A beautiful fruit basket!

Dear Family and Friends,

What a wonderful surprise, it was delivered yesterday. It has cheese, chocolates, mixed nuts, jams, apples and in a very nice basket. Thank you very much Don and Lori, what a nice boost to the spirits. It was such a shock and then so much fun when opened.

Its been that kind of week, good things happening along with the rain, cold and overcast. This morning Ken called to say he was sending over his heating and AC guy to look at the furnace. Rob came with his magic wand, it must have been magic for as soon as he arrived the furnace lit and has kept the house warm all day long, even tonight it continues to blow warm, now explain that one, I have turned it on nearly every day for weeks and it only blows cold, Rob shows up and wala, it puts out heat. Just in time to make the house warmer for when Keanna comes to visit. Thanks Rob. Now do I think it will never fail again, my confidence level is very low at this point. I think Rob will need to be back probably sooner than later to find out what is really wrong with it.

I'm just back from the grief recovery group which is professionally led by a very facilitator. I arrived late since I got caught in traffic Sacramento. My Elk Grove appraisal was over and I thought I had enough time to run up, have dinner with my brother and then drive back home for the session which starts at 7. Well it was 7:45 when I arrived, still worth it though, met some very nice people who have been through a lot.

Things are definitely busier these days, the number of emails from clients needing my attention is growing every day and I'm set to be in Rio Vista at 10:30 in the morning, then San Ramon for the driveby and then home to write it up. The temptation is to skip walking due to business pressures but I do not intend to go down that path, one day missed becomes two and then its a week and I like what is happening to my body due to the exercise program. Time to find some balance in my life which includes my own health.

This afternoon I got a call from my doctor's office, I missed the call as I was already on the phone. Then my mind began to run, wonder if the x rays showed a spot or a problem so I called Jim on his cell. He just wanted to let me know that the results of the pulmonary test were in and the report was one of the best he had ever seen. How good the Lord is, giving me healthy lungs in spite of the way I have treated my body for the past year or even more. The cardiologist's office person called today to set an appointment of February 8 to meet with the doctor and from there decide what or if I need further tests. It is interesting to keep all the appointments for appraisals, doctor appointments, tests in order. Thank goodness for my Daytimer, my book that holds everything.

This afternoon as I drove to Elk Grove, a small area that is located south of Sacramento, the weather got worse and worse. When I arrived I had to pull out the heavy ski jacket, zip it up to keep dry and warm. The home was lovely, it had been a model and my heart went out to the owners who were hoping for one value and the comps suggested a value of over $100,000 less. Down nearly half from what they payed a few years ago. The majority of the transactions in the entire area are foreclosures, very few sales and mostly forced ones at that. It is heart breaking yet we know in time the values will return.

I am personally doing pretty well. Mostly I do not allow myself long periods of contemplation, I just smile having thought of a good moment or a funny moment from our past and then move on. I am impressed that our kids are doing pretty well with their lives too. They do have moments of pain and suffering but they function well with their jobs and lives. Little guy Timothy is sleeping some nights all the way through now. He is eating some food now which he seems to enjoy. It appears that he is teething and feeling the pain that goes with it. Keanna has been a bit ill but seems to be better now. She is coming for a sleep over tomorrow night so her room needs to be cleaned up a bit by her pappa so it will be ready for her.

I had a chance to talk at length with Sylvia tonight as I fought traffic through Sacramento. She too is doing pretty well, staying busy and working through the new ways to live. She has a saying, life is not fair but life is good. That sort of sums up both our approaches to living each day alone.

When I got home this evening I said a quiet prayer of thanks for travel safety on a very nasty day.

Take care my friends,

love

tim

Pulmonary tests completed

Dear Family and Friends,
I started off this morning by reading comments made to the blog, then some quick prep work for the day, then at 7 Ken and I walked, then shower, then leave on time for hospital. At the hospital a very nice scottish gentleman was assigned to give me the pulmonary capacity test. It started on a bad note for me. As many times as I have seen Nan get stuck for blood work I still am very uneasy about getting stuck. When he announced that this stick was different, he had to stick an artery, well that did not make my day. He was very good and on the second try he got his artery and the blood needed. Then I sat in a chair with a breathing tube in front of me and did as he asked, sometimes a burst of air out, others sudden intake followed by holding, about 20 tests in all repeated over and over again. Then the results were printed out and while he could not officially tell me the results he showed me the numbers, mostly over 100%, in other words I passed fine.
Then it was time to race to SF to inspect an old old house. That went fine, then back to Oakland to inspect some repairs done to a house and then I turned to San Ramon only to find that I had left the file on my desk under some papers so I turned toward Pleasant Hill and had lunch at Red Robin, a place with very good garden burgers, yummy side salad and a strawberry lemonaide. Then satisfied I drove to AT&T where I was given a new blue tooth to try for hands free talking on the phone, then to Jeans, my appraisal writer, then on to home.
The day was beautiful with bright winter sunshine, greening hills, clear air over the city, beautiful music as I played more of the CD's from our past, today it was the 3 tenors concert, wonderful, the carpenters, memorable and a quartet called the Kings Heralds. Great music can lift one and I've enjoyed these CDs so much as I drive, no tears today just joy.
This evening the dogs began to bark so I knew someone was at the door. It was Patty, the woman who invited me to the grief recovery group. I told her how I was turned away and was startled to discover the grief recovery group was taking place at that very moment in the building I was standing outside of last Thursday evening. She has no idea why the woman told me that there was no recovery group there, pretty amazing as I had given up on the group. She said that there is a gentleman in the group who has recently lost his wife and is anxious to meet me and get to talk a bit. So tomorrow night I will try again.
I had a chance to talk to Marilyn today at her home in Rhode Island. They are expecting some snow and are in the middle of winter New England style. She and the family are doing well and she is experiencing some very strong memories as just 2 years ago she lost her beloved Walt. She and Dana are planning to come early June to help Nikki and Steve with the new little one. That is family at its best, filling in for Nan and doing what Nan would have loved to do, help with the new born.
Tomorrow I am heading to the Sacramento area for work. I am so grateful for the new orders which we are seeing. What a blessing they are and they spell hope for the future too with interest rates now much lower refis are beginning to start to wake up.
Today a box of wonderful fruit arrived from Texas. I'll tell you more about that once I get to eat some. Thank you so much.

love

tim
ps the spell checker will not work this evening on the blog so look out for misspelled words!

Its winter alright..

Hi
Bob is right in commenting on the weather, it is winter all the time these days. Today I've spent my time on the road, car turned 160,000 miles and delivered an amazing 50 mpg, first time ever. I believe it was a strong tail wind coming home from Madeira last Friday. 501 miles and 9.9 gallons of diesel. That's more like it.
Ken and I walked this morning and actually enjoyed it, weather was not wet then and the stocking hat had to come off half the way around. Good news on the scales too, now down 10.5 lbs.
First stop was in Palo Alto, perfect older home with a huge Redwood tree guarding the back yard, nice people and decent comps in the 1.5 million range, second stop in Redwood City was totally different, nice little guy would not stop talking the entire time I was there, had parked cars and a large boat, trash piled inside and out, rough condition but new roof and good location near shopping. Probably worth $700,000 or so, after all it was 1011 sf. Yes I know, its an expensive area, very near Stanford University. Then I set the GPS for a place called the Railroad Cafe and it took me for a merry ride but never found the Cafe so I settled for Taco Bell. Then back on the road with the GPS set for Bay Point. I tired of the bickering of talk radio so started the CD player. My brother Jerry purchased a Fiero from me years ago, it had a CD player with about 14 CDs in it. He just returned the CDs the other day and I had loaded some into the player in the bug. So as I drove the hour from Redwood City to Bay Point I listened to music I had not heard in years, first up was the Phantom of the Opera. As the glorious sounds of the music filled the car I was taken back to an enchanted night long ago when Nan, the kids and me flew to LA and then drove to the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, where the Oscars are sometimes held, that night it was for the Phantom. We all enjoyed the experience very much and have often talked about it since. Nan was thrilled as she loved the music so much and the entire experience. So as I drove I remembered and started sobbing and driving and sobbing. You know both can be done at the same time quite well and I've learned the sobbing will eventually cease, that is until another glorious song comes on. So I drove and sobbed my way to Bay Point. I was reminded again of how very fortunate our family was to have such a woman with a love for music, good food, travel, shopping and especially for her family, her extended family. Nan was no average person, she excelled at life.
Tanya called today from New York. She and her husband Robert hold the walk for a cure of GIST every year in New York, nan went once and walked the whole way around the 3 mile path skirting the lake raising nearly $10,000 in the process due to your generosity and her dedication. I'm considering going and walking this year to see if I can raise a bit of funds to help with the search for a cure. Last year they raised over $500,000 which was given directly to researchers who are doing the work to find a cure. Tanya has GIST but is doing pretty well at the present time. They are amazing people and a hoot to be around.
After a very cold inspection of the little house in Bay Point I drove to UNO's pizza for soup and a small deep dish pizza. But this time half way through I realized that I was full and saved the rest for another day, that is progress!
Tomorrow morning we walk early, then I go to the Antioch Sutter Hospital for a Pulmonary Function Test. It is reported to be 1.5 hours in length. Then off to SF to inspect a property that has been updated, then back to Oakland to inspect another updated property, then to San Ramon for a driveby appraisal where we guess the condition of the interior and then back to the office. Once again today funds came in the mail, how nice that lenders are remembering our address again. Thank you Lord and also Loree for sending out statements.
My new blue tooth earpiece is not working well so if you call be prepared to hear nothing while I fumble and try to make it work, not good at all! AT&T is supposed to make it right in the morning. We'll see.
How are you doing? I know our thoughts are sure with Carrol as she goes to the clinic for numbers tomorrow. Those visits with doctors never get any easier. Our thoughts, our prayers are with you girl and caretaker Bob too.
So through the rain, the cold, the haze I go, thankful to have work and some purpose in life. How I value your comments to the blog and your individual emails. What you say helps a lot. I think we in the family are all functioning well, going about our daily routines but we all have a Nan sized whole in our hearts that reminds us of what we have lost and how fortunate we had it for the many years she was with us. Yes Nan, we miss you!

love

tim

Today I woke up and smelled the roses...

