Friday, February 29, 2008

Keanna comes for a sleep over

Dear Family and Friends,
At this moment Keanna has woken up coughing and so I'm sitting on the end of her bed typing and she is struggling to go back to sleep again but keeps having these attacks. She is a very brave little girl and slept for about an hour before waking with the coughing. I'm at a loss as what to do. For me I'd take a slug of some very strong codine cough medicine I have but I'm sure not going to give that to her. She and Nikki arrived about 6 and Nikki was kind enough to make dinner which was great. Then we did puzzles for a bit. this girl is getting good at them. Then we read a book about butterflys and she went to sleep. I thought that was it for the night but now the coughing. I moved our air purifier into the room to see if that could help pull out some of the alergens floating around.
I enjoyed a few minutes of the christian satelite with beautiful music and pictures of nature, mostly yosemite at different seasons.
My day was full with travel, very nice people, interesting situations, phone calls and safety. In spite of ever changing traffic conditions God granted me yet another day of safe travel.
I started the day with my traditional walk, oatmeal with cinnamon which Jean said would help with the ups and downs of blood sugar and sure enough I did not have the rapid drop in blood sugar around noon today. I drove to Sherman Island to see a house that I inspected a week ago. Then it was rough but today it was beautiful, fresh carpet, paint, vinyl floors. What a difference a week can make when people work round the clock on something. Doug is such a great guy and really cares about making this house right for his lady. Then I drove to Martinez to see a property which has two houses on it. The owner has decided to join the two with a studio and breezeway arrangment creating a property with over 4,000 of living area. John Muir is buried a few hundred feet from his property is a little grove of trees. It is a very nice part of Martinez. Then I hit the road for Newark where a property needed a follow up inspection for repairs that have been made. Then to San Ramon to shoot a missing front photo of a property and finally the back roads beckoned as the best way to get home. I got here about 30 minutes before the kids arrived. While we were preparing dinner Jason called and we talked to Timothy who has started to crawl now and has his grammy Julie who arrived from overseas today. They are delighted to have her home again and she will enjoy baby Timothy. By the way the little guy slept through the night last night to the delight of Jason and Jo.
I'm glad its Friday night and I'm glad Keanna is here. I just wish I knew what to do about the coughing so Keanna could get to sleep. I'd rather be coughing than to have her so miserable. She is such a delight.
Well I'm going to try to find her puffer to see if that will help a bit.
Tomorrow we get to see a ultrasound of the new baby in 3D. That should be very very fun. We are leaving about 9:30 in the morning and making a morning of it in Modesto.
Thanks for your support, prayers and good wishes this week. Yes I still need your prayers for income, another dry day at the post box but tonight its Sabbath and I have 6 other days to worry about money.
Sending my love to you,

Tim

The week ends, Keanna comes for a sleep over

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Its over....

Dear Family and Friends,

I am writing early tonight as I plan to go to bed early. Today started with Loren's arrival to ferry me to the hospital. He was on time and we arrived on time at the hospital where I was placed in a bed without clothes and some silly little gown that had no back, got an IV in the hand, ouch, and got some lovely saline in the line for the next hour. Loren kept me company and we solved most of the worlds bigger problems, then they rolled me away. I thought as I was on the gurney how many times I have watched Nan rolled away into the unknown, I never got used to it. Its a pretty tense moment when you see them disappear around the corner. Well today I was riding the gurney and was rolled into a special room beautifully equipped for taking photos and prodding where most of us really don't want to go at all. The doctor was there and I was asked to roll onto my side which I did, I had stickers on my chest for the monitors, oxygen and a clothespin device on a finger to measure blood oxygen levels. The next thing I knew was I was on my back and they were finished. They rolled me back to the recovery room and I was told that I could not leave until the air inside came rushing out. Sharon would have fainted as she does not really believe in intestinal discomfort much. Well that happened and after a 45 minute recovery I was wheeled out to the car and allowed freedom. As I was waking I felt so good, I think I got a glimpse of why people use drugs but it quickly passed.
Loren said where to and I said Sylvia's Kitchen, a locals place near the hospital. we had excellent omlets filled with good things, rye bread and a hot chocolate. Food really seemed good again after the day and a half fast. Then we drove home and Loren and I talked for a bit in the driveway and then he left for Tracy. What a big help he was today. Not just for the ride which was vital in itself but also for the chance to catch up on his life after retirement. He has been a school teacher for many many years and has such stories to tell from his years. He was Jason's teacher for a couple years and that was really good chemistry as Jason really enjoyed his time there.
As I settled into my work chair before long I fell asleep and was asleep for some time. It was a warm afternoon and the sleep seemed just right. Nikki called to let me know her evening plans. When I looked about I discovered I had lost my wallet. Turns out it slipped out of my pocket as we were driving home and had been wedged into the seat. So that meant a quick trip to Tracy, grab the wallet decline a wonderful meal as I was on my way to Strings in Brentwood to see Keanna and Nikki. It took a while to get our food, they were swamped when we came in but the food was good and it is always great to see them. People at the next table came over when they left to compliment Keanna on her excellent behavior. That was a nice touch and they were right, she is a very well behaved little person (most of the time).
I drove home to read my emails, sort of settle in and decide if there is anything I can do tomorrow to generate income. Looks like there is so its time to call and see for sure.
I want to express my appreciation to those of you who have had colonoscopies before and share your encouragement. It was not a bad experience and this morning when I weighed after my shower I was the lowest weight I've had in two years. Yea!
Tomorrow Keanna is coming for a sleep over and then the next day we drive to Modesto for a 3D imaging of the baby. How exciting is that! Can't wait to see the little person in action.
My brother is starting to work out details in his retirement and things are beginning to fall into place. He sounded very positive this evening and I sure have a lot of respect for a person who has had a job that often required his getting on the train at 2 am and then working 12 hours straight, night after night and he is 70 years young. I'm very relieved he is retiring and he can finally sleep at home in his own bed every night. He has done enough work.
When Loren was here today we took a look at the house which is desperate for pain. The trim is so dry that in many places it is cracking open. He has offered to help get a new coat of pain on the trim so as the weather gets better I think we are going to have a big day with as many painters as we can find to get some new paint on this ol house. Loren really knows his stuff about painting and I trust his judgement.
For now I'm winding it down and heading to bed.
So good night my friends and family,
Thanks for the many prayers and emails and calls of concern for this day and I'm very very glad it is over. The doctor said he took 2 polops off. They will be sent to the lab and then we'll see if they are dangerous or not.
Love

tim

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Colonoscopy just ahead......

Dear Family and Friends,
Today was a day with beautiful weather. From my early morning walk until now a spring feeling is in the air. After the walk and not being able to eat any breakfast I went to work. I waded through value checks, talked to clients, emailed, faxed and prepared for a 1 pm appointment. Just before I was ready to leave I get a call saying, hold up on that, we don't have FHA approval yet. I really hate to have a perfectly good schedule blown away so I showered, did some more work and then left for Longs in Brentwood where my special brew was waiting for me. $30 later I took the two pills with water and drove to Pleasant Hill, the appointment went great the lady was nice, the property well maintained, the neighborhood nice and quiet. As I finished shooting the comps I noticed that the pills were starting to work on my body so finding a Taco Bell for a restroom was nice, then home through nasty 5 pm traffic. I stopped at Safeway to try to locate something clear that I could eat and found some Jello and clear juices but since starting this beverage I really don't feel hungry, mostly I just like to read magazines located in the bathroom. I think it is working!
Once again today the mail brought no checks so its time to begin pursuing the clients, urging them to pay up.
Art and Connie are home from their two day camping adventure. They enjoyed beautiful weather, good friendship and dominos. What more could someone want?
I wanted to mention again the very special printed book that Karen Cress prepared. I'll need to get the web address for the site where the book can be purchased. It is really a great book and perhaps Karen can put the address in a response to the blog.

Well this evening can not get over quickly enough.

Take care each and every one of you. Express love while you can!

love

tim

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Jerry retires

Dear Friends and Family,
Well he made it official today. My brother who has worked for the railroad is retiring after 35 years on the tracks, over a million miles without ever any damaged freight or equipment but he feels his time is short before the company finds some way to ease him out so he'd rather do it on his terms. He and Donna have been doing the math and think they can live on the retirement. I am so glad he will not have to work any more 12 hour all nighters, sleep 8 and then back on the train again.
Ken and I walked at 6:30 this morning for an early start to the day. Then breakfast and off to Antioch. Let me tell you the house I saw was rough, I mean not really liveable and it is in the process of being fixed up, needs it badly. Windows missing, doors missing, no paint, overgrown back yard. Wow! Then home to work up things in the bin, do value checks, make a fast deposit as the account was overdrawn again, work more, take orders, eat every hour, do more work.
Breaking up the routine of the day was emails from Judy, a high school friend who is an amazing person, calls from Nikki and Jason, text messages from Marilyn who was staying in out of the cold and snow in Rhode Island, a call from Dolly on her way somewhere to help someone, that is what she does, helps people.
Now its bedtime and I still have work I could do but perhaps I've done enough. Money is so tight right now but this way I get to meet a new group of people, the bill collectors! Most are nice and understanding.
Loren just emailed to confirm our Thursday morning early ride to the hospital for the colonoscopy so you know what I'll be drinking tomorrow evening and you know where I'll be, close to home for sure. I dont' even pick up the stuff until noon as the pharmacy was out of it and had to order it in.
So my friends, I'm doing OK and my fervent desire is that you will do OK as well. Please take good care of your relationships, go the extra mile, listen when you don't feel like it, speak softly and use the words, Yes Dear, often. Women sort of expect that from wise husbands.
If any of you think you could fit into clothes that hand in our closet I would sure like to invite you to come and try them on. Right now all of these nice clothes are doing no one any good, lets make them work for someone. Nan had great taste and usually bought good quality things. Never flashy but solid.
Well good night or good morning, best to you each one,

