Really great day

Dear Family and Friends,
Keanna and Kallie arrived around noon today. Then we made lunch and after Kallie had a bottle she took a short nap. Keanna played with a new wooden doll set that included coloring pencils and clothes. After Kallie woke up Keanna and I put out the large blanket Nikki had brought and I placed Kallie down in the middle. Imagine my surprise when Kallie took off. Nikki did not tell me that Kallie now crawls up a storm. She no longer stays in place. She moves fast and enjoys her new mobility. What fun to watch her in action. Around 4:30 Sylvia arrived. I had ask her if she would enjoy helping with the girls. What fun we had as we loaded up and went to the Park. Kallie watched from her warm place in the stroller as Keanna and Sylvia played in the park on the equipment. As the sun melted from the sky we walked back home.
Sylvia began to feed Kallie and that went pretty well, then she made food for Keanna and me and we all had a nice dinner. Eventually Kallie finished eating and after changing a very special diaper she went to sleep. With Kallie resting Keanna suggested we play a game of Go Fish which we did. She won. Then we put a puzzle together and as Keanna was preparing for bed Sylvia noticed that the Bunny that Keanna sleeps with was coming undone, a seam had given way. She quickly went to the sewing drawer she created months ago in the wet bar and got needle and thread and in a few minutes Bunny was a good as new. keanna was thrilled and then we headed up to bed and Sylvia left for Tracy. After a story and prayer Keanna went to bed. But for the last few minutes she has started coughing and has come down to the family room where she is resting under a warm blanket. Coughing seems to plague us all these days.
We have had a wonderful afternoon and these little girls sure bring loads of joy and fun to life.
Nikki and Steve are enjoying an evening out with friends at a motorcross somewhere and will come collect the girls in the morning. I just home we can get through the night with at least some sleep for these precious little ones.
Rod Western did a great job of preaching today in Tracy and all in all it has been a very special Sabbath. I've enjoyed the Adventist Satellite dish so much with music, great mission adventures and beautiful scenery.
So now I must sign off and try to find a way to curb the coughing and get this little one to sleep.
Love to all,

Tim

400 posts, the Sabbath is here

Dear Family and Friends,
This is the 400Th post since I began anew with "adjusting to life without Nan". It hardly seems possible and yet time moves forward and we are either swept along or ahead of the flow. I experience both from time to time. Today has ended up being a rather remarkable day.
With Ken safely at a meeting this morning I was able to bypass our normal walk. I did quick research and left early for Vacaville. Arriving early I found a perfectly maintained home with a retired couple who were a delight to visit with. Finally I pulled myself away, shot the comps and left for Antioch. Once again I found a nearly perfect home, clean, well maintained and selling for just $200,000, less than half its value 18 months ago. All of the comps were higher, this means the values are still dropping in this area. The house had only been exposed to the market by the bank (its owner) for 19 days before selling. Then I left for Tracy where I met up with a friend, Nanette. She and Wes have been special people to Nan and I for many many years, since we arrived in Tracy. For those of you who know them you already know how special they are and for the rest of you, Wes is from Texas and has a hug and enough love for everyone he ever met and Nanette is perhaps one of the worlds best grandmothers. In fact I had arrived in Tracy early enough for a quick stop at CostCo to purchase drinking water, I love their price and the 35 bottle package. Amazingly there was no wait at the checkout, that's a first. After I left the appointment in Tracy I drove back home to quickly log the credit card payment I had received this morning and prepare a deposit for the bank. As I opened the mail box I was overjoyed to discover three checks. So I had an income today nearly matching the house payment! I was so humbled and overwhelmed by the turn in fortunes. As late as Wednesday I simply could not see how I would ever find enough funds to cover the house payment. O yea of little faith!
I'm looking forward to tomorrow and having Keanna and Kallie come to visit. I'm going to have some high powered help and together we'll have a wonderful Sabbath afternoon and evening.
This morning as I drove to Vacaville Laura Ingram had a guest who has written a book based on some exhaustive research. The book is about surviving. It was a wonderful interview and filled me with hope as he described many of the experiences I can identify with. I'm hoping to locate the book and devour it. He mentioned that there are about 5 different approaches to surviving a bad experience and one of the approaches is to have a community of loving, supportive people and a strong faith in God. Once again I was struck by the strength that has come from the wonderful people God has surrounded me with. Strength, wisdom, practical advice and a willingness to engage and be involved. I no longer stress over being anxious to "repay" every one that has helped. I now believe that God will guide me to those I can help in the future.

So my good friends and family members, you are the greatest asset a person could ever hope for.

love

tim

Looking forward to hosting the little misses!

Dear Family and Friends,
I've stayed pretty close to home today and got some important work completed. I also received a couple orders today which I will see tomorrow. For the orders I say a big thank you as it keeps me in business. I'll start the day in Vacaville at 9:30 in the morning, then to Antioch and then to Tracy. It will be a great day and I look forward to every stop.
I'm just home from grief group and we had the sad experience of meeting two new people tonight. We welcomed them but their reason for coming was a sad one. It was a mother and daughter and the daughter has a tumor in her brain with dwindling options at this point. He has two little ones, a loving husband and mom who has joined her in the battle. I was so proud of both of them yet felt so powerless to help. I think the whole group felt the same.
See if you can identify with this line of reasoning. Take you right now, you are pretty healthy, have a family, have a job or are retired, face some health issues but none are life threatening. No one in your immediate family is sick or in trouble. Then you suddenly have a new pain, or discover a growth, you go to your doctor, he orders a CT scan or a MRI and you wait and wait for results. While you are waiting your entire world becomes much more focused, things that were important 24 hour before mean nothing now, that new show on TV, who cares, car is dirty or needs an oil change, so what, nothing is important except the results and then you get the call from the doctor, you need to come in, no they can't tell you anything on the phone. No you can't come in now, it will be a couple days before the doctor is in the office. Time grinds to a halt, sleep is spotty at best, you wait with all kinds of thoughts going through your head, what if becomes your constant companion. Finally you can get in the car and drive to the office, you wait in the waiting room, you glance at a magazine but would never remember what you read, finally you are called in. Two things might happen. The doctor either tells you it was nothing or......... it looks like a tumor, or a flaw of some kind and your world winds down to this moment. You ask, what next, and then a difference experience begins, one in which you enter the world of medicine, your whole focus is drawn to answers, solutions, side effects, possible outcomes.
In one moment, one day your life can be changed forever. I know because I've been there with Nan dozens of times, on the receiving end of bad news. Like the moment of death, there is no preparing for it, so it goes for horrible medical news, you never are ready or prepared.
You then enter the world of living well one day at a time, of treasuring time with kidos more, of family get to gathers, trips, meals out, meals in, birthdays, holidays, graduations, weddings, all have enhanced meaning when the threat exists of life coming to an early end.
I tell you this because its something to think about, not dwell on or worry about, just thing about and let your life choices, your chances to move beyond your self to the good of others, to love with your best shot, not just to get by. If you have life, treasure it, embrace it, share it and welcome it.
None of us are immune to what I am talking about, young or old, healthy or creaky.
For me I'm looking forward to some special time with Keanna and Kallie this weekend. In the context of the above conversation it means even more to be able to play games, laugh, smile, enjoy these special times.
Once again I ask that you would remember dear Timothy as he wrestles with this infection that has him coughing and unwell. Lets ask God for His special healing for our little kido.
You my family and friends have been there for our family through some of the hardest things people can experience and I thank you for your help once again.

Love

tim

Long day, home safe

Dear Family and Friends,
9:50 and I'm finally home. Ken and I walked in the very cold morning and then I worked at completing an appraisal for friend Judy. Then it was time to leave for Monterey. When I reached Livermore I realized I was very hungry so a quick Taco Bell burito and two cups of water and I was once again on the road. I drove about 130 miles before arriving at a lovely home on over an acre. The house looked better than Sunset Magazine, what fun to discover beauty in every room. Then using the GPS the comps were shot. Then I called Oakland to see if I could see in the inside of the house where I was turned away the other day. They graciously said I could. Well at rush hour traffic it is a very long road from Monterey to Oakland and it took over 2 hours many miles at just 20 miles per hour. With that inspection behind me I pointed the bug toward Olive Garden in Antioch. However when I was near I realized that I could not eat and get to Longs for meds too. The meds were more important so I settled for a cheese sandwich at In and Out Burger, not bad really.
I was so anxious as I approached the counter at Longs. I knew that if I had to pay full price for the meds it would never clear using the visa tied to the business account and I'd be out of luck. I knew the $1,000 deductible had not yet been reached. So she rang up the three meds and the total was...................$70, not $400 or $500. I was thrilled, elated and overjoyed. I'm not sure what happened but I was not there to argue. I paid and left rapidly. Now my meds are back in order again.
It has been a good day, a safe day and I did drive rather fast when I could.
We received sad news from Jo about Timothy. He has picked up a pretty heavy duty illness requiring some strong medicine, he is coughing and miserable. Please pray for little Timothy, hearing a little one cough is just to awful. Please Lord help Timothy to heal quickly and give his parents strength to endure.
Thank you friends and family. Dana called this afternoon with sad news. Nan's step father, Durwood Palmer passed to his rest yesterday. He would have been 100 on his next birthday. He was a very very special godly man and I am very glad I got to know and love him.

