter was there to play with Keanna and there were a couple more people related that I do know as well.

A year ago we had Thanksgiving here at the house and Dana was the chief cook. I remember well that Nan was fully aware of everyone but was weak and could only speak softly, yet she enjoyed seeing the family and having them visit with her. I have only positive memories of my brave Nan as she smiled and reached out to the little ones in spite of the pain and suffering she was coping with. Her heart was always with her kids and their kids and her biggest regret and saddest times were when she would verbalize her fears of not being around to help with the little ones. They were the love of her life and she would do anything for them. How she would have loved to see Timothy racing around and talking, to see Kallie smile and giggle, to have keanna hand her a picture just completed or watch her swim or run or jump or sing. Why cancer had to end all of her joy I do not know. What cosmic problem was solved by her passing? Why do good people have to die?

This evening after tearing myself away from the happy gathering I drove home and upon arrival the phone rang. It was Lois inviting me to come over and meet her rowdy family where were all the back deck sitting around a firepit. I went over to meet all of the family, what a hoot. Its great to see a family interact and the fire felt good on this chilly night. When I left they had just left on a pontoon boat to cruise the lake in the darkness.

In spite of memories that tug at ones heart and instigate a hint of tears this has still been a good day. Happiness is mostly a choice and I know Nan would be very insulted if we did not lead lives of happiness and meaning most of the time. I think we are all on the right track. Now we have Thanksgiving behind us and the next challenge is December 4, then Christmas. Together we will meet each one of these challenges in the same manner we have faced this entire year, with courage balanced with wonderful memories.

I am thankful for you all this evening, our whole family is thankful to each of you. Our transition from loss to living has been eased by your constant support and understanding and we appreciate the time and effort you have expended on our behalf.

love

tim

Nice evening after a dreary day

Dear Family and Friends,
Today's high point was an enjoyable visit with Jim Edwards who is my doctor. He ordered blood work, a sleep study and felt that in general my health was pretty good. Blood pressure was 135/80 after sitting for 1 and 1/2 hours in the waiting room with only the animal channel to pass the time. He made slight changes in my meds and I see him in 3 months. Of course if the blood work suggests more changes I'll see him sooner. He listened to my lungs and heard no rattling which is a good thing. There are times when I start coughing and it lasts for minutes until something finally gives deep down in my lungs and the cough sort of breaks something lose and then I'm fine for hours again. He did not seem too concerned about the tingling in my leg and feet.
My next stop was in Oakland to measure a house. When I was there a week ago the promised key was never found and I was not granted entrance so today it was an hour over, 20 minutes to photograph and measure the house and then an hour back again. Hard to make a living that way but the report must be completed. The buyers are anxious to move in.
This evening Nikki and Steve invited me to join them, the girls, Steve's mom and his grandmother and Dusty in eating out. We settled on UNO's in Antioch and enjoyed a wonderful meal and great fellowship, laughs and fun watching the girls in action. Now I'm back home to a fairly cool house but very welcoming dogs. Ray and Lois retrieved their big turkey who has been living in my freezer for a couple of days and I'm set to slumber. Neighbor Ken just called and we agreed on 7:30 to walk in the morning. What a faithful walking friend he is, his gentle invitation to walk has made the difference on many mornings. If you want to exercise on a daily basis find a buddy who walks the same speed as you do and treasure the help they give.
I think a few words about being thankful are in order and I wish I knew the right ones. I can only say that in spite of a life changing event a year ago when I had to say a final goodnight to Nan I still find many things, people to be thankful for. I have been surrounded by loving hearts, helpful wallets and hundreds of emails and calls and everyone was helpful and did make a huge difference. I've not been plagued by silly advice and comments like some people are. Rather I've received thoughtful advice, spiritual encouragement, prayer in so many different forms. I really don't know how a person in my shoes could ask for more. Nikki and Jason have been helpful, consistent, supportive, loving and so have Steve and Jo. In spite of experiencing their own brand of loss, that is the loss of a much admired parent they have rallied to my side over and over again and helped me through various challenges along the way. Family members have been awesome and genuine in their help and support and I think I have the greatest friends in the entire universe. So I am thankful for all of these supporting people. I'm also thankful I have a car to drive, a comfortable yet cool house to live in, a business that challenges me daily and sometimes pays the bills, a church family that is tremendous and my basic health which in spite of the extra weight I am carrying is pretty good. Most important I have a saviour that in spite of knowing everything about me has chosen to grant me salvation and His peace.
Thankful, why yes I am thankful, it does not mean there is no hurt or loneliness, no anger or resentment, all the emotions are there yet in spite of it all I am thankful.

Wishing each of you a gentle day with friends, reasonable amounts of food and peace.

love

tim

Linens and things

Dear Family and Friends,
10:10 the end of a very good day. Ken and I walked at 6 this morning in the dark and cold. We were both glad when we got back to warmer houses. I showered and headed to Stockton for a meeting for the upcoming project where Stockton will spend about 12 million dollars buying foreclosed homes. After that brief meeting I head back but had to buy fuel. The diesel was $2.53 a gallon, a far cry from the $5.00 plus of a few months ago. One good thing to come out all this economic mess we are in.
I was only back a few minutes when Sylvia arrived to help with gathering the linens into one place, sorting them and making some sense out of them all. Neither of us had bargained on just how many blankets, pillow cases, towels and sheets there are in this house. Sylvia just kept
finding more and more. she spent the day sorting, folding and moving many items to the sacks for Tracy Interfaith Ministries where they can help those in need immediately. Sort of makes good sense to have them in use vs in my shelves. Sylvia seems to have unbounded energy and her help has been a huge boost to my hopes for finding a less complicated life with systems and places for everything. This evening we went to watch her son Michael as he coached a women's varsity basketball team play in Brentwood. Oh the energy the young people have and what fun to watch they play together as a team.
While Sylvia worked today I forced myself to get a really challenging appraisal done for a little house in Stockton. Finally it was emailed out and I just pray it is right.
Keanna came this afternoon from school and infused this place with her energy. She is amazing, I know all grandparents talk like that and they are all right, little ones are amazing and so full of life and games. I always feel like I should thank Steve and Nikki for sharing their little ones with me. What a kick they are.
Jason and Jo should be back home this evening from their LA trip. I think they had a good time and I'm sure they learned lots of things from the meetings they faithfully attended!!
I am so grateful for life and for its opportunities. While there is never a day that passes without thinking of Nan often, of how she is missing watching the three little ones growing up, of how much fun it was to live with her and share her joy, at the same time I know she is asleep in Jesus now and I am awake in Jesus. To find all the meaning in life I have to allow Him to guide, instruct and temper my emotions. I want to go on His errands, share His goodness and share the blessings He has granted me with others. Every once in a while life seems pretty good now.

love

tim

Another day, another dollar

Dear Family and Friends,
Really a good day in spite of having to work all day. I know the dogs appreciated me being right here with them. Ken and I walked and then I discovered that the garage had not been picked up. When I opened my mail I found a nice notice that without payment they could no longer collect it so a quick call to the office and a nice lady took payment over the phone, its a new thing for them just two weeks old. It was great and later in the day the truck came by and dumped the can and all is well with the world. Then there was the data guy Eric. Eric needs a bit more personality. I'm guessing that he is about as exciting as moss growing on the underside of a tree trunk. Anyway he became happier with $413 as a partial payment. How easy the money goes and how hard to find it.
For breakfast I made oats, stripples, 1/2 piece of toast from my bread and a tiny glass of Welches grape juice. Lunch was a griller and dinner was some leftovers, brown rice, cottage cheese and some none fat milk, a toast with fresh tomato and Greta on Fox.
This evening I loaded up 8 dining room chairs, two tables, a coffee pot and a food processor that we found that is a perfect match for Nikki's Hamilton Beach mixer, bright red. All of this fit easily in the motorhome. After we unloaded everything in their garage Nikki brought me back home after I parked the motorhome in its slot at the RV parking lot. Last night I managed to go to bed with the garage door wide open. Ray was kind enough to discover it and close it during the night. I'm really enjoying the fresh clean water from the R/O system. Its nice when something works out well.
Now its time for bed. Ken and I walk at 6 in the morning as I have to be in Stockton at 8:30 for a meeting with the group that is making the 12 million dollars program to buy foreclosed houses work. I'll learn more about what is expected from me. I am so thankful that I get to take part in this important community program and the income will be nice too. I'm ready for a break.