love

tim

Monday, February 25, 2008

Back to work

Dear Friends and Family,
9:16, home at last after a good day. Weather was pleasant, homeowners were friendly, traffic was OK and safe. Ken and I walked at 6:30 this morning, just from taking a couple day break it felt like my lungs would burst at first just keeping up with speedy Ken and his wonder dog but it felt good to make the loop again. Then home to have breakfast with Jerry, oatmeal, wheat english muffins, skim milk, banana, now how bad can that be? Then I had to reluctantly see Jerry drive away as he had things to take care of back at his 5th wheel in Sacramento and I had a day of work to attend to. What a great experience to spend time with a brother who I have always admired. He is in pretty good shape for 71 and has lots of wisdom which he shares in such a nice way. We both spent hours napping in side by side recliners, watched a lot of wood burn, saw a couple silly movies, sort of attended church through the dish, had great meals, did projects, went shopping and caught up on so much. At one point I experienced a very special moment. Jerry was in the chair next to me and Sibyl called from Ohio, she is our sister who is younger than Jerry and older than me. I hope to fly out to Ohio sometime before summer and spend some time with her too.
Today I saw a neat little two story called a villa over in San Ramon, I forgot my map and the GPS took me right to the front door perfectly, amazing little device, not a toy anymore but a vital part of the team. Then I drove to Berkeley to take more interior photos. I really enjoy talking to that guy who is so friendly and a budding painter now. Then set the GPS for Palo Alto and it took me down a very steep hill to the freeway, down 880 to a bridge on 84, across and right to the house where I took more interior photos. Then I punched in home and I started back but I'd seen a Fuddrucker sign so diverted there for a garden burger and iced tea. Perfect, then home through traffic was really moved well. I've gone 260 miles and the tank is on half. Not bad and I'm eternally thankful for the little diesel bug with its 43 mpg. Helps a lot when fuel prices are so high. I'm paying $3.69 right now with a discount for Safeway customers.
Today some money slipped in, someone called and asked for an appraisal in Antioch and gave me a credit card number, money came in the mail and the client in San Ramon had a check ready, sure feels better to go to bed with some money coming in for a change. Thank you Lord!
Jean, the magic writer assistant sure came through, she had two reports ready for me and waiting in the computer this morning so after a few minutes with each to proof read and make my own adjustments they were on their way to lenders. What a blessing she is to the team. Loree and I talked a bit this morning using the instant messenger feature of our computers and plans to work on filing soon. Even when we are slow the files do stack up after awhile. She is a wiz at filing and can throw boxes around like they are tissue when I groan and creak moving them, oh to be that young again.
Several of you have reminded me that we need to keep billing our clients and we are about to send out statements again soon. That mailing usually generates income that we might not see otherwise.
I am so glad to pass along great news from Bob and Carrol. Her blood numbers are holding pretty well so she has managed to avoid chemo for another two months, that will make 15 months since she has had to have it. They are so happy and grateful. Also news from N. Carolina. Carol and Roger think they might live after all. They have been battling the flu big time with fevers and all but today Carol is better while Roger still fights a fever. They have a possible helper coming on Wednesday and they don't want to scare them off. Carol wrote tonight with some very interesting news. They have a guy renting a cabin from them who has a dog that is very precious to him. The dog has GIST and has had surgery to remove tumors. Now that is a new one.
Well its time to do a bit of work in prep for tomorrow which has me in Antioch and possibly in Hollister as well, that part is not confirmed yet.
My heart is really with Jason and Jo right now, Timothy is getting better but his baby sitter who cares for him every day has a daughter with a virus so he can't go there to stay, Today Jason cared for him at home and I wish I could drop everything and go care for him too. I'll have to see how the week progresses. Jason does not feel that well himself, sort of a tough time for them and I want to fix it for all of them, what pappa wouldn't want to.
So good night friend and family, good to hear from Nikki, Jason, Jo, Dana, Art, Jerry and Marilyn Titherington today, thank goodness for cell phones and blue tooth devices so we can do both safely, drive and talk.
love

tim

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Working together

Dear Friends and Family,
First off, thanks to so many who wrote emails today, some in response to the blog directly, others to me personally. I've just read each one and I appreciate hearing from you and finding out about you.
Carol and Roger need our prayers, they are battling a serious hit of the flu and its got both of them down. They are so healthy that when they are ill it really hits hard.
Jerry and I had Belgium Waffles for breakfast then relaxed with a fire for awhile watching the rain fall and the wind blow. This afternoon we went to do a driveby appraisal in Antioch and purchased needed supplies to repair the mirror that was falling off the motorhome. It turned out to be quite a job and really needed both of us to work inside and outside the motorhome at the same time. Jerry is skilled at crafting the fix we needed, a steel plate on the inside with 4 bolts running through the mirror, throught the steel plate to washers and then nuts. Sounds easy but it was not, to work inside one has to stand on your head and work under the dashboard. I was under there many times but we finally got the old bolts out, the plate cut and holes drilled in the right places, epoxy under the mirror to keep the water out and then we were through. The sun set while we were working so we started the generator and ran a drop light. The parking lot closes at 9 and you can't get out the gate, we finished at 8:45. We came home and made some very tasty grilled cheese sandwitches and soup. Food tasted really good after the hard work. I was and am still concerned about Jerry's hands. He has had several surgeries on them to fix things and here he was working hard with those hands. We both can feel sore and strained muscles this evening yet the thrill of working together on a project like this that required a creative plan, materials, preparation and then completion. We both feel quite proud of ourselves and Jerry says the mirror is so firmly fixed to the motorhome you could turn the coach over with the mirror and it would not budge.
Tomorrow I am walking with Ken at 6:30 am so I will need to crash soon to get some rest. The furnace has worked part of the time, not perfect and not totally failed so until it does fail no repairs can be done, who knows what is wrong with it.
I've learned a lot of tricks on cooking, shopping, using tools and about life in general from my elderly brother, I found out he is 71, older than I thought and he is still going strong.
Please pray for Carrol Sorenson as she has an appointment with her doctor tomorrow and will find out results of blood work done on the 12th. Our prayer is that her cancer numbers are holding so she will not have to resume chemo, it has been 14 months since her last chemo and we'd like many more months of good reports.
So saying good night now and thanks for letting me know how you are doing. I get curious!

love

tim

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Rest day

Good evening friends and family,
Since last night I've had a stress free Sabbath. I slept in until almost 8 am. We walked the dogs in the park, we had a late breakfast at the Byron Inn, we watched Loma Linda Worship Service, sat in recliners with the fire roaring and took turns having naps while beautiful pictures and music were on the Christian Satelite channels, we had dinner this evening at Olive Garden, Jerry has taught me a lot of things about living with diabetes since he has had it for years, wears an insulin pump and manages his sugar blood levels very well. Just now we had peaches that Joyce and Glen canned and brought to us long ago. Jerry had me buy some fat free, sugar free Coolwhip and the peaches with some coolwhip on tops, well its better than most deserts. What a treat, thanks Joyce for the jam I eat every morning on my one piece of wheat toast and the fruit I have nearly every day as well. Thank you Marilyn Bitzer for the green beans that lasted until last week so I got more at the store. Jerry often speaks of how fortunate I am to be surrounded by such a loving and caring group of friends and family, he is so right.
We had planned to go to church today in Tracy but Jerry walked out of his trailer in Sac and left all his hanging clothes behind so we've stayed low key.
How nice it has been to enjoy the fire burning, the music, the naps and the great conversation remembering our childhood and his many memories of Nan as well. It is easy to remember Nan through so many different parts of our adult lives. This afternoon we drove to the graveside and spent quiet time regretting that Nan is resting there instead of up and with us in our lives. What a loss.
I'm beginning to get into one of the 4 books our friend Karen sent. She is a GIST friend and the books she sent are very deep and helpful about grief and loss. I'm already learning as I begin to read and to appreciate the terrible place God is at when such a loss takes place. He just loves His children and never wants anything bad to happen in their lives but we also have an enemy who will do anything he can to hurt, destroy and injure. Cancer is his doing.
I appreciate the emails and messages that I have received today. Wes has a really great idea for soup and I can't wait to try it.......
So as I think of things another week has come to a close and a new one is upon us. This week will have highlights, a colonoscopy!!, a visit to the dentist!!
I'm interested in how you are doing, what issues you are facing, how are your relationships going? What have you done lately to allow the ones you love to know for sure you treasure them? Words, kind gestures, phone calls, loving touches.... you have the power to make someone's life more fun, more secure, more meaningful. so use the power now while you can, you see I can't now, what I have done for Nan has to be enough for there are no second changes or going back. Yes I did pretty good by her when she needed me most but there were hundreds of times I could have enhanced her life that I was too busy with work, or being on the phone, or doing selfish things when I could have done more. No I don't beat myself up because I did step up to the plate when I needed to and we worked together at holding her life together as long as possible, we did well, I just wish I would have started loving her in overdrive sooner.

How can I help you, don't ask for a loan right now OK? But are there things I can do to help you, do you happen to know of people who could benefit from some of Nan's clothes? They are here, or who need Gleevec, I have months worth, or anything I can do to help, let me know. My biggest enemy is being alone with no one to need me. While I treasure time spent with the kids and their kids I want them to be able to live their lives without my being in the way either.