Love to all,

tim

Good news in the blood work

Dear Family and Friends,
The visit to Dr. Makker this morning proved to be informative. Cholesterol was 129, Triglycerides 140, A1C 6.5. The last one should be 6 or less but the other numbers were encouraging. And in spite of my general funk I actually lost a pound. Dr encouraged me to see myself fit and in shape rather than be overly concerned about the current weight. He is such a calming influence and even suggested a book, Money, and the Law of Attraction, learning to Attract wealth, health and happiness by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
After the office visit my next destination was Lodi and an inspection of a home under construction. By then I was really feeling hungry as I have to to to the doctor's office each time with a 4 hour fast. I found the local Coco's had not closed yet like so many other branches of that chain have. They make a really good garden burger with mushrooms and fruit on the plate.
Then it was back to Discovery Bay to inspect a home for a rush appraisal, then on to the school to pick up her highness, Ms Keanna. She was fun of stories and energy. We drove back to the office so I could quickly do research for comps, then to McDonalds. What fun to watch her view other patrons and then make quiet comments, some pretty insightful regarding their manners or dress. Then we shot photos of 6 houses. She turned out to be a big help with her sharp eyes as she would spot the house we needed after I said the number. Then it was back to the office for a quick condition and then we drove to a local park so she could try to do herself great damage by falling or flying. Fortunately we delivered her to her home in one piece. However her parents were both recovering from encounters with dentists today, Nikki could not articulate words and Keanna thought her very funny. Steve's face was swollen from his root canal. Yikes, a house of misery! They both had great attitudes regarding their experiences, much better than mine would have been as I don't like to go near dental offices at all, nothing personal against long suffering dentists, just don't like pain and suffering all that much. One of my favorite dental experiences was actually across the border in Mexico. The dentist spoke no English and I spoke no Spanish, he simply grabbed my head, pulled it against his tummy, held tight and went to work, he worked well, used pain shots when needed and finished in record time. His work still holds.
This morning my first call was from kind people at the bank informing me my account needed money. I assured them that I was bringing money to deposit. When I got to the bank on my way to Tracy they were not open yet, the ATM was broken so I had to make a drop box deposit. Later in the day the same nice lady called to say, still no money. I nearly lost it when she told me they only check the drop box once a day at 8 am and would not check for deposits until tomorrow. I told her I was really glad to learn that but what was I to do when the ATM was broken, I could not wait until they opened their doors and yet they needed money. She quickly agreed to check the drop box and I see that the check was deposited and credited to my account later in the day. It was an effort to think kind thoughts regarding my bank and she sensed I was upset. I told her I was glad to know about the drop box timing, she said perhaps they should post something to let people know. Later in the day I went back trying to move funds from the business account to the personal account but was told I could not do that since the freshly deposited check had not yet cleared, lovely!
Oh well, they have their rules and they do sort of control the process so I need to adjust and learn or pay $29 every time I gamble wrong.
Now I'm home and enjoying the evening, brown rice and mushroom soup, toast with vege scallops and a fake ice tea. Gourmet all the way.
It was so special to have little Keanna in my space this afternoon. She loves to draw pictures, make little books, she loves to create and she was enjoying sharpening a new pencil obtained at a recent birthday party, she was so proud of the sharp point and how nicely it wrote and I could see that sharp point hurting her. What a challenge to allow freedom yet try to maintain safety. Is it like that with God and us? He loves freedom, expressions of the heart, creativity yet He must have His hands full just keeping us alive as we exist in such a dangerous world now. I often wish I could have a much clearer understanding of how God works, what He is thinking, how He goes about loving in His special ways. For to understand God's ways is a huge step into how we too should live and love for we are created in His image. I just wish I could begin to love in the ways He loves, when God loves it is not with mixed motives, when we love, do good deeds, caring acts they are driven by mixed motives, His are not. He just loves in a pure manner for the sake of love, not returns or better reviews, He just loves for the pure sake of loving. What must that be like really?
So my friends, do take time to express yourselves to the ones that share your space. I speak as one that shares my space with no human being on a regular basis. Take advantage of the opportunities togetherness delivers, give flowers, leave notes, give backrubs, tender kisses, timely phone calls, plan escapes, be creative in your love, put energy into what you could lose at a moments notice.
love

tim

You can't come in

Dear Family and Friends,
Interesting day! Walked this morning with Ken, prayed for more work and money, showered and prepared to leave for an appointment in Oakland. Just before I left I noticed a fax had come in. It was a new COD order so not wanting to miss an opportunity I called and got an appointment for this afternoon. Then I quickly did my research and hit the road. I arrived a bit late for the first appointment in Oakland. The house was nice and in a quiet area near San Leandro. I rang the bell but no one came at first. I did some measuring while I waited and finally a kind old gentleman appeared on the front sidewalk. He told me that his wife was not feeling that the house was tidy enough but I told him that I could easily overlook any house keeping snafu. I finished measuring and shooting my exterior photos and again came to the front door. This time the little gentleman came to the door and said, I've been married 60 years and I'm being told you'll have to come back another day as the house is not clean enough. In all my thousands of appraisals this has never happened before so being basically a nice guy I had to retreat without seeing the inside of the house. So I'll have to drive back another day to Oakland, about a hour from my house just to see the inside. Now the real rub is this, they made the appointment last week so they really had enough time but for some reason the house was not quite up to her standards so no entry. So what do you do, get nasty, I think not. The poor little guy offered to pay me for the extra trip and I declined that offer. Sometimes you just have to be understanding and make your own schedule adjust.
I went ahead and shot the comps and then headed over to El Cerrito to shoot the comps for the place that turned out to be three units. On the way my body told me to find food quickly, the blood sugar was getting low. I located a California Pizza kitchen in a newly completed shopping area and dined on great tasting 5 cheese pizza with fresh tomatoes. Then it was on to the comps which I shot quickly.
I then set the GPS for Pleasant Hill where the COD appraisal was to be done. When I entered the neighborhood I was struck by what a nice place it was, huge 1/2 and 3/4 acre lots, mature oaks, gentle slopes to the sites. My property was the smallest house in the neighborhood with a good sized site, pool, spa and some updating. It had what we call in that area a "tahoe setting". What fun to walk the groups, see the improvements and get to know a new friend. Then it was time to head home and as Nikki pointed out to me on her call, once again I had managed to be through just at the time of day when the traffic was awful. She was right but things kept moving and the trip home was without incident.
Tomorrow I head back to Dr. Makker in Tracy. He is the one guiding me through this new eating plan, well I have been a very bad patient. I'm going because I want to see the results of my blood tests and he will have them. I'm sure I will get a bit of a lecture but I've not felt like jumping through all the hoops yet, actually I've been a bit depressed over the last couple weeks, no excuses, actually I don't need any excuses since its my life and my weight I'm dealing with or not dealing with. I have made some changes, I've increased the amount of water I'm drinking now by 5 fold and I'm also using the medical wafers for snacks during the between meal times to keep the blood sugar more in control. They are really good and I usually end up having one a day at some point.
As soon as I leave the doctors office I have to race up to Lodi to do a $50 inspection and then head home to do the report, email the photos, then see a local property on a rush basis for a purchase and collect a check as well. At 2 pm Keanna comes to visit and that will sure make the day come alive.
So life continues. Over the last 24 hours I've had a chance to trade emails with Richard from Hilo. He is a very precious friend who has GIST and is right in the middle of the battle. We had the opportunity to meet him and visit with him several times when we were staying on the big island. He has a very active role in helping fellow GISTers and when he writes to the Life Raft site it is always helpful information for all involved. In his email he mentioned that he now the proud grandparent of a baby that was born over 10 lbs. Wow, I did not know they came that large! What size of baby clothes do you start out with when the baby is 10 lbs at birth? It was great to hear from him. Friends are one of life's most precious gifts, you can never have too many and you always learn something new from each encounter.
So I bed each of you a good night, love that special one using your best.

love

tim

Here we go again, a new week is upon us

Dear Family and Friends,

So Ken gets back to town and suddenly I 'm out walking again, is this guy good or what, not only that when I was not looking LeAnn trimmed the roses and the bottle brush plants and they look great.

Midday I drove to Calestoga to attend a memorial service for Larry Seyfang's mom who died in December. Larry was once the principal of the Tracy SDA School and went to work for Vogel Appraisal, in January I joined him at the appraisal company and we both were trained by the best, Howard and Dolly Vogel. Larry's mom had been ill for some time and finally passed but the memorial service was just held today. Once I arrived I was so glad that I could be there to support Larry. He has been through a lot and like me is suffering from less appraisal work than is normal. His marriage broke up awhile back too so he lives alone.

After visiting with Larry and Dolly, Bart and Julie Vogel I left, stopped at the Taylor Refresher in St Helena for a vegeburger and then drove to Milpitas where Jason and Jo were attending a birthday party for their friend Natalie. We traded cars and I got to drive home a very clean and fully fueled van once again. Oh how nice the heated seat felt and the trip home was shortened by a couple calls to brother Jerry and friend Art. Now I'm home, the house is wonderfully warm and I'm getting sleepy. Tomorrow will either have one appraisal or three depending on follow up calls I'm about to make.