Dear Family and Friends,

When I woke this morning I had no idea of what a great day this was going to be, not a clue. Everything hurt and to move took great effort, the shoes almost did not go on.. Then Ken called to say he was ready, so out the door with stocking hat and ski gloves. But while the morning was crisp and cold there was no rain and the air smelled fresh and alive. We made the 2.5 miles effortlessly and bidding Ken adieu I came in showered and discovered to my delight and joy that I was down 9 lbs from when I started the new ways. That was a huge lift and seemed to make the sacrifices worth it. After a successful Oatmeal breakfast with bananas and orange juice I waded into my desk but this time I was mentally alert and made quick work of some of the languishing projects, made some decisions, set up work, made all the medical appointments for all the things the doc wants me to look into. Mid afternoon I left to go to John Muir medical center for x rays of lower back and chest. The x ray tech was so cute that I plan to have many more x rays. A little human touch seemed good as she positioned me for the shots. Then it was over and I had to get dressed again. But even the jeans fit better and there was less huffing and puffing as I walked to the car.

Then home to hear the presidents state of the union message, eat dinner and then settle back in to work again. So I have appointments made for medical tests, stress ekg, colonoscopy, pulmonary, eye examine and who knows what else. At least the insurance deductible will quickly be exceeded.

Somehow I managed to wake up an old pain in my right arm and shoulder so moving that arm much is very painful but experience says that will go away in a couple days.

I've also made appraisal appointments for tomorrow and Wednesday, they include places like Menlo Park, San Mateo, Oakland, San Francisco and Pittsburg and that's just the next two days. Once again money came in the mail today and there are rumors of more checks coming so after the long drought some money is starting to move again. I thank God for this progress and for Loree sending out statements, that always helps funds move the right way too.

I had a chance to text message Marilyn this evening and found out that they are OK back there in Rhode Island but have had snow. She reminded me that she misses our evening chats and she is sure right. We used to have great chats, Nan, Marilyn and me just winding down after a long day, what joy those times brought. Today just for the fun of it I called nan's cell phone to hear the message, her live voice. It is so great. Got to find a way to save it before I turn her phone off and I think some suggestions may help us do just that, save the message.

Good night my friends and family, I love you all.

Tim

ps I just had to share the beautiful roses which greeted me after the dental experience I had the other day. Loree left them for me and I have enjoyed them so much. Everyday they are more beautiful. Thank you Loree for your kindness.

Raining again, life sloshes on...

Good evening Dear Family and Friends,
Its 9 pm and I'm thinking of the nice moments of this weekend. A safe trip home through the weather on Friday night, a pleasant walk on Sabbath Morning, a chance to worship and see friends at church, a nice lunch with a long time friend, a pleasant evening shopping for food and then coming home and eating it, another walk this morning with really decent weather, then a trip to Tracy to deliver some cheer, a walker and a box of Hawaii candy to Fern. What an inspiration she is, broken hip and all and still happy, alert and positive. Then back to a nice breakfast with the oak meal staying in the bowel this time, dark wheat toast from Emily's kitchen, banana from who knows where (Costco), then a nice nap in the recliner with a fire burning and a dog jammed beside me, calls from friends and family including my brother Jerry who had been up all night. I don't know how he does it and he is older than I am by a lot, 10 years. Then office work, set up orders, wade through paperwork, fix dinner and then back to the office. Let me tell you I am with it for sure, I waited all day for the super bowl to come on, then Nikki broke the news to me, its next week.
Sharon called this evening and had been wrestling with some sadness over memories of Nan and their fun times. Oh how I identify with that sentiment. I love to get to talk to Sharon, there is something very special about that lady, a heart touched by Jesus I think.
An email came in from a family in Boston, they had a young person in their family in ICU at the same time as Nan was in. Amy had a terrible car accident and was not expected to live, but she did and is gradually getting better but what an ordeal she has been through. The family had not heard that Nan had died so I shared our sad news. We emailed back and forth several times, turns out her new job will bring her to Vacaville and San Francisco this spring and she would like to meet, that will be so much fun, she is a delightful lady and our families shared a lot of heartache and stress together in that waiting room near the ICU.
So the wheels of life keep moving, I'm gradually becoming more comfortable in the kitchen and as I do so I keep finding things I like to eat. I need to eat less not more. I think I have a weeks worth of work ahead for the coming days and I need to make many medical appointments too.
You know I really appreciate your keeping me in the loop of your lives. Like hearing from Bob about his fence, his adventures at the casino, Carrol's' next important appointment. About the snow in N. Carolina and the family gathering around a dad who is 93 and still going strong. About Wes who always has something interesting to say and gives courage to me.
This evening its nice to be inside in spite of no furnace as I can hear the rain increasing in volume and intensity outside. I've got the heating blanket which goes under the sheets working on the bed and that takes off the chill. The dogs add a lot of heat with their little bodies, a tiny heater on a timer takes the chill off the bathroom. All in all, not bad really.
Can we make this a good week in spite of the weather, Sharon says they have had 30 to 40 degree weather for days, I never realized that Texas could also get cold and nasty as well as hot and nasty. Yet as I visit homes I see the beginning evidence of spring flowers peeking through and I know life will get better.
Tonight I send my love to each and every one of you and I thank you for your prayers and thoughtfulness in so many ways. You do make a difference.

love

tim

Rest and Discovery

Dear Family and Friends,
This has been an interesting day. It started with a walk around the lake in pleasant weather with Ken. Without his gentle urging I probably would not have gone this morning. I woke feeling pretty rough, sore throat, sore most everything, felt feverish. Yet the walk did not make things worse, only better. Then back for a long shower with warm water, then find clothes that still fit and off to church in Tracy. My oatmeal blew up again but I think I've just about got it figured out now. It was rewarding to see so many friends at church and in spite of feeling pretty rough I did enjoy seeing all the wonderful Tracy people. Unfortunately I fell asleep during most of the service and I expressed my regret to the pastor afterwards, he was so kind and said, you did what you needed most during that time. He was right, I could hardly stay awake. After church I got a chance to see Fern for a few minutes. She is escaping New Hope to be with her daughter for a few days, weeks, until she can walk again on her own. I'm taking her a walker in the morning, I'd much rather have her using it than it sitting in the garage and I know Nan would be thrilled that Fern can benefit from the walker Sharon purchased for her so long ago. Then in the afternoon I had lunch with a long time friend down in San Jose. I learned so much and enjoyed the time spent very much. Then back home by way of Safeway where my decision to stop for a device to start the fire turned into $48 of vital things I decided I needed.
When I was in Tracy today Emily and Loren shared their recipe for the soup I've been raving about and also some other suggestions, some excellent bread they had baked and some outstanding oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies.
This evening when I got home and welcomed the dogs I fed them some treats, made some toast of wheat bread and peanut butter with applesauce over the top, built a roaring fire. Today was good to me in the mail department. I received payment for two big appraisals and the social security department decided to finally send a check which was promised the 4Th Wednesday of December. Still I am very thankful for being able to put it back into the personal account toward a rainy day.
Out of today I've learned to start deciding what I like to do, to begin to create a plan to achieve it and to turn up the heat on the medical tests. I'm tired of having this pain in my chest and if there is something wrong I need to know it and if not then I need to move on and forget it.
I do not want to gloss over how much it fills my heart with joy to get to rub shoulders with long time friends at church. These are precious people who the Lord has placed in my life, they are encouraging, faithful, positive and honest. What a blessing the Tracy SDA Church has been to our families lives over the years. While they are not perfect they are certainly wonderful.
This evening I got to talk to both Jason and Nikki and I could hear Timothy in the background crying. He woke out of a sleep having had a nightmare or something and he was not a happy little boy. I also got to see Keanna for a minute and she is battling some illness but was so sweet to give me a sticker and a hug.
Bob and Carrol often speak of looking forward to meeting loved ones when Jesus comes again. Oh the thought of seeing Nan again without a cancer ravaged body, what a blessed hope. Like Sharon says to all of us, we need to make sure we are tight with Jesus so His goodness can see us through to eternity. This world is not my home, I'm just a passing through....
This losing a loved one after so many good years is very hard work, ask Sylvia, Dolly, Roger and Carrol, Marilyns and so many others... yet as we talk to each other, gain strength and ideas of each other we can make progress, we can find happiness again. Those who we have lost would want us to find it and we need to pursue it.
So I say good night friends, good night family, to me you are the best in the world.

love

tim

Oh Blessed Friday evening at last...

