A special day

Dear Family and Friends,
I'm writing this evening with the motorhome furnace running, the dogs sleeping and only darkness outside. This day has been filled with the things that gradually add up to a sum of heart warming sense of family. Little Timothy walking on his tip toes across campus with mommy ahead and daddy behind, bright sun overhead and darkened christmas lights on each home as we pass. Timothy eating slices of pear with juice dripping down his chin or scratching his little head under a cute little stocking cap. Jo presiding over a beautiful lunch with foods from around the world on display, Jason in conversation with guests drawing them out and everyone learning more about their experiences.

It was a sunny but very cold day and this evening the sun began to fall over the ocean midst flashes of color until darkness crept over the scene. Starr and Lady have enjoyed their day with frequent walks around the vast yards which surround the house and long naps on the floor or couch of the motorhome as the heater kept away the chill.

And then there was Sabbath School which at MBA is amazing. Due to the high number of little children, over 10 today and a very well planned and directed program the Sabbath School is a magic place where kidos are shepherds one moment and wise men the next, each child delivering a baby Jesus to the overloaded manger. It is a constantly moving maze of children, parents, grandparents and leaders and everyone is having fun as they learn to worship.

Since all the kids were away on holiday church consisted of a few adults who live here. The large church was cold but the service was intimate and interesting. Unfortunately my body decided that was a great time to do some catching up on rest and it is reported that I slept the entire time, I hope noiselessly.

Personally I was at a very low energy point today with every breath labored and walking was a challenge. I'm not sure what is happening to my body but I do know it is not right. Now in addition to bouts of coughing I also had some pretty stiff blockage in the nasal passages as well and the two combined is tough to cope with. I know I'll get better and today I met a lady who has also battled for 4 weeks with bronchitis and said she has some days when she just hopes to live through the experience. I certainly can identify with her.

Tomorrow mid day I'll need to reluctantly drive away from this happy and beautiful place, from my kidos that I am so proud of and arrive back ready to get some work done again. I am very thankful for this break and I've enjoyed every minute of the trip.

How are you doing with your new year so far? I find this business of making sense out of living to be a daily challenge. For so many years Nan and I together faced whatever came along and we could deal with just about anything. She was stable, mature and practical. I was the dreamer, a great one to start over and over again to reach goals, the emotional one who made sure we both could feel good about what we were doing. We lived our lives in such a way that we could render assistance to family and friend alike. When that life came to an end I was ill prepared to cope with everything by myself. My kids have been wonderful about helping in every way they can but they do have to live their lives as well. There are moments that I'm pretty proud of how this past year has turned out. In spite of having to live on 1/10th of our normal income I still own a house, still have the cars, still have more than enough food to eat and many many bills are paid that we owed a year ago. I must admit that without the help of so many during the year this would not have had the same outcome. Time after time people have come to the rescue. I am deeply grateful for the help.

As I turn gazing at the past to the present and then the future it becomes unclear. I don't know what to expect. While I plan to build the business up again as orders come in on a personal level I'm not sure what to think or what to hope for. I have friends that are very dear to me and give me constant encouragement and help yet looking further down the road I don't know what to expect or even hope for. There are times when my heart is still so full of memories of Nan that I can't think of moving forward, other times I feel like perhaps there might be new opportunities where I could enhance someones life. I'm sure all people who have lost someone feel the same and wrestle with timing, mixture of feelings and the ultimate question, do I want to be alone forever and just wait for the Lord to come and the resurrection of his children or do I proactively move forward to an eventual relationship? I've not heard easy answers from anyone so I think the Lord will just have to lead and make things clear.

So to the dear reader of this blog, may God bless you with selfless love for others in this new year and may you be Jesus to someone who needs the touch of a caring hand.

Love

tim