Take care my friends, my family, I love you all

Tim
ps Thank you Donna for sharing Jerry with me this weekend. Its been great to have him here.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Not a day to repeat

Dear Family and Friends,
After I blogged last night I discovered I had broken the tooth that just cost me $2,100. At least I'm pretty sure it is broken. That was terrible news and I woke with it still on my mind. I pleaded with the Lord to make sense out of the day. Well if this was to be a learning day then He succeeded.
Context: Yesterday afternoon I took a call from a lady who said our appointment needed to be moved to late this afternoon. I assumed it was the real estate contact for the 9:30 appointment this morning on Sherman Island and made changes to my day accordingly. After I walked this morning in driving rain I sat down to begin to do much needed work and decided to see if the local dentist could see me to tell me for sure what I had done to my tooth. Yes I could come at 10. As I drove into the parking lot the phone rang, it was the agent at Shermon Island, where are you, we are all here waiting to see you. No I said, you moved the appointment to this afternoon, no she said, come now, well what to do, I was already very very stressed and upset in general and for a minute I waffled back and forth. I went to the dentist front office lady, told her I could not stay, then drove back home to print a map and email some things over to my wonderful writer Jean, I had forgotten to do that, and an appraisal was to be completed today as it was needed badly by the loan company, so I emailed her the data, grabbed my camera, printed a map and hit the road, Jean called to tell me I had emailed the wrong thing, a jpeg, not a pdf so she could not open it at all, I just lost it and Jean was so kind helping me work through one of those ambushes of emotion and grief, dispair and depression. Then I called the number of the person I was meeting at Shermon Island, a minor miracle happened, this gentle voice came on the phone, he said, relax, we are OK and have no place to go in a hurry, don't worry about anything, just come and help us, don't drive fast, you are OK. What a relief to have back to back conversations with gentle caring people. The property was amazingly near and the GPS took me to the door. The property was rough but not physically damaged at all, just needs paint, carpet and love. Really great, backs to a huge field that will always be open, in the distance is the Sacramento River and Mount Diablo, it is quiet, peaceful and a real steal. The person I met insisted on paying me in cash and says he will pay me again when I come back after they have the property ready for the appraisal inspection. He invited me to the party they intend to have when they move in. What a total human blessing he was. I knew Jerry was driving down and thought I would not be home to let him in but an accident lengthened his trip so we both drove up at the same time. We quickly made lunch as both of us have diabetes and both were in need of some fuel. Then we headed out again to see a local ranchette with a real log house. What a charming property and Jerry has some experience with log homes so was able to have a nice conversation with the owner.
Then the mystery of the caller unfolded. It was the heating and cooling expert who was supposed to come on Thursday between 4 and 6 and had his office call to tell me he would be coming at the end of the day on Friday. I had gotten things all mixed up and caused a huge mess, just made me feel even more in charge of life, NOT.
Of course when Rob turned the furnace on it lite and heated, it did it three more times without fail. Mind you it has been two weeks since it would provide any heat and I've started it a dozen times to make sure. So are not any further along than before. When Rob comes it heats, when he leaves it fails.
After that Jerry and I hit Safeway. He helped me shop more carefully for the right things, had good ideas of putting some fun in the food and before long and $90 later we were back in the car. Home to unload and then Nikki made contact so we ended up eating at our favorite little place in Bethel Island. Keanna was in rare form, she is such a little lady and a real pleasure to eat with. Then home to bed for her and home for Jerry and I where we found the furnace still working. Now we are sipping Mochas and ready to head to bed. I thought it was funny as we were both sitting in our recliners and had fallen asleep side by side.
It is a very nice feeling to have Jerry here this evening. This has not been a positive week for me and I've had more down times than I like. Yet there have been great moments, like eating with Sylvia, hearing from Pam that her leg is finally getting better, having Nikki get back safely from a two day trip to Stanford for work, getting to see Keanna tonight, talking to Timothy earlier on the phone, getting really nice emails from friends and family, having Jerry come visit.
I guess the facts are that I am so selfish that I just can't stand to have Nan gone and I worry way to much about my own feelings of being left alone. I think I am doing better and then wham I am depressed and unhappy, frightened of what is to come and feel like the chances of being at peace again are minimal.
I'm glad that Sabbath is here and that for a few hours I choose not to worry about appraisals, lenders and this terrible market.
I am pleading for God's direction for all things I face. I've never felt so removed from His hands and I'm not sure what is going on inside.
What I do know is this night I am not alone, that Jerry is here to talk to, seek advice from, talk about Nan and get his feedback too. Its a very good experience having him come to visit.
So until tomorrow,

love

tim

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Watching for the ambushes...

Dear Family and Friends,
I am just back from the grief recovery group which is held in Byron at the Methodist Church. Tonight there must have been 10 or more people in attendance and everyone had a very moving story to share. I came away refreshed and reminded that there are many different stories of loss and of courage and of love. While nothing profound was done or said yet it was a very positive experience for me. One thought that was shared by someone who lost his wife nearly a year ago is that his daily routines get ambushed by sudden hits of hurting and loss and I could certainly identify with his comments. I've felt such an ambush several times this week and they come out of nowhere and are so intense that they are surprising even shocking to experience. Later you wonder, what triggered that? And there does not appear to be answers.
I've worked hard today attempting to deal with some of the bigger issues, conditions that had come in. I've had some success and to celebrate at lunch time I went to the frig, took out the leftovers of Thai food, heated them in the microwave and enjoy yet another meal based on last nights good meal. Of course I had my trusty Oakmeal from breakfast along with vege sausages and a banana. What a feast good food is yet I still struggle with what to make for dinners each evening, its not as easy for me as breakfasts which seem pretty routine by now.
This afternoon I got great news, my brother Jerry is coming to spend the weekend. He will arrive about noon tomorrow, go with me on some appraisals, then we will find something to eat somewhere, perhaps with Nikki, Steve and Keanna if they are free. We might be able to attend Tracy Church as Keanna has other plans for the morning. We will get to talk, snooze, catch up on family memories and just enjoy the experience. It will be so nice to have someone in the house.
Have I mentioned that my friend Art turned 60 on Sunday. Connie opened their home for a party and the people came. It was a wonderful event with a nice time for sharing in the afternoon. Reports are that it was a very moving time for all. I'll have to be more careful now in dealing with Art as he is older and may begin to suffer hearing loss, to walk slower, to need more rest etc. Today he did a nice thing, went and helped his Aunt who just lost her husband to prepare her taxes. That is vintage Art, he just loves to help people, what a good friend God has blessed me and many others with, a true friend.
Well once again my best intentions to be in bed by 10 have failed. Well at least by 11 tonight. I heard from Marilyn Titherington today and she is planning on returning in July. That will be great to have her smiling, helpful personality around to pick on. She is the worlds best sorter and I'm developing stacks of papers for her enjoyment. Dana signed Jonathan out of the hospital today after being told all day yesterday he could go home and then it did not happen, well today she made it happen. He is feeling much better now and is very tired of being in the hospital so at 10 this morning she was on her way home through driving rain. He was very glad to escape.
It seems like Sharon must be in her new home by now but I missed her tonight when I tried to call. She goes to bed early as she is often at work by 5 am Texas time. I often forget that when I try to call. Nan used to look at me and say, you can't call now, you'll wake her. Well now its up to me and yes sometimes I mess up and wake her.
So how is everyone doing with the rain and more winter? Are you as ready to have spring as I am. I know Loree, my assistant, is ready as she loves the sunshine and she is one of those people who walk outside and come back in tanned and fit for summer, not fair really.
Tomorrow is Friday which leads to the weekend and I am so ready. Now if money would just arrive in the mail so I could pay some bills that are behind, well that would be great. AT least one of the appointments tomorrow is COD so I will not come home totally empty handed at days end.
Thank you for listening,

love

tim

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Thai Food to the rescue

Dear Family and Friends,
Sure hope I spelled that word correctly, Thai. If not sorry! This evening Sylvia and I took a break from our normal routines and had dinner at the Thai place in Tracy. This is a very special place for the Ahn family. Kevin used to work there and they have a sauce even named for Steve, dial that in as very hot, that boy liked his food spicy! It was so great to catch up with the changing world that evolves after losing a spouse. Sylvia has been a great friend to our family for many many years and half raised Jason when he was a teen. She would often come and sit with Nan during the day and they would chatter, Sylvia would make things shine and good food would be in the frig at days end. I have great respect for her abilities as an organizer, a leader, a birder, a profound Christian and as a parent and now a new respect for her as a survivor. She is an amazing woman. I was able to deliver a book that Dolly so much wanted to share with her written especially for widows and Sylvia appreciated receiving it.
This has been a somewhat emotional day for me, I'm totally not sure why as no special unusual event sparked anything yet when pastor Jim called this morning his timing was inspired and I needed to talk to him for a bit, his words as usual were on target and calming. Then as I was driving to Concord for an inspection I called Sylvia to see if I could drop off the book and the rainfall started, my eyes were pretty much blurry and the narrow road was a little tough to navigate. Then gradually the pressure released and I could see again, it was a very strange disappointing time. I had sort of thought I was beyond that, well surprise!
Some days are more difficult than others to me personally, its harder to stay here at home and work than to be out, to be busy, driving, meeting people in their homes, finding addresses and trying to stay away from accidents. But at home the weight of the conditions connected to past appraisals, the value checks, the changing rules regarding what lenders want in an appraisal report, the calls from creditors, the balancing act between paying the most urgent and yet covering routine items like cat food, fuel, oil changes. At least I am not short on challenges right now, I fail to understand what lessons God might be trying to teach me right now, I don't feel Him very near and I'm not sure why exactly.
I did get some very specific help today, an offer from an expert in dealing with medical billing to help me deal with the hospital, that was such a welcome offer. Pastor Jim with his kind words, Jim from I-Net computers giving encouragement, Ken's friendship as we walked the lake together. I sort of feel like I am living hour by hour waiting for the next shoe to drop, for the next mini disaster to arrive, rather than by a more comprehensive plan.
I started the day with a blood pressure of 112/60, best yet. What I would like is to get my affairs in order enough so I can stop worrying about me and concentrate of helping others again, there is a lot more meaning in that than this self obsessed existence.
This evening as I left Tracy I called my brother who is 10 years older than me and is having work related issues right now as they would really like to find an excuse to retire him and replace him with a far less expensive younger person. So he is caught in a political situation in which he does not know the outcome. We talked until I reached home here in Discovery Bay and it was so good to help lift his spirits. He has been a fine brother over the years to me and I'm glad I can get to know him better. I'm also looking forward to a trip to Ohio this spring to catch up with my sister Sibyl as well. Its been years since we got to see each other and she has been so supportive all through Nan's ordeal. Nothing replaces family ever and I treasure mine both young and old.
So another day has come and gone and as I reflect here I realize that there has been a great deal of good in it in spite of some rough moments. Thanks!