Dear Family and Friends,
Finally it comes to an end, the week that is. How has it been for you?
Last Friday night I was tucked away in the motorhome next to Jason and Jo's home at MBA parked on their side lawn. What a difference a week has made, if I tried that today I think the coach would have sunk out of sight in the soggy grass.
How much like life the weather is, spots of sunlight, spots of joy, of friendship, of being with loved ones, rain showers, trials, financial concerns, health concerns, loneliness, despair, winds which push you this way and that, people seeking your time, your knowledge, your attention, situations out of control. Then there is the calm after or before a storm, a quiet meal of soup and friendship at Dunstons, reassurance that someone cares. What is this life to be like now? Where do people fit in? Why am I still here? Can my health issues be fixed or is it to late?
Another week past, a week with vivid memories of Nan's last birthday party, a week of enjoying the "Our Nan" book created by the loving hands of Karen, of sidelong glances to the grave site where Nan rests, of Nikki and Keanna singing Happy Birthday to her.
How I appreciate hearing from Dolly, from Sylvia, from the Marilyn's who have both lost their precious spouses in the past few years. When they speak, they who have lost loved ones, and they say there is life to look forward to, then I want to believe.
Today the weather was too brutal to walk the lake so I dug out the Nordic Ski Machine, found batteries for its computer, fed in the current stats and turned on the weather channel and rode. How things have changed since the last time I rode, the heart rate zoomed up quickly and so did a searing pain in my left chest but I rode anyway. In spite of the cold of the room I knew I was doing OK when sweat started to spill into my eyes and the countdown said 20 minutes. The last minute I could hardly stay on the machine I was so spent but I did and felt very good about it. The body fat indicator on my scales said I was down another point, down 4 points of body fat since I began this noble adventure of self torture. The warm water felt so good spilling down over my skin, it was hard to turn it off. Then down to breakfast and a lesson. Yesterday was my first day ever to make real Oatmeal, not the instant stuff and yesterdays turned out so good. Why not speed it up by starting with hot water instead of cold in the microwave? When I opened the door after the 2.5 minutes the bowl was empty and the oatmeal was on the glass bottom of the microwave. OK, lesson learned, if you start with water that is nearly boiling you probably don't need as much cooking time. The next time things were perfect and along with a CostCo banana and one piece of whole wheat bread with peanut butter breakfast was a great success.
Then it was time to make sure of the data for the days work in Madera so a few minutes with the data sources and I was ready. Then I did a few value checks for clients who hoped to do loans but they were not sure how much the property they were working with was worth. Free work on my part, a huge waste of time usually yet once in a while an order comes out of it.
Then I opened the garage door to find high winds, rain and dark skies. I set the GPS for the address in Madera and began. The trip was a little over two hours and passed quickly without incident. The home was custom built, lovely, the people were gracious and the weather had cleared so no rain and little wind there. By the time I finished the 2:15 appointment I was feeling the effects of low blood sugar so I ate the yogurt I purchased last night and spent the next hours driving the comps and shooting photos of them, then Burger King for a vege burger, Yvonne turned me on to them and they are great, then program for Chowchilla to shoot some more photos and finally as the day darkened I punched in home on the GPS and we started. Diesel was only $3.15 a gallon in the valley and I discovered that my normal 43 miles per gallon had been reduced to just 34 due to the high winds I had been fighting all the way. I found a southern gospel station on XM and was listening at a level that I missed phone calls that were coming in. Finally 7:27 found me home and lighting a fire, talking to the doggies who had lots of rumors and gossip to share. I had driven all the way home telling myself that I had one more serving of Emily's soup in the frig. It tasted so good, divine really.
Then I settled down in the family room to see what was on the Adventist Dish. George Knight, PHD was giving a lecture about early days in Adventist theology, about a time when Dr. Barnhouse, editor of Eternity Magazine, was asking if Adventists were a cult or not. Dr. Knight is a fascinating speaker and very careful with his facts. I found myself enjoying listening to his presentation of the issues that faced the church back then and how the leaders dealt with them. Once again the dish that Donna and Shawn supplied for us was a real inspiration. Talk about a gift that keeps on giving.
Nikki called to say Keanna was coughing and she thought Sabbath School was probably not a good idea and I agreed. I've not felt to well today myself with a sore throat and what I perceived to be a fever part of the day. So perhaps tomorrow will be a rest day for real.
Jason says Jo is not feeling too well either. Its a challenging time of the year with the weather, shut up rooms holding germs in, weather induced depression etc.
Yet I am thankful tonight, not terribly happy but I'm thankful and grateful for hundreds of miles driven safely, for a ticket not given, for Keanna's chapel programs, for successful dental processes, for Dunstons warmth and help, for cheery phone calls, for several checks in the mail, for getting to exercise nearly every day this week, for a place to live, for advice from friends.
Thank you God for this week and for family, life and living in America.

love to all,

tim
ps Jason and Jo have started a new blog which you can access: jjmustard.blogspot.htm
ps again I am so glad that Carrol's sister has come to visit and that Carol's sisters have come to celebrate their fathers big event.

Another day, another dollar

Dear Family and Friends,
Our cold weather continues, yes I know we need the rain but I don't think that means we have to enjoy it. I've dug out a heavy coat with a hood and actually wore it several times today. Its just to damp and cold to measure a house with scrubs and grass without a coat. This afternoon I inspected a home in Antioch. The owner was confined to a very complicated wheel chair due to Lou Gharigs (sp) disease. His son was there to meet me and was ordering a new wheel chair while I was inspecting. Life can certainly throw some nasty curves at times. He lost his wife 2 years ago and now has a caregiver who does not speak English. Must be interesting. One could tell by the appearance of the home that there has been a lot of love and care in the past.
Then a stop at Olive Garden for warm soup (Emily spoiled me yesterday with that great soup) and salad, then to CostCo to buy a few things that are cheaper there. Then home to unload and then to the grief recovery meeting, only problem, there was no meeting, in fact the room was being used for a cancer meeting and no one had ever heard of the grief recovery group. Very strange. I was disappointed but vowed to use the evening productively. I dropped by Safeway for milk and yogurt, soup and headed home. As I write I remember that the milk and items are still safely tucked away in the back of the bug, whoops.
I've been cranking out work this evening and hovering over my little heater. I think it is putting out less and less heat as it labors day by day, never did much in the first place.
Tomorrow I have a long day out, Madera and Chowchilla are my destinations.
For those of you following my attempts at exercise I did walk this morning in spite of extreme cold wind which seems to fill my lungs with pain, however I made it around the course and the house seemed like a palace when I got back, warm at 61 and toasty.
I went back to Keanna's school today to get a second dose of her chapel program and she was glad to see Steve and me there. She is so sweet and was thrilled when her daddy said she could go with him for the afternoon. What a great big blessing she is to her pappa.
Tonight after losing out on the grief recovery group I saw the open sign in the hair place so got a hair cut. It will look less frightening after I'm in the wind at homes. Got to think image, not something I usually worried about as Nan would clue me in when I got to raggy looking. Sometimes she cut my hair and that was always fun. For some reason she resisted when I offered to cut her hair, not sure why.
I have no after effects from the tooth fairy's work yesterday. I do have after effects of the kindness shown me by Loren and Emily. They made a very challenging day go very smoothly and I thank them for their help.
This morning when I showered I did not remove my bluetooth devise in my ear. It tended not to work well after that so this evening I went to the ATT&T place to have them look at it. Would you believe I purchased it one year ago on the 18Th of January putting it out of warranty. So I have a new one tonight. I really don't want to drive all the way to Madeira without a safe way to talk on the phone.
I'm also trying to find a way to capture Nan's message on her phone, the one that she had recorded to come on when she was not answering her phone. It is so tender and sweet and I don't want to lose it, any ideas? I need to cancel her phone as it had no minutes on it last month but the bill continues and her contract is up. Another $100 that can be saved.
Are you looking forward to the weekend? I am, not sure why but I still am. Hoping some good comes out of it.
I did discover when I left a message to the blog that if you page down to where it says anonymous that you can leave a message without putting in an email address or anything, do not click on the letter box as that is for sending a copy of the blog to another email address. Use the anonymous way and it comes right through. Sorry it is so complicated but I sure enjoy hearing from each of you. You are playing a role in my recovery and I hope others are gaining courage and strength from our shared time together. Loren and Emily gave me a copy of the Adventist Review with a cover that reads, when you lose a spouse. It has a very very helpful story inside as shared by someone who lost her pastor husband. It has very good advice and I'm enjoying reading it very much.
For tonight I'm through, tired in a good way.
Sending love and a prayer request for Pam Whitted. She has managed to somehow injure her leg and she has not even been able to work the last couple days it is so bad. I know she would appreciate being rememberd to our caring Healer.