I do look forward to a new week, already there is the challenge of money, actually the shortage of it but somehow I think God is much more aware of my situation than even I am so it will work out.

Its time to move forward, leave the sadness behind and see what adventures lie just ahead.

love

tim

Timothy was getting pretty tired after his big day. He is growing so fast with new words nearly every day. Keanna reported her first loose tooth today, I've explained to all of them that they don't need to rush this growing up process, just stay little so we'll see how that goes.

Slow sabbath

Dear Friends and Family,
I've joined Face Book which is putting me in touch with some friends and family, friends from many years back, even high school days. It's interesting to see how others have aged and matured.
Keanna and I went to Sabbath School this morning, she dressed in a very cute pink outfit with shoes that lit up when the foot goes down. The program was good and she did well, she then made a beeline to see Sylvia who was just winding up as leader of a slightly older group of kids and then Keanna said it was time to go. We loaded up in the bug and she chose Sonic for lunch. She was happy with orange juice and tator tots, feeding the little birds and enjoying the cool winter sunshine. Then we drove home where she had time to rest before an afternoon birthday party for one of her special friends at school. Conversations with Keanna are always a hoot. She brings up things one would never think of. This morning she wanted to know what habits her mom had when she was little. I wasn't sure how much to say as moms really don't like their kidos to use their past against them. She talked a lot about her grammy as we were driving and wondering if Grammy was an angel, resting or just what. She did not seem to concerned about it but basically was just unhappy that her grandma was no still here. Pappa was OK but not the same as grammy which I certainly agree with.
When I got home I found the mail had brought no money once again. Things are once again critical on the financial front. Since I've not yet reached the $1,000 deductible I have to pay full price for my meds and now I'm out of three. That is becoming a problem since there is no money to pay the hundreds of dollars each for the meds. Fortunately I have enough of all but one to make it into next week when hopefully the financial bank will burst and I'll see money again. It sort of weighs on the back of your mind, to know that you have absolutely no money in the bank, that's when the mind starts to run, you need bottles of drinking water, tomatoes, fruit, you know the basics. Actually I have plenty in the pantry to last for weeks if need be, its just mind games that work on you.
Just now I've tired of resting and watching rather boring late Sabbath afternoon programing so i faced a task, getting the boat winterized. Its just 20 feet long and sits on its trailer beside the house behind the fence. The canvas cover that Steve bought a couple years ago fits well but has pockets that fill with water and then the water ends up in the boat. Since the seat frames are made of wood constant water is not a good thing to just be there. So I pulled the cover back, placed various items across the opening as supports and then installed the cover back on, now the water will just run off and not pool. To keep the boat dry I run a small wattage light bulb inside the boat below the cover and that single light bulb will keep the boat dry all winter. So now its done. One project under the belt and I had intended to trim a bottle brush bush by the front window that had grown half way to the roof line but then I looked again. LeAnn had taken pity on my front yard and trimmed it all back. Thanks LeAnn, you do great work.
Tomorrow I intend to travel over to Pleasant Hill to attend a funeral for a friend's mom. He's had tough breaks the last couple years and certainly does not need more sadness.
Today I read some comments in the Liferaft daily posting regarding universal healthcare. There were well thought out comments on both sides of the issue and I sent a personal email to one of the people sort of saying how strongly I feel that had we had universal health care when GIST was discovered in Nan that it would have much harder to get the care we needed since the same number of doctors, hospital rooms and even nurses will have to contend with another 45 million people and the only way to really handle that increased load is to ration what is available for everyone. It happens all the time in other countries where everyone has government sponsored access to healthcare, you wait for care, for scans and needed surgeries. I have felt that we would have lost her years sooner under the proposed ideas that are floating around. Well my email was not received well. She wrote back and said, don't bother her again, she and her husband were in the health care business and knew much more than I did. I think she had every right to say she did not want to discuss it but the way she did was so shocking, I just did not expect that from someone wrestling with GIST, wow it made me want to speak up again, NOT. Having lived for years as a family under self insuring and then getting health care at great expense I have experienced both sides of the equation. There are no simple answers but I sure hate to see a system that is sought out by citizens of the world made weaker instead of stronger. Perfect, no way, I've got my stories but that imperfect healthcare system was responsible for 5 very major surgeries, two trials, hundreds of scans and tests and excellent support for Nan as she struggled for life. I'd sure hate to see GIST rationed out as a disease that is too expensive to treat and it could happen.
I feel so blessed tonight as I sit in a warm comfortable home, at a 10 year old computer that still functions fine, later to watch a big screen TV handed down to me by the kids, it works so well.
So I wish you a pleasant evening, full of blessings and people.

love

tim

Tears, roses, cloudy weather and memories

It was about noon when I had finished working on a report, sent it out and then decided to do the right thing. Nan needed my attention.......... so to Safeway where a kind lady suggested a low flower arrangement to avoid tipping in the stormy weather and I saw it, a small vase of pink and red roses tightly arranged with baby breath, it spoke to me. We drove together the vase and I to the Union Cemetery that Nan calls home now and found we had the whole place to ourselves, low haze hung from the gray sky and everything was wet from freshly fallen rain. Using the grave marker of a soldier as a guide I located Nan's resting place and the tears that had been already falling since Safeway welled up again and again. I spoke to Nan through sobs and felt tears filling my eyes and then spilling down, down to the front of my sweater. I told her how much I admired her, her zest for life, her fight to live, her stubbornness to live, her quest to love the little ones and Nikki and Jason, Jo and Steve, to make sure her being sick did not spoil their young lives, I told her of what it was like to live without her, like someone had turned off the lights, hit the mute button and pulled the plug, I told her I was trying to be a good grampa to the precious little three, Keanna, Timothy and Kallie, how I was trying to hold onto the house, how I had learned to make bread. I told her I had brought roses pink for when we were young in love and red for when we were older in love. I reminded her that there was no one else in the world like her and she had more fight inside than any other human I've ever known. I told her we all missed her. Finally it was time to just drive away and let her rest from her struggles, pain, tubes, medications, experiments.

This evening at sunset we drove back and Keanna led us all in s stumbling weepy rendition of happy birthday. Then we said good night again.

We dined at Olive Garden in Tracy where Nan loved to go and we spoke reverently of her as we ate. We are glad to have had her in our lives, we are better people for her touch, example, love.

Later as I was driving home Jason called and we got to reflect as well on Nan and her gallant life.

Nan would have been 57 today.

Love

tim

Nan would have been 57 tomorrow

She would not have liked me announcing that as she was a very private person and really didn't care for people to know too much about her. I still find it almost impossible to accept that she has been gone for over a year now, that her vibrant presence is no more, that her wise counsel and good sense have been silenced.

This evening at grief group I wanted to mention Nan's birthday tomorrow but several of us did not even get a chance to speak. We had some new people who are battling very serious cancer issues and rightfully the majority of the time went to hearing of their current struggles. I sense that in time the group may divide into two, one a support system for cancer sufferers and the other for those of use who have lost a loved one. We will see how things play out. I know that I was in Newark as darkness fell and I determined that if possible I would make it back on time. By using back roads I was able to arrive early, a first for me to this group.

I sort of feel like my life is on autopilot these days. I am deeply grateful for the nearly complete eradication of the lung issues and the coughing. For the last two days there has been less and less times of serious coughing and more and more peace. But the last two months have taken something away that has not yet returned, the will to achieve. I'm trying very hard to get more sleep, eat more carefully and drink much more water yet if I can put off a task for any reason I do so rather than tackle it. This is a new way of living and I don't really like it much. Orders have been down and many things that should have worked out this week have failed to materialize so the income has been minimal. I have a looming house payment to be paid in the next week which is unnerving and troubling.

Tomorrow is Nan's birthday. She was born 57 years ago on a plantation in the south as the third child to hard working parents. She grew up in south Texas and moved frequently from place to place depending on her father's work schedule. She early on started singing and even when very young would sing for church and evangelistic meetings. She was a beautiful child with long blond hair and brilliant blue eyes, fair skin and a petite build. During her time in high school she began to be pursued by the boys and her parents were alarmed to the point that they shipped her to California to live with Jim and Ann Hottal, who lived at Lodi Academy. Ann was back in school taking nursing and Rusty and Jan needed a sitter. Nan arrived to be that sitter and to be safer far away from the high school boys of Texas. She waded right into activities at Lodi, was in the choir, sang solos and dated Harvey Voth's son Dan. Harvey was the principal of the school. They were an item for awhile. After she graduated she found a job at Pinecrest Summer Camp near Tahoe. I had been hired by Uncle Charlie Edwards, conference youth director, to be the boy's director for the summer. That placed me in a position where I led the various counselors who were assigned to groups of kids each week. The first day I was there at camp after breakfast I was sitting with my good friend Jim Edwards who was Uncle Charlies son and who had been my roommate at PUC. He pointed out the really cute blond sitting at the next table and I took notice. I kept taking notice as the days and weeks went by and we discovered we both loved to sing and hike and climb mountains and before long it was pretty clear that our futures would be together. It was a great place to fall in love. That fall we both went to PUC where I was a senior and she a freshman. Its a wonder we both made it through the year as we spent so much time together. On the next day after I graduated we went back to Lodi and had a beautiful wedding at the old Adventist Church which now serves as the Spanish Adventist Church I believe. Then we spent a week in Oregon at a beach house a distant relative had supplied to us. Then it was back to PUC for the summer where I worked as a plumber helping build a new girls dorm and Nan took a food prep course called HEFS which eventually provided her with a certificate so she could work at food service departments at schools, senior citizen centers or other food prep places.