love

Tim

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

People's kindness

Dear Family and Friends,
As I write this evening I'm thinking of how kind and supportive people have been. A set of books arrived this evening from Karen who lives somewhere in middle America. She has been a good friend and given many encouraging words and thoughts over the last few months. This evening I opened a package she sent and there were several books on dealing with the grief and loss when your spouse is taken. Thank you for your great kindness Karen. Karen is a fellow GISTer and Nan loved her very much.
This has been a day of work and since I was finally able to stay put at my desk I have several projects completed and emailed out. Also a nice check for several hundred dollars came from a lender in San Jose. That was very encouraging. But of course along with it in the same mail box came a bill for over $600 which was my part of the lung test I took recently. I sort of thought the hospital accepted the payment from Blue Cross as payment in full but I'm told my part is over $600. Sort of makes you think twice about taking tests as I simply cannot afford bills like this to stack up. OIS, a collection agency is already in hot pursuit for a $2,500 bill from John Muir for medical services rendered sometime in the past year and I just got another bill from John Muir for over $500 for my most recent blood work up. I simply cannot keep up with the bills. When I try to go to sleep I wonder what is to become of me as the bills mount up. Yet I keep working and trying to generate income, I don't know what else to do.
Fortunately a couple new orders did come in today, both are problematic, seems nothing is simple right now and won't be for awhile until the markets get better and people start buying houses again.
This day started with some good news for me from a selfish standpoint. My resting blood pressure this morning was 113 / 67 my lowest to date. My blood sugar was 124 at the end of the walk and my weight was the lowest yet at 222.5. I know I am on the right path and Ken walking with me sometimes is a great help in staying at it. I am so encouraged by hearing of others who are walking, Barbie and Gerry, my brother, LeAnn, our neighbor is even planning on walking 13 miles pretty soon to raise money for cancer.
Little Timothy needs our prayers, he is battling a very nasty cough and cold plus teething and he had a very hard night last night. When a little one is ill it is very trying for the parents too as they are constantly concerned about his well being. Having just been there with him I know I'm concerned yet so far away.
Life continues to slowly unfold one day at a time. There is no inherit joy in living right now, no warm and fuzzy moments of togetherness. At times I am very bitter about what happened to Nan and to the rest of us as we lost her. There is not joy in going to sleep alone, waking alone, eating alone, working alone, driving alone, none whatsoever. If you have ever entertained thoughts of wondering what life would be like if you just had to look after yourself, well just ask Sylvia or Me, we are becoming experts on surviving.
Its not that I resent seeing friends who have each other for I remember I had that happy experience for nearly 37 years too. I just want what I had back again, I want it back again for the kids and the grandkids, that warm experience of having Grammy there and caring, involved, loving, listening, touching.
I often wonder about survival, I think I will but it sure is not from a deep sense of excitement or happiness, its for the precious little people, the family, hoping for a future that makes some sense again. I'm not sure where God is in all of this. I have not felt or seen any indication recently of His hand at work, am I limiting Him or not listening. I'm going under gradually financially, getting gradually better physically and am struggling with work as I go.
Thanks for listening and if you have any ideas I'm open but oh so tired of it all. The only moments that make any sense if when I can see the kids and grandkids, then life seems worth fighting for.
Thanks for being my friend, God bless you and your life.

love

tim
ps Jason and Jo have a great blog started with some nice photos of Timothy. You can go to their blog at jjmustard.blogspot.com and I know they would like to hear from you.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Timothy rules!

Good evening,
Well I'm home again after a tremendous experience with first Keanna riding in the motorhome on her way to Sabbath School and then Timothy who was awake when I arrived at MBA. To a pappa getting to see both little ones in the same day was very special. Timothy was suffering from teething and a nasty cold. Yet he smiled and laughed, played, talked, grabbed toys and really enjoyed when it was time to eat. While I had been very concerned about making him ill by the time I arrived I felt better and although not well I managed OK.
I really like camping out in the motorhome since I have internet, forced air furnace, TV, hot water, microwave oven and a very comfortable bed. I took only healthy food with me and then only ate a tiny amount of it but I'm making a real effort to keep pushing water having learned from Jim's class that I need at least 80 oz per day, thats a lot more than I've been drinking.
Each day I took the doggies and we went for a 40 minute walk which included a walk to the beach, some time on the beach near the breakers and then back up the hill to the motorhome. What a good feeling to experience the heart beating and not be out of breath. The dogs thought they were in heaven and enjoyed the entire trip. At night they sleep with me helping me keep warm and so I never feel alone. In the morning I shower in my tiny little shower enjoying the warm water.
On Sunday evening Jason and Jo went to San Jose for a program and I got to baby sit. What a nice experience to have the little guy fall asleep on my chest. It was an experience I won't ever forget. I almost regretted the evening coming to an end.
This morning we worked on Jason's riding mower, made it work, Jason fed me a pancake and a vege sausage and then it was time to pack up and go. I really wrestle with my emotions when I have to leave this precious family. So it is always with some tears that I drive out of the campus but I've learned how to drive and cry so that does not cause a problem at all and eventually the crying slows down and the day brightens and I move into the next page of the adventure.
On the way home I did a driveby appraisal in Fremont. Complicating the process were very narrow private streets but I managed to get my photos and then headed home. When I arrived home I felt better, safe and so quickly unloaded the personal items, dumped the tanks and returned the motorhome to its storage place. Then when I came home I made a tiny dinner and have been at this computer since. On my little flat screen next to my desk I also watched a special on the royal family in England and the second war, now a special on Kit Carson is on, really interesting stuff. Sort of helps the evening pass.
Now I face the week, the desk is stacked high with tasks to approach tomorrow, how is your week looking?
So time passes, days turn into weeks and then months, who knows what the future holds.

love to all

tim

Sunday, February 17, 2008

A babe in arms

Dear Faithful Friends and Family,
I am writing this evening from Jason and Jo's easy chair, a chair Nan loved to take advantage of over the years, a chair she purchased from CostCo in Texas Jason remind me today. This is my second day here with family and this afternoon I am baby sitting little Timothy. It is more challenging since he is fighting teething right now and has a bad cold as well. But he is a gem. Clayton is also here and is very good with him. He's been down for about an hour now but for several hours it did not want to sleep, he wanted to be held and then play so thats what we did. It is an enchanting time to be this close to perfection, purity as designed by our Creator. He smiles, he watches, he grabs, he wiggles, he jumps up and down, he plays with his little toys, manages his binki, passifier by himself. Watching him close fills my heart with great peace and joy, he is a very good reason to live healthy, to stay young, to live for the future.
Earlier in the afternoon Jason was kind enough to allow me the use of his car and I drove over to see Art and Connie celebrate his 60th. They had food everwhere, A BBQ going under Ron's direction, lots of family and friends, a beautiful warm, no hot backyard. I could only stay for a limited time but it was enough to let him know my esteem and I wanted to see him now before he got any older and while he could still see me and hear my words!!
As I turned to drive back to MBA the weather was chilling as the fog moved in covering the whole area with a cool evening.
I am very thankful for this opportunity to be with family, to spend special time with Timothy and to become better known by this little trooper. He is really special and having just spent exciting time with Keanna as we drove the motorhome to church and she got sit in her car seat way up high, to hear her excitement and have her play hide and seek after we arrived, well I just value this experience with the grandchildren, they fill a special place in the heart and Sylvia your day is coming and you will love it and Jason says until that day arrives you are very welcome to visit MBA and play with this little guy too. Sounds like a great idea.
Glen and Joyce, long time friends are in San Diego this week experiencing the first joy of their new little granddaughter. As can be expected they are thrilled with the prospects that Kim and hubby are moving west to San Diego, a lot closer than Scottsdale and the weather a lot more pleasant too. Kim is a radiologist and can set up shop most anywhere to read CT's Xrays, MRIs etc thanks to the internet and todays communications.
Tomorrow I will unplug and start the trip back home. On the way I'll shoot some new comparables in Fremont making this trip a bit more like business.
I still feel pretty rough and am experiencing a lot of sneezing and runny nose, Kleenex boxes are everywhere at the moment. I found oats for oatmeal in the motorhome this morning so made a bowl. Only after I finished cooking them in the microwave did I notice that unlike the oats at home these are 1 minute and I had just cooked them three. So they were very soft to the taste but still good. I had whole wheat english muffins with peanut butter of course and a mocha. Downright tasty as I watched motocross from Houston. Dana had called yesterday to say Jonathan was back in the hospital with infection and was doing better on a cocktail of antibiotics and would be out this coming week. Yesterday she had taken her little grandsons to the the motocross to see the bikes go fast so I watched with interest. What a sport, amazing how high they jump. It was more interesting than face the nation by far.
My prayers for you are that you will have a loving week, a companionship week, a touching week and that at the weeks end your life will be more meaningful and special that at its beginning. We get handed a lot of stuff to deal with and what we do with what we are handed determines not only our happiness and peace of mind but touches others who depend on us.
I would ask that you remember Jonathan in your prayers, also a little boy we heard about today that is just 11 and has a newly found tumor in a very critical place in his body, God knows who and where he is but he sure needs healing. On a minor note i would appreciate your prayers that I will be able to make sense how of no income and high expenses. Some of the last medical bills are coming in and they are in the thousands.
I send my love to each of you, may you be blessed according to the riches found in Jesus alone.