love

tim

Happy Birthday Nan, we miss you

Dear Ones,
Today was Nan's 56Th birthday. She nearly made it to Christmas and then her birthday. Every year for the past several I have wondered inside if we would make Christmas and then if we would make it to her birthday.
This evening Nikki and Keanna went to Nan's graveside and sang her Happy Birthday, how very precious and how good that Keanna can stay in touch in this manner with the memories that go back for her as far as she can remember. Very brave of Nikki. Steve said he felt drawn there this morning as he took Keanna to school.
I slept poorly last night as I pondered the dental stuff this afternoon. I rose and walked the 2.5 around the lake in very cold weather, then back to shower and prepare to work this morning, then rush to Keanna's school for her chapel program and then rush back to meet Loren for a ride to the oral surgeon. The program was precious and her face lit up when she saw me across the room. Then after the program she asked if I could walk with her to her classroom, hand in hand we walked and I left her there eating her lunch which had been lovingly prepared by her mom and day. Then I went to the parking lot and sobbed, it just all became too real, the absence of Grammy at Keanna's program, how much Keanna resembles her Grammy when she was young, the birthday without the person of honor, just to much so I sobbed for a bit, Jean happened to be there to pick up files from me and she comforted me, then it was over and I moved on with the day. I tell you, sometimes the bubble rises and you just have to let it pop, then it is better again.
Loren drove me to the appointment, we were early and the door was locked. So we waited and then it was open and in 5 minutes I was settled into the chair, the IV was in, the monitors were beeping and I was gone. but I could hear every word they said, like whoops, did you mean to do that and better next time, you know gallows humor from the docs. Then they were waking me up to tell me they had not been able to put me very deep as my blood oxygen began to fall when they tried, however they did fine, I felt no pain, no suffering and only relief when they were through, well not quite through, next we went to the counter and I had to write a check from the life insurance for $1,135, ouch, I felt that. Then to the car and Loren arranged with Emily to have soup ready. What a soup! It was just right, and scrambled eggs and soft toast, and berry juice to drink, did I mention the toast had thin slices of avocado, what a feast! They even let me bring some of it home with me which I promptly opened, microwaved and had some more. Now I'm settled and heading for bed. I even built a fire this evening, Art suggested it and I did it so the house is up to a whooping 67 degrees, wow!
Today contained emotional roller coasters, high - seeing Keanna in action with the song motions memorized perfectly, low - missing Nan on her special day, frightened - sedation and surgery, relaxed - in Loren and Emily's lovely home, newly remodeled, warm and comfortable, satisfied - after the meal, safe - home at last by the fire, delighted - two more checks in the mail today, at peace knowing God is there caring and planning and watching over this precious family.
Thanks Nikki, Jason, Art, Jerry, Jan, Loree, Steve, Sylvia, Ken and LeAnn and emails from Roger and Carol, Roxanna, Sylvia, Pam, Irene, Bob and Carrol. I am not alone.
So I send my love to you this evening thanking you for helping me through another challenging day.
love

tim

Nan's 56th birthday would have been tomorrow

Dear Loyal Family and Friends,

Hello from a very wet California this evening. As my title suggests, yes all of us in the family are adjusting to this life without Nan but I personally don't care much for it. Just now I called my cell phone as it had come up missing and I heard her voice again as she answered the cell. What a wealth of emotions her voice recalls.

I've been noticing that many things are not fair or right in the world we live in. Our having had to bid Nan goodnight was one of those things that was not right, or fair or even acceptable. Yet it happened in spite of what everyone could do for her. Yes along the way medical mistakes were made but for the most part she received outstanding cutting edge care by the best and yet we lost her. She would often tell me during the summer, I'm not sure I'm going to make it through this round. Yet she never gave up on life and the people she loved.

Tomorrow is the 23rd, her birthday. She would have been 56 years young. In a different life we would be planning on going out to eat or having a party or doing something special to celebrate another great year but no here we are having had to say good night at 3 pm in the afternoon of life, way before its time.

For the last couple years I've made sure we had a party for her birthday. Many of you were able to attend and helped celebrate another year of her life, others had to rely on calling or cards but you all let her know how much you cared about her. She treasured those parties although she would always say, why make such a fuss. I'm personally celebrating her birthday by being put out for a couple hours so the root canal work can be completed. If she were here I could not be worried at all, I would wake to her smile and concerned face.

I received a very nice phone call this evening from Dolly. She and Ken have traveled to their Oregon home for a few weeks and are settled in by the pellet stove keeping warm. They had a safe trip and were just checking in. I've also got to talk to Nikki several times this afternoon and I always appreciate her checking in with me, she keeps an eye on me and that feels so good. Art talked me around the lake this morning, it was very rainy, cold and miserable, my chest did not feel very good by the time I was half way round but I made it fine. In spite of the afternoon dental stuff I'm walking in the morning, just can't have breakfast or lunch, will be interesting to see how diabetes and blood sugar do without any food.

Last night my breathing machine air tube broke in two. So I had to get up to try to solve it which I did and then it broke again immediately. So I got it together and was then very gentle with it until I can find a new one at a medical supply store someplace. I tried to get up and work at 5 but was so sleepy that I headed back to bed and rested until almost 8. Then I got up and freezing my way downstairs walked. Nothing inside me said it was a good idea but I walked anyway knowing how habits are created, 3 weeks of doing something and it is a new habit. I want this habit badly.

I was so glad to hear from Wes today in spite of his horrible slams regarding my looks, I was just shattered by his comments! Sure glad he has turned over a new leaf, right! Carol writing about N. Carolina makes me want to jump a plane and go there to enjoy the beauty of the snow and sit by their stove and snooze, chat and snooze more. I hope the insurance adjuster saw things Bob's way today or he might not be too happy.

Sometime this week the furnace man, Kent, is to come and give a repair another try. He says it might be getting to old to fix. I'd like to get another year out of it and frankly I'm not doing badly with the cold. The real life saver is the heater George brought out. It puts out so much heat that the family room is a place of refuge for all of us, dogs and me. Then I have a tiny heater under my desk for my feet and again the doggies are usually there on my feet getting warm, then I have a small heater on a timer in the bedroom which comes on early in the morning to break the ice, then stops for the day and comes on in the late evening, like now to once again make the room bearable. I have a bed heater that Nan bought years ago. Of course we could not use it for her recently since she was usually too hot and had a fever. I'm going to reinstall it on the bed so I can have a bit of warmth.

I am reticent about tomorrow, yet I've had to face literally hundreds of very awful encounters over the past few years where you knew the news was not going to be good going in and yet you had to go forward so tomorrow is like that. I don't like it but I have no choice so I'll face it and I so appreciate the fact Loren will be with me to drive home. I'm so tired of eating, chewing with only the left side of my mouth, I'm ready to get the tooth fixed. Please pray that God will be in control of everything.

Keanna has a chapel service tomorrow at her school from 11:30 to 12 but I think I'll have to go to the same chapel service on Thursday from 11:30 to 12. I love to see her in action. She reminds me so much of Nikki when she was little and of photos of Nan when she was little. She is a family treasure. And speaking of treasures, check out the photo of Timothy at Sabbath School with Jo assisting.

May you be blessed as you live your life well each day.

love

tim

Physical over, such fun

Dear Friends and Family,
Step two of the medical process was taken today. Jim Edwards, MD did a very complete physical and found nothing profoundly wrong. There are other tests he wants done just to be careful and sure and more xrays to see why I'm often out of breath and have some chest pains. I think Jim did a great job for me. I ventured out this morning to see a property in Clayton and found a wonderful woman who lost her husband to a heart attack very young. She has made a good life for herself and has a very nice place with a huge pool and large lot. After I left her neighborhood I drove to Olive Garden for a lunch of salad, soup and eggplant parm. Great eating and so tasty. Then to the doctor's office where I arrived early. After the exam I did another house out in the country in Knightsen, shot the comps for that one until dark and then exchanged files with my writer Jean in Brentwood, got meds at Longs and came home. I decided on a grilled cheese sandwich this evening with tomatoes, skimmed milk and salad. Then I dealt with a job I've been putting off, seems the puppies do not like to go outside when it is rainy to do their thing and the floors needed some moping up. Fed the fish before I forgot for the evening and then landed here at the desk to deal with today's requests, check emails and chuckle at some of the things that have been sent. I was very delighted to hear from Sharon. Turns out I had an incorrect email address for her so all the things I've been forwarding did not make it to her. Now she can read the blog again and we can email back and forth, nice!
Today has been lousy in the weather department. It sprinkled on us as we were walking this morning, then down right rained when I was driving to Clayton, held off while I was measuring but then rained more again.
I had a very special moment this morning. As I drove to Clayton I had to cross over Walnut Ave. As I approached the stoplight it turned yellow, I never know whether to trust the brakes or just punch it. I punched it and as I passed through the interchange I noted a CHP care first in line on the left. Well he turned his lights on and I pulled over to wait for him. He came up and talked to me, asking me what was happening, I told him that I was in my wife's car but she was no longer with us and that I could not find papers for him in the glove box. He went away and then came back and ask if I wanted a warming or a ticket, well I chose the warning and he talked to me about planning further ahead when I was driving and with that was gone. He mentioned in passing that the ticket for a run red light was over $300. I was shaken but so grateful for his kindness. Blood pressure at that moment was probably not too good.
Well its time to do some work yet this evening. House is very still, cold and impersonal. That is just the way it is now. Until you experience it you won't have a clue, not the same as when your lover goes for a trip for a week and is coming back, not the same as when they are out shopping, this is for good, its different and very sobering. One wonders what is to come with the markets falling, rates raising, foreclosures increasing, values dropping.
I had a call from Dana and it was so exciting. She was full of plans for their coming out this summer to enjoy San Francisco, Tahoe, Reno and our own lake. It will be so nice to have the house alive with activity and voices again. Hopefully Jan can come, Marilyn can come and of course Sharon but I think Sharon is still catching up from all the trips she has made out here which took her away from work.
Well my friends, good night from my place to yours,

love

tim

Sunday evening and life seems well worth living!

