Nan's 56th birthday would have been tomorrow

Dear Loyal Family and Friends,

Hello from a very wet California this evening. As my title suggests, yes all of us in the family are adjusting to this life without Nan but I personally don't care much for it. Just now I called my cell phone as it had come up missing and I heard her voice again as she answered the cell. What a wealth of emotions her voice recalls.

I've been noticing that many things are not fair or right in the world we live in. Our having had to bid Nan goodnight was one of those things that was not right, or fair or even acceptable. Yet it happened in spite of what everyone could do for her. Yes along the way medical mistakes were made but for the most part she received outstanding cutting edge care by the best and yet we lost her. She would often tell me during the summer, I'm not sure I'm going to make it through this round. Yet she never gave up on life and the people she loved.

Tomorrow is the 23rd, her birthday. She would have been 56 years young. In a different life we would be planning on going out to eat or having a party or doing something special to celebrate another great year but no here we are having had to say good night at 3 pm in the afternoon of life, way before its time.

For the last couple years I've made sure we had a party for her birthday. Many of you were able to attend and helped celebrate another year of her life, others had to rely on calling or cards but you all let her know how much you cared about her. She treasured those parties although she would always say, why make such a fuss. I'm personally celebrating her birthday by being put out for a couple hours so the root canal work can be completed. If she were here I could not be worried at all, I would wake to her smile and concerned face.

I received a very nice phone call this evening from Dolly. She and Ken have traveled to their Oregon home for a few weeks and are settled in by the pellet stove keeping warm. They had a safe trip and were just checking in. I've also got to talk to Nikki several times this afternoon and I always appreciate her checking in with me, she keeps an eye on me and that feels so good. Art talked me around the lake this morning, it was very rainy, cold and miserable, my chest did not feel very good by the time I was half way round but I made it fine. In spite of the afternoon dental stuff I'm walking in the morning, just can't have breakfast or lunch, will be interesting to see how diabetes and blood sugar do without any food.

Last night my breathing machine air tube broke in two. So I had to get up to try to solve it which I did and then it broke again immediately. So I got it together and was then very gentle with it until I can find a new one at a medical supply store someplace. I tried to get up and work at 5 but was so sleepy that I headed back to bed and rested until almost 8. Then I got up and freezing my way downstairs walked. Nothing inside me said it was a good idea but I walked anyway knowing how habits are created, 3 weeks of doing something and it is a new habit. I want this habit badly.

I was so glad to hear from Wes today in spite of his horrible slams regarding my looks, I was just shattered by his comments! Sure glad he has turned over a new leaf, right! Carol writing about N. Carolina makes me want to jump a plane and go there to enjoy the beauty of the snow and sit by their stove and snooze, chat and snooze more. I hope the insurance adjuster saw things Bob's way today or he might not be too happy.

Sometime this week the furnace man, Kent, is to come and give a repair another try. He says it might be getting to old to fix. I'd like to get another year out of it and frankly I'm not doing badly with the cold. The real life saver is the heater George brought out. It puts out so much heat that the family room is a place of refuge for all of us, dogs and me. Then I have a tiny heater under my desk for my feet and again the doggies are usually there on my feet getting warm, then I have a small heater on a timer in the bedroom which comes on early in the morning to break the ice, then stops for the day and comes on in the late evening, like now to once again make the room bearable. I have a bed heater that Nan bought years ago. Of course we could not use it for her recently since she was usually too hot and had a fever. I'm going to reinstall it on the bed so I can have a bit of warmth.

I am reticent about tomorrow, yet I've had to face literally hundreds of very awful encounters over the past few years where you knew the news was not going to be good going in and yet you had to go forward so tomorrow is like that. I don't like it but I have no choice so I'll face it and I so appreciate the fact Loren will be with me to drive home. I'm so tired of eating, chewing with only the left side of my mouth, I'm ready to get the tooth fixed. Please pray that God will be in control of everything.

Keanna has a chapel service tomorrow at her school from 11:30 to 12 but I think I'll have to go to the same chapel service on Thursday from 11:30 to 12. I love to see her in action. She reminds me so much of Nikki when she was little and of photos of Nan when she was little. She is a family treasure. And speaking of treasures, check out the photo of Timothy at Sabbath School with Jo assisting.

May you be blessed as you live your life well each day.

love

tim