Thai Food to the rescue

Dear Family and Friends,
Sure hope I spelled that word correctly, Thai. If not sorry! This evening Sylvia and I took a break from our normal routines and had dinner at the Thai place in Tracy. This is a very special place for the Ahn family. Kevin used to work there and they have a sauce even named for Steve, dial that in as very hot, that boy liked his food spicy! It was so great to catch up with the changing world that evolves after losing a spouse. Sylvia has been a great friend to our family for many many years and half raised Jason when he was a teen. She would often come and sit with Nan during the day and they would chatter, Sylvia would make things shine and good food would be in the frig at days end. I have great respect for her abilities as an organizer, a leader, a birder, a profound Christian and as a parent and now a new respect for her as a survivor. She is an amazing woman. I was able to deliver a book that Dolly so much wanted to share with her written especially for widows and Sylvia appreciated receiving it.
This has been a somewhat emotional day for me, I'm totally not sure why as no special unusual event sparked anything yet when pastor Jim called this morning his timing was inspired and I needed to talk to him for a bit, his words as usual were on target and calming. Then as I was driving to Concord for an inspection I called Sylvia to see if I could drop off the book and the rainfall started, my eyes were pretty much blurry and the narrow road was a little tough to navigate. Then gradually the pressure released and I could see again, it was a very strange disappointing time. I had sort of thought I was beyond that, well surprise!
Some days are more difficult than others to me personally, its harder to stay here at home and work than to be out, to be busy, driving, meeting people in their homes, finding addresses and trying to stay away from accidents. But at home the weight of the conditions connected to past appraisals, the value checks, the changing rules regarding what lenders want in an appraisal report, the calls from creditors, the balancing act between paying the most urgent and yet covering routine items like cat food, fuel, oil changes. At least I am not short on challenges right now, I fail to understand what lessons God might be trying to teach me right now, I don't feel Him very near and I'm not sure why exactly.
I did get some very specific help today, an offer from an expert in dealing with medical billing to help me deal with the hospital, that was such a welcome offer. Pastor Jim with his kind words, Jim from I-Net computers giving encouragement, Ken's friendship as we walked the lake together. I sort of feel like I am living hour by hour waiting for the next shoe to drop, for the next mini disaster to arrive, rather than by a more comprehensive plan.
I started the day with a blood pressure of 112/60, best yet. What I would like is to get my affairs in order enough so I can stop worrying about me and concentrate of helping others again, there is a lot more meaning in that than this self obsessed existence.
This evening as I left Tracy I called my brother who is 10 years older than me and is having work related issues right now as they would really like to find an excuse to retire him and replace him with a far less expensive younger person. So he is caught in a political situation in which he does not know the outcome. We talked until I reached home here in Discovery Bay and it was so good to help lift his spirits. He has been a fine brother over the years to me and I'm glad I can get to know him better. I'm also looking forward to a trip to Ohio this spring to catch up with my sister Sibyl as well. Its been years since we got to see each other and she has been so supportive all through Nan's ordeal. Nothing replaces family ever and I treasure mine both young and old.
So another day has come and gone and as I reflect here I realize that there has been a great deal of good in it in spite of some rough moments. Thanks!

love

Tim