Dear Family and Friends,

I'm back home this evening after spending a couple days at Monterey Bay Academy, located directly on Monterey Bay, if you listened carefully you could hear the waves break at night. After a pretty tough day on Friday dealing with a lot of side issues I finally arrived at Jason and Jo's after dark. Jason helped guide me into the parking place, I hooked up power and water and turned on a furnace that WORKS.

Sabbath was very special, first a good breakfast, then Sabbath School with Timothy in action, then worship service and then lunch and fellowship with the whole family, we were just missing Steve and prior commitments kept him away. Nikki and Keanna came bearing gifts for Christmas and Jason and Jo had some too for exchange. Keanna loved her Dora doll and her Dora Playdough and her other exciting gifts, Timothy enjoyed playing with various colorful toys that make noise and light up. It was such a nice time together, Jason and Jo have a nice sized living room with a great sectional for comfortable seating. It was Christmas all over again because the kids never go together in Hawaii, Nikki and Steve at Kona while Jason and Jo were on Kauai at different times so their paths never crossed.

Later in the afternoon we drifted down to the beach, the weather was perfect and enjoyed walking up and down, watching the doggies run from the surf and just seeing Keanna collect shells was great. Then we huffed and puffed our way back up to the house where Nikki and Keanna had to leave for home.

This morning Jason came to the door of the coach wondering if I was going to get up. For the first time in more than a year I had slept in to 9 am. I was pleased and shocked but sure felt rested. Jason and I tackled a couple repair jobs without much success but found it very cold outside. The weather was totally different from Sabbath. We watched some football and then I loaded up to come home.

Over the weekend I presented the special books Karen Cress had published with photos showing Nan's entire life. She did a brilliant job with the editing and no matter when I pick up the book I'm immediately taken on a trip down a memory lane. What a joy and what a challenge to the tear ducts. Jason and Nikki were very pleased to receive their own copy of the book. A huge Thank you to Karen for her work in creating these books. If you would like to order a copy for yourself go to: http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/invited/92002/fd40238191366cc1f2313cdf8d1ed519. It is truly a master piece and gifts excellent tribute to Nan's life through family photos.

Well this week will prove to be challenging for sure. Tomorrow at 2 pm I have a physical with Dr. Edwards in Antioch. I have an appointment to see a Clayton property in the morning and a ranch in Oakley after the Dr appointment. Loren has expressed his willingness to assist me to the doctor on Wednesday, wait for me and then bring me home. That is a very welcome help.

Our friend Roger has sent me a private email with many excellent ideas for managing the financial challenges I face. I can't express my appreciation enough for this boost in an area that continues to challenge me and will for some time. I was very thankful to find checks in the mailbox when I got home. Checks are always nice and certainly timely.

I want to express how much a couple days away can help with perspective and loneliness. I also want to thank my family for their support and love as we all work our way forward from this time of loss and pain. They are all very special to me just like your family is to you, what a powerful blessing.

So I thank you for your prayers and ask that you continue to remember me as I face another week.

love

tim

PS Yes Jo was actually there but was taking the pictures so never managed to get into any of them. Next time!

Family day

Dear Family and Friends,
Good evening. I am sitting here at the table in the old motorhome while watching 3ABN and a friend is on, Dale Gulusha, he's now with the Pacific Press and is fun to see him with a few more years on him.
We have had a wonderful day. It started with having an excellent night of rest. I woke with no back pain and to a warm bedroom at the back of the motorhome. The dogs were very interested in getting outside so I dressed quickly and we headed out. What we found was a very cold morning, crisp and clear with a beautiful view of the Pacific Ocean. Jo created a great breakfast with eggs, vege food sausages, whole wheat bagels. Then off for a quick shower and to Sabbath School where Timothy enjoyed riding a farm tractor, riding a horse, picking apples, singing little songs. A very nice program. Then to church where I must admit I slipped into slumber no matter how hard I tried to wake up. Then back to the the house where Nikki and Keanna soon arrived. They were full of excitement and had presents for Timothy to enjoy, lots of presents, some on loan until Nikki's baby is old enough to enjoy them too. After a good lunch we walked to the beach where we spent some time enjoying the beautiful day, wide open expanses of sand and breaking waves. Finally we headed back up and Nikki, Keanna and I walked the whole ways back up to the house. Then we sat around and talked a while longer and then they left for Discovery Bay. Jo and I watched their new HD TV and a program called 1000 places you need to see before you die. Some of the most wonderful photos of exotic places around the world with nice music in the background. Jason was on supervision this weekend so had to be gone at times to watch over the flock of kids who were on campus. This evening Jason and I have been discussing the current state of the world and politics in general. While we do not agree on many things we do agree to keep it civil and to listen to other person's point of view. Now its time to settle in. Timothy has been exciting today, he wiggles so much and has great expressions all the time. What fun. He is starting to eat food along with his milk and had home prepared sweet potatoes today.
When I get to an area where my cell phone will work I will send myself some of the photos I took today and include them in the blog.
After a week of stress and depression even at times it has been a genuine blessing to be with these precious people who are my family. I love them all so much, what a nice experience it is to just watch them in action, to see them share ideas, talk of future plans and relax together. Of course of special note to me was getting to see both Keanna and Timothy in action. They are both so precious to watch, to hold and to play with. How Nan would have loved this day so I just have to love it for her and vow to do my best to be here to love and esteem my family.
I woke to a blood sugar of just 114 this morning. That is the best it has been in a month. I was so excited, perhaps the exercising and better eating choices is starting to pay off. I do find I am much to short of breath right now and that concerns me a lot. I am glad the physical will be on Monday.
Loren Dunston wrote suggesting he has recovered from his terrible bout with illness to the point he is willing to be my driver this week for work. That is such a very kind idea and I do need his help. I am wondering if he is free to drive me to the doctor's appointment on Wednesday, wait two hours while they torment me and then drive me back home and put me to bed. Then perhaps he can drive me on Thursday for a few appointments. I'll have to communicate more directly with him once I'm back where cell phones work. Mary had said she could drive me but she has some days of the week where she must care for her little ones and this might just work out better for all. It sure was an answer to my prayers as I was not sure how I could recover and still work this week. Thanks Loren.
I'm heading home tomorrow afternoon and after helping Jason mow his lawn and get his equipment working better. Jason lives in a home here on campus that has a setting on a small hillside with a huge hard, I mean maybe a quarter of an acre. He has a riding mower which helps but the trees drop pieces of wood which must be collected ahead of time or they ruin the blade. It will be nice to help him and work outside in the fresh winter air. I look forward to it. I also look forward to hitting the bed. For a cheap motorhome the bed is sure good and comfy. Last night I rearranged the bed, changed the linen and got it all set up with the special heating pad with controls on each side. When I climbed in I found the control on my side did not come on, only the control on the other side where I was NOT sleeping. Figures! But with the little dogs nearby I was warm and toasty and slept until past 7 this morning, a record for recent weeks.
What is it about the sea that is so special? I love the sound of it, the smell of it and the foam, the relentless action of the water. I find great solace in the sea, a great reminder of a God who can be counted on no matter what, who will do the right thing in spite of our complaints or heartfelt requests, who loves us so much that He makes hard decisions with love as the basis.
I want to work for God and I want to live for Him as well.

Sending our families love to you all,

jason and jo and timothy and nikki and keanna and steve and tim

Friday evening at Jason and Jo's house

Dear Friends and Family,

It is so peaceful to be here parked adjacent to their home, a real live furnace is putting out heat and the motorhome is cozy. Jason and I went to vespers this evening and that was an enjoyable experience. Jason was on duty which means he helped keep the natives quiet and with the program. He started his day today at 4 am and then drove to Rio Lindo Academy to take a student who needed a special test, then back this evening to arrive only a few minutes before I finally made it here. I always have the best intentions to get here early and then reality kicks in, work that needs to be completed, checks need to be deposited, groceries to be purchased, propane to be filled... I was glad to finally get here and so were the dogs. We had a safe trip with only a couple places of bad traffic.

Last night I opened a package that Karen Cress had shipped to me. She had warned me that it was coming but did not tell me more. Well just before I headed up to bed I opened the package. I was not prepared for the beautiful tribute to Nan. She had taken the hundreds of photos we had collected, actually Nikki did the bulk of the collecting. karen took them and created a book which has been published. The beautiful book is hardbound and has photos of Nan from childhood to her last days. It is a wonderful and interesting book which is beautifully arranged. She sent us three copies, one for each of the kids and one for me. I have delivered them and the kids love them as well. What a loving and impressive thing to do in memory of Nan. Thank you Karen for this work, it is tremendous.

I'll share the link where you can click and order a book for yourself. The cost is minimal and the book is unforgetable.

I have brought the DVD's with me and hope to get them packaged up while I am here.