So good night to each and everyone of you. Dana and Ronnie are vacationing at a casino somewhere two hours from their house, Jason and Jo are in LA at education meetings and I'm stuck here at home, actually quite pleased to be here but sure wish the furnace would kick in. It was 63 this morning and the dogs were shivering until I turned the Miller space heater on in the family room. They love it and so do I.

love

tim

Short and sweet

Hi
I will not go to bed late tonight, I'm determined. Ruins the next day.
Just back from a nice evening with Loren and Emily and got to see my friends the Whites too.
Worked in all day and managed to get some work done. Happy to report the reverse osmosis system is working great with its new filters. I am now getting the best water stream from it I've ever had and the water tastes great. I think it was worth the disaster on the kitchen floor of last evening.
I know we are heading into a time of thanksgiving. I can't help but remember that we had a house full of guests last thanksgiving and Nan was still very aware of everyone at that point. How I love to have guests here, its a secret dream of mine to own a big house and to have company all the time, relaxing, socializing, eating, listening to music, painting, sitting by the fire in the evening and laughing together, now that is a dream. People laughter is the nicest music in the world. Pure joy is so rare, so precious, so elusive, so God driven.
I rarely am really relaxed anymore. I'm lazy a lot but not really relaxed. Even when I am watching TV I find myself with my head erect instead of relaxing it on the back of the recliner, looking forward to a day when I'm not so uptight, so scared. Not sure when that will be. I know there are moments when things seem right but they are rare yet.
For breakfast I felt like feasting so I made 1/2 cup of steel cut oats instead of 1/4 cut. The oats along with some rice milk, flax seed and some fiber provided an excellent breakfast. For lunch I dissed vege chicken, dissed cheddar cheese sticks, added croutons, cut up carrot over a bed of greens and a couple little tomatoes cut up, fresh from the plants on the deck. It was a great lunch and so colorful. This afternoon I made one of those huge glasses of lemon water that I love so much with Nan's lemon juice that we found frozen. What a treat that was.
I spoke to Jason this evening and they had completed their trip down to Long Beach and were eating somewhere. They enjoyed the van with its space and comfort. That makes me feel really good and Steve with Keanna's help had it detailed and ready. The family works!
I'm hoping for a good week. I'm dealing with some health issues that are new to me, tingling in my feet and left leg and my fingers go to sleep very easily and then tingle. Just glad I see Jim, my faithful physician this Wednesday as I'm uneasy with these symptoms and would like answers.
So I bid each of you good night. I hope Bob and Carrol are enjoying their trip to Palm Springs and I know Roger and Carol are happy to be back home from their cruise. Art and Connie are getting ready for their upcoming trip and so it goes, friends in transition, enjoying life. God bless them all.

love

tim

A blessed day

Dear Family and Friends,
What an enjoyable Sabbath. Ken and I walked in perfect crisp fall weather, then a quick yogurt breakfast and off to collect Keanna for Sabbath School. Keanna was the perfect little Sabbath School attender today with Emily in charge and Bernice at the piano. What fun to see the kids sing, pray and learn important lessons about Jesus and his creation. I especially enjoyed seeing George Miller for a few minutes after Sabbath School. He is one of God's special people, has a heart of gold and a love for people and especially for the Tracy SDA Church. He is always so encouraging and positive. I just appreciate getting to see him.

Nikki and Kallie met us for lunch at the ol Olive Garden where we were treated to good food served quickly. Then the girls headed off to some kind of tea party that Keanna has been looking forward to and I headed out to meet Jason and Jo with the Odyssey Van. We ended up meeting on Mission between 880 and 680 and did the transfer. I got to hold Timothy who was a bit sleepy. Clayton was there having just driven down from Walla Walla College, a very long trip. In just a few minutes we traded cars and I left in Jo's mazda 3 and they left for home. Tomorrow morning they leave for LA where they will attend mandatory teacher meetings for a couple of days.

I picked up meds in Brentwood, $133.00 worth. I sure would like to move away from taking so many meds, I'm almost sure the drug manufactures could survive without breaking my bank every week. Then to home to set up tables in the garage and place my dining room chairs around them to see if they could actually seat enough people for the thanksgiving Nikki and Steve are hosting. Sure enough there are enough places.

This evening I decided to install the new filters in the RO system. How humbling to discover you are still capable of making huge mistakes. In just a few minutes I had water almost an inch deep on the kitchen floor. It happened this way! I carefully read the instructions and then reach under the sink high on the wall and turned off the water supply, then I used the took they send with the kit and turned off one of the canisters holding a filter, water gushed everywhere so I screwed it back on and using a mop cleaned up the water, then thinking that the pressure of water must have passed I unscrewed it again, the gush of water was even more and the water spilled onto the floor, for a minute I felt panic, it would not stop and then I realized I had turned off the hot water value, not the cold water one. What a difference when the water supply was really turned off. Now the rest of the process went well and new filters are installed now. Already I have a larger stream of reverse osmosis water from the faucet than has been the case in over a year. So now I know the solution I'll do the one at Jason and Jo's and the one at Steve and Nikkis too. They have all quit, its just the filters are full of junk and have stopped the flow of water. Yea. I have a heater drying the kitchen floor and I went through 4 towels to sop it up but I think no damage was done. Nice to tackle projects and see them through.

The mail was very kind to me today, two checks and a phone call this evening with a credit card number for yet another one. Now we are talking. Thank you Lord and to those special people who have helped me so much over the last few months. It sure feels good to fill up now for $30 bucks at $1.76 a gallon instead of the $4.00 plus of a few months ago. At one point I paid over $5.00 a gallon for diesel for the bug. I know these low prices will not last but for now I appreciate this one bright spot on a gloomy horizon.

It was so good to see all my kids in one day even if not at the same place. I am so proud of each of them for the way they live their lives and for being really good human beings.

So tomorrow comes and I've decided not to travel this weekend after all. When I realized how many people I had promised appraisals on Monday I decided to stay home and do the right thing, keep my word. I got to travel last weekend and it was wonderful so this time I'll stay put.

I hope your weekend is going great for you and that you are reaching out and touching the one you love, saying that silly mushy thing you used to say, going to breakfast in that special place, doing the honey do list without being hassled, do active love while you can. There are some of us who would do almost anything to be able to reach out and touch ones we have lost. We don't resent that you have your loved ones but we sure want to encourage you to take advantage of the chance you have to love actively. Do it now, you have no idea of what the week holds. Do it now, please.