love

tim

Saturday, February 16, 2008

At MBA

Good evening,
I am sitting in the motorhome which is adjacent to Jason and Jo's home here on the campus. This morning started early with a walk, the drive the motorhome to pick up Keanna. She got a kick out of sitting in her travel seat up high in the air above all other cars. Sabbath School was a good program and then we met Nikki for lunch. When I got back into the motorhome after lunch I was shocked to discover the right mirror was falling off the side of the coach. As I looked into it I found rusted lag bolts and no wood left to grab any threads. I was parked in front of the Home Depot so I decided to try a quick fix. I measured the total length a bolt would need to be to reach through the wall and bought such a bolt, a washer and a nut. That one bolt helped pull the mirror back into place again and got me here but I noticed when I arrived that the bolt is beginning to pull itself right through the wall of the motorhome so I need a large but thin steel plate which would allow for the installation of 4 new bolts. At least I have a project to tackle tomorrow. fun fun.
I had a nice drive down this afternoon with no traffic to speak of and sunshine to enjoy. The dogs are really having fun for the trip and love to take walks here at Jason and Jo's place. Timothy is still battling his cold with congestion plus now he is cutting teeth. So he sleeps for a bit and then falls asleep again. I ran to town this evening after Jo and Nikki talked and decided Orajel for babies was the right medicine. I hope it helps Timothy have a decent night. Jason made some yummy food this evening and it was fun to just sit around and be with Timothy, Jason, Clayton and Jo.
So this evening I am here at MBA ready to take a nice long walk in the morning with the doggies and do some odd jobs around the place. Plus I need to get this mirror secured to the coach again with some good bolts and epoxy to keep water from getting in again.
Tomorrow I am going to go to Art's birthday party. Art and Connie live about 1/2 an hour away from here and it will be fun to see them and their friends who will drop by to celebrate this important day for him. No one could ask for a more dedicated and caring friend, Art is special.
Well its time to sleep, what a nice Sabbath. Time spent with the whole family. As Steve Ahn always said, thats good stuff. It is.

love to all,

Tim

Friday, February 15, 2008

Finally its Friday night

Hello to all,
Thanks to Wes and Bob for writing and for the others who tried but could not make their messages stay on the blog. Thanks for trying. Love to hear from you and yes Wes I finally bought groceries, it was about time although I have not even opened the freezer since the ladies left to go back to Texas in December so there are probably lots of goodies in there so survival is not in doubt, just taste.
I walked this morning in spite of feeling pretty rough. I was neither healed at the end of the walk or any worst so it was a good thing to do. Ken called and we are going at 7 in the morning. Then to pick up Keanna for Sabbath School, then she goes with her mother and I head to Jason and Jo's for a couple days of R&R. I really sleep well in the motorhome and I need to do some catching up on rest.
I finally completed the really hard appraisal I was working on where the house was 7,800 sf and will be set on 10 acres. I finally emailed it out this morning. Then headed up to Fair Oaks, a burb of Sacramento and Carmichael. Little old house with mature trees and a huge lot, house needs lots of love and care. Shot comps and then needed something to help with blood sugar so ask the GPS to locate a Taco Bell. It did and it was right on my way home on Sunrise. Then to Livermore to take photos of million dollar homes, then back to office to insert photos and resend the appraisal, then rest for a minute, then prepare a deposit. I picked up the motorhome from storage and parked in the Safeway parking lot, between the bank and store, now I enjoy doing some walking, did my shopping, exhausted my list plus lots of other goodies too, actually nothing with sugar or carbs, I bought all good stuff and I'm learning about whole wheat. Then home to make pancakes and scrambled eggs, this time with rice milk. Now I'm here at the computer blogging and making final prep so everything is already in the motorhome so I can be on time to get Keanna in the morning.
This has been a tough week in some ways, I've had many times of feeling loss, the finality keeps hitting me between the eyes, her pretty things may be here but she is gone, way before her time but she is gone. Work has been very challenging, I'm having to relearn how to write appraisals, every lender wants them worded differently and insists their way is right. Lenders are so frightened that the loans they make won't get repaid. I've seen them be careful like this before and its the way they should always be but in time they will get lax again. I'm thankful for this profession but it sure is changing. We are ahead in orders compared to last year so far, about 15 more than we had on this date last year, that is encouraging but the amount owed by lenders in huge and they tend to be very slow to pay for the work done. I just keep asking our Lord to help find the money I need to make house payments.

I've gone through a box of kleenex today with a runny noise, feel my head is stuffed up and I'm sure I've had a fever but if you don't take it then it does not count. I want to thank each of you for your friendship, your prayers of encouragement, for some of you the financial help you give which I don't know quite what to think, it was for Nan's recovery and we have lost Nan. Yet even today I transferred some funds from the recovery fund to the private account for fuel, groceries etc. So thank you for all the help you have given to our family.

So I send my love to each of you, what a difference you make in my life and in the lives of the rest of the family. We are very blessed to have such fine friends and family.

love

tim

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Ill

Hi
Forgive me for making this blog very short. The cold that has been pursuing me has caught up full force. I've been battling it for 24 hours and so far it is winning.
I made it through Valentines day today with a great deal of help from friends and family, Jan, Art, Barbara, Marilyn and especially Irene and Aunt Ann, thank you all for your uplifting words.
I desperately need to buy groceries but really did not feel like doing it today. I've been working very intently on a big appraisal since noon today with a nice break to go collect Keanna from school. We went to Longs to find just the right Valentine gift, she found three, picked up meds and bandaids Keanna thought we needed in case she gets a scrape next time she is climbing a tree, her words. Then we went to McDonalds where she played with high energy on the slides in the play area. We went to the one in Brentwood since it is enclosed, far too cold to play outdoors today, high winds, cold weather, brrr all day for me. Then we headed home and its a beautiful sight to see Keanna hook up with her dad, they both smile and one can tell they really love each other.
Now its time to collapse in bed until tomorrow. I walked the dogs to the park today but not around the lake. Ken had a meeting and I didn't feel that great even then. I'm so low on food I don't even have oatmeal or milk. Its time. Tomorrow I'm off to Sacramento to see a property and then I think I'll come home and just rest for a bit.
I was remembering today how Nan would always turn any event like Valentines day into something special, special food, special cards, candles. Its easy to understand why I miss her so much. She was a very important sparkplug for us all. Nan we love you and appreciate everything you did for us all, we miss you dear. You are the real valentine!

Good night friends and family, thanks for sharing some of your phone numbers, helps to be in touch. Thanks Loren for being willing to take me to the wonderful colonoscopy on the 28th. I can't wait. Would you please ask the Lord to once again open our clients heart money wise, Been a dry week and tomorrow is house payment time, always a challenge. Also ask Him to help with my health. I can't get sick.

love
tim

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

If working hard clears the mind then...

Dear Family and Friends,
This has been a very long day, a safe day and a productive day.
* saw doctor for colonoscopy, date set for Feb. 28 8-12, great! Would Loren like to come visit? I've lost all cell and regular phone numbers for family and friends so could Loren please call or email his numbers, also Les's cell phone.
* inspected lovely Berkeley home surrounded by beautiful trees, owners wife left after 40 years of a great marriage to join a childhood friend who contacted her through email. He has decided to go it alone not really anxious to trust a future spouse too much. Great guy and a new friend.
* inspected a home in Walnut Creek with young family, big fuzzy dog and lots of love evident
* Olive Garden soup and salad
* Dr. Jim's weight management clinic, learned lots of new things
* walked this morning but ended up with very sore body parts, soon I will soak in the jetted tub
* resting blood pressure this morning was an amazing 116 / 67, best yet. Something is working well.
* paid a large amount to IRS today so they can have a happy valentines day!
I have a deep sense of appreciation for the 36 years Nan was in all of our lives. Especially tomorrow she will be missed. It was one of her special days she liked to enjoy to the fullest!
Happy Valentines day to you and please give some special words to your spouse while you have them with you. Do it, don't plan to do it, don't intend to do it, just do it and keep on doing it, letting them know they are the best things that ever happened to you.

love

tim

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Gymnastics by Keanna

Dear Readers,
Bob has given some good advice to wood be writers to the blog. I'm sorry it has turned out to be complicated and I'd love to hear from you.
Today was routine: Walk early, shower, oatmeal, ripe pear, orange juice, sausage, meds, work, turn on new phone, call all AT&T cell offices in Concord and Pleasant Hill area in case old phone gets dropped off, pay bills, set up orders, answer conditions, make big plans for the day, then make smaller plans for the day, leave at 4 pm to pick up Keanna, make deposit, pick up IRS fanmail from Post Office, warning, going to lien everything including your dogs if you don't mail in money!, pick up Keanna, start getting happy as she is so thrilled to see her pappa, drive to gymnastics but stop at Taco Bell on way so she can get chips for snack along with the good snack her daddy had packed in her lunch pail, observe 45 minutes of non stop learning, exercising, joy, then back to car, call Steve, yes he is coming in for dinner, have dinner with the three of us, more pure joy, then they go their way and I go mine, home to work a bit more, print out orders, messages, conditions, value checks, feed dogs, feed fish, feed cats, don't feed Tim, had enough in town, 9:20 talked to Art a bit, contemplating going to bed now early for a change.
Tomorrow is a real exciting day, get to meet the doctor who will conduct the colonoscopy. I see him at 11 in Antioch, then drive to Berkeley for missed appointment, lender ordered wrong address, then to Walnut Creek to see property, then to Dr. Jim for 6 pm class on living with diabestes and learning to cook right. Then home at last.
While we were eating tonight Nikki called, she is having a decent time there but so wants to get home to her loved ones. She talked to Keanna on the blue tooth I held to her ear.
My new phone is great, has nicer features than last one but of course takes a different charger so no car charger and just one house charger now. Oh well. Just glad to have a working phone again. My personal email is timmustard@yahoo.com or the business email is discoapp@comcast.net. I have lost your phone numbers so if you would like to have me call you please send your phone numbers. I would appreciate it very much. I can get some from Nan's phone but I'd like to get them from you if possible, then I know they are right.
When I talked to Jason and Timothy tonight it sounded like Timothy is improving from his first big cold. He is starting to say pappa, well no he is actually starting to say mama much to their delight.
I am so thankful, even though I have not lost a lot of weight so far I am feeling so much better, no more chest pains, I can walk any distance now without heavy breathing, I feel totally alive again and I really think the walking every morning with Ken has made a huge difference. I sure appreciate having a walking buddy and no we don't always get to walk together as he does taxes and this is his season to be very busy including early appointments and such. If you can possibly find someone to walk with I urge you to do it. At first your body feels like Wes described, pains and it seems you just can't do it but after a few weeks you crave it and hate to miss your walk. Its that good and now with better weather it is even more joyful.
I thank God for Keanna and Timothy. They are a constant reminder of how precious the life we have is and how we need to do all in our power to express love, support, forgiveness and encourage each other to go for our goals, to stretch, to chose to be happy each day, to laugh, to sing, to love. Someone today said it well, innocence, that is what they have and its nice to have a bit of it around.
love