Nikki and Keanna are coming down tomorrow to visit so we can all be together for a bit. I can't wait to have everyone under the same roof. Since we have such busy lives it is hard to get everyone together. Jason is so excited about his new job as an english teacher. Its great news since this has been his goal for years. Yet for the next few months he will be doing even more than he does now as he prepares to teach and still does the recruiting job too. Its a good thing he is young and has unlimited energy, oh to be that young again!



Well I walked this morning and it was very cold, all the grass was white with frost and the air, well it was cold. However I find that after walking a few blocks the body adjusts for the cold and its not so bad. The sun was out in force, bright and wintery. It was a nice start to a busy day. I spent from 9 to noon to try to get money shipped to Phoenix to close an AMEX account. It took over an hour to get through a voice tree gone very bad but finally a simple Fed Ex shipment took care of it. Hopefully that is the last I have heard from CollectCorp, not a nice group of people.



I thought several times today about the snow that surrounds Roger and Carol's home. I'll bet it is very beautiful as they have lots of mature trees, rolling hillsides, lakes and little cottages. Enjoy the snow! We are so jealous.



Bob and Carrol, great great news that the new flood zone does not reach you. What a waste of money flood insurance is unless you live next to a levee. We've had to battle that same issue before. No fun.



I'm hoping that each of you will have a very special weekend, that you will get a chance to spend quality time with each other, the saying, love the one you are with in the right context is a great saying. And a special note, Wes wrote a message today explaining why he has disappeared from the scene. Seems his home computer went sideways on him and the school district started blocking the blog on his work computer. We've had that happen before in different places. It is a dangerous communication device and shares secrets, so look out when you read the blog, could be dangerous!!!



We hope Wes can soon be back giving his wisdom to all.



I'm so sleepy now, ready to make the bed and climb in for a good nights sleep. Thank you for being my friend, my family. Your prayers, encouragement and emails sure help me get through this tough time. This has been a very tough week and you've helped me through, a special thanks to Art for his constant care and listening ear.



love



tim

Jason has great news!

Dear Family and Friends,
Good evening to all, left around 7 this morning, inspected 4 properties including one in Chowchilla and three in Hanford and then drove home. There was about 400 miles of driving involved I think with no serious incidents. I did discover at the first home that I had left the research in the printer at the office. Loree was an angel and faxed all 24 pages to a title company in Hanford saving the day for all.
Highlights of the day included meeting very very nice homeowners, getting chewed out by the collection agency from AMEX due to their own mistake, having lunch at a "locals" place with outstanding whole bean burrito, lettuce, tomato and rice, hearing the wonderful news that Jason has been hired as an English Teacher for the next school year. Nan would have been so happy to hear the news as she longed for him to get to do what he really wanted, teach English. I am so proud of him and rejoice with he and Jo over the news. Thank you to the board who hired him and to Tim, the principal, who helped it happen.
I so enjoyed reading the emails to the blog this evening and I really appreciate the advice and offers of assistance as I work my way through these financial matters. Once again today the mail contained no funds but this time I know some are coming.
This evening I detoured into Tracy and following Sylvia's directions found Fern at New Hope. She was as cheery as ever and is looking forward to being on her feet again. She took a bad fall and fractured her hip. What a picture of faith and courage she is.
After leaving Fern I raced to the motorhome storage area which shuts down at 9 pm. I managed to get in, start the coach, get it outside the gate before 9. I am looking forward to driving to Jason and Jo's tomorrow during the day for some happy times with family. At some point in the weekend Nikki and Keanna will join us for even happier times, hopefully Steve can come too but he is so busy these days, working every job he can to create funds. What a resourceful guy he is.
It was very meaningful to get out and meet the homeowners again today. One was having huge problems with getting disability from Social Security and we were able to share some ideas which might help her get satisfaction. Another lady had lost her husband about 6 months ago and was learning to cope in much the same manner as I am. Another lady revealed she has cancer and was given a year to live 4 years ago. We were able to have a good sharing time. For me meeting homeowners is more than just saying hi, now get out of the way and let me to the appraisal and I'm gone, no I enjoy talking with the people and listening to the stories about what they have done to their homes and the happiness the homes have brought.
Once again the GPS proved to be a mighty tool in finding the comps. What a blessing to know when I headed home that I only had 188 miles to go. I thank the good Lord for a safe day and one more day without the car breaking down.
Next week is on my mind. On Monday I have a physical with Dr. Jim, on Tuesday I have the sedation and root canal completion and then can't drive for 24 hours. Already appointments are looming up and it will be late in the week before I can be up and going full speed. I've not faced something like the dental stuff alone before and I've got reservations inside.

How beautiful it must be at Roger and Carol's place with all the snow. They have this wonderful wood stove that heats the whole house and I'll bet it is burning brightly tonight.

So now I must part company with you, I'm going to bed and Starr and Lady are ready, falling asleep at my feet as I write.

Thanks for your encouragement and the emails that come beside the ones sent to the blog. I'm still concerned about Wes. Perhaps a search party is in order!

love

tim

Feeling a bit low

HI
This has been a day to forget quickly. Highlights include a call from a credit card company informing me that CA is a community property state so any debts owed by Nan are now my debts so forget they being written off, no way so I just got $50,000 of debt back with monthly payments included. Checks we had received from Blue Cross months ago were suddenly claimed today by a physician group, don't know why Blue Cross did not mail the checks to them in the first place. So that is $446 I need to find and mail out. No money in the mail again, day after day, no money.
Mostly I just feel very blue today, no one to answer to, no one to talk to in the other room, no answers to the huge issues I face, thank goodness for Art, for Jason and for Nikki who all took turns today helping cheer me up.
This mornings walk just seemed to take the last energy out of me, I fell asleep in my work chair and I'm not sure how long I slept. I've been trying to sort papers, set up files, write the checks that absolutely had to be written, paid the house payment with money I didn't have, that's exciting.
I figured out how to print statements for the people we've done work for, the system is broken but I tried a different time consuming way and it worked so when those get mailed out perhaps it will job someones mind about paying up. One client owes over $21,000. Even a little of that would go a long way to helping with the cash flow.
It is dawning on me that I'm in for a long time of challenge, missing Nan and her solid advice, comfort and encouragement, facing the results of a neglected business for months including bill collecting, trying to hold on to the basics, coping with medical issues that are unexpected like the root canal, the oral surgeon, the 24 hours with no driving allowed, not supposed to be alone for the night afterwards (right, how to I solve that one), high blood sugar and the list goes on.
So tomorrow morning I leave at 6 fog or not for Chowchilla, then Hanford and then back home. I'll drive about 300 miles and I'm praying for the safety of the angels to be with me. I'm prepared data wise and map wise, just hope everything goes well and that I can feel good enough to handle everything involved in a day like this.
Does anyone know where Wes went? If he is OK? I miss his wisdom and the other stuff too. Don't know if I offended him, didn't mean to.
I've been warned that recovery from losing Nan would take on many different shapes and forms in the days ahead. I sure miss her strength today. She never gave up on anything including me and how I miss that reassurance tonight.
At this point I have a hard time seeing happiness in this house again. I love being with the kids, they are great, I'm looking forward to traveling to Jo and Jason's house this weekend and seeing Timothy's new moves, extra special is that Nikki and Keanna and hopefully Steve too are coming down to visit as well. That's a whole lot of joy under one roof and my heart is ready for it.
Thanks for letting me unload, I just do not feel like a winner tonight. Rather I feel wind blown, battered and broken a bit.
Family and Friends, thank you for caring.

love

tim

Congrats to Glen and Joyce on being grandparents!

Hello Dolly...

Today was good because I got to have lunch with Dolly, Bart and Deb, I was on time to the oral surgeon appointment, he only charged $910 to put me to sleep ( in the old days when I preached I did that for free), he will actually put me to sleep on Tuesday the 22ND, Nikki and Keanna invited me to dinner and the food was great, I've not frozen and instead stayed near the space heater, the day was great because Ken let me walk with him this morning, I lost another pound, American Idol has been a hoot this evening and now I can head to bed.

How has your day been? Carol and Roger mentioned some rather nasty weather, ice, very cold, snow, brrrr. I hope they keep their fire burning and that their power does not fail again.

I made a very full day of appointments for the central valley on Thursday. I hope, pray that there will not be dense fog that morning or getting there will be dangerous and will take too much time. I'm going down as far as Hanford which is a couple hours from here but with 5 to see in that day it makes the trip more than worth it.

Everyday I'm feeling better and can move about more freely without so much pain and stiffness. Learning to leave some of the foods I used to love behind is challenging to say the least. Seasoned Fry's are a special love of mine. But being healthy and being around for the three grandchildren, well that is worth it all. Can you please keep me in your prayers that I might be able to maintain this path toward better health.

love

tim

Productive Monday

Dear Family and Friends,
8 pm and I'm sleepy. This has been a work in day, still trying to get my desk clear, orders set up and scheduled, research done and appraisals shipped out.
Ken called this morning and so we walked together our 2.5 miles in the cold and fog. Each day it seems to get somewhat easier, only seemed like 8 miles today. Then back from the walk, a long hot shower to calm aching muscles, then brown rice for breakfast, then settle down at the desk to write checks, complete appraisals and email them out, sort more piles of mail and papers, set up new orders.
At 3:30 I drove to the bank to make a minimal deposit, nothing in the mail now for days. Tomorrow is house payment day, another hurdle to cope with.
This morning after the walk I discovered that I had lost 4 lbs since I started this process of exercise and more careful diet. That was very encouraging. I broke back in the 220s out of the 230s.
Today the house has seemed very quiet in spite of the dogs doing their barking thing once in awhile. It was hard to sit still and work, I wanted to be going someplace to do something out.
Tomorrow afternoon I have yet another appointment to see the oral surgeon in Stockton. I'm going to make every effort to be early for that appointment. then once an appointment has been made for the sedation and tooth repair I can make other appointments and perhaps start the cleansing diet as well.
Weekend plans are starting to take place. I will drive the motorhome down and spend the weekend at Jason and Jo's home. I can see Timothy once again, help with some projects and hopefully Nikki and Steve can bring Keanna down for the day as well. I love to see the family get together. Knowing I might be at Jason and Jo's over the weekend gives me something to look forward to and right now that seems to help a lot with the passing time.