So good night my loving friends, you are precious to me. As I write Starr has settled down beside me, she loves the weekends since I have more time to sit still and she can be with me. She and Lady are real companions.

love

tim

Many days are easier now, almost liveable!

Dear Family and Friends,
10:20 The dogs and I went to the park this morning and then it was off to a relocation appraisal in the older part of Stockton, Very nice little house but such a bad area for comps right now, yikes! Then on to Turlock to meet a nice lady and see her house. There comes a time in womens lives when they become proud of their age again. She challenged me to guess, well that is never a good idea but I was amazed to discover she is 85. She looked 70 at the most. Lost her man 13 years ago but has kept the house in perfect condition inside and out.
Home after an uneventful drive I dove into the garage to find and retrieve two folding tables, Nikki wants them for her upcoming Thanksgiving day feast. Wow was there ever a lot of stuff to move to get to the tables. Box after box of medical stuff that I'll not be using but could help someone someplace.. Lois came over and helped guide me as I backed the motorhome up to the house. Her role was to keep me from backing into the house. Mission accomplished I was able to hook up the drain hoses and empty the tanks. I'm still thinking of going somewhere tomorrow afternoon and Sunday, just can't decide where yet. Any ideas?
I've been encouraged by the responses to my decision to join the gym and Weight Watchers. Seems most people think it is a good idea and that helps. I don't even know where to look in my area but I'm assuming there is a local chapter or whatever they are called.
As I reflect on this week I see many decent things happening, not exciting but certainly meaningful. Having the house more organized has helped in so many ways. I function better when the clutter factor is reduced and let me tell you in the areas where Sylvia has helped the clutter is gone, wonderful.
I'm glad the Sabbath hours are here and in the morning Keanna will be ready to head to Sabbath School with me, then we will meet for an early lunch at the Olive Garden. After that I'll be taking the van to trade cars with Jason and Jo. They will drive it to Southern California for a few days as they attend teacher meetings. I know Nan would be thrilled that this week the van has helped the kids. That is why she wanted it and was willing to trade her Jag in so she could have it. Of course we both believed that the decision was God's will as the van became a bedroom on wheels for dozens and dozens of trips to radiation, hospitals, doctor visits, airport trips. It was just the right thing to have at the time. Now thanks to Steve and Keanna's work the van is in very clean detailed condition and looks great.
A friend from Laurelwood Academy days has facilitated me joining Face Book or something like that, a way of being in contact with many friends from the past. Gradually I feel like I'm being dragged into the 21st Century.
Many thanks for your prayers and extended love,

Tim

Powering through each day

Dear Family and Friends,
I'm fresh home from the grief group and I've got to share with you, there is nothing like a good group of hurting but caring people. Emotions move from tears to belly laughs, anger to compassion. You end up being excited by every person that walks into the room for you then you get to hear how they are doing and what is happening in their lives. Its true the special bonds do not come over night, they come from weeks of invested time and attention to each other. It is a huge blessing to be able to be a part of the group.
While I was in group tonight I made an internal decision. Everything I am looking forward to is being put on hold by this 75 lbs of weight I am carrying around with me everywhere. I can't even lift 75 lbs any more but I have to do it every minute of the day and night. With the help of dear friends I am eating pretty close to right, walking the three miles nearly every morning, drinking more and more fluids yet the weight hangs at around 230. I'm tired of it and I think it is time to invest in myself. I know that post being obese I will still face the normal issues of life but at that point I will be off most of the obtrusive and expensive meds, can fit in normal clothes, can work all day without getting tired out, can enjoy the lifestyle I dream of now, water skiing, snow skiing, running, biking, I can move beyond the point where the first thing people see when they meet me is the tummy, I will feel better, sleep better, move easier, have less pains and aches. It just has to happen. So I am going to join the health club which offers all avenues of exercise including playing racquet ball, fitness machines, pools etc and I'm also going to join weight watchers. Enough hoping and praying and being frustrated. I need help and who better to help me than myself. I am encouraged by my friend Glen Conner who joined weight watchers and has lost many many pounds.
This has been a great day. Ken and I walked this morning, then it was off to a Brentwood appointment which is just 9 miles away, then to Bethel Island to shoot photos of a bare piece of land for a proposed new home, then back to the office to work for awhile. Then at 3 there was another appraisal in Brentwood which paid up front, yea! When I got home the mail had arrived and included a check for an appraisal I did about 6 weeks ago. Nice!!
The work Jim did on my computer is really paying off. The computer does its work much faster now which helps me do my work quicker too. It was a bit shocking this morning to be typing and suddenly a message appeared on the screen saying the computer was now remote controlled. Jim had taken over and needed to fix a couple things. As I sat and watched the mouse moved rapidly over the screen and the repairs were completed and then control was returned to me. What a day we live in.
Now it is time for bed. Pills are taken, dogs are sleeping at my feet and the chill of the night is settling over everything around me. Its quiet and only the gentle hum of the hard drives waft through the air. Yes its been a good day!
Recently I read these words, "It never hurts your eyes to look on the bright side of things." Also these compelling words, Happiness and Love are just a choice away. I do choose happiness and love is all around.
Until tomorrow

Tim

A good day

Dear Family and Friends,
A brief report from the battle fields surrounding Willow Lake Court. This morning I ventured east with the troop carrier (Stratus motorhome). Arriving to the minute on time I was very pleased that the crew started instantly doing the recall work and evaluating why the leveler would not work. Two hours later I was driving out on time thanks to their keeping their word. The 7 year insurance policy will fix the leveler which comes to a total of over $500 to repair.
Then it was a rush back to the castle where Jim the IT warrior was doing battle with my personal computer that does the heavy lifting for the business. After a quick lunch of a griller on wheat bun it was off to Oakland to see a tiny little house. The only problem there was, no key, someone had taken the key away so a return trip will have to be made later. However a check was handed my way. Then it was back on the trail for El Cerrito where I arrived early, so early the folks were not yet home. I started to measure but a barking dog caused me to give up and wait. What lovely people, people my age who are rescuing a little 8 year old grandson. He now lives with them and they are so proud of his report card and are redoing the house so he will enjoy living there more. New kitchen, new terraced rear yard, new bathrooms, all in all very nice.
Finally it was time to punch in the magic words to the GPS, home. How I love to head home. Traffic? Yes it was slow and punishing but XM and Bill OReilly helped me arrive home safely for yet another day.
Jim had completed the computer work but like usual there are some things that are wrong and others that will have to be learned new. Yet it needed a cleaning out. So I'm $380 poorer and happy to be home tonight.
My life / work is enjoyable yet tiring. I meet the worlds nicest people, see interesting designs, furniture, artwork, smell many different things cooking in the kitchen, learn about children, trips, hopes and fears and of course actually do a physical inspection of the properties as well. I like driving my little VW around with its GPS, XM radio, books on tape, lunch box with munchies and drinks. I'm enjoying a time of plenty of work right now for which I am very thankful. Perhaps soon money will begin coming in the mail again as these appraisals work their way through the system and loans begin to fund.

So its been a fine day. Hope it has been that way for you too. I enjoyed talking to Jason and Nikki today along with friends and business calls as well. It really makes the day speed by when you get to talk to a friendly voice.