Nan was an inspiration as we worked our way through Andrews University and then came back to Sacramento Central as the youth minister. Shortly after arriving Nikki was born.

I have been blessed in thousands of ways by meeting and loving Nan. She never gave half, she always gave her best and her all to me. To all of you who know her well you will readily admit she was a treat and pleasure to know. How a poor farm boy from the fields of Washington ended up falling in love with this lovely lady from Texas is a mystery but I've got the marvelous memories to treasure. Thank you Nan for giving, giving and then giving some more. Thank you for being here those nearly 56 years of which I got to spend with you from age 19 on. Wow what a great experience.

Good night my friends and family, let us be thankful!

love

tim

A day goes wrong

Dear Friends and Family,
If it could it did! I rose this morning to write a needed appraisal expecting to see two properties, have a coffee appointment with a client and end up at Sylvia's tonight for a bible study. I settled in this morning and wrote the appraisal, then I began to prepare to leave for the noon appointment which I was anxious about since it had a $400 cod payment which the bank needed badly. At 10:40 the owner called to put off the appointment, he needed more communication with the lender before going forward. So I changed course and started writing a second appraisal. When it was time I left for my appointment in Danville with the loan officer to go over loans to get to know her better. As I was nearing Concord she called to say that the day care had called to tell her that her 4 year old had a fever and needed to be home. Well of course that trumped a meeting and I graciously told her I had little grandchildren and understood completely. Now I was 2 hours early for my afternoon appraisal. Discovering that I was hungry I turned to the Red Robin at the mall and had a very tasty garden burger on wheat and a salad. By the time I finished it was just time to drive over to El Cerrito which is near Highway 80 and Richmond. As I pulled up at the property I could feel a groan emanating from deep within, it was not a single family home at all, it was a 3 unit property. No one had bothered to tell me and the public record just says it is a SFR. Well this meant that all the research I had in the file was worthless and that a second trip would be required. ERRRRR. It was 4:45 when I finished the inspection which included two pit bulls sniffing my every move, yikes! Where was Marilyn when I needed her, she is a pit bull expert and has two of the little darlings at her home in Rhode Island. So I hit the road expecting to be home for about 45 minutes and then drive to Tracy for the bible study. What I forgot was that when it rains the drivers get slow and crazy. I was in traffic barely moving for an hour and a half. I arrived at Sylvia's in Tracy 10 minutes late for the 7 pm meeting. Needless to say I was pretty worn out but the meeting had many interesting moments and at least I was no longer at the wheel. Now I'm home and I hear the rain outside. I want the rain, I want the lakes filled, the mountains covered with 20 feet of snow, bring it on.
So I have very little to show for this day, 1 and 1/2 reports produced, many miles driven, a canceled report, a canceled meeting, a barely started appraisal. But I am safe, home, warm and alone once again. For those of you out there who have lived alone for years I give you my full respect, you seem to have made a success out of it. I feel like life is just slipping by with the only really meaningful moments with the kids and once in a while with a friend. I'm simply not going to live the rest of my life this way and I'm open to God's leading and I'll be content with that.
So now I've said my piece and I'm heading to bed. Somehow I feel like I've earned it!
I had one of those ahah moments today listening to Dr. Laura. She was listening to a caller who said that every time she was doing well with the business she runs she ends up sabotaging it, that she has a very hard time accepting her own success. That really struck me. Like yesterday, I had the whole day to produce appraisals, everything was in order, the computer and Internet was working fine yet at the end of the day I had not produced even one appraisal. Why could I not just settle down and write? Could it be I was a bit afraid of seeing the desk clear, afraid of success? Just something to think about.

Good night my friends,

love to all
tim

Another day

Dear Family and Friends,
9:10, classical music coming through the computer from KDFC through Bose speakers, all is dark, dogs are nearby resting up, washer and dryer are silent and I'm bored through and through. Yes I know I have work I could be doing and thank the good Lord I have new orders to see tomorrow and Thursday.
Keanna came to visit this afternoon and enjoyed spending time with Sylvia who was nice enough to continue with her quest to replace clutter with space and order. For those who have been in the house before you just would not believe how well organized things have become. This lady has a supreme talent at wading through years worth of once needed items and discovering the gems and letting the chaff go to the upcoming garage sale or the trash. I resist the urge to go through the trash sacks figuring that one needs to trust someone at their job and she is as trust worthy as anyone could be at hers.
Keanna was so excited to discover that Sylvia had picked Tuesday to visit. Together they sorted through drawers of office supplies finding the pens that still worked, pulling out the note pads, pencils, staples, tape. Then they built a new configuration of Keanna's Christmas gift where marbles race through all sorts of interesting turns and twists to end up at the bottom. The last hurray was playing "go fish" or something like that. Keanna came racing into the office where I was working to tell me she had won. She was so excited. I had to go see her cards proving her victory! What a bright mind she has and so much energy to burn. She graphically shared details of her fall at school which resulted in piles of blood spilling from her hurt knee. Her words. As the day wound down Nikki arrived to visit and then head home where Steve and Kallie already were hiding out.
Today as I worked a few new orders came in and a few phone calls too. Mostly it was a quiet day here in comparison to the circus in Washington DC.
Tomorrow I have the morning to work in and then there is a house in Pleasanton worth about a million to see, then a meeting with a client at 2:30 who just happens to be single and very good looking, that will be hard to take. Then on to El Cerrito for an appointment I have been trying to nail down for over a month. Then I'll try to make it to a bible study in Tracy for some adult fortification on the spiritual side.
This morning having not heard from Ken I waited briefly in the driveway at 6:30. I saw no signs of activity at his house so headed out on the walk alone. Not bad, but oh so cold. When I called tonight I discovered that Ken is in the mountains skiing for a few days so I'll be walking alone I guess. Just more fun to have company in misery! My brother walks alone all the time and does fine with it. He has done such a good job with retirement. He and Donna have enjoyed tasty meals together and he has been very active in his huge garden and yard. So far since retirement he has lost 21 lbs and has not felt better in years. I am so proud of him, can you imagine, retiring and dumping weight too. Good going.
It is an interesting time financially right now. So far I'm just ahead of the grim reaper money wise. There is something new to pay every day and the money keeps trickling in. Tomorrow the first appointment is COD and that will be a blessing for sure.
So I send my love to all,

Tim

Chasing dollars

Dear Family and Friends,
This is what it has come to, I get in the bug and drive first to Walnut Creek, about a 45 minute drive and park, walk into an office building, find the required office on the second floor and make small talk, get a check. Then back to the car, get a phone call with an address in another small town, punch it into the GPS and 15 minutes later it is still computing as I'm driving down the freeway. After the third time of entering the address while I'm driving 70 mph (probably as illegal as texting) I give up and just put the street in and it finds the address but of course by then I've gone the wrong way so a 10 minute drive becomes a 25 minute drive, meanwhile the fuel light comes on as I've gone 560 miles on the tank and its nearing fumes. Finally I find the address, meet the nice guy, pick up the check and set the GPS for home and I get a beautiful trip through the middle of mountains and hills between El Sobrante and Martinez, narrow, curvy but beautiful but not the place to run out of fuel. At long last I find the freeway and head home but the car swerves off at Antioch to a strange place, Olive Garden. The place is hopping so I end up at the bar between a blond and a couple young girls who are really enjoying their drinks! I wait and watch as the very busy bar tenders work the people until they finally notice that I'm sitting quietly with no food, no drink and I'm just busy texting friends. So I get my very large helping of salad, soup and its really tasty, my only other meal has been breakfast of oatmeal at Perko's at 9 am. I've had snacks in between but I'm still ready to eat and enjoy the conversations and the energy of the people who come and go around me, then I try to choke as I'm nearing the bottom of the salad bowl which sets off coughing and now all I want to do is pay, (will the credit card clear) and get out of there. It clears and I'm back in the car as the coughing winds down. Now the fuel light seems to burn brighter and beep louder as I drive. Can I make it back to Discovery Bay and the Safeway where the price is right? Well yes I can and I do. 46 miles per gallon again and $30 dollars later on a backup credit card and I'm set for the week.
This morning Ken and I walked at 6:30 which seemed really really early. The walk was a challenge and I felt the cold air in my lungs. Then back to shower. Was this the day to head into Brentwood to have blood drawn? Why yes it was, had not eaten anything all night so I was ready. The wait was long to get registered but finally I was facing the grim prospect of someone once again pointing a needle at me. I grasped the little toy ball and stretched my arm out to be butchered but only the smallest of pricks of pain and it was over. So I proudly wore my bandage over the insertion spot and headed for breakfast. I decided Perko's was the place and they had wonderful oatmeal that tasted like the real thing. That along with fresh fruit, wheat toast and scrambled egg and I was set for the day.
Up arriving back at the office / home I waked into creating an appraisal that was needed by the IRS. When that was completed I decided it was time to make contact to collect funds. I knew the bank would want it first thing Tuesday morning to cover checks already written. So that is when I headed out for Walnut Creek using the back roads through Clayton. When one comes home with $750 for the trip it is actually quite worth doing and that along with the fee for the appraisal written and emailed earlier in the day will warm the hearts of the tellers at the bank.
Now I'm heading up to once again tackle the Nordic Ski Machine. The last time I rode it was 2 months ago and the next morning I woke up so sick. I've been somewhat reticent to climb on it again as that morning every muscle in my upper body was screaming at me. Of course that is just what is really needed if I'm to move forward with the life I long for.
So my friends and family, just want to wish all of you a very good productive week. God continues to be very good to us in a very messed up world. Some of the little emails that come in with sage advice on how to live are so beautiful and encouraging. One came today from Donna Want and it was just simply great. Never stop sharing positive messages. How I love to experience the positive ones.

