It was about noon when I had finished working on a report, sent it out and then decided to do the right thing. Nan needed my attention.......... so to Safeway where a kind lady suggested a low flower arrangement to avoid tipping in the stormy weather and I saw it, a small vase of pink and red roses tightly arranged with baby breath, it spoke to me. We drove together the vase and I to the Union Cemetery that Nan calls home now and found we had the whole place to ourselves, low haze hung from the gray sky and everything was wet from freshly fallen rain. Using the grave marker of a soldier as a guide I located Nan's resting place and the tears that had been already falling since Safeway welled up again and again. I spoke to Nan through sobs and felt tears filling my eyes and then spilling down, down to the front of my sweater. I told her how much I admired her, her zest for life, her fight to live, her stubbornness to live, her quest to love the little ones and Nikki and Jason, Jo and Steve, to make sure her being sick did not spoil their young lives, I told her of what it was like to live without her, like someone had turned off the lights, hit the mute button and pulled the plug, I told her I was trying to be a good grampa to the precious little three, Keanna, Timothy and Kallie, how I was trying to hold onto the house, how I had learned to make bread. I told her I had brought roses pink for when we were young in love and red for when we were older in love. I reminded her that there was no one else in the world like her and she had more fight inside than any other human I've ever known. I told her we all missed her. Finally it was time to just drive away and let her rest from her struggles, pain, tubes, medications, experiments.
This evening at sunset we drove back and Keanna led us all in s stumbling weepy rendition of happy birthday. Then we said good night again.
We dined at Olive Garden in Tracy where Nan loved to go and we spoke reverently of her as we ate. We are glad to have had her in our lives, we are better people for her touch, example, love.
Later as I was driving home Jason called and we got to reflect as well on Nan and her gallant life.
Nan would have been 57 today.
Love
tim
2 comments:
God Bless You Tim as You deal with the Special days that bring back the vivid memories of Your Dear Nan. She was an amazing Lady and so many of Us miss Her in so many different ways.
Carrol & I look forward to the day that We can again blend Our Voices with Nan's in Praise to Our Dear Lord on the Streets of Gold. What a Grand Day that will be. How well We both know the pangs of grief that will sweep over You from time to time. The Lord feels Our Pain and some day soon will take it all away forever.
God Bless You Tim, We love You.
Bob & Carrol.
Happy Birthday, Nan.
Post a Comment