So good night friend and family,

love

tim

Miss Keanna comes to visit

Dear Family and Friends,

I've included a couple photos of Keanna as she played this afternoon with Sylvia and one of Timothy from the weekend. How I love these little kidos and what a blessing they are to all of us. The feeling that comes over you when you are there waiting at 2 pm for the class to be dismissed and then they are there in the line with their teacher and they suddenly spot you and the teacher says they can go, they run with their arms full of school things, coats, lunch pails and are so excited to see you, their eyes bright with excitement, their arms flailing about. There is no drug that could produce the same heart stopping joy that comes from that moment.

While Keanna does not like to ride in the bug, she says it is ugly, well actually it is! She just calls it honestly, this afternoon that is the vehicle I had to collect her from school. I snapped her into the car seat and we headed home. She was delighted that Sylvia was going to be there at the house working, she knows she can sometimes get Sylvia to cease her labors and instead play. Today was no exception. They found balloons in some drawer and Sylvia blew several up and tied them off, then Keanna began to create games and they batted the balloons back and forth over the puppet show device. Then the next thing I heard was Keanna had coaxed Sylvia into playing Mexican train domino's. They had great fun and Keanna would run to my office to inform me who had won each round. The last thing they did was create the floor plan for a huge home using the domino's, that is what you will see in the picture of Keanna at the table.

Soon it was time for Keanna to head home and go to swimming classes at the club. I think she had a great time. I know we enjoyed her energy and joy.

Today has been a blessed day in that several new orders arrived. Some were COD and they are already scheduled. Got to get that money and keep it moving through the business to all the lovely people who think they need my money more than I do.

In the morning I'm taking the Stratus to Pan American RV near Stockton where they will do the recall work on the frig. Seems according to the letter I received that a gas line behind the frig can burn through and cause a fire which can destroy the entire motorhome. That would spoil my day. After the recall work is completed I'll drive back to Discovery Bay and then grab the bug to drive to Oakland and then El Cerrito for appraisals. Then its back home to ship out as many as Jean has gotten completed. Thank goodness for Jean who is a great assistant and a very bright lady appraisal wise. Loree may be able to come to continue her work on the files. She was here today for awhile and she can get so much done so quickly, its amazing to watch. The only thing she enjoys more than pushing files in the office is riding Silk, her beautiful horse. She is a pretty accomplished rider and in the running to win a new saddle through competition which is coming up soon. Of course I am rooting for her to win. The problem is, her main competition is a 10 year old girl, she says the girl is amazing at barrel racing. Still I hope Loree wins. She has worked for this for years and recently won a new belt buckle, another prized possession.

Well it is time to head to bed. Its been a great day with a new loaf of bread baked, a lovely lunch by the water's edge, a Keanna visit and so much accomplished by Sylvia. And no she does not hire out, I keep getting requests for her to come to people's houses and clean their kitchens. She is just doing this out of the kindness of her heart and I honestly believe she really does enjoy making this organized and clean. The garbage collector will be glad when she is all done as each week when she is here the trash can is full to over flowing. Where did all that stuff come from?

Good night my friends,

love

Tim

Weekends over, now back to work

Dear Family and Friends,
9:50 and I am totally worn out yet it is a good fatigue as it is the result of miles driven, houses measured, decisions made and effort expended.
I started the day with a walk with Ken, then a very quick shower followed by an even quicker breakfast. Then it was time to leave for San Ramon. The trip was slowed by traffic from time to time but I still made it very close to the appointment time of 9. I enjoyed meeting the owners and seeing the house. Then a quick trip to the next appointment, a house I have seen twice before. The owners are so warm and friendly and they were saddened to hear about Nan's passing.
After leaving this house I decided to fit in an extra inspection in Vallejo. It is a tragic story which is repeated so often. Someone has a dream, finds a lot, builds a house. The main problem is, its the only newly built home in a neighborhood of 40 year old homes worth about $175,000 at this time and the house is in contract for $325,000. There is absolutely no proof of what this house is really worth, all the sales of homes of similar vintage are located south of Highway 80 in a different neighborhood. What a challenge this one is, a very nicely appointed house with Travertine floors, granite kitchen and surrounding the shower, 2 car garage, a view amenity which unfortunately includes a very old and poorly maintained mobile home park at the foot of the hill. The house is overbuilt for the neighborhood and unfortunate.
After completing my work on this house I had time for lunch at Applebees. What a great side salad and a tasty grilled cheese sandwich. To save money I drank water with a lemon. Then it was back on the road, down Highway 80 through Oakland with San Leandro the final destination. I've seen this house before as well and enjoyed seeing it and its owner again. She is a sweet senior citizen who keeps everything in perfect shape. When I completed this appraisal it was 4:30 and traffic loomed, yet it never materialized. I was able to maintain a decent speed all the way home, or to Brentwood I should say. There I finally was able to obtain the meds I have been trying to get.
Finally I was able to head home and enjoyed finding a check for a recent Sacramento appraisal in the mail along with trash items, magazines and flyers wanting my money for junk. A few minutes ago I drove over to see Nikki and Steve and was able to share an appraisal order with him. Turns out he spent a great part of the day detailing the van. I was thrilled and stunned to see just how clean and perfect the van now is. Wow! He is using it for a few days as his brother has to use Steve's car. Keanna loves to ride in the van and she helped her daddy today as he cleaned and scrubbed the carpets. I tell you, this guy can do anything he sets his mind to. I have a lot of respect for Steve's abilities.
Tomorrow is a work in day. I'll attempt to make sense of the piles of files, papers and messages on my desk. This evening I am very grateful to a loving God for a day of safety for the family and myself too. Jason and Jo were back in their classrooms attempting to fill the little minds with wisdom and knowledge.
So good night my friends and family, I'm sending my eternal appreciation for each of you and my love,

tim

Great times with Jason, Jo and Timothy

Dear Family and Friends,
Today was really beautiful. We drove up the coast through Santa Cruz and along Highway 1 to finally arrive in Half Moon Bay, a small town which serves as a bedroom community for many who work in the city and the south bay. Jason and Jo selected a great place for breakfast and I enjoyed an omelet with asparagus, spinach and cheddar cheese. Timothy dined on his sandwich, his sippy cup and other things his mommy had packed in a little metal lunch box. They we checked out a few local shops including a very interesting antique shop. We then drove back to their home at MBA where we all enjoyed a brief nap. Then Jason had to patrol the campus as he was on duty from 3 pm on. He showed me his class room where he teaches English every day and also new biology and science classrooms that are almost completed. One room has a new 800 gallon reef tank that will be beautiful when it is completed.
I tweaked the batteries on his golf cart but failed to revive it yet. Then I installed the new battery in the motorhome which turned out to be unbelievably easy since it was located in the front of the engine and radiator and had just three bolts to loosen. Even at that I think I stripped one of these partially out. All to soon it seemed darkness was falling and I knew I needed to get on the road so I carefully backed out from their side yard and made the trip home. No being in any rush I held it down to 55 and the gas gauge hardly moved. In spite of only buying $50 worth of gas for this trip the tank is much fuller than when I left, a good thing for the next trip somewhere. The dogs were very happy to be home but loved the trip. They like to sit on the dash or in the passenger seat to see what is happening and seem to love to travel. Next time I'll pack dog food for them, this time what I had ran out so I had to meter it out a bit at a time.
For me at this point in my life where every day is a bit of a challenge to be able to travel down to spend a weekend with the kids is very special. For a few hours I get to catch up on their lives, on what they doing and planning, to hear how their work is going and most important, to catch up on little Timothy. This guy is a blast. If he is awake he is going, doing, talking, pushing buttons, playing or eating. He is so fun and is learning to love books, songs and doing what he sees big people do.
The sunsets each night have been amazing, brilliant colors and blazing sun quickly sinks below the horizon. It is really an opportunity to be able to go and I'm very thankful this evening to be home safely and to have another wonderful set of memories tucked away in my heart. Thanks Jason and Jo for making everything so special.
Now its back to work. I have ended up planning to see 4 properties tomorrow, are they next door to each other? hardly. San Ramon at 9 am, El Sobrante at 11, Vallejo at 12:30 and then back to San Leandro at 3. It will be a very good day and I look forward to every minute of it.
Sending out love to all,

Tim

Timothy has a big day

Dear Family and Friends,

Well here it is 12:19 and I'm just back to the motorhome. Since I was here it allowed Jason and Jo to have an evening out. The are just back. Timothy finally fell asleep after some tears and anguish. We played, read books, sang songs and did our best to communicate. what a joy he is.