I am concerned about Fern, my friend in Tracy who I heard fell and broke her hip recently. I'd like to visit her but I can't find out where she is, everyone I call is away from their phone lately. Like Tracy fell off the face of the map. Even Wes has not been heard from for days and he lives in Tracy. Strange!

Take care good friends, precious family.

love

tim

A good day!

Dear Family and Friends,
Highlights of today are: lunch with Keanna and Nikki at LaVia, a good Mexican place to eat at Bethel island, late afternoon visit with Barb and Gerry to deliver a walker for Barb's safety, a brisk walk around the lake this morning which included phone calls with Art and Sharon, many loads of wash completed and folded, office much more organized, files over 5 years old pitched to make room on Tom and John's shelves for new items and much much more.

Pain drove me out of bed this morning around 7 and I stumbled downstairs to the office to read the news and the emails, then I started the wash, started to sort and clean the office, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, peered under the sink for the 10Th time to make sure there were no water leaks, none! Made oatmeal for breakfast, so good!

This coming week will see the start of more medical tests and appointments, will include a long day down to Hanford to see several properties, will see several appraisals going out the door that Jean, the writer, has prepared for me and will involve some invoice collecting through statements to our wayward clients who forget to pay.

Since living alone is setting in I'm trying to find a rhythm, a schedule that works, that includes exercise, timely meals, blocks of working time, ongoing cleaning and sorting and advance planning for upcoming excursions. Nan did such an excellent job of planning our travel and fun events that all I had to do was just go along, everything was worked out. Now I need to consider the balance of fun and work, between staying home to clean and fix and being away to enjoy and relax.

I've been very careful about taking my pills over the last couple weeks and am taking the blood sugar tests and blood pressure tests as well. I'm planning on the cleansing diet but I'm just not sure when to do it so as to avoid conflicts with the various medical tests and appointments that are to come. Most of my clothes work best with a weight of 210 or less and right now I've over 230, a significant difference. I do not plan to buy new clothes when I have a closet full of ones that fit at a lower weight. Yet this whole process is hard, about the only thing I really enjoy is eating and that is already being changed a lot.

I'm doing OK, the walking is waking me up but also producing some very sore muscles and other pains I cannot fully explain. I would appreciate your prayers that I can stick with the search for better more reasonable health, that I can drop some pounds and that God can use me in some manner to help people.

Thanks for all you have done,

love

tim
ps I've sure enjoyed spending time with people I love this whole weekend, what I lift to just get to be with people, especially with Keanna!

Sabbath Rest

Dear Friends and Family,
10:30 and I'm ready to rest. Not that I've not rested today already. This morning the dogs persuaded me to take them for a walk around the lake. We all were pretty tired and sore by the time we got back, then breakfast and then get ready for the day. I drove to Lodi Fairmont church but didn't end up staying, then to Bob and Carrol's home. We ate a place nearby which had really good food and then back to unload the ramps Bob had allowed me to use. What a blessing they turned out to be. Between the ramps that Art had made and then the aluminum ones Bob loaned me it allowed Nan to move freely about the house and garage again. Over and over they were used to Nan's benefit.
Then home to sleep in my office chair, then time to tackle the leaking issues under the sink in the kitchen. I slowly turned both supply lines back on and so far no leaking. When I run the dishwasher I'll keep a close watch as nothing else is producing a leak now. I've read emails, watched some TV, most of the evening I've watched the Christian Hope Channel. Not only does it have a great picture and perfect sound but the programming this evening was excellent. They had a concert by Whintly Phipps, a black soloist who works often with the Billy Graham Crusades. His music was just beautiful with nice background orchestration. Somehow when I switched back to regular TV it seemed shallow and commercial in comparison.
When I arrived at Bob and Carrol's today I did not feel all that well but by the time I left I felt much better, not sure for the reasons but the transformation amazed me.
I hope to get a long accomplished tomorrow including preparing to ship the DVDs of the services. I have one with the memorial, one with the graveside and one with just the 8 minute powerpoint presentation. I wish I knew better what most people want of the three or if all three then that's OK to. I really appreciate George and Yvonne's help by obtaining these copies for family and friends.

For now I'm bidding you each good night. For those of you who are wondering how we as a family are doing, well I think we are doing OK. We all have moments when losing Nan seems just unacceptable, terrible, unbelievable. Then we each move on in our own ways of coping knowing Nan would want us to do what we need to to care for each other and find peace and joy in our lives. Please do not read into what I have said that we have it cornered for finished. We are only beginning to live with how the loss effects our entire lives. From lost recipes to empty lonely hours this is a tough thing to get through. I have great respect for Nikki and Jason and their families, they are very helpful to me and are supportive all the time. And the constant intervention of loving family and friends with emails, text messages, calls. That is very helpful. I want to tell you, I deeply appreciate the comments people make to the blog, what a lift those words have been over and over again. And yes I miss Wes. Where are you Wes? Have you been ill?
love

tim

Blog adjustments, I hope they help.

Dear Family and Friends,
How I love knowing Friday is over, the weekend with its blessings and rest are here. I firmly believe our Maker knew what He was doing when He included a Sabbath Rest in the weekly cycle. I have experienced many blessings this week and I'm sure you have as well. Highlights for me include: Art coming to visit, riding shotgun with me for work, giving me a real boost with the clean garage and a place to park the bug and the many other tasks he accomplished while he was here. Several appraisal orders have come in this week, enough to keep me somewhat busy and in the process my mind has been busy. The doctor appointment with Jim went well and laid a foundation for several health enhancing things to come. My fragile tooth no longer hurts like it did but of course needs a lot more repairs. I started attending a grief group. I've finally learned how to use the remote control, Nan and Marilyn would just take it away from me and find their own channels but they both are away so in desperation I am mastering this devious device. I've started eating very differently than in the past and some weight has already dropped off. I've walked three times this week including one Art led expedition around Willow Lake which I'm sure is about 10 miles but Art says, no, only 2 or so. My little car has made it another week and its grill has not totally fallen off yet but is hanging by a couple plastic ties. The dogs no longer go outside to potty having found it is much more pleasant indoors, errrr. The kitchen sink can no longer be used, it has some sort of leak that put lots of water on the floor on the night when Art was here. Together we took every thing out from under the sink and found a plastic tray which was full of water. So now the doors stand open and a little heater is trying to dry out the area once again. Some day soon I will turn the water back on and watch for the leak, then with expert skill and cunning repair it ( hope). Gradually the house is taking on the character of a home where a single guy lives. Vital things like clean clothes, towels, a worn out Christmas tree are all standing in their places waiting for further contact. Everywhere there are projects waiting for their turn but with no honey do list they continue to wait. Christmas flowers are beginning to drop their colorful leaves, do they need water or something? Numerous extension cords cross and criss cross the floor in the office since they have not yet been removed and Starr is lurking nearby in hopes that I might decide she is worthy of a treat or two. Lady has assumed one of the pillows Nan used to use as her new bed under Nan's old desk and every available flat surface in the office has stacks of vital papers, stacks that would immediately fall if a wind came through. However progress has been made. The overhead light has new bulbs, this became an issue when the last of the 4 bulbs burned out leaving a very dark room which is precarious since there are so many items on the floor like laptop case (fresh from Hawaii) file cabinets, tax boxes, etc to fall over.
Everywhere I look beckons, please throw me away, please shred me, please file me, please read me, please pay me, please, please.... Well at least life is not boring.
For those of you who still use your furnaces a word of advice, quit. In just a few days your body will adjust to numbing cold, your toes no longer hurt when you bump something, you forsake the robe for sweats as robes leave legs to freeze, if in desperation you let the dog sit in the chair with you, amazing how much heat the little buggers can put out. Furnaces waste money and create a false sense of security, living here means you don't care if a door is open since the air inside and out is the same temperature. Coats no longer are luxury devices, now they are essentials for survival. Did you know even microwaves put off heat while they are on? I didn't know that until recently. In this house it is easy to tell if something you are about to eat is warm or not, you can tell by the steam rising. The refrigerator no longer cycles on, no point. I am embracing winter and should I live until spring I will then thaw out and move on. At night blankets no longer are a choice, they are a vital link to slumber and Starr no longer sleeps on the blankets, she burrows under the blankets and presses so hard against my back that she almost pushes me out of bed. In the morning I know its cold when I see her breath steam rising.
Towels no longer dry during the day unless it gets real cold and then they freeze dry. I used the jetted tub once but the water cooled so fast the joy was quickly gone.
Yes I suppose I might consider one more furnace repair person but I feel sorry for these guys. They come, pass their magic wand over the unit and it lights and heats the house to 80 degrees, they declare it fixed and go away. It works until its time for it to start up again and something is missing, the ability for the aging piece of junk to light again. Unless the repair person is willing set up camp next to the furnace and wait we may never get it fixed. We are working on the third winter without it working so there is no real rush this time. Now its just me and I'm learning to like the cold and if I get too cold I just go get in the car and drive around, that heater still works.
Tomorrow I'm going to Lodi Fairmont church to see the new remodeling that has been done and to enjoy the worship hour, then I'm going to hook up with Bob and Carrol, return the wonderful ramps they graciously loaned us and have some lunch nearby. Keanna has a busy social schedule tomorrow so we can't do Sabbath School this time.
As I've exercised, cut way back on the wrong foods, cut the amount of food way back and included lots of water in my days the old mind is starting to wake up. I've taken baby steps toward a better life and I really appreciate the encouragement you've given.
So tonight I thank you for caring and my prayer is that this will be a special time for you and your family to enjoy life together.

love

tim
ps I've found there are several pages of settings for the blog I never knew about before. Jason did the set up in a tiny hotel room in Boston last time. I hope the changes I have made will allow you to comment without the hassles you have been experiencing. Please let me know.