So love to all,

Tim

Little people provide big lifts

Dear Family and Friends,
The high points of this day are provided by little people less than 6 years old. Keanna and Kallie invited me to lunch at La Villa, a family run place in Bethel Island. They invited me via their mother Nikki and I accepted. What a blast. Was it just yesterday I was with them? Kallie tried beans today and it looks like she liked them, Keanna was helping by keeping her lemonade at a distance for anything in Kallies reach is now fair game, look out. She was smiling, looking from side to side and having a great time. Meanwhile Keanna was caring for chores like putting salt on the chips, eating her rice and playing with her sister. Nikki had been enjoying some free time as she and the girls are off tomorrow for a holiday. When I left the office to drive there I felt fine but by the time I arrived my blood sugar had dropped to a level which was sending warning signs to my brain. It was time to eat. Earlier I'd made Belgium Waffles with applesauce but that did not last too well in my system.
When Ken and I walked this morning my lungs felt like they were on fire but gradually the pain subsided. When I got back and after the shower I was really sleepy and once I got to my work chair I fell into a deep sleep which lasted over an hour. Finally I woke up and got up to walk about and wake fully up. Then I set to work getting promised work projects to a point of completion. Most of the vital stuff is completed and emailed to the proper places and now I'm winding down a bit. All day long today the coughing has been intense with no letup for any length of time. Will it ever end?
A little while ago another little person called to chat, Timothy and his father were on the phone and he talked quite a bit, not having a baby interpreter here I'm not sure what he told me but I think it had something to do with severe beatings at the hand of his father, or it could have been he was telling me about his morning at the Monterey Bay Aquarium watching all the feedings going on. Jason said it was warm there today, felt like Hawaii at 75 degrees. Wow that is rare for it to ever get to 75 at MBA. He's been weeding and starting to get ready for the spring time.
Little ones are sure precious and they are just so fun. I often have a moment of sadness when I remember this joyous fun I'm having with the kidos is something Nan is missing. How she loved these little guys and would have enjoyed Kallie too. They were her best medicine and always brought her pleasure. Recently I was conversing with someone who has experienced a loss of a loved one and she said he had not yet moved to the why question. Well let me tell you I'm there at the why question all the time and I expect some pretty good answers when I have a chance to talk to our Lord face to face. At this point I sort of feel like He and I were both in a situation that was beyond fixing, for some reason God was not able to provide healing and put Nan back on her feet. A reason that eludes me to this day and perhaps will always elude me in this lifetime.
Well I've just taken a break to take a couple phone calls and to have some dinner. This evening I opened a different part of the Christmas gift that Ron and Lydia gave me, a platter of dried fruit and nuts and found the pistachios. I can't remember ever eating one before but discovered that I really like them, new discoveries, how fun!
Good night to all,

love

Tim

Saying good bye to Doug

Dear Family and Friends,
This afternoon many members of the local grief group gathered along with a large number of friends and family to say our final goodbyes to Doug. The service filled the little Methodist Church here in Byron and the service was a really good experience. Many photos of Doug and family from different parts of his life lined the walls of the church and several large ones were up front. As people shared from their hearts a picture emerged of a man who served in Vietnam, ran his own business in the early days of pagers and cell phones, experienced success but accounts of his many adventures showed him to be a man who loved to live. Whether it was a trip to Disneyland or a ride on one of his Harley's he knew how to make and keep friends, support his family and live life to the edges. He will be missed by so many in the area yet he set a good example of good priorities with his esteem for his family and especially his little grandchildren.
After the service I had the privilege of a long conversation with Patty, my neighbor and friend from grief group who lost her husband Chuck a couple years ago. She cares full time for her 5 grandchildren and her life is never easy. She has so much wisdom and such a load to cope with on a daily basis.
This evening I finally made it to Comcast to turn in two cable boxes that I've never used, they just would not work on the upstairs TVs due to our antiquated wiring. The person said that I would save about $14 a month, too bad I didn't do it when Marilyn and Dana told me to many months ago. Oh well, its done now.
This evening I've just been lazy, sort of put the family room back in order after Keanna the whirlwind blew through and found myself smiling as I remembered all the games and activities she went through as she played with her hospital, a truck with trailer, dolls, games, etc.
This morning we went to Sabbath School and the program was great. Keanna jumped right in and enjoyed doing all the activities. Then we got to visit with Sylvia who is in charge of a group of children that are a little older than Keanna and the program we attend. Then it was off to meet Nikki and Kallie at the garden. Today's big events, Kallie tried pieces of bread with most ending up on the floor, she also drank water through a straw for the first time. She was very surprised to find her mouth full of water. We had a very nice family time together and Nikki always makes meals so pleasant and positive.
I came home to grab a quick nap before heading to the service. It seemed short.
Now Ken and called to say we are walking at 7:30 in the morning, how very decent of him, a chance to get some great sleep tonight.
When my precious little kidos are here I find myself on a more alert basis than normal trying to foresee any dangers that might lurk for them. It was so good to have a house that was warm all over and free of the dampness that had permeated the bedrooms in the past. The girls both slept well and Nikki retrieved Kallie at about 12:20 this morning.
Our weather continues to feel like spring and I'm sure this warmth is awful on the snow mass in the mountains. That part is sad. We need rain, lots of it in spite of the messy world it creates for an appraiser.
My coughing has grown worse this evening. I hesitate to even contemplate a world without coughing as right now it seems like a pipe dream. Yet one can hope.
Thanks for the nice emails I've received today, some with sad news, others with encouragement. My heart goes out to any family dealing with cancer, it effects everyone in the family to some extent and it is such a cruel disease. What a waste of humanity for so many to become so ill and have their lives cut short by this mystery.
In spite of living a fairly normal life I still have lots of thoughts about Nan. On the 23rd I think she would have been 57. How I would have loved to be secretly planning for yet another birthday party and I remember with great fondness the support of so many of you as I had parties for nan's birthday for the last two years of her life. She was embarrassed by the attention yet deeply appreciated the love and care from so many family and friends. Thank you all for your sharing in these warm times.
I'm determined to get some kind of fitting gravestone for her final resting place. While it is true that business has turned better in the last 30 days I do not have enough to just go purchase and have installed a monument yet. I will feel much more comfortable going and spending time with her when I can know for certain the spot, have a place to hold flowers and see a photo of her there. It is on my agenda of things to do. This month more mundane things have come up that required funding, 2 new run flat tires for the van, IRS deposit, obtaining the new MLS data from San Jose and next week settling yet another of the remaining accounts for a second data source that has hung over me for the entire year. None of these have been small amounts, each has required hundreds of dollars and I'm so grateful to God for the funds to deal with each. In fact tomorrow I'll be chasing down two appraisal fees which may require a trip to Walnut Creek for pickup but its well worth it to keep things covered and moving forward. To sort of set the tone for the new year Blue Cross sent a letter which arrived today which moves my personal health care month payment from $774 to $840 the beginning of March. Ouch!
So I'm not without challenges but I'm also blessed with abilities, wonderful clients and a business that has been very good to me over the years. The transition from ministry to something else is often very challenging at best and the Vogels extended the opportunity to learn a new profession and smoothed what could have been a much more difficult time.
So my friends, here we go into a new week, are you ready? I sure don't feel like I am but the week will come at us ready or not.

love

tim

Being papa brings joy

Keanna and Kallie are sleeping in their rooms as I write. They arrived about 5:45 by mommy taxi and have been little angels all evening. Keanna is nursing a nasty cough and just could not go to sleep the first time so came down and we watched some silly sponge bob square pants cartoon together. I got her grammy's heating lap blanket out and put it over her and the warmth seemed to help her coughing. Finally she was ready to go up and I think this time she is asleep. Kallie came in in a good mood, played in her jumping exerciser for awhile and then Nikki fed her while I made dinner for Keanna. She really put away the pasta and apple juice. She played with her beautiful dolly that she had brought with her for awhile and then watched some Dora DVD's Lois has supplied. I held Kallie for a long time and she was content to just watch and play with her own IPOD but she wasn't much interested in drinking much milk. Lois came to visit for awhile and Kallie enjoyed talking to her. Finally even though Kallie gave no signs that it was bed time I took her up to her little port a bed and she went right to sleep. Changing her diaper is an experience. You'd think she was trying out for some exercise contest as she kicks her legs, rolls her body and waves her arms. I finally managed it but felt like I had been wrestling a tiger! The bedrooms are so beautiful now that Sylvia has taken extra junk out and made up the beds with attractive matching linen. A special nice touch is the pink blanket that is on Keanna's bed is the blanket that is in so many of the photos of Nan as she rested in her recliner during the final months. She loved that blanket that Dana had purchased. It was warm but light and in fact I spent many nights under it tucked in when I slept in the recliner next to Nan. It is a blanket that holds special memories for me and to have it on Keanna's bed is a perfect touch and I told her about it.