I took a shorter walk than normal this morning then had breakfast with Jason and Jo. Then it off to Sabbath School MBA style. This Sabbath School has it all. About 10 custom changes, angel, wise men, shepherd, you name it, a chance to ride the camel around the circle, of course the theme is Christmas and the music is non stop, the activity is constant and the leader is just great. There are 9 regular kids who attend plus guests and visitors so it is a big big show. What fun.

The church had a huge potluck at the house across the street which has a big front lawn, nice shade trees and great food. I took a microwaved manicotti from CostCo not wanting to just crash the party and not contribute. At the end of the meal the desert table took on significance. Outstanding for me was some pumpkin bars, oh they were so good, of course I'm guessing they were loaded with sugar, butter, cream, you know all the healthy stuff.

After potluck Jo asked if I wanted to take Timothy to the beach where Jason was on duty as a supervisor for the academy kids. I loaded him up into his little stroller and we walked the distance not only to the bluff but then down the trail and across the sand until we found his daddy. Then he and Jason played in the surf, fell down and got wet and got all sandy. At that point Jason send him home with me to see if Jo would give him a bath. Although I seriously wondered if I would make the trip all went well and I feel better for it. One could not order a better day weather wise. It was probably 80 degrees at the beach with a gentle breeze. Just a perfect day to be here.

This is the kind of place you would dream about living, ocean views constantly with pelicans flying just above the waves, surf sounds day and night, quiet nights with no traffic noise and dedicated people to be friends with. I have loved coming here for years and still enjoy the experience. I wish Steve and Nikki and the girls could have been here but Steve had to do a mission of mercy at 1 am this morning, his brother David was driving in his little car and a wheel nearly came off on the freeway so Steve had to rescue him which involved being up most of the night, not fun at all.

So now its time to get some sleep. Tomorrow as I understand the plans we are going somewhere to obtain a Christmas tree and I plan to install the new battery for the motorhome as well. I also hope to begin work on the golf cart, its batteries need a boost.

Many thanks to LeAnn for feeding the fish and the kitties while I have been gone. And a special thanks to Ray who repaired a mirror door to a little medicine cabinet in the motorhome. I did not realize he had done it until I got ready to go to bed last night and there it was looking back at me. I was shocked and pleased. Nice work.

So I wish you each a good evening and a good sunday as well.

love

PS I love the photo with just the outline of Jason and Timothy with the sun in the background.

tim

MBA tonight

Dear Family and Friends,

After an uneventful day I arrived this afternoon about 4:30 here at MBA. The weather is perfect and just now I'm back in the motorhome after spending the evening with Jason. He was on duty tonight and so we attended vespers and then the afterglow with a huge bonfire, hot chocolate and the fun of watching the kids enjoy their time together. Unfortunately someone backed into Jason's car putting a pretty serious dent in the fender but they left a phone number and tomorrow Jason will get their insurance info.

When I arrived Timothy was going about full steam in the house. He does not walk, he runs, talks, pushes buttons, explores the trash and plays with his toys. He is a blast to watch and hold. What a precious little guy. Jo was glad to be home from teaching and we had a few minutes to observe Timothy go go go before Jason had to leave for supervision this evening.

I started the day by NOT walking. I drifted out of bed about 7 and worked loading the motorhome and then clearing my desk. I enjoyed son Steven coming by for a minute. The dogs and cats seem drawn to him when he comes in, they love to have his attention. Later this morning he was coming back to move the big screen TV that is about 20 years old to a friends house since I am enjoying Steve and Nikkis TV which they passed on to me.

As I left town I took care of a few errands, failed to get the meds I needed at Longs so will just have to get by without them. The heart specialist won't renew one perscription until I see him and he won't see me until I clear up the bill so I guess I won't be using that drug anymore. Oh well I seem to be taking enough meds as it is.

It felt good to put fuel into the motorhome today at this lower cost per gallon. This trip for the weekend will be more like $40 to $50 instead of the $75 plus that the last trip cost. I do enjoy having my own space so I don't have to impose on Jason and Jo's space 24 hours a day. This way I can get the dogs out of the house for a trip too and they really do love the adventure.

More orders have come in today after I left and it looks like a very good week is lining up work wise. I am very thankful for God's blessings in so many surprising ways this week. Deeply thankful.

So I bid you good evening or morning from MBA, Monterey Bay Academy which is located at LaSelva Beach on the Monterey Bay. I can hear the surf from the motorhome and can watch the ocean from the yard where I am parked.

Watch out for God's blessings this weekend, they come through people, nature, music, family, insights out of the blue. We are not alone, He cares for each of us.

love to all,

Tim

Ready to travel.........

Dear Family and Friends,
Like many days recently this one has seemed very long. This mornings walk seemed long and down right hard. Something is not quite right in my chest though I really don't have any idea of why or what is happening. After the walk I returned to shower and have a good breakfast. Then I completed an appraisal and emailed it on its way to the lenders. Then it was time to drive to Stockton to do a driveby appraisal in Weston Ranch. Once again I was amazed to see first hand the 2,501 SF home on a quiet court which is selling for $150,000. Then I had just enough time to drive to Pan Pacific, a RV sales and repair facility off Highway 5. They confirmed that they can do the recall work for the frig in the motorhome and can even do it while I wait so next Wednesday is the date. Then I raced up the Freeway to March Lane and to the Grupe Company complex where I had been invited to attend a meeting. The purpose of the meeting was to discuss the concept of the city using about 12 million dollars from the federal government to purchase foreclosed homes, rehab them and then either sell them or rent them out. For each home purchased an appraisal will be needed. The first actual funds to appear will be the first of January but all the details of how the program is to be operated were discussed. It holds promise for helping a lot of potential homeowners be able to purchase their first home. It also will remove the many homes standing empty with lawns turning brown from the market and put people back in them. It was a very exciting meeting.
After leaving the meeting at 3:30 I met Bob up in Lodi and got an estimate on some of the things that need attention on the van and then drove home. The estimate was very reasonable but the trip home was driven with the setting sun in my eyes. The levee road is enough fun on its own and really fun when driving into the sun. Finally I arrived at home and I headed to the kitchen to prepare a griller for dinner.
Then it was off to grief group which was unusually interesting tonight. Such precious people and such good snacks Barry brings. He is some cook and baker.
Now its time for bed. I'm excited, tomorrow I get to see Mr Timothy again and that will be a blast. I enjoy the quiet serenity of being at Jason and Jo's place. The dogs just enjoy the adventure. With gas prices so much better the trip will be easier to manage financially than at any time this year.
I leave you with these words, Words are mere bubbles of water, but deeds are drops of gold. Chinese proverb.

love to all,

tim

Timothy in actionn

Dear Family and Friends,

This morning started early, had to get to the kids house to get Keanna and Kallie ready for the day. What fun to see the little ones get started, stretch and smile at the day.