Art is a great helper again...

Dear Family and Friends,
I've just come from a grief counseling session held at the local Methodist Church. Even though there was only one other person there plus the leader it was helpful and I think I'll go again. It started at 7 and I would have forgotten except Art called and reminded me.
I was able to sleep in this morning with less back pain. I didn't wake until about 7:45 and I was shocked. I climbed out and Art was ready to walk so I dug out some warmup clothes and we walked. We walked around the lake which is between 2 and 3 miles. Felt like 20 to me but I made it without any huge issues. Then back for a quick yogurt breakfast, research and on the road to Cotati. This little area is located in the Sonoma wine country below Santa Rosa off of Highway 101. It was a cute little farm on 5 acres. Loree had called to say a new order had come in for Rohnert park which is a few miles north of where I was to be so I was able to fit that in also. I found the local Olive Garden for lunch and had soup and eggplant. It was a lovely lunch and then out to shoot comps and head home. Traffic was pretty brutal coming home but I still took time to stop at Longs for a new drug the doctor has prescribed to replace one that tends to cause heart problems in a few people. Then home for a quick tomato and peanut butter sandwich with a glass of milk, meds and then to the recovery group meeting.
When I got home I discovered that Art had been busy. He had rearranged things and cleaned up so I could park the bug back in the garage again. He had done a load of wash, cleaned the decks and who knows what else. What a guy. Thanks Art for all your help in the past 24 hours.
He also brought me a book about a cleansing diet which he has used effectively and I am considering. I got the go ahead from my doctor, now I need to just do it. It lasts 10 days and consists of lemon juice, ciaan pepper in tiny doses and maple syrup. Art lost 10 lbs and feels much better since doing the cleansing.
I am already feeling much better. This morning my resting blood pressure was 112 over 67, a far cry from yesterday where it was 159 over 87. Also my blood sugar is already dropping and is 132 this evening, a major improvement from last nights 146 and 159 the day before. I've had lots of water today and am feeling much more alert and awake. I've learned from my doctor that when I eat carbs I also have to include some protein as protein burns slowly while carbs act fact. So I'm giving that real attention. I'm not allowed to eat anything very firm right now due to the weakened tooth, that will be fixed when they finish the root canal. Bob, I sure hope this get this done before a year passes like your experience.
Tomorrow I go to San Francisco in the morning to see a condo and then back to Brentwood for an afternoon appointment. I am very grateful that God has granted some orders in spite of their locations far from home.
I think Nan would be very pleased with the steps I am trying to take as the days go by. She was always after me to take care of my health and she liked me to work as long as I could get home at a decent hour in the evenings.
I'm very thankful this evening to be home safely after driving nearly all day in the rain and traffic. I'm thankful for a wonderful family both here in CA and in Texas and Denver, Oklahoma. Life is certainly different now, quiet, sort of feels selfish as I now do what I want to when I want to in a manner I never would have done while Nan was here.
Once again I thank Art for his help and Sylvia for coming out to visit last evening. Sure helps the week go by and brings happiness to spend time together.

Good night / morning my friends and family,

love

tim

Art is a great helper

Dear Ones,
Quick blog this evening. I'm so sorry that responding to this blog is becoming so difficult. I will try to look into it to find out why.
Art arrived this morning to a real mess. The power failed to the entire office about 9 am so I spent valuable time using extension cords to make things work again. By the time I did research and got ready we were late, so late that the doctor could not see me today so had to reschedule the consult for the 15th. I hope my tooth holds together that long. Then we shot comps in Stockton in Weston Ranch and headed to Lincoln near Roseville. That home proved to be very well kept and attractive. Then we joined Barb and Gerry for lunch. Then back for the comp photos and then headed home. I was so sleepy with all the carbs that Art drove. I slept and he fought traffic all the way home.
This evening we had a surprise visit from Sylvia and we talked recovery and found out that we both were doing pretty well in the process. Both Art and I enjoyed having her visit. Then I worked on making a quick meal, it was too late for Art to eat. Then meds, some important office work, open the mail, found the important papers had arrived from the insurance company, built a fire to take the chill off and now am ready to hit the hay. Tomorrow I drive to Cotatti, near Santa Rosa to see a ranch and then back here to work if I can stay awake.

I'm dealing with blood sugar issues right now. The numbers are way higher than they should be so exercise has become vital. Art and I are going round the lake in the morning, its 3 miles and will prepare me for the next time with Ken, my walking neighbor.

So good night my friends,

love

tim

Health status update.... not too bad

Dear Family and Friends,
Today was dedicated to a doctor visit to discovery results from last Friday's blood draw. The results were much better than I expected based on how I have been feeling. Cholesterol was just 106 which was a shock. Triglycerides were a bit high but not too alarming and the balance between good and bad levels was surprisingly good. Doctor Jim who was my next door neighbor in college at PUC has prescribed several tests to be done as soon as possible. I will be having the joys of some lower back xrays for the night time back pain, a cardio evaluation with Dr. Savage including a treadmill stress test and a colonoscopy which everyone says is such a blast to experience. In addition he wants me to come back on the 21st for a full physical and see my eye doctor as soon as possible. He says with diabetes one needs an eye exam every year. In addition I found out that Dr. Jim still loves to play racquet ball and I am joining a club called In Shape which is about to have racquet ball courts at the completion of construction.

Its going to be difficult to work in some appraisal work between all the tests and procedures. My weight was down 4 lbs today over the high point so I felt good about that. The visit with Jim was very pleasant and helpful. On the 16th I'm going to his evening cooking school, a 2 hour session on the importance of eating the right foods and how to prepare them. It costs $50 but I think it will be worth it.

I was on my way to the doctor this morning when I found out they had overbooked so I came back home and worked, paid bills and then drove back at 2. After the visit I went to the PetCo and purchased good quality food for Starr and Lady, they are my precious company these days and I don't want them sick. I also got some decent cat food and some treats. Then to Trader Joe's which is one of my favorite stores. Since I am having to be very careful with my tooth due its current extreme weakness I purchased some soup and some soft bread. Then to Longs for meds and to turn in a new prescription. I've been taking Avandia for a long time but lately the press is reporting some heart issues with it so the doctor switched to a saver drug called Actos. I currently take Actos, Amaryl, Altace, Aspirin, Glucophage, Crestor, Zetia, Tricor and Niaspan along with 4 large fish oil tablets every day. Someday when I've lost weight perhaps some of these can be removed as I don't care to take drugs at all.

Tomorrow is the day to meet the oral surgeon at his office in Stockton for a consultation. Then Art and I drive to Lincoln Hills in Sac to do an appraisal and hopefully meet Gerry and Barbie Lammerding at the local Spaghetti Factory. Then on to San Pablo to see a unit and then home. Art will be my guest for the evening. I am really looking forward to seeing friends. Thank you Connie for sharing Art with me tomorrow.

Someone called today about the stair chair and I so hope it can go to someone with the same need we had. What a helper that chair was for Nan. It let her move about freely for many months, perhaps a year and let her sleep in her own bed all that time in the privacy of our bedroom instead of the middle of the living room. What a blessing David and Sharon were to have provided it for Nan.

Jason called this evening and reported that his house was sort of groaning or shuddering. It did not sound good at all and I hope he still has a house by morning. Not your usual phone call at all.

When I got home tonight I opened a can of soup from Trader Joe's. It was soooooo good, 2 minutes in the microwave, some crackers, a couple left over biscuits with peanut butter, a glass of milk and I had a feast. I'm learning to survive and would rather eat here now than out.

Please join me in prayer for Jason, Jo and Timothy tonight and for Irene who continues to battle pains due to the medicine she is on.

Thanks for the nice messages to the blog today, I find it very hard to believe that Joyce Connor can get Social Security. That is for old people and she is NOT old, something can't be right. Bob and Carrol, I had no idea so many lost trees and fences and Wes, thanks for pointing out that in spite of a root canal it was a good day overall.

love

tim