Keanna has become very interested in the nativity sets that Nan collected from around the world. We have them grouped in two curio cabinets which are lit by tiny halogen bulbs which I leave on day and night as night nights. I've shown Keanna how to open the cabinets and she will take out a set and admire it and then put it back. In that light I presented her with a puzzle which is a nativity set from Costa Rica which I think Nan and I purchased years ago when we were there on a cruise, it could easily have been a gift from Jason who has also been there. Anyway I presented it to Keanna tonight as a beginning of her own Nativity collection and since it is also a wooden puzzle she took it apart and then put it back together again. It is very clever and she said we could talk about Jesus as we worked.

I must say that moving from a busy day pursuing income and driving about 4 hours today to the calm and tender time with the girls is a most welcome change. Suddenly a rush that has little long term meaning, appraising properties and trying to cover expenses slips away and here you are with two precious little lives that hold nothing but promise, beauty, honesty, vitality and energy. What a fabulous experience and its a great way to close out the work week.

I am finding that due to the nearly two months of coughing and feeling ill that its somewhat of a battle to hold back depression. When one feels less than ideal for so long it gradually starts to become a new way of life, an undesirable one. One person writing to me today related how she finally grew tired of coughing, sort of forced a test and found to her dismay that she actually had pneumonia. A new course of antibiotics quickly kicked it. Sometimes I wonder if I have something lurking, during this day I've had bouts of coughing that last 5 or 6 minutes, they are intense and somewhat alarming. By the time I finally stop I've grown warm, am exhausted and my head throbs. Its not a pleasant experience. You feel like a pariah if you happen to be in a public place or around people. You just want to avoid contact so as not to frighten people. Plague comes to mind!

In the morning we'll go to Sabbath School and then have a quick lunch at our favorite place, the Olive Garden, then Nikki has plans and I will attend a service for my friend from grief group who has died. Doug was really an interesting guy and already the group is different without him. His courage and honesty challenged us all and we were proud of his willingness to stay in the battle even though sometimes at great personal cost. I know how much his wife and family miss him this week and what they are going through as they do the hard work of saying good by and beginning the process of life without him. It feels unreal, unfair and just not possible yet it is real and unfair and cannot be avoided.

I was so touched by a personal email from Irene this week. Here she is battling with GIST and searching for the next step in her personal battle with a very unfair enemy and she is giving me tips on dealing with coughing. How like her to take the time to be of help and comfort.

There are many good people in our world, people who may have different labels, may have quite different behaviours or traditions than our own but there is so much goodness, kindness, thoughtfulness. God's spirit is still alive in so many ways and I've felt many of them this week. I hope I've even been on the giving end of a few this week. The very idea of just smiling at those you meet is quite nervy, walk through a CostCo and smile at everyone you meet, you will get many positive looks back, a few wary ones, a few ignores and some frightened glances too. I was touched by the accounts of the New Yorkers who ran the banks of the river trying to help the passengers trapped on the plane's wings, the same people that on the streets almost never look at each other as they walk the sidewalks in a hurry to be somewhere. People want to care and from my considerable experience of being in thousands of homes people sure want to be listened to. Most have a story that is just ready to spill out if given a chance.

I've been very uncomfortable for years with the whole concept of trying to persuade another adult to adopt my point of view or belief system. Early in life I watched my dad as he went through the process of selling a Mercury or Lincoln to a potential buyer. I have always recoiled from having my arms twisted to buy something or try something or think a different way. I have considered some kinds of evangelism almost malpractice when gimmicks like soft music or scary stories are used to lead people to a "decision". It seems like our Lord can speak to a person's heart with the still small voice of the Holy Spirit and do the convicting without gimmicks. I've never been comfortable with selling something to someone else that they did not want. I'm fine with providing a service if someones wants that service and is asking for it but to try and force someone to buy something so I could make a profit, well that one is beyond me. What do you think? Are there times when using tactics to soften up someone is appropriate in getting them "saved"? I know the world, the devil certainly use every technique in the book to sell us on sinful stuff, to tempt us, to lure us but it seems like a good caring example backed by willing answers when one asks why remains the strongest method in God's arsenal of winning the lost to Salvation.
Someone said that a person persuaded against his will is of the same opinion still. That seems true. And what about young people? Should we try to fortify them when they are young against what we know they will face later on?
Some thoughts to ponder. I realize I'm probably way to timid, I do not like to confront anyone ever about anything so that is my bias.
Sending you good thoughts on this gentle Sabbath Friday night.

love

tim

Back to grief group

Dear Ones,
Its late and this will be short tonight.
Walked this morning with Ken, cranked out an appraisal and then headed for Pinole to see a purchase. Then on to Hayward to see yet another purchase. Then home to an excellent meal prepared by Sylvia. She had managed to fit in some time for sorting and organizing this afternoon. She does great work and dinner was a delight. Then it was time to attend the grief group. Due to my illness I've not been able to attend for nearly 7 weeks. It was good to see the group again and share in their experiences.
I wish I could tell you that I was continuing to get well but that is not the case. My cough has worsened again to the point where this evening I'm coughing more often than not. It does not feel very good and I'm tired of it. I've coughed a lot today while I was inspecting and driving as well.
Lois was so kind this morning. She came and gave Lady a much needed bath. Lady loves her new clean state, thanks Lois for your help. We all appreciate it very much.
Tomorrow night I get to care for the girls during the evening. I can't wait, just hope I can do it without the coughing as they don't need to hear or experience that.
Tomorrow I am heading up to Roseville to see a couple properties and then drive back as soon as I can. I'll be glad to welcome in the weekend as this has been a very busy week with lots of production and not a whole lot of time to relax. I am so thankful for the increased work opportunities which allowed me to make a tax deposit today to the good old IRS. That felt good. Now just to find enough funds to cover the deposit! Yikes living this close to the edge is not fun at all.
Our weather this week has been warm and comfortable. I nearly had to turn on the AC in the car today as I traveled but I just could not bring myself to do so in January. Just not right.
So I'm sending you my best thoughts and hopes tonight.

Love

tim

Getting the job done

Dear Family and Friends,
Boring day, good day, no adventure, no crisis. Up at 6 to walk with Ken, then leave for Stockton to measure house, then drive to El Dorado Hills to see second house, beautiful sunny day. I noted a car wash and since birds have recently decorated my car with fruit I decided to have it washed. Wrong. This place was high end. No posted prices was the first clue, then the nice lady behind the desk said that the attendant would explain the menu, yikes, menu! Prices ranged from $16 to $40 and I suddenly remembered I needed to be on the road. Yes the car is still dirty and I'm richer by at least $16. Then I tried to find lunch and this place was jammed with high end everything so I left the shopping center and found a Taco Bell with a clean bathroom and tasty food. When I got back to Discovery Bay I purchased fuel. I had gone about 580 miles and got 46.4 miles per gallon. Not bad at all. For a car that is many years old and has 184,000 miles on it. I guess it is just broken in now.
I'm lazin this evening. I made a dinner with some left overs I found in the frig. Once when Sylvia was cleaning out the freezer she found some vege meat stuff that is sort of like hamburger. Well I've just sort of ignored it but tonight in a quest for some protein I pulled it out, put it in the skillet with some olive oil and a partial can of asparagus soup and let it simmer, then added green beans and freshly cut up tomato. It tasted great and I let myself have a happy moment of pride at the good tasting meal. Gradually I'm less afraid of the kitchen and I've discovered that the worst you can do is create something so awful that you just put it down the disposal.
I have been calling someone who lives in Monterey to do an appraisal for a week, no answer. So tonight I tried the cell number and they answered, they are roughing it in Maui until the 25th. Wow that sounds good. So I'll see that house later in the month when they return. Another rush deal for tomorrow went up in smoke, the agent said the buyers decided to NOT buy but of course the lender did not have a clue so did not tell me.
Tomorrow is a big day as I will make a deposit payment to IRS as a quarterly. I have to keep them current or I lose my agreement for past tax years. The financial challenges are always present, just shift around sometimes. Wow could I ever use a windfall and no that won't happen so I'll just create my own windfall by working hard and smart.
So I'm going to take one more trip through the paper on my desk, see if there is anything else that has to be done tonight and then crash early for a change. I've felt short on energy all day today, in fact lately I've felt that way. Wonder if I'm over medicated. Just a thought.

This Friday can't come soon enough for the girls come to visit and that will make for an interesting evening. They are such a kick, smiles, laughs and then you try to get them to go to sleep, right.

Sending love to all, feeling much better, less coughing, more living.

Tim

Keanna brightens up the house

Dear Family and Friends,

Well Miss Keanna came to visit this afternoon, built a domino house, kept the dogs busy, kept Pappa busy too and was her normal cheerful self.