After the kidos were placed the dogs begged for a walk to the park. When I got back I decided to pull the bike down from its hangers on the ceiling of the garage and use it to propel me to the motorhome storage facility. First the tires needed air and then I started off. I huffed and puffed but ended up enjoying the ride through Discovery Bay, across a trail to the Safeway shopping center and then up Bixler Road to the RV park.

It is always taking a chance that the motorhome will actually start after sitting for so long. It did start but in a mode I've not seen before. An orange warning message on the dash said, engine running with limited power, service needed. Great! It has so little power that it would only creep forward. My heart sort of sunk as I had hoped to take the coach to Jason and Jo's on Friday and spend time with that little power house Timothy who is now doing so many exciting things. So I decided to do a very unmanly things, I read the manual. It said to turn off the key and wait for 10 seconds, then restart the engine. Well it worked and the power was restored yet a warning to service engine soon remains lit on the dash. I quickly drove home and parked in the driveway, hooked up to electrical power so the frig can get cold and came in to shower and start work. All morning I felt like my chest was compressed, just did not feel right but gradually throughout the day the feeling grew less and less intense. In the spirit of Sylvia I cleaned a pile of papers on the right side of my desk, filed what need to be filed, threw away worthless items and can now see the desk top again.

More orders came in today and several value checks needed attention too. I made a healthy lunch, drank a tall glass of lemon water and this evening watch the OReilly Factor while I had dinner, he is so funny to watch in action. Now I'm trying to complete yet another appraisal and then crash early, hope hope.

I really enjoy this time of year and with the tremendous boost Sylvia has given in the kitchen working there is now a total pleasure. Everything makes sense, soups are arranged in order, breakfast items are grouped together, pots and pans are in place, I'm getting spoiled with all the counter space and having everything so clean and tidy. Its wonderful.

Tomorrow I go to Stockton to do a driveby appraisal in Weston Ranch, a development near Highway 5 and then attend the meeting with the Grupe Realtors concerning the possible purchases of many foreclosed properties, then on to meet with Bob and get estimates for van repairs that are needed so it can be sold as a safe and clean vehicle. Then back to grief group at 7 pm. It will be a good day. I hope Ken can walk in the morning, I've not heard yet what his schedule is. For those of you who do not know anything about Ken let me fill you in. He does mortgages, runs a tax and financial consulting business but is so involved in just about every civic group it is amazing. He knows everyone and helps everyone too it seems. It is people like Ken that make a town a better place to live.

So my friends I leave you with some sage words that were shared with me this week. "To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life." TS Elliot and "Happiness and love are just a choice away. Leo Buscaglia

Love to all,

Tim

A day of production!

Dear Family and Friends,
Today 5 reports have been emailed to lenders. And even more exciting is the possibility of being able to do a number of appraisals for the city of Stockton as about seven million dollars is going to be spent to purchase as many bank owned properties as possible. I'll find out more on Thursday when I meet with the team in Stockton. It would be wonderful to be able to work with a team that is really involved in helping turn this real estate mess around for the people.

Ken and I walked this morning and then after showering and breakfast I began working. I determined to get at least 4 reports out today. When Jean was available to help I scanned and emailed over two files. In her usual steady fashion she completed both and emailed them back this evening. Now lenders have 5 reports, all in all a good days work.

This evening Nikki broke up the boredom and we had dinner with the girls. Kallie is starting to make many more different sounds, giggle and smile enough. We had a nice evening and now I'm back and ready to go to bed. In the morning I will wake the girls and take them to school and the sitters as Steve is helping his brother in Felton this evening and tomorrow morning. After I deliver the girls it is back here to the office to produce even more appraisals and catch up on the other side of the business, keeping current with lenders and web sites that create orders.

It is so pleasant to move about in the kitchen with everything in its place, lunch today was a breeze, everything I needed to make a healthy lunch was ready and the resulting lunch was perfect.

I discovered to my joy this morning that the weight has moved from 234.5 down to 229.5 in the past week. That was great news.

May your evening and tomorrow be pleasant, healthy and productive and may joy seep through the cracks of life when you least expect it.

love

tim

A huge step forward....

Dear Friends and Family,
7:55 and I'm writing early tonight. Friend Sylvia came today at 9:30 and worked non stop all day creating magic and tons of trash. Our poor garbage can is over stuffed the they just picked up the trash this morning. Let me tell you this woman knows how to get things done, like wow! As I write this evening the kitchen has now been totally purged with cabinet space for everything important. Every can, straw and fork is in its proper place and it all makes perfect sense. Not content to just make the kitchen perfect and usable the whirlwind moved on to the freezer in the garage. We actually found items there from 1994 but also found many useful things some of which we are sharing with our neighbor who is raising her 5 grandchildren and a few things we retained for my use while we have a large supply of frozen walnuts and almonds which we are giving away to those who might use them up. To say I am tired this evening would be understatement and all I did was stand around and watch. It is so wonderfully gratifying to have so many useful items move into hands that need them, to find the few things I really need and to see the mounds of trash out of the way of my living. Sylvia has performed an extremely helpful service to our family and to me personally.
I'm hearing great reports from some of you who have dug your bread makers out and are starting to make bread. So far I've heard from Nanette in Tracy, Marilyn from the Rocklin area, Lois who lives next door and a couple others who I can't remember right now. I have a couple observations based on my prolific bread making experiences. 1) buy good yeast, best in a little jar that says especially for bread making machines, put it in the frig after you open it the first time. 2) be extremely careful about measuring, any deviation could through the balance off and result in less than that perfect loaf you are trying for. 3) use room temperature water, if you use tap water that is cool then make the last 1/4 cup warmer to offset it. 4) avoid the temptation to use the fast bake option where you get bread in an hour, better to let it do it normal 3 to 4 hour thing. 5) avoid the temptation to open the lid to see how it is doing. 6) remove the loaf right after the beeper sounds and oil it down with olive oil or some kind of oil, keeps the crust a bit softer. 7) as soon as it cools a bit put it in the frig in a big plastic sack but leave the sack open a bit to allow for the moisture to escape. 8) keep the bread in the frig at all times or it will go bad fast. 9) remove the little mixing arm from the loaf or your knives will suffer when you try to cut a slice. 10) enjoy enjoy. Kohls has a really nice bread maker on sale right now for $71. I saw it last night and drooled but I was there for shoes and my bread maker works perfectly. For extra fun I add some flax seed which seems to make the bread softer to cut and munch.
For a snack Sylvia mixed some raspberries with a bit of non fat cottage cheese from Trader Joe's this evening. It was great. We found bags of berries that had been frozen for who knows how long but they were still good and thawed out perfectly. We also found a huge tub of frozen lemon juice from when Nan used to have Dana ship her lemons from Houston and we would sit and squeeze the juice. So glad to discover that as I love to flavor my big glasses of water I drink while working with a shot of lemon.
For lunch Sylvia baked a potato, warmed a baked pepper and included dinner rounds. The weather was perfect and the lake was still and beautiful. We sat at the table that Steve and Nikki provided on the back deck and had a relaxing moment with excellent food. Then it was time to pick up her majesty keanna from school. She and Sylvia played a card game which Keanna has been learning and then Nikki arrived to whisk her away.
What an excellent day with so much accomplished. Thank you Sylvia.

