I made it through the day

Dear Family and Friends,
I am amazed to discover that people read the blog. My life has become very humble and boring to me at least. It is so encouraging to know I am sharing thoughts and positive memories with people who care.
This morning Ken and I walked and then I selected a song and went over it many times on the piano, an instrument that almost is never played anymore. After breakfast and a shower I headed over to church. I found myself more nervous that I expected over the special music. In life sometimes when you are about to do something very difficult or even a little bit challenging and you are dreading it there comes a time when you just have to stand and face the challenge head on. After the morning prayer it was time so I walked up to the piano, moved the mike to a reasonable position, settled into the comfortable piano bench and began to play. My fingers do not work as well as they used to but they followed my mental commands and before I knew it the introduction was over and it was time to make music. The voice worked better than I had feared and in a minute or two I found more control. The words of the song were very powerful and spoke to the needs and realities of my own heart, I was worried a bit about that as I had no desire to break down. After the last note died away I walked back to the pew where I was sitting with George and Yvonne and then I teared up a bit, I was taken back in my mind to the last time I had sat near this place, Nan's memorial service. I kept telling myself that she would have wanted me to sing, to share and shortly the emotion lessened. The guest speaker was very good and challenged everyone to do something for the less fortunate in the community. I wondered how that might take place, what I could do, what I should do.
Although my first intention was to just run away, come home I decided that being with people was a better next step so I went to potluck. The food was tasty, the company was great and to interact with the Tracy Church family is always a privilege. Then sleepy as I was I drove slowly home, found the mail, yes some money finally came, not enough to pay a house payment yet but some. Entering the house I stumbled to the recliner and fell deeply asleep waking momentarily from time to time and then sinking deep into sleep. I actually slept most of the afternoon with pleasant calls to and from Art, Sharon, Dana, Jo Nelson, Irene, Nikki and Jason.
This evening I wanted to do something unusual, something special so at 9 I drove into Brentwood for a root beer float. It was just as great as I remember then. I've had nothing like that for many many months.
I'm told to be ready to go to breakfast sometime mid morning when Nikki and baby wake up. Sounds good.
So another challenging day is done. I think the thing about myself that I find so disappointing right now is the weakness and lack of drive to accomplish great things. I'm hoping I will soon rediscover it as this house and my life is growing cobwebs while I dither instead of act.
Barbara, a family member of Nan's took the photo from last night and worked on it today and sent it back in much better condition. Thanks so much. It is a huge help.
So good night my friends, my family and thanks Nan for a great 37 years together. You are the best ever.

love

Tim