Straight talk from the cardiologist

Dear Friends and Family,
I had a much better night last night as I slept the whole night through and had no shivering moments. This morning the dogs talked me into a walk to the park which they enjoyed and I endured. It was a perfect morning with no wind and sunshine all around. Almost as soon as we returned the phone rang. It was the heart doctor's office to say they could see me today at noon instead of a week from now. Having nothing to go inspect I said yes. Dr. Savage was pleased with the blood pressures I had charted for him and that I had lost 5 lbs since I was there last for a consult. He had mixed news some of which will have long range consequences. The heart murmur he discovered a month ago was explained with the echocardiogram. One of the heart valves, the one deepest in the back of my heart has a minor problem and as the body tries to heal the problem it is making the value less flexible. The only way to fix the problem is with open heart surgery. However he has suggested a plan which includes echocardiograms often to see if the problem is going to get worse rapidly or slowly. He said I will not be able to tell the problem in increased heavy breathing or chest pain and that there is nothing I can do to help the problem. So we will wait and see. He did refer me to an expert on diabetes and when I called for an appointment there was no one there to answer the call.
I go back to see him in a couple months and will have more blood work done before that visit. I celebrated being able to walk out of the office yet once again by going to CostCo for a few supplies like bananas, they were out of bananas but I did find wonderful looking strawberries, some little cuties (mandarins), beautiful tomatoes, a couple books for listening in the car and a can of my beloved hot drink. On the way I almost ran out of diesel. I had been trying to find the best price and when I found it the pump would not work. Well when I got on the freeway suddenly traffic came to a total halt and XM traffic said there was an accident. I watched the gauge as it moved toward the bottom of the red warming area. It is not a simple thing to just put in fuel when you drive a diesel. The engine will not just start up again easily and I had these scenes in my mind where the car would quit and I would wait for hours for the tow truck. Well I was so blessed to get off the freeway and then to find my ideal station was $4.46 a gallon so the needed fill up was $58 and change. Of course the miles on the trip meter were sitting at 556 so the mileage was still over 42 mpg. I was very thankful to watch the pump begin to work.
This evening I met up with Bob and Carrol and the Guptils at Spaghetti Factory for whole wheat senior sized plates of healthy spaghetti! Yum yum. This time I sent the second meal home with the Guptils as they knew someone who would appreciate it. Last time it come home with me but I can't take such fancy food twice in a week, no use wasting it.
The difference in health between yesterday and today is remarkable. I had energy today, the desire to work, to answer phones, to achieve once again, even to chuckle over the various emails that arrive everyday. Some are beautiful, some are funny, some are informative and all of them interesting. I'm going to scan a couple pages out of a little magazine that arrived today from "Hope Internation" an organization I would usually not give a lot of credence to. There are some amazingly interesting comments from different people over the past couple hundred years that are just silly when we look back on them, for example: "640K ought to be enough for anybody." Bill Gates, 1981, "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home" Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977, "I don't know what use anyone could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself." The head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox, "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 and my favorite "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out" Decca Recording Col, rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
How things look different as we look back. I often look back, this morning as I was in the shower I was suddenly engulfed in remembering a moment when Keanna and I stood hand in hand dropping flowers on Nan's casket as it was lowered in the ground. I found that one can cry with the eyes closed, I could not open them due to the shampoo that was all over my face and no the eyes do not explode, the tears just slip out. I look back and remember her coming into the apartment in Andrews University after working a shift at the food service, looking fine in her short little white outfit. Thank goodness for precious memories which remind of all the blessings God poured out on us over the years. No matter what she was always in the middle of it making good things happen, creating love, sharing love, being true to who she was.
How can we ever know what we have, I mean really know, know so deeply that we cry out with joy over the present blessings? Right now the reality I live in has minimal feedback, spots of happiness, times of great calm, like last Friday night when I got to be with Jason and Jo and watch the energizer bunny Timothy in action. Or catch a glimpse of Keanna swimming her little heart out against the odds that she cannot float worth anything yet, she has no fat on her little bones to float. Those moments of witnessing the creative hand of God through the little ones, they are good memory building moments and for now that will have to do. And I can't help thinking that the news from the cardiologist was yet another reminder that I really don't know the future so I'd better live now to do the best I can with the chances I have and leave the tomorrow's in God's hands.
Anyone who thinks life is a cakewalk well they have not lived much yet.
Tomorrow will provide yet another of those special moments of life. Keanna's spring program will take place at her school from 2 to 3. I will be there to enjoy seeing our little princess in action. To hear her sing the songs, do the motions and bask in the joy of being a grampa.
So much to process this evening. I pray that your weekend will provide you peace and joy as you worship, do family things and rest for the coming week.

love

tim