The shoes worked perfectly this morning and it felt good to have comfortable soles between feet and street. However the walk remained work, I was disappointed. I thought the shoes would take all the effort away, bummer.

Just want to say that there are good days and bad days and many somewhat in between. This has been an excellent day!

love to all,

Tim

New shoes!

Dear Family and Friends,
Ken and I walked this morning, then a quick shower, breakfast and started rice cooking, then off to Pacifica. It was a nice no traffic day. On the way the turbo quit working in my little bug for most of the trip over but seemed to be working on the way back. The subject of the trip was a little townhome that used to be worth a lot of money, not so much now though. After completing the work I asked the GPS for a place to eat. It offered a nice place next to the ocean and wonder of wonders they had a vegeburger on the menu. When asked they brought it on dark rye, what a treat and along with a dinner salad it was great.
On my way back I stopped in Oakland to shoot comp photos for two appraisals I did on Friday and then drove to Brentwood where I found Kohls. Nikki said they were having a sale and she was right. So I am the proud owner of a new pair of New Balance cross trainers. I'm pretty excited about the find. They were on a super sale. I also found a couple pair of slacks that were on special for $19 each. Unfortunately they had to be a larger size than ever before. Yikes!

Now I'm heading for bed. When I got home I watched the Davinci Code. Several years ago I enjoyed listening to the book as I drove about doing my job. The movie came on and I did the DVR thing so it was ready for me this time. Silly machine cut off the last minute of the movie.

I'm looking for making lots of progress tomorrow. It has been a very good weekend with many people blessings.

So I send my love and appreciation for the kind gift of the shoes, talk about a gift that keeps on giving. I've had several of those lately and they do make a difference, a huge difference in facing life.

Tim

Need more sleep

Dear Family and Friends,

Ever fall asleep in the garage with the engine still running? Probably not. As I pulled into the garage this afternoon in the van I remember putting it in park and then several minutes later I woke to find the engine still running and my neck hurting. Perhaps I had a couple more bread sticks than were prudent at Olive Garden.

Keanna woke this morning at 7 and was ready to eat. She ate everything I fixed and could probably have eaten more, plus she was playing a card game, producing a drawing, spelling with plastic letters on the compactor and reving up for the day.

Sabbath School today was really great, an experience not to be missed. Miss Keanna took her new "build a bear" bunny which she earned by her bravery as the surgeon took out the pins in her arm. Keanna was at her best, taking part in everything, singing, reciting and being a good kid. Kim ran a great program with a lot of energy, the room was filled with energetic kids and it was a special time.

I discovered I had once again left my phone home so was out of contact with Nikki who was driving in later to join us for lunch. It all worked out perfectly and Kallie was in rare form charming not only those of us at the table but also people at other tables nearby. Food the was great, Bob had his trusty coupons and we enjoyed a great time with friends. On the way home I noticed that I was a bit sleepy but was shocked to discover just how sleepy.

This evening I have reconciled the business checking account to the penny! yea, that does not always happen and sorted through a huge pile of papers, mostly duplicates of bills that these foolish people think I can pay, why don't they send them to someone who wants them. I prefer no more bills. How bout you?

This evening I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich. The whole wheat buns I was planning to use had begun to grow lovely green mold. So I reached for my trusty loaf of homemade wheat bread, cut very slim slices and made the sandwich with that. It turned out perfect and tasted great. That along with some vegetarian soup was just the right thing for a cool winter evening. Now its time to shut down the place. I was pleased with one development. The newest PG&E bill showed up online and when I checked it out this months bill is $128. Now for some of you that must seem awful but compared to the $600 bills from the summer months I'm pretty thrilled. And I'm not through saving energy yet. The little backup frig has already been defrosted and turned off and the freezer will be next. I'm guessing that the freezer which is over 20 years old probably uses $20 a month in energy and I've not opened the door in weeks. Time to move forward and reduce spending even more. Why waste money on things that give no return.

This week will mark the beginning of getting the van in safe shape to sell. It needs a few basic things and I've ask Bob to assist as he knows all the right people who work cheap but do good things. Also the motorhome has a recall now. Seems the frig may burn through a gas line and then burn the whole thing down. So I suppose that needs some priority as well.

I'm so glad you are my friend, my family member. I've come to treasure my friends and family. Today I got to see a very special person for just a few moments, Tom Miller. Tom is one of those people that has his feet on the ground, is as solid and honest as is humanly possible and a very good friend to have. He and Sharon were very helpful in caring for our kids when they were young. We've been so blessed to have lived in Tracy at the time when our little ones were growing up, excellent support people everywhere of all ages.

So good night my friends and family, life is what it is but we can still have meaningful moments in spite of tough times. Oh and by the way a check finally came in the mail today, one for a duplex I saw several weeks ago. How nice to see money actually come in the mail again!

Love to all,

Tim

Kidos come to call

Dear Family and Friends,
This evening has been really special. Kallie and Keanna came to visit. Kallie has just left now with her mom who has been at a scrap booking event she attends once a month locally. Keanna is fast asleep and will rise at 7 or so in the morning so we can attend Sabbath School. This evening Kallie played for awhile, then took her bottle fast and then after a quick diaper change went to bed and fell asleep almost immediately. Keanna ate a huge amount of pasta and green beans along with rice milk. It was so fun as we read a Clifford, the big Red Dog book. This time she could read most of the words and we really read it together. Every time she is here she knows so much more. She spent many minutes spelling words with plastic magnetic letters on the compactor. Lois was here briefly and they spelled words together.
Recently the RO water purifier just stopped flowing and this evening I ran out of bottled water. The water from the tap is not fit to drink here, turns fences brown if the sprinkler happens to spray water on them, one can only imagine what ones insides would look like if you drank the water. Nikki had brought me a Brita water purifier pitcher several months ago but only tonight did I really need it. I located it in the garage, put it together and made several gallons of filtered water using it. When you are in a corner you tend to improvise. Feels good.
While I had every intention to purchase walking shoes today the three appraisals, traffic and time constraints conspired to keep me from the stores. Another day!
This morning since Ken was in a meeting and could not walk I decided to take the dogs to the park. They were very excited and enjoyed every minute of the walk. It was a nice change. I took my blood pressure this morning when I got up and found it to be 124 / 74 which does not seem too bad with pulse at 61. I've really felt tired today for some reason.
Out of the blue I'm being called several times a day begging me to come to some time share resort in Florida for 10 days. It just makes me laugh. If they knew my current financial situation they would take a big red pen and cross my name off their list once and forever. We find humor is the most strange things these days.
Well I'm not heading to bed. Its been a very long day and the joy of this evening with the kidos makes it all worth it. I even got to talk to Jason and Jo today as well and am planning to get down to see them and enjoy Timothy soon. He is growing so fast and talking up a storm now.
I'm thankful this week is over, it has had so many extremes, very low and incredible highs, just trust me, not all can be explained but there is very strong evidence that we do not struggle through life alone and I am humbled by the events of this week.
Special prayers for Irene, Clayton and Jo. Clayton lost his father this week and although they were not together all the time Clayton would often go and spend several weeks with his dad during the summer. This was Jo's stepfather too. Irene found out this week that Nexavar had allowed tumor growth so another drug is being considered. She is strong in her faith but very disappointed in this setback. Oh that GIST could be controlled and destroyed.
Sending love to all,