tim

Monday, February 11, 2008

Big day on the road

Good evening my friends and family members,
Finally home and settled in front of the computer. Mail included a letter I have to pick up at the post office from our friends at IRS but no incoming checks. Starr and Lady were very happy to see me this evening, they are such a nice pair to come home to.
I walked with Ken this morning at 7, then had breakfast, then did final prep work, some last minute revisions to an appraisal that were called in at 9, the time I had planned to leave. So at 9:20 I was able to start the car, set the GPS and headed out, pay the RV parking fee, join my place in the commute line. I arrived 2 minutes early in Gilroy at the property but I could not get the owners to answer the door. My camera failed as I stepped out of the car so I reached for a backup one which I hope did a good job of photos today, otherwise I'll be back over the same path again. The last comp I shot was right down the street from Art and Connie's place, Art and I went to lunch at a great little place they have discovered and then too soon it was time to leave my friend and counselor. I then drove to Irene and Ron's home along the way. I ended up staying to long there and was late to the Oakland appointment but they were there and it worked out fine. Then to Berkeley which was at the upper edge of the city adjacent to the very top of the hills. I never could get that person to answer the door, lights were on but no one was at home so I measured the home, shot photos and left. I drove home and on the way had an interesting phone call, a lady called and I discovered it was someone trying to reach my stolen phone. I kindly told her that the person she was trying to reach had my phone. She spoke for a bit explaining that he was in the hospital and felt bad about the phone. Later she called back to tell me he had decided to turn the phone in to AT&T in Concord. If that really happens it would be wonderful to get my phone numbers and photos back, of course now what do I do with the new phone that arrived by DHL today? We will have to see how it plays out but I found it interesting, the whole process.
AFter a quick stop for bananas at CostCo which turned out badly, they had no bananas in the entire store I drove on home stopping to pick up new batteries at the Longs. My camera signalled this morning that the batteries had failed. It is interesting as I only changed the batteries on Friday in Hughson. They don't go bad that fast so I must have purchased dead batteries.
Tomorrow I work in mostly and once again face a new round of conditions, lenders are not happy no matter what you do right now, they are running scared of values that are still dropping in some cases.
I am thankful this evening for a safe day behind the wheel, for seeing my friends Art and Irene, for having work to do. I am also thankful that I got to talk to Nikki this evening and she is feeling better, had a sleepy day in meetings and was ready to try to get some sleep.
Tomorrow I get to pick up Keanna from her school, take her to her dance class and see her in action. Can't wait.
Please let me know if you are having trouble logging messages, Sharon told me this evening that she wrote a big message and then it just disappeared. That is very discouraging. Perhaps we can put the people who have figured out the system to share the hows with those who want to master the system.
Love to all this evening,

Tim

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Sunday evening

Good evening friends and family members,
I sincerely hope your weekend had as many high points as mine did. Yes in spite of many hours alone here in my home still I have enjoyed some laughs, some good tastes and some accomplishments.
Ken and I walked this morning and found a beautiful day waiting. After a breakfast of shredded wheat and a pear I showered and put on shorts, yes the house is that warm these days. Well the shorts were a good idea until the furnace set back for the day, back to 62 and then it grew a bit cooler. I settled in to work and have accomplished most of my list. Several appraisals are emailed out, others are near to going out, tomorrow is fully researched with maps printed, comps selected and appointments confirmed. I'll leave around 9 to drive to Gilroy to see a ranchette, then hope to have lunch with Art who lives in Gilroy part of the time, then back to Oakland for a 3 pm appointment and then on to Berkeley for a 5 pm appointment. After that the struggle to cope with traffic takes over for the next hour or so. So it will be a good day and I am very thankful for the FHA work from my friend Tom.
This afternoon I could tell something was not right for me blood sugar wise, I felt weak and confused. I had some orange juice and some lunch and eventually I felt better, then later in the afternoon I again felt the effects of low blood sugar. The first time it was 84 and the next it was 87, neither of which is critical but unusally low for me since I've been finding sugar levels of 157 to 279 which is way too high. So something kicked in today to lower the level to a much safer level. Finally this evening I decided to get some air so I backed the bug out and gave it a wash down. Only when I was in town at Longs did I look closer and found that I missed large sections of the car totally in the failing light as I was washing it. I found it very funny and laughed out loud which startled me so then I laughed again on purpose. It felt good to laugh at myself. I was reminded of how often when you have kids who are holding fund raiser car wash do your car they miss sections, well here I who am really quite adult missed large sections.
I tried my hand at boiling eggs today and that worked out well. I love to peel an egg and eat it or put it on a peanut butter sandwich, that part might be beyond what most of you can tolerate but then I like peanut butter a lot. I'm currently using a peanut butter which is designed for diabetics, hope it is the right stuff.
So as I face a new week the bank deposits are in, the bills are pretty much paid for the next couple days, the car has fuel, the decks are doggie deposit cleared, the floors are mopped, the dishwasher is partially loaded waiting for more dishes and pans and the christmas tree remains, waiting for just the right moment to have its beautiful ornaments removed.
I am gradually getting a file system set up in preparation for when Marilyn comes in the spring to sort a huge stack of papers, I know she just loves to sort. I'm afraid my trusty Kodak camera is nearing the last of its useful life. It does not always flash for interior photos anymore, I think it is just tired. I know it has given me nearly 100,000 photos in its lifetime and hardly ever fails. I do not like change, not at all but I think I need to switch to one of the other cameras Nan had purchased from QVC. There are several sitting around and one was being sold on QVC today for $148 that Nan purchased over a year ago, a Pentax 7 megapixel camera with nice features, that might just be the new work camera.
I've felt pretty good this weekend emotion wise. Keanna talks a lot about Nan when she is here and I like that, Keanna will not forget her grammy ever. She made a comment that is so true. She said, Timothy probably won't remember his Grammy will he? I told her that was true but we would show him photos of he and her together and that was the best we could do. She was happy that she and Nikki purchased flowers for Nan's grave to celebrate her birthday. It seems what we are dealing with are very brutal realities, Nan fought a very good fight, she was brave and did all she could and we then lost her to the terrible tumors. Others are still fighting and we had 12 years from the onset of the disease until we lost her. She is gone, that is the brutal fact that is so hard to accept. I am one that loves to solve problems, I took on her war with the tumors personally and did everything in my power to hold them back and we won battle after battle over the years and then we lost. I hate losing and I hate losing Nan even more. She was mine to protect, to support, to hold and to cherish. Now there is void that nothing even comes close to filling. You help when you reach out, like lunch with Arthur tomorrow, I look forward to it, it makes my day, I am not alone because of it.
This world is not my home, I'm just a passing through and it seems alot less like home with Nan gone.
Come Lord Jesus, come soon.
love