This morning with Ken safely at a meeting I got up early to get to work on an appraisal. After completing it I drove to Concord to see a property, then back to Discovery Bay to see another property and then picked up Keanna at 2. She was full of news, a new girl is about to join her class and that was exciting to her. She had a coupon for McDonald's for working hard at picking up trash so we drove down and she proudly presented her coupon for a free lunch. We then went inside so she could play on the play equipment but she turned her back on it as it was just too filthy to enjoy. We made a bank deposit and I was able to explain to her what we were doing, then we dropped off a check to the RV storage office and she said, that was not real money you gave them, it was just a paper check, interesting concept. We do so little with actual money anymore and she has noticed. Then we headed home so I could resume work and she could play. Nikki arrived about 4:50 and sat for a minute catching her breath and then they were away for some time at home with Kallie and then a special story book reading at Starbucks tonight with all the kids in their pajamas. What a great idea if it gets kids interested in reading. Nice work Starbucks!
Tomorrow I'm off again this time to Stockton to see a house for the third time. The lender first ordered an appraisal for a property and I inspected on a drive by basis and wrote the appraisal, then they decided to buy a different house so I drove by again and wrote a new appraisal for the same fee paid me originally. Then the lender wanted many conditions which I did recently. Now today they decided that they want a full interior inspection which will require another trip back to Stockton. This time I asked for additional money. I'm tired of working for free. After I finish in Stockton I'll drive up to El Dorado Hills to see a property I've seen before, to freshen up the appraisal, actually to write a new one. Then back to work in the office. Thursday its off to Benicia, yes Benicia!!! Hope I can meet someone there that day! Then on to Hayward and then back home. Friday its off to Roseville to see a couple homes and then back to welcome Keanna and Kallie for a sleep over. kallie will go home at midnight with her mom and Keanna will probably go to Sabbath School with me the next morning. It will be fun to host the girls again.
In general my health is nearly normal. I still have bouts of coughing that would make a sane person wonder if I would ever be healthy again.
Our weather has been unbelievable the last few days, so warm and sunny one would think spring or summer. Actually I'd rather be having rain though as we need snow and rain so much. I'm sure we will see more rain, probably when I'm set to measure a 5,000 sf home somewhere nasty!
Well I've still got work to finish so I'd better return to it. Thanks so much for being such great friends and family. One could not wish for more or better human being to relate to. I feel very blessed with my kids, their kids, the Texas family, the Tracy SDA family, my work related family and all the wonderful friends. Life is really about relationships and people, not about things and power. Those who pursue only power and things are missing a lot I fear.
I have this dream book that came from national geographic tours. When I have time I read through it looking longingly at the tours they offer. The fees are amazing, $5,000, $6,000 even $11,000 for exotic trips to Sudan, Tibet, Africa, Egypt, Jordon and so it goes. Then I remember fondly trips to some of these places that I've been honored to be able to see. Israel, Jordon, Petra, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, England, Switzerland....... I've really been fortunate since I started life as a poor farm boy in Washington. To have sung in Carnegie Hall, Notre Dame, St Stephens, Dorothy Chandler, well its been a very fun trip so far and so many many people have helped me (us) with these experiences.
I have a growing sense of direction as I look ahead. I see a day when the company is somewhat larger and Steve has a larger role allowing me to take short trips to build churches, go on missions, use my abilities for the good of others. I'd like to wear the passport out. Not now, right now is recovery time and digging out of a very deep hole financially but every day things look a tiny bit better for which I am very thankful.
So my friends and family life is a hoot, it continues to amaze, disappoint, challenge and teach. How I love to fall asleep at night after a long day of accomplishment and progress.
Love to all,

Tim

Resuming life

Dear Family and Friends,
Finally relaxing a bit but still at the desk with one appraisal that needs to be completed, so goes the evening. This morning with Ken safely out of town on his snowmobile I slept in. Then I dressed and drove to Modesto. The little house was a total surprise. On paper it looks bleak but in reality it was amazing. This place looked like an Italian villa with green plants, sculptured plants, an amazing number of different landscaping tricks, a pond with water plants, a flagstone patio, a hidden garden with table that seats 14, just everywhere you looked there was another clever little corner. I found the same inside, crown moldings, updated kitchen with professional gas range, stainless steel dishwasher, antique sink from England, every where clever decorations. He said it had been featured in a magazine recently and I believe it. Amazing property which then poses a big problem, how do you comp it? To what, everything else looked pretty ordinary after seeing the subject property.
After I finished seeing the property and shooting the comps I was having a blood sugar issue so I drove to IHOP but found the 21 parking places were full and people were nearing open warfare in the lot over spaces. I decided I could pass on the culinary delights of IHOP so went next door where Denny's fed me very well for $8.00. Then it was off to Oakley to shoot a photo of a new furnace that had just been installed. The lender would not fund without it and wanted proof it was in. Then back to the office to work the afternoon. I had help from Loree and visits from Ron and Ray. Now it is quiet and I'm winding down mentally but the work still looms over me needing to be done. Bummer, retiring sure has its moments it seems.
I found out that the furnace comes roaring to life at 6 pm for the evening so I'm warm and Starr is nearby watching over me.
So I'd better pretend to be working for awhile and get some production out of these old bones.
In general I am feeling much better. I had a rough morning of coughing before I went to breakfast and some since but its been better for the past few hours.
Tomorrow I'm off to Concord to see a property and then back to Discovery to see another before the high point of the day, picking up her highness at school at 2 pm and then bringing her home to do her creative thing while I attempt to work a bit.
So I'm sending you my best vibes tonight, enjoy your week, love the ones you're with and enjoy the adventure called life.

love

tim

Back in the groove

Dear Family and Friends,
How good it feels to be really alive again. Ken and I trudged our way through the frost and dawning light this morning. As I reentered the house I did so to discovery warm wonderful heat, the furnace had cycled on. I scrambled some eggs, made a piece of toast, had some strawberries and was set for the day. Soon I was on the road driving to Napa where I was to see a house. The guy was so funny, an engineer by profession he pointed out things about his "fine" house that I had never really noticed before, finally in desperation his wife pulled him into the house so I could go. He just wanted me to know all the features. Then it was back on the road to head home via Taco Bell in Vallejo. At the same time Art was telling me via cell phone that he and Connie had picked up their new truck and 5Th wheel camper and were on their way home. They were so pleased and it was driving, pulling perfectly. Just now I spoke to Art again and he not only made it home but was able to get it parked in its place in their driveway. The unit sounds just great and it will help them enjoy their retirement years even more.
When I returned home from Napa I was sleepy so Starr and I jammed into the recliner, pulled the heated throw up and set it to low and enjoyed a real nap.
As I was leaving the second appraisal of the day here in Discovery Bay Nikki called to say that she and girls had left recovering Steve at home with the dog and they were on their way to Uno's pizza. The food is so good there and the vegetable soup so warm and healthy I drove right over. What fun. Keanna and I colored and did a word search game and then later I got to hold Kallie as her mom finished up her food. Kallie and I ventured into the bar where she got lots of nice waves. She is a really active baby and has some cute smiles for everyone she meets. As I buckled up Keanna's child seat I kissed the top of her head and she said, thanks for the hairy kiss, meaning my mustache had gotten to her. What a cute kid, what a funny funny kid.
Well I am in Modesto at 9:30 in the morning so I've got to get with the program soon. Need to make appointments and get the week scheduled soon.
How is your week lining up? Have you discovered that nebulous balance between work and play, family and self, rest and awake time, good food vs tasty foods, buying for needs vs wants. Life sure throws us challenges as we move along.
So my friend, lets do the best we can this week to reach out to those less able, smile at those who are stuck in a frown, call someone who hardly ever gets a call.

love to all,

Tim

A good day

Dear Family and Friends,
Life has some really good moments. Today I had the honor of taking Ms Keanna and Ms Kallie to Sabbath School. Kim did a brilliant job of leading out, there were several little ones there and it was really enjoyable. Kallie took it all in and seemed to enjoy herself. Meanwhile Steve was under the knife having oral surgery. As we finished up with Sabbath School Nikki and Steve were beginning to move from recovery to the car. I drove over and observed Keanna and her day as he attempted to speak through a mouth of gauze and heavy meds and Keanna just wanted to love her daddy. They took Kallie with them and I took Keanna to a nearby Burger King for lunch where she ate every bite without moving from the table. Then she played for a bit but the room was so cold her little hands were like ice so we escaped to the bug, cranked the heater up and headed home. When we got home Steve was fast asleep in the recliner next to the fireplace and Keanna quietly entered the house to begin her play, Nikki arrived home a few minutes later with the prescriptions for his pain control. I headed home and built a tiny fire and snuggled in the recliner under a heated blanket. I drifted in and out of sleep for awhile. I've spent this evening with friends and observed the largest full moon I've ever seen, this is the day when it is at its biggest for the entire year. Wow it was beautiful.

