It was a F & F day! (friends and family)

Yes those are the best days, family and friends, much better than work till you drop or drive till you can't move. Friend Ken and I walked this morning in a surreal time of mist and fog. The Family Keanna went with me to Sabbath School where friends Emily played the piano and friend Kim led out in the program. Then to Olive Garden with family Nikki, Kallie and Keanna. Then to friends Glen and Joyce Conner's place in Lodi where family and friends were gathered. It was vintage Joyce with lots of interesting food, wonderful deserts, photos of family and a precious grandbaby. Then a quick drive home to see friends Starr and Lady at the door. The friendly mail person did NOT bring money today which is irksome but the rest of the day was warm and good.
When one gets the chance to renew friendships with special people you know and trust and have been close to for 30 years, well that is special.
As I reflect I realize how fortunate we were as a little family to be thrust into the Tracy SDA church family. We could have been sent anywhere in Northern California, to any of many churches but God directed us to Tracy. From the first day in town we were welcomed and loved, given a chance to fit in and found deep compassionate people who loved their Lord and each other. Tracy church has a talented and widely diverse membership and when we arrived we found that the church had about 11 doctors and dentists as members. These were no prissy detached medical people but very involved and caring real human beings. Although my parents live in Washington and Nan's lived in Texas the local grandmas and grandpas just accepted our little ones like their own. It was a magic time of choir programs done in cooperation with other churches in town, of a growing church school, of several families that were of similar ages who all had little ones. We all pretty much agreed on the basic rules of life and no matter where the kids were, in any home of the group of families the same rules were applied fairly and quickly. How thankful we were to be able to be a part of such a special time with people with deep convictions and a readiness to entertain, to baby sit, to support and to work together. And so today I had a chance to reconnect with some of those people once again and it was very special.
I know that many of you are fully aware that on Thursday of this week it will be a year since a Nan ceased her relentless struggle to live and reclaim her life. I will always remember that one minute her breathing was shallow but steady and then a terrible silence filled the room. One minutes I still had my beloved Nan with me, I could touch her arm and feel the warmth and then she was gone. It was an unbelievably terrible moment and a grief emanated from deep inside my chest that I was unaware of before. It felt almost primal. I was sure that I was prepared for anything yet at the moment that marked the end and a new beginning I felt ripped in two.
You can't prepare for the moment, you can't understand the moment, you don't even want to try for it is terrible enough to experience, no reason to try to anticipate it. There had been at least 50 times in the few years that proceeded that morning when we received terrible news or faced dire circumstances, when it seemed hope was gone but each time a surgeon stepped forward or a new drug was available or a trial had opened and we stepped into another phase of hope. Nan had cautioned me at the close of the summer, she simply said, "honey, I don't think we are going to get out of this one" and eventually she was right.
Now I have decided to live life to the full partially because I believe God has granted me more time to live but also in honor of her courageous battle, she never gave up, she never stopped doing everything she could to smile for the kidos, to hold them, to talk to them, to treasure them, she always loved to hear from Nikki and Jason and would perk up when they called or could come by. How can I now live in a less courageous way than she lived when she had so much going against her? Sometimes people comment on the manner in which I cared for her but I've go to tell you when you are in the midst of the battle you don't stop and consider your options, at that point there are no options. When the person being lambasted by a disease is behaving in a totally courageous manner how could you even consider doing anything but your best to support such a supreme effort. No one said no to Nan when she had her mind made up, not if they valued any future contact with her or their safety. She was a strong person and once her mind was made up there was hell to pay if she did not get to carry out her plans and that gave her at least another year, she just never gave up.
What lessons can we learn from Nan's intense battle plan? When you love something enough you focus on taking care of it, she loved her family that much and she made sure she did everything in her power to watch out for the family and to be there to give orders.
So in the spirit of Nan we the family will get through December 4 and we will get through Christmas and her birthday, we will do it because we must and because she sure would have wanted us to be strong and care for each other.
So in this context today with its F & F moments has been very special and meaningful to me. Thank you all.

love

Tim