tim

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Keanna makes the day

Dear Family and Friends,
Keanna has provided a much appreciated list to my spirits this weekend. She came in last night full of ideas and excitement, she did her puzzle, she helped with dinner, she stalled going to bed as long as possible, then ended up in Grammy's tub and played with pillows, toys and the deep water, then she headed to bed and snuggled under her two special blankets and on her cute little princess pillow, we tried to use a hair dryer but I felt pretty much out of my element trying to get it tangle free and dry. She slept until 7:20 this morning and was suddenly beside my bed looking at me, I never heard her come in. We made breakfast and she discovered she liked my Cuties, Mandarin oranges I buy in a little box at Safeways. She had her toast with jam, sausages with catsup, cereal, milk and a lot of play in between. Then I showered and she dressed and we tried again to brush her hair, I searched the house over for a good brush, found none and ended up hurting her head as I tried to get out the snarls, finally we went with that rough look often seen on runways at fashion shows. Nikki had sent a valentine dress, valentine red shoes and she looked fine. We drove to Sabbath School and on the way the phone rang, it was OSI collections and they wanted money that minute against another $2,000 invoice for John Muir Hospital for the last hospital stay and no they could not wait, well they are waiting, going to send me another letter. That kind of call really effects the day. Fortunately when we got to the SS room we found many children were there, even some new babies had joined the fun. It was a very good program and then it was childrens church where Sylvia had an excellent program prepared about birds including birds that had hit windows and she had kept on ice, feathers for everyone, bird crafts, everyone got to peel a hard boiled egg and eat it. After the program was over we went to a local park where Keanna tried every slide and swing. Then it was time for lunch where Nikki met us as we ate with Bob and Carrol and the Guptils from Lodi. Nikki and Keanna headed home and I was sleepy on the way home so I stopped at the Byron airport and watched jumpers glide to the ground and slept for about an hour, then home for more rest, deck clean up and tonight I tried my new mop bucket. I had grown tired of wringing out the mop with my hands over and over, hands felt like thin paper for weeks afterwards. So I got the offending parts of the floor where puppies had planned accidents cleaned up and then I watched a bit of TV. I miss my social director who always knew just what was on and selected good programs that we could watch. I flip and hardly ever find anything really compelling. Last night we watched the Christian dish and that had good music, beautiful pictures, interviews with missionarys and it seemed worth watching.
I've been chasing stories on the internet tonight and hoping someone had written, sure enough, Dolly had written. It was good to hear from her. Also I read news that Bart Vogel's group is continuing to record for their new CD. That will be great, they have a real ministry with their music and a distinct sound. They are called En Route and he and Debbie along with Karey, Richard and Eddie make the music. for more infor on their group and concerts go to: enroute@entroutemusic.net very interesting things they are doing.
Tomorrow afternoon Nikki flys out for a week of training for her job with the Department of Energy doing audits. I hope she begins to feel better as her heart rate has been elevated, she has had recent dizzy spells and she came home from work on Friday early and to the doctor. I am concerned for her and hope, pray that her trip will not harm her health. Steve will be doing daddy daycare this week and hopefully I will be able to assist him along the way.
So today is another Sabbath without Nan and gradually I'm getting used to them that way. I feel like I'm being dragged kicking and screaming away from her, yet its just reality kicking in. I don't want to forget, to move on, not really, move forward to what?
Some of what I share openly is for the possible use of someone else in the future facing the same situation, perhaps when they read what I feel they can recognize that its OK to feel the same at this point in time.
Life has little joy in it, if it were not for the kids, for Keanna and Timothy, it would be even harder to look forward. They all help so much, and to get to see friends and talk to friends, well that is very special and helps a lot, perhaps more than people would understand, a few minutes with Sylvia, Wes, Dunstons, Lillian, Kim... yes you do make a great difference, the difference between going all day without speaking or getting the silence broken by caring kindness and gentle words.
So another week begins,
Please pray that God will continue to be with me, to guide me, to encourage me to stick with the efforts to be more healthy, even my neighbor LeAnn has now joined the cause to help me find the best foods, she is somewhat of an expert since she has helped Ken get his diabetes under good control. I welcome her input. I have so much to learn and unlearn.
Have a good Sunday and Roger and Carol, enjoy your cruise, your time in the sun, your freedom. Yes I've had my vacation and enjoy yours!
love
Tim

Friday, February 8, 2008

Friday at last, Keanna has come to visit

Dear Family and Friends,
After a week of ups and downs, of emotional moments and some work related stress events, after hundreds of miles driven safely, after it all there is peace.
First off I am thankful to have such a great family, and then to have caring friends who call and write and pray and listen.
It seems each week brings a deeper awareness of the loss of Nan, of what it really means to say goodbye for good, to hear the last breathing and then silence. Its the most profound quiet ever and I never can get it out of my mind. I had listened to her gentle breathing in hotel rooms around the world, on ship, at the end of the trail in a tent, in the motorhome with rain pounding on the roof, in a hundred hotel rooms, in hospital rooms, in recovery rooms and she always came back, always woke up for another day, another trip, another laugh, another kind word, another look of those incredible deep blue eyes. How can you one accept the loss of what seemed like perfection, of will power over cancer destruction. What was God thinking? Where is He now that she is gone? Were our tearful prayers a waste of time?
I cannot simply be content with forgetting this amazing woman, of letting her slip from my awareness, what would she be doing, feeling right now if I had gone and she had stayed? She worried about that a lot.
Some have wondered, even vocalized that I would probably just all apart without her, that she was glue, the moral compass, the common sense, the stoic determination of our lives. They are right about all of it but I'm here left standing, how can I fall apart when little ones look to me for fun, for stability, for constant love and devotion. There have been times this week when letting go seemed like a good idea except I don't even know what letting go means, stop walking, stop working, lose the house, the cars, declare failure. That does not seem too fun either, I sort of like having a place to live especially now that it is warm with a functioning furnace most of the time.
I'd say don't assume anything of me, when you call or email and I sound OK and fine, don't totally believe it and when I don't sound so good, well don't believe it either. I'm not out of the emotional woods at all, just different paths for different challenges but I continue to have no clear concept of a future without Nan at my side. I've lived as a we, even now I have to stop in conversations and change the we to I. Its my house, my plans because for all these many years it was we, yes we really did plan and live a united life, most of the time we were in agreement on everything and it was very good, it had taken years to build that kind of trust in each others judgement and it was very good, now I forget things, lose things, stumble even when walking at times, crash through life like a drunk, drive too fast, stay up too late, probably work too hard too.
This afternoon I had the great privilege to conduct an appraisal of Sylvia's house in Tracy for estate purposes, we all have to go through such when we suddenly become alone. It was so good to catch up a bit with her mom, Kevin and her about their life. She is so honest, so dedicated to people, to using her time wisely, to living a reasonable life, she is a great inspiration to me, she is also very honest about what she is going through and it humbles me, her days are much more complicated than mine and yet she is holding on well. It was a real honor to get to talk to her and be inspired again by her dedication to her Lord, her family and her church family. I think she is one of the great ones.
As I left I had a chance to see Dave Hardesty, a long time friend and another problem I was facing got partially solved. I'd like to go places on weekend with the motorhome but really am not too excited about doing it alone unless I have family with me and they have their own busy lives. Well Dave was up to going on the church campout with me in the motorhome, he gave him a place to say and for me someone to talk to, to share meals with. I like it.
Nikki sort of worried me this afternoon, she came home from work not feeling well, fast heart beat, upset tummy but no fever, some chills. She checked in with her doctor but there was nothing really concrete to be done, she is set to leave for a week of travel connected to her work and will be in New Mexico so she hopes she feels better. As a dad I was immediatelly concerned as she is well along with her pregnancy. Jason called this afternoon to report Timothy is not in command of his own bottle, he holds it or else and he is very near crawling, oh the adventures they are about to experience!
In the morning Keanna will wake me through the monitor, then we will make breakfast, dress for church, go to SS, then children's church, then to the park for some R&R, then to Olive Garden to meet with other Grampas and Grandmas for lunch. She gets a kick out of seeing them.
This morning I had a very kind call, a call from Valorie, Lloyd's Whites sister. She was offering her help with the AT&T wireless phone issues as she works there. She gave me so many good ideas, it was very nice for her to reach out like that, felt good on my end.
Well its time to wrap this up now. Thanks for listening. I understand that people are still writing messages to the blog only to have them disappear. I am so sorry and I don't know what to do about it. There are no phone numbers to call to find answers to the blog related problems. Right now the spell checker does not work anymore from my end and I have no idea of how to fix it.
Last night I made a wonderful discovery. That fruit basket from Lori just keeps on giving, I found a whole layer of pears and apples that I was unaware of. They are perfect and unbelieveably tasty so thanks again for the basket of fruit. Perfect, perfect, perfect. My roses are finally at the end of their life, thanks Loree for such a beautiful addition to my life.

love

tim

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Some days are better than others for all of us

Hi
This has not been one of the good days. Its been very long and started with an excellent walk in the beautiful morning. Then breakfast, then office. Spent an hour trying to work out phone issues, finally got the cell phone number for the phone I lost, 998 9855, forwarded to Nan's phone which is still working. Then worked through conditions that had to be met today, then did research for an appraisal gone bad in Mountain View, reviewer cut a value by $400,000 and they need a new driveby by morning so I do research and then leave, Loree came by and found money in the mail, prepared a deposit for business account, Wonderful!, thanks Loree. Then drive to AT&T store to get insurance to hand me a new phone, whoops, no I have to call a 800 number and wait for days for the new phone to arrive, wasted trip after all. Then to Mountain View, GPS tells me it is over a hour away, traffic makes it nearly 2 hours. Then find the addresses and a much needed bathroom, the problem with drinking a lot of water. Then realize that its too late to make last appointment of the day in Gilrow but phone number for the people is back in the office. So dear sweet LeAnn to the rescue. She comes over and finds the number for me so I can call and reschedule for Monday, then head home at the worst time of the day traffic wise, another 2 hours to come home, miss grief recovery group by an hour. Dogs were glad to see me and had a request list for me, treats please. Finally something I can do well, feed them treats. Feed the fish, have a tomato sandwich, then to the desk to catch up on emails, work requests, conditions. Now time to go to bed. Not much fun in this day at all. Yet God has kept me safe in my 5 hours on the road, kept me in decent health all day with no diabetic moments. New blue tooth is now mated to Nan's older phone and works perfectly. There are so many things I need to do, car is desperate for an oil change and wash, clothes need to be washed, value checks are stacking up, conditions are there, reports need to be completed and out, appointments to be made, yikes. If God is in the details then He is very near!
How was your day? I hope it made more sense than mine did. All day my phone kept ringing with calls from the nitwits that stole my phone, they can call out but when someone calls them back I get the call here. I offered a reward, finders fee if they would just return the phone but of course that requires too much brain power to think through. Well I had thought to upgrade my phone but of course I have 8 months to go on the contract before I can do that, meanwhile Nan's phone is offering an upgrade.
Tomorrow evening some peace will descend on this household as Keanna comes for a sleep over. We will do puzzles, read books, color and talk. How I look forward to some peace and quiet with my guest. Then to Sabbath School in Tracy and perhaps to Olive Garden with Bob and Carrol, the Whites and the Guptils. Thats more like living, something to look forward to.

