6 months today

Dear Friends and Family,
as I write this evening I cannot help but think back to a day 6 months ago, the day Nan's heroic struggle against GIST tumors came to an end. This has been the hardest time of my life and the strangest as well. Everything I knew about life was mingled completely with Nan, with an anniversary coming up I'm reminded that she always found a way to make it special, often a trip to Reno to see someone we both loved like Red Skeleton, or Frank Sinatra, Bill Cosby, the Carpenters, Helen Reddy, Steve Martin or Vegas to see Celine Deon or "O". Nan loved to celebrate, to laugh, to find adventure, to try new things, to push the envelope a bit. These last 6 months are somewhat like being in a normally well lit room and having someone turn all the lights out, or finding your car has run out of gas. I never mean to suggest she was somehow perfect, I just mean to say clearly, she was exciting and level headed at the same time. How she would have loved the experience I had a few minutes ago of watching as Kallie was trying to wake up and stretching, rolling her head from side to side, opening and closing her hands and eyes, she would have given anything to get get one glimpse of Kallie just like she was so excited to see baby Timothy in action and Keanna as well. Nan loved her kids and their kids and your kids as well.
So boring, moody, little ol me tries to figure out how to live, how to hold on through tougher and tougher times, to get a handle on the weight. My salvation at this time of my life is the family. This afternoon Nikki reminded me I had mentioned coming and taking Keanna to the park, it had slipped my mind so when I did get home I went over and picked up Keanna, went to McDonalds where she ate her dinner and played getting some much needed exercise. I got to see Kallie who was trying to sleep and her mother who was trying to wake her up. That was when the joy came into my life for the first time today, seeing these precious people, Nikki, Keanna and Kallie. What a huge boost. So much better than coming home to see the same piles of clothes that are washed, others that hang around on racks, dishes that need to be loaded in the washer, a load in the dryer that is not dry, our dryer takes 3 restarts to get a full load dry.
I walked by myself this morning and Art was kind enough to call where he found me in a bit of a funk, not really too happy. He helped a lot. Then I prepared for the day research wise and then left for Turlock where I encountered a highly unusual experience. As the GPS led me to the home I parked and found I was seeing a very nice home with a motorhome parked out front. The gentleman was just amazingly friendly and seemed happy to see me. As we worked through the inspection and began to talk I discovered his wife of over 40 years was very ill. Her kidneys have totally failed and she has been in the hospital for a few days. He and I shared experiences at UCSF, a place we both loved for the good and competent care. His dear wife is at that place where he knows she will not live to much longer. As we talked on a deeper level I mentioned that I was Adventist and that my son had driven to Modesto Adventist Academy from Discovery bay for 3 years. He said his daughter also went there and nearly at the same time as Jason. Yes he was a Seventh-day Adventist and came from a long line of Adventists, has camped at MBA on the bluff many times and hopes his granddaughter will attend MBA when she gets old enough. We were able to talk in depth about care giving, its demands, for example he drove for weeks a round trip every day from Turlock to UCSF and back to be with wife. He visits her three times a day now at the local hospital where she is being cared for. Yes and even a hospital bed in the family room. We talked about a stair chair and he wanted to buy mine, but it was not right for his needs, he needs one that can make a small turn at the bottom as his stairs have 4 steps up and then turn to go up the rest of the way. I'll send him the name of the person I purchased my stair chair from, perhaps he can help. We talked motorhomes and their love of travel, ideal campsites and laid casual plans to camp together someday. I was able to help him and in the process of talking about my experiences it helped me as well. Here is a guy who is committed to whatever is needed to care for his wife. I felt a great deal of pride in him for his stand, like he said she was the one that made life fun for over 40 years, why wouldn't he help her now? Do you think it was just an accident that we talked, that he was using a person who lives in Oakland to do his reverse mortgage through and that person ordered the report from me? Could we say divine appointment!
Pam Whitted is having surgery on her crushed heal tomorrow in Lodi. Bob has been so kind as to offer the use of Carrol's ramps again for the wheelchair. Shawn is driving Pam to the place for surgery on Ham lane and then Bob and I will meet to get the ramps out of storage and we'll get Pam's place set up to handle the wheelchair so she can be moved about. She gets pins, plates and a cast tomorrow if all goes well. She really needs our prayers. She has come at a terrible time for her at the end of the school year where she is the principal. She travels to Shannon's graduation from Walla Walla College next week and there of course are questions about blood clots if she goes by air but other wise it is many hours in a car, how would that be better? There are a lot of things up in the air that we all just need to place in the Lord's hands trusting He is on top of things.
I'm going to bed early tonight, I have an appointment at 9 am right here in Discovery Bay and it is COD, that is such good news because after all the automatic payments came in I have $1.28 in the business account as of this evening. Of course there has been no money in the mail all week but the bills have managed to get through all the same.
It has been so good to hear from various people over the last 24 hours, Karen Cress from Denver, Jan, our friend from Benicia, Carol and Roger, Bob and Carrol, Laurie Dunston from the east coast where she is taking some very vigorous courses in music at a University and a great text message from Glen and Joyce. I do have one plea, if my sister Sibyl is reading this blog I appeal for her to write a note to me with her phone number. Due to the lost phone awhile back I've lost contact and I want to be in contact.
6 months ago my world came to an end, a black hole opened and it seems to still be there, gaping, looming, most days I function well but I just don't like them very much. People help brighten the landscape, family, friends, a welcome call from George and Yvonne. This morning it was a call from Sylvia as she was flying out on her trip to the other side of the world to do mission work, just calling because she knew it was the 6 month point. How do people ever make it through if they have no faith, no friends and no family? Fortunately our family has all of you and each other.
Good night and love to all,

Tim