The joy that comes from having the chance to see the girls at Sabbath School today and Timothy at Sabbath School last week at MBA is really intense. To find myself at 60 in the possession of three bright and enjoyable grandchildren is a huge blessing and pleasant surprise. They are the most wonderful people in my life, they laugh, play, sing, jabber, smile and enchant. I know you feel the same way about your little people, there is just something really magic about these early years when they are open, changing and so happy. In spite of this being a terrible world in many ways and a very dangerous one as well here I find the hand of God in the little ones. In spite of loneliness and bitter disappointment these little God given lives are a powerful force for good. Do they have perfect parents, no but I am very proud of the job these young parents are doing in loving their kids on a daily basis and caring for them.

I've been coughing quite a bit today but still feel pretty well in general. In a few minutes I'll rinse the nose out which seems to help a lot with getting a good nights sleep. I had a shock this evening as my PG&E bill popped up as an email. Little space heaters do tend to run the bill up and I think getting furnace fixed was just in time. My current heating bill was over $500 for the month and only $16 was for gas, the rest was for precious electrical power. Glad I'm getting well, glad the furnace is working perfectly and glad the money is coming in better than in prior months, I may be able to pay this large bill.

Tomorrow I drive to Napa to see a house and then back to Discovery Bay to see a house for a friend. As I don't usually work on Sundays I took this appointment since I was caught up with my work load and wanted to keep the cash flowing in.

I'm thankful that God in His wisdom built a Sabbath into our lives, a chance to recharge our batteries at His well and get in touch with family, friends and leave work behind. Thank you Lord, you know us so well, you know we need to get off the treadmill of life and be with you in special ways.

Love to all,

tim

Nice ending to a week filled with challenges.

Dear Family and Friends,
So there you are, still up huh, don't you people go to bed at night? Now take me I'm trying very hard to get more sleep in the new year and so far I'm doing better, not perfect, but better.
Today has been a day of feeling much better and getting things done. The sunshine was brilliant and even sort of warm for the little I was outside.
I've worked at my desk on the big one until finally emailing it off about 3 this afternoon. What a tremendous house and its one of three homes they own, must be nice, need new scenery well just travel to another of your houses! Must be really fun. Anyone who thinks money does not buy happiness must be smoking something. Of course it does, it buys adventure, travel, a wider range of opportunities, more chances to give your kids a good start, money buys lots of things. But it does not buy health although extreme poverty contributes to poor health, it does not buy eternity, ones needs the Saviours gift of salvation for that but having funds does buy lots of good things. I doubt it buys peace for when I look back on the times when the money was more plentiful our lives grew more complicated, a lot more. What I find most attractive is the person who has learned to live life in balance whether they are wealthy or not, but a balance between work and not work, a balance between eating in moderation and exercise that is a pleasure, between vacations and task solving. I know you know people you admire who seem to have figured out how to live meaningful lives that include helping others, caring for themselves, taking good care of relationships and all under the leadership of a loving Heavenly Father. Sylvia's recent sermon about the parenting love of our God was really thought invoking. Perhaps I can persuade her to write a guest blog some evening about that topic.
Tomorrow son Steve is have oral surgery and Nikki is going to be at his side. I get to take the little girls to Sabbath School while they are involved with his care. I can't wait, imagine Kallie and Keanna, what a blessing Pappa will have and I'm feeling much more healthy just in time. Did I mention the benefits from washing out the sinus cavity? Just kidding but for me its has been a tremendous help and so of course in the process of full disclosure I've got to share it with you. I'm ready for the future, any bout with allergies or a head cold and I'm flushing it out. I've got to share with you, the first time you really wonder if you are crazy. It seems so wrong to be pumping water into your nose and for someone who does not like water in his face that was a high threshold to surmount. Now it is just a good plan, one which works so well.
For lunch today I took out 3 large leafs of romaine lettuce and cut them into small pieces, then a took a whole tomato and diced it, then I added small chunks of tofu that I had braised in a pan with olive oil. After I stirred up the salad ingredients I applied some olive oil over the top. What a feast. It filled a large plate and tasted so good. I wanted to move away from iceberg lettuce as that stuff is pretty well worthless so I found a tub of romaine lettuce instead. Good choice, more taste, more texture and so good in the salad. I want to learn how to get the lettuce into even smaller pieces. When I go to Red Robin for a garden burger their salad has tortilla strings and chopped up lettuce. It is so good and tasty. That is my goal, also how does one cut up a tomato into small diced pieces without risking cutting ones fingers off at the same time? Ideas anyone. Do I have to watch the food channel and surrender CSI Miami just to learn these things?
I've noticed that when I start to feel better after a long illness that my mental facilities start to come alive, that I start to dream, imagine, hope, really live. It is such a pleasure to come out of the darkness of illness into the light of awareness.
This afternoon I even decided that my neighbors had probably had enough of my snow globe with the three snow people inside and the three pathetic deer that glowed 24 hours a day for the last three weeks. Tonight they are safely packed away in the garage for yet another year and the driveway is clear for the throngs of company that are always coming by!!
Its now official! My furnace is working well. For just a mere $440 Rob retrofitted it with new ignition parts and it works like new. At some point early in the morning it comes on and brings the house up to 67, at 8 am it drops back to 62 and then at 5:30 it comes up to 70 for the evening until 10 when it drops to freezing for the night. Now it actually does all the changes and puts out heat instead of very nice COLD air. Am I excited? You bet. This year is turning out pretty well so far, work is coming in, bills are getting paid, weight is coming off, health is returning, look out world here I come!
So my friends, lets just agree to be thankful tonight for something and at peace with everything.

love

Tim

ps enjoy your Sabbath whether it be Saturday or Sunday, let God rebuild your spirit as you remember Him in special ways.

So much better, wash out those sinus cavities!

Dear Family and Friends,
10:10, this is my idea of going to bed early but I've been talking to friends with good news and the time slips away.
This day has been so much better than even yesterday. I am a great believer in the power of these funny little packets and a squeeze bottle of warm water. You get the water the right temp, tear open the tiny packet and bend your head over the sink remembering to open your mouth. Then you place the little cap of the bottle against one nostril and squeeze the water. You can feel it as it makes its way up into your nasal passages and then comes streaming out the other side, if you forget and close your mouth then you taste salt water in your throat. I hate water in my nose, yes Judy I do, yet this really works great and clears all the stuff out of your head that otherwise just sits and festers. Afterwards you gently blow your nose and then use a couple shots of a nose spray. What happens is the constant drip down the back of your throat is taken away hence no irritation to the lungs and throat. Yes I've had some nasty coughing spells today but not nearly as many as before and my mental health is 100% better. I'm planning, scheming, projecting like normal and I feel like I'm on catch up with my thinking. I know the work production is certainly better for which my clients will be happy. Who could have guessed that such a little low key device could produce so much help. I'm so impressed that I bought more packets so I'm ready and of course they only sell them in boxes of 100. That could be overkill but I'm ready for whatever.
Now in theory my heater is repaired, he was to come between 2 and 4 pm today. However I have no idea if its fixed or not. No note and Lois did not see anyone around so it might be another day to come.
I'm very saddened tonight to hear sad news from our grief group. We lost Doug. He was the bravest guy who just loved to live and was so tender to his grandchildren. His battle with a number of issues that UCSF and local medical people were very involved with was finally lost. Yet he lived even in tough times with such courage that losing him is all the more difficult. His wife has been an amazing caregiver and I know a bit about being one. She continued with her very important job at the lab as well as cared for him in a professional manner.
I arrived at group 20 minutes late tonight due to some very slow traffic on the bridge as I was getting out of Palo Alto. I had 90 minutes to make it but traffic caused that time to lengthen. When I pulled into the parking lot to discover many many cars I just pulled out. No way was I going to arrive 20 minutes late and disrupt the entire group. Instead I drove to Longs where my meds that normally cost me $10 co pay were $299 tonight. Seems the yearly deductible of $1,000 has not been reached. I was shocked and angered but what do you do? Go without meds and walk out or pay and move on. I had just collected a check in Palo Alto for $400 so in a way its OK. I had planned other things for that money, like paying other bills. So goes life.

Its nice to be home safely tonight after battling traffic to Oakland and then to Palo Alto and finally home. I've been thinking today of how Nan lived her life when she was healthy. I really admire her ability to just life, not worry, no try to impress, just live and love, plan fun things for the family, buy everything QVC has to offer and sleep well at night. She was at peace with everything in her life, with everyone and had a calm faith that carried her forward. I miss her gentle ways, her humor much of which I can never reveal since she had earthy moments and often. Living with her was never boring but felt so comfortable and reassuring. Now take me, I worry all the time about nearly everything, I do care what people think and about making everyone happy and pleased. She just thought that was funny and a waste of time. Even when she was training appraisers she was not shy about telling them when they had messed up. She was a great teacher, a good business person and an asset to her family. I was very fortunate. I often told her I married up and she would remind me to not forget that in a kidding sort of way.
As time passes I am more and more content to live, plan, prepare, clean, cook, bake, learn to be alone. I doubt that I'll be alone forever but one never knows. Its not a high priority at this time.
So my friends once again I remind you to care for the ones you love now, this weekend and make life more than ordinary, do special things, loving things, take risks and push the envelope. What do you have to lose, your boring present existence, to bad, go for it.
Sending waves of love to all tonight, first wave to my kids and their kids, then other family, then friends and their friends and clients and so it goes.

love

tim