So friends, thanks for listening to my tirade. Yes some days are better than other ones, I certainly hope so!

love from my house to yours and from my heart to yours,

tim
ps If my spelling has gone down hill well the blog will no longer let me do spell check and I can't find out where I turn it back on again. sorry.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Lost phone yikes

Dear Family and Friends,
This has been an interesting day which got more interesting this evening when I walked out of Red Robin, a burger bar where I like the Gardenburger, and left my cell on the table. In a few minutes I went back in to pick it up but the table was already bussed and the phone was gone. Of course the lady who cleared the table knew nothing about a phone, she looked so guilty, but who knows really. I walked around the entire place with my bluetooth turned on hoping it would beep indicating it had reconnected with the phone but of course that didn't happen either. I'm to call them in the morning but I hold no hope of finding it. Yes I do have insurance but that will not put all the dozens of phone numbers back in that I have collected of family and business contacts. Oh well it happened. Why was I there eating? I was there to pick up the atm card I had left there the last time I ate there about a week ago and sure enough the card was there and I have it back in my wallet.
Ken and I walked this morning and enjoyed a trip in cool air, beautiful skys and no rain. Then back to shower, make breakfast, settle in for drudge work in the office all day. One high point came when Loree dropped by for a bit to pick up files and other items. She hopes to be able to work more at the office to get caught up with filing etc. I like having her here, she is very good with the clients and always leaves a clean desk and is a big help.
This is a pretty challenging time right now in my business as lenders are really terrified that they might make a bad loan so they really rip up the appraisals we produce. Just makes it even harder to keep up doing new stuff when so much old stuff comes back to fix or explain. Yes I'm very grateful for work and I could always use more hours to get it done.
I reached Dana this evening and Jonathan continues to be in the hospital due to complications of a rupturing appendix. He is recovering but may have to stay there for several more days. Ron was staying with him tonight, Dana has returned to work but goes when she can to help out. His bowels need to unlock and start working again and until they do he gets no food and will stay at the hospital.
So first thing in the morning will be to talk to the cell phone company to see if they can forward all calls made to 925 998 9855 which is my cell to Nan's cell phone which happens to still be working and is 925 354-7677. I wonder how well my brain is working these days. I keep forgetting things, making mistakes and it is very frustrating.
Yet there are many things to be thankful for, you are one of them.
So good night my friends and family,

love

tim

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

2 months have passed

Dear Family and Friends,

Our dear Nan fell asleep in Jesus 2 months ago. I can hear her calling like it was yesterday, I can hear her saying, come sit with me, you look tired, I can see her on the phone with Dana or Sharon or Jan or Mary or Pam or Irene or Jason or Nikki or.............

Why she had to go I don't understand and we all miss her terribly. I've never known anyone like Nan in my whole life, someone so selfless, so courageous, so stubborn, so soft and lovely.

I think she would have been proud of my production today. On time to Manteca this morning after an early morning walk at 6:30 am with Ken, it was a beautiful morning, still, crisp, pale blue sky, blinking stars. Then back for a quick breakfast of shredded wheat and wheaties, orange juice and mandarin oranges. After Manteca a short drive up to Lodi for the second of the day. Older guy with a perfect older home, then a phone call asking if I could do a quick commercial inspection in Lodi, amazing since I was already in Lodi so I did that, had lunch of senior 2 egg omelet with spinach, then back home to work for an hour, then to Brentwood to see #3 for the day, a home that two years ago sold for over $600K is now in contract for $360K. Very nice place in good condition. Then to Oakley to shoot left over comps from yesterday, then back to Discovery Bay to vote no on all the stupid ballot propositions and yes to Romney, then home to make wheat spaghetti with whole tomatoes, cottage cheese and a huge salad with mushrooms.

I've just come back from the bank where I made deposits of todays checks, then to Nikki and Steves to drop things off and Nikki had found me some special peanut butter for diabetics and also some special little crackers for those times you need something.

My new blue tooth is working wonderfully. I fielded many many phone calls today, one from Dana which was really really sad. Jonathan had to have a surgery for a pendicitus (sp). His appendix had ruptured by the time they got him opened up. Dana had been up all night and was heading home for some rest. It sounded like he is going to come through fine but it also sounded like things were caught just in time. Jonathan needs our prayers this evening and for the next few days, surgery is serious business.

I am grateful for good weather today, it was so nice that I could measure and inspect in shirt sleeves, a real change from recent days.

So we move on having endured our loss for 2 months now. Nan was a great and wonderful part of all of our lives and living without her on a daily basis is just that living, nothing exciting, nothing wonderful, just existing for now and working every hour of every waking moment.



Thank you for your love which you express in so many different ways. Let me tell you, it is all good and it is all appreciated deeply by the family and by me.



love to all



tim

Monday, February 4, 2008

Going to work again...

Dear Friends and Family,
After months of watching the fax machine, hoping against hope that an order would come through, well things are picking up again. It is hard to explain how low the sale prices are for the purchase orders coming through. In many cases the selling price for these bank owned properties is about 1/2 what they were worth 2 years ago. If one had a large amount of money right now to purchase properties and then wait it out for the next couple years there would probably be quite an increase. The lower interest rates are having an effect already, more people are beginning to qualify for loans that could not just a month or two ago but in that time the value of their homes has dropped as well.
I am the proud new owner of a new bluetooth earpiece and this one works perfectly, well that is until the wind blows. Both Art and Nikki confirmed this morning while I was walking the lake that when the wind blows forget trying to talk. Les Dunston suggested this type of bluetooth and his advice was sound. This one does not break contact, is clear and makes it very obvious when a call is coming in, like ear splitting. I've had lots of work calls today, some of which resulted in orders being emailed or faxed in this evening. It feels very good to have work again and to be back in business.
This evening I ask that you ask for God's guidance for Roger and Carol who are seeking some help for their Lakemont Cottage business. They have worked hard and long for years and have created a beautiful operation which people enjoy coming back to year after year. They are nearing that point in their lives where they would like to scale back a bit on their hours and responsibilities but when it is a small family owned business that can be very difficult. Please ask God to guide them as they move forward in getting some much needed help.
I still need your prayers too, I like to eat too much and while I am walking faithfully each morning I need to make more changes that I am finding very difficult to do. Habits die hard and new ones take awhile to form. Due to scheduling Ken and I are walking at 6:30 in the morning so I'm heading to bed soon.
So good night my friends..

love

tim

Sunday, February 3, 2008

A Wintery Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,
I winding it down this evening after a full weekend. As you know Keanna came to visit, then I spent Saturday with Nikki, Steve and Keanna and today I rose to a warm home, yes the furnace worked again. I believe it has worked all day today. I have it set just above freezing on its automatic setback program. Brings the temp up to 67 at 6 am, then drops back to 62 for the day, then up to 68 for the evening and then back to 62 or so for the night. The device seems to work better now that it has new batteries, not sure how many years the old ones served but they were retired. Yet there are time when the air blows but there is no heat in it. Then I have to turn it off and start it up again and usually the hot air blows again. No a perfect system but oh so much better than it was.
I went back to the cell phone store tonight to take back the blue tooth device that only failed. The place was empty of customers, seems the super bowl was still on. Well on the advice of Les Dunston I moved up the scale a bit to a highly rated blue tooth which has noise cancelling built in. It will take the background noise or wind noise and wipe it out to one can hear the conversation taking place. Lets hope this one works or I'm not sure what to do. I've come to feel much more safe driving the beetle without having to hold the phone, shift, steer etc. Right now I don't know if the new device will work or not as it has to be plugged in to charge for up to 4 hours before using.
On the way home I went to the grocery store for a few things, you know $20 worth and spent $80. The little mandarin oranges looked so good and the tomatoes and the salad. Now I'm stocked for the week.
Somehow I managed to lose the atm card connected with my private checking account. That the one I use for fuel, food, eating out. So until a new card arrives I'm out of luck with that account and of course the business account has $2,000 one day and minus $35 the next. Its always a challenge to keep up with so many ways for the funds to be spent.
Steve came by today to pick up a file and we ended up talking about redoing the front yard. It badly needs new sod and some hedge and a new sprinkler system. Nice thing about Steve is, he is more than talk, he can make all that happen, he is amazing in his abilities.
I am about ready to place the stair chair on the market. I spoke to someone who asked that I hold it for a few days but that was weeks ago so I think I'll get it on craigs list and see what happens. I'd like to take that income, fix the van where it got dented once in a parking facility in Oakland and replace the very broken windshield, get it detailed and either sell it or keep it tucked away in the garage for when visitors come.
I walked this morning, it was clear sunshine but very cold at first, then the wind came up, the sun went away and then it was really cold but I made it around the 2.5 miles, then oakmeal, then off to see the local place that has to have a value by tomorrow. It was a lovely home, updated in every way and backs to the water, has a large deck and small dock. What a nice place and great people to work with. Then back to work in the warm office for awhile.
So life is like this, I'm alone unless I made an effort to visit with someone else, that is the huge difference between now and 2 years ago. Never alone, always Nan to talk with, to work things through, to just sit and watch TV together. Its a different life, one that has little joy unless you make the joy yourself. What good news to hear this evening that Jason and Jo were back from Vegas. Jason said they sat on the tarmac for 2+ hours waiting to take off from Vegas after the plane was already over an hour late to board. He and Jo had just gotten to the Leoni's where Timothy was staying and the super bowl was almost over by then. So even Vegas has problems getting planes in and out. Of course right now weather is a huge issue. My brother Jerry said that while he was home in Weed over the weekend they were hit by a blizzard with blowing snow and it really stacked up on the ground. He found snow by the tracks all the way down to Redding and piles of snow even slowed his trip back in its effect on some of the track functions. He was glad to be home and in his chair.
I am continuing to enjoy the fruit from the fruit basket Lori and husband sent. It is just so good tasting, like perfect. Thanks very much.

So another week is on us. Lets all do our best to make it a caring week, a quality week and a week that our spouses know we love them.

love

tim