Not a day to repeat

Dear Family and Friends,
After I blogged last night I discovered I had broken the tooth that just cost me $2,100. At least I'm pretty sure it is broken. That was terrible news and I woke with it still on my mind. I pleaded with the Lord to make sense out of the day. Well if this was to be a learning day then He succeeded.
Context: Yesterday afternoon I took a call from a lady who said our appointment needed to be moved to late this afternoon. I assumed it was the real estate contact for the 9:30 appointment this morning on Sherman Island and made changes to my day accordingly. After I walked this morning in driving rain I sat down to begin to do much needed work and decided to see if the local dentist could see me to tell me for sure what I had done to my tooth. Yes I could come at 10. As I drove into the parking lot the phone rang, it was the agent at Shermon Island, where are you, we are all here waiting to see you. No I said, you moved the appointment to this afternoon, no she said, come now, well what to do, I was already very very stressed and upset in general and for a minute I waffled back and forth. I went to the dentist front office lady, told her I could not stay, then drove back home to print a map and email some things over to my wonderful writer Jean, I had forgotten to do that, and an appraisal was to be completed today as it was needed badly by the loan company, so I emailed her the data, grabbed my camera, printed a map and hit the road, Jean called to tell me I had emailed the wrong thing, a jpeg, not a pdf so she could not open it at all, I just lost it and Jean was so kind helping me work through one of those ambushes of emotion and grief, dispair and depression. Then I called the number of the person I was meeting at Shermon Island, a minor miracle happened, this gentle voice came on the phone, he said, relax, we are OK and have no place to go in a hurry, don't worry about anything, just come and help us, don't drive fast, you are OK. What a relief to have back to back conversations with gentle caring people. The property was amazingly near and the GPS took me to the door. The property was rough but not physically damaged at all, just needs paint, carpet and love. Really great, backs to a huge field that will always be open, in the distance is the Sacramento River and Mount Diablo, it is quiet, peaceful and a real steal. The person I met insisted on paying me in cash and says he will pay me again when I come back after they have the property ready for the appraisal inspection. He invited me to the party they intend to have when they move in. What a total human blessing he was. I knew Jerry was driving down and thought I would not be home to let him in but an accident lengthened his trip so we both drove up at the same time. We quickly made lunch as both of us have diabetes and both were in need of some fuel. Then we headed out again to see a local ranchette with a real log house. What a charming property and Jerry has some experience with log homes so was able to have a nice conversation with the owner.
Then the mystery of the caller unfolded. It was the heating and cooling expert who was supposed to come on Thursday between 4 and 6 and had his office call to tell me he would be coming at the end of the day on Friday. I had gotten things all mixed up and caused a huge mess, just made me feel even more in charge of life, NOT.
Of course when Rob turned the furnace on it lite and heated, it did it three more times without fail. Mind you it has been two weeks since it would provide any heat and I've started it a dozen times to make sure. So are not any further along than before. When Rob comes it heats, when he leaves it fails.
After that Jerry and I hit Safeway. He helped me shop more carefully for the right things, had good ideas of putting some fun in the food and before long and $90 later we were back in the car. Home to unload and then Nikki made contact so we ended up eating at our favorite little place in Bethel Island. Keanna was in rare form, she is such a little lady and a real pleasure to eat with. Then home to bed for her and home for Jerry and I where we found the furnace still working. Now we are sipping Mochas and ready to head to bed. I thought it was funny as we were both sitting in our recliners and had fallen asleep side by side.
It is a very nice feeling to have Jerry here this evening. This has not been a positive week for me and I've had more down times than I like. Yet there have been great moments, like eating with Sylvia, hearing from Pam that her leg is finally getting better, having Nikki get back safely from a two day trip to Stanford for work, getting to see Keanna tonight, talking to Timothy earlier on the phone, getting really nice emails from friends and family, having Jerry come visit.
I guess the facts are that I am so selfish that I just can't stand to have Nan gone and I worry way to much about my own feelings of being left alone. I think I am doing better and then wham I am depressed and unhappy, frightened of what is to come and feel like the chances of being at peace again are minimal.
I'm glad that Sabbath is here and that for a few hours I choose not to worry about appraisals, lenders and this terrible market.
I am pleading for God's direction for all things I face. I've never felt so removed from His hands and I'm not sure what is going on inside.
What I do know is this night I am not alone, that Jerry is here to talk to, seek advice from, talk about Nan and get his feedback too. Its a very good experience having him come to visit.
So until tomorrow,

love

tim