Tim

A kind gesture

Dear Family and Friends,
Today's mail brought a very thoughtful encouragement. One of you send a card with a check for new tennis shoes. While my current walking shoes may be disappointed to find themselves retired I am delighted with this gesture. I plan to go shoe shopping, thank you very much. I'm really excited! I've not been involved in purchasing clothes for the past 36 years. It was one of those things I just didn't have to worry about, either birthdays, Christmas or fathers day would provide just the shirts, jeans, shoes that I needed. The colors were always right and I grew complacent about selecting my own clothes. Most of my clothes are doing very well and holding up fine, that is as long as they don't need to be ironed or have buttons sewed on. In the past year I've sewed on one button and that was sort of an ordeal, I wondered all day how long it would hold before popping off.
Its been that kind of day, after a great night of sleep, a brisk walk with the drill Sargent Ken, a hearty breakfast I settled in for a day of production. During this day I've written and processed about 5 appraisals and gotten them emailed to lenders, dug out the RO water system from under the sink, found the details and emailed the manufacture for new filters and a membrane, created a huge salad at lunch complete with rashberry and almond low fat dressing (courtesy of Sylvia), warmed up a bowl of soup courtesy of Mary from the travel agency, paid a couple bills, made a deposit, attended grief group tonight. I've also baked a perfect loaf of bread.
Finally I was able to gather my wits about me, settle down to work and got some things done. I hope tomorrow will be the same, a success.
This afternoon Keanna went to the orthopedic surgeon in Walnut Creek and the pins were removed. She was very concerned but also very brave. After that experience and learning that the healing has been a success they went to Build a Bear where Keanna created a new addition to her stuffed animals. Then they found dinner and ended up visiting Nikki's high school friend Tanya who lives with her son In Walnut Creek. Oh the experiences of parenting little ones. It was challenging back when we did it and I think it is even more so today. Tomorrow evening I get the honor of hosting Keanna for a sleep over and then Sabbath School the next day. We get to have lunch with Bob and Carrol, Nikki and the girls at the Olive Garden, what makes it so special is, Bob has coupons! Yea. Like Nikki says if we just drink water and have Bob's coupons we can hold the cost down.
I can see a future trip down the coast is in order. An order came in this evening for Pacifica. I will look forward to doing that one.
Well it is now time to be in bed. Starr and Lady have been signalling that it was time for awhile now. They like to settle in for the night, Starr under the covers and Lady outside the covers. They are a great emotional help to me during this time. Talk about loyalty and love. Just keep the treats coming and they are there for you all the time!
Thanks again for the "new shoes". I'll do a photo when they are in hand.

love to all,

Tim

Sleepless night turns into a positive day

Dear Family and Friends,
6:45 walk with Ken in the cold
8:45 leave for Castro Valley, enjoyed visit with a very engaging homeowner, great sense of humor. 11:45 arrive at home in Oakland, 88 year old gentleman shows me around and talks about his family, great visit, 2 pm leave for San Jose, arrive 2 minutes early, great visit with a real interesting little old lady, 3:50 head home where Sylvia was having "fun" clearing cabinets of hundreds of items I didn't even know I had. 4:50 arrive home to find every surface covered with items from the cabinets, the dining room table was literally covered with interesting things ranging from can openers, dozens of knives, spatulas, wooden spoons, graters and so much more. We decided what stays, what can be sold at an upcoming garage sale and what just needed to be tossed. Huge progress was made and Sylvia has been an unbelievable help with her organizing skills and boundless energy.
Now its time to head to bed where I hope to begin to catch up on sleep after a very troubled night last night. I really admire those of us who have a level temperament, who never seem to let things get to them. Perhaps sometime I will reach that maturity level of faith and stability. I'm not there yet. Yesterday was one of the worst I've experienced and today was filled with joy and surprises.
So I'm sending my love to all, wish you were here, you could select something from the kitchen for your house!!
love

tim
ps Thank you for the extremely kind emails and calls, you are so strong as friends, what a huge blessing you all are.

Adjusting to life without Nan 11 months later...

Dear Family and Friends,
Tonight as I write I am living witness to the power of faithful friends and family. This has been a very rough day for me personally. I could not sleep this morning waking at 4 am. I finally got up as the dogs looked through sleepy eyes at their wayward master. I worked at the computer until 6:30 when it was time to walk with faithful Ken. Back for a quick shower, oatmeal and on the road to Sacramento. The inspection went smoothly and so did the trip back. I had a growing sense of dread as the memories of the morning 11 months ago flooded my mind and heart. The mailbox had just one travel magazine, no checks. I knew I had to face the bank so after checking online and finding the account seriously upside down I took the checkbook for the rapidly disappearing saving account. The teller pointed out an amount that would clear the account but I knew that the check for the MLS for $660 was on its way to the bank so I wrote the check large enough to cover it too. That was one of the hardest checks I've had to write yet. If only I could find just 3 more appraisals a month the income would cover more bills. All day and up to and including tonight the calls seeking money have been coming in. What can I say but the truth. Yes I will pay but no I don't know when.

At 2 pm I picked up miss Keanna from school and enjoyed her happy play until 4 when I delivered her to her mother. They left for the dental appointment which incidentally turned out great, no cavities and she is doing well about brushing her bright white teeth. She loves the whole experience. Do you love to visit the dentist? I know I sure don't so good for Keanna.

Gradually the gloom increased as I tried to work and the reality of what had happened hit me. This time there was no miracle checks in the mail, just like when Nan died there was no answer or help. It was a terrible blow, a real faith shaking moment, one that I've not recovered from yet. I felt so alone this evening and I didn't really want to be alone, for awhile I thought I would escape to Olive Garden and at least have a good meal but then I thought about all the excellent food waiting in my own frig and besides, how would I pay for Olive Garden, what trick would I have to pull out of my hat to cover the expense? So I stayed home in deep despair. Out of the blue Art called and did his excellent listening and caring role. Then my brother called too and we talked of life and its challenges. Lois came to return the car and I invited her in, she sat at the kitchen table as I ate my salad and we talked about life. Then the phone rang and it was Sylvia who just seems to know what words to say, she reminded me that we have been friends for a very long time, perhaps about 30 years. She is coming tomorrow afternoon for more punishment as she delves deep into the scary depths of the cabinets. Hopefully she will still be here when I return from seeing three properties, Castro Valley, Oakland and then San Jose.
Ken called to ask about walking in the morning so we go at 6:45 tomorrow. Then one more nice talk with Art and now I'm talking to you my friend.
How can I impress upon you to make the most of your relationships while you have them. Even now at 11 months I miss the partnership we had together, the laughter, the quiet "I love you" before falling asleep. Why she had to go I couldn't say, I still can't. My life goes on such as it is.
How can I ever say thank you enough for my family and friends, how can one express enough gratitude for a life line being tossed when the seas seem overwhelming and the current is pulling one ever closer to the dam, to the edge.
So thank you tonight to those who invest their time and concern in another human being. It does make a difference, perhaps all the difference in the world.

love to all

Tim