Wow, it was just great! Keanna celebrated her 5th birthday at a very special place in Brentwood, Little Miss Everything. Keanna was joined by 12 little girls for an afternoon of pampering, singing, dining on custom cupcakes, gift opening and all around fun. Each little miss had her hair done and children's makeup applied. They looked so cute with hints of red and blue in their hair, dressed up like little princesses. The little business which is located in the original part of downtown Brentwood was well staffed and handled everything perfectly. Keanna had a totally great time and I've included a few photos of the event.
After the party I decided to spend a few quiet minutes telling Nan all about it. It was my first visit when I openly talked to her and I told her how much we missed her and how exciting the party was. It turned out to be a very rough few minutes as I once again felt the terrible loss to our family and to my heart of losing this incredible woman in the prime of her life. I reached out to Sharon and she helped talk me through the emotions. Then I drove slowly home to try to pick up my life such as it is. I've sat in the recliner with Starr this evening and watched a great but touching movie about fathers and daughters... Now its past time to head to bed but going to bed alone night after night is really hard, not complaining, not trying for your sympathy, just telling it like it is. Beware of loving deeply, of fighting for life, of totally committing your life to another, there is no other way to live, but the end hurts in a way you could never imagine unless you've been there.
I know some of you guys and gals think you are tough stuff, that you would love nothing better than to be free of your spouse, wrong, don't entertain the thoughts, don't live like you don't care, don't say hurtful words or get in lazy habits. It could all end and the one thing I do not feel is regret. I know I did the right things, not during the early years of our marriage, I was as much of a jerk as most young husbands are, but when the big C started to apply pressure to our lives we both stepped up to the plate and joined hands and fought like hell to save her life, and we did save her life for years, we just ran out of options like we were always afraid we would someday. We had the best of medical care, Boston, City of Hope, Sacramento, Houston.......... Nan had a very wild strain of GIST that would not be controlled for very long by anything available and it kept coming back and back and back.
Now meanwhile in your house you have each other, you have time to make it good, to listen carefully, to change habits, to demonstrate love in a thousand ways. Do it while you can. Its worth more than overtime at work, worth more than a new car or anything material. Take a chance on a deeper love, on surrendering your independence and selfishness and invest in meeting the felt needs of your special ones.
I stumble through life searching for someone to help, or survival and for a better way of caring for my family.
I've included some photos of Keanna and a single photo of Nan's gravesite. The photos demonstrate the emotional ups and downs of this day in a way words cannot describe.
Sending love to one and all,
tim
5 comments:
SO, your little miss is now 5 years old and enjoying being quite the young lady. What fun with 12 other little girls. Yes, Nan would have enjoyed being there.
Yesterday we had quite a discussion in our SS class about why God seemingly answers some prayers and not others. The general consensus was that God has a plan for each of us and will lead us where is best for us. He has something better for us than the plan we think is best for us. So, my friend, God does had a plan for your future. When you are ready and He is ready, He will reveal it to you. He wants you to have joy in your life and will give it to you abundantly ~ in His timing. Hang in there. Take each day one day at a time. Trust ~ joy will come again.
Love and prayers ~ Carol
Thank you for sharing your day and for your advice to the rest of us. We shouldn't waste a single minute. I have family coming to dinner tonight. You can be sure I will enjoy every precious second. Deborah/Benicia
Good Morning Tim,
What a great time Your Little One had along with You & Her Parents & Friends. The Pictures were super.
Those moments at the Resting Place of Our Dear Ones are so difficult at times but Yet they serve as a reminder of the many good times that We spent together with them and of the Blessed Hope that We share of meeting them again when all things will be made "New". What a Day that will be !
We did so much enjoy Our weekend trip to Chico/Redding & the "Sun-Dial Bridge" What a marvel of Construction that Structure is. The whole Park at the Sight is a Masterpiece of User Friendly & interactive Design. You Must see it some time . Allow at least the full 9:00 to 5:00 that it is open it takes all of that to take it all in, Gardens, Birds, Museum & Butterflys etc. The Bridge is always open 24/7 but the other features are 9/5 every Day. Great "Hands on" Stuff for the Kids too. Carrol must have put 5 miles on Her Scooter It ran all day without a hitch. My legs are feeling the walk this morning but it's a good feeling. Good planning for Handicapped access was a big part of the design there at the Park.
Good Mexican Lunch coming up today "Mayo 5" at the Senior Center,also May "Birthday Day" Cake for all, Members with Birthdays for the Month are celebrated on the first Monday of each month.
Have a good week ahead and remember We are thinking of You .
Love & Prayers,
Bob & Carrol.
Wow--I want to have a b-day party at that place!!
I have been reading your blog since the very beginning and many, many years ago, you baptized me in the Tracy church. You have mentioned several times since Nan passed away that you want to do something to help others. For what it is worth, I have a suggestion. I was briefly hospitalized a few months ago and was visited by a chaplain during my stay. It struck me that you would be an ideal candidate for a hospital chaplain. In fact, I can't imagine someone better suited for the position. In addition to your training as a pastor, you could empathize with the patients and their families on a level that most people cannot. In addition to providing them with comforting words, you would know so many practical things like how to deal with hospital red tape or where to find a good restaurant nearby. From the sounds of it, you are very familiar with almost every hospital in the Bay Area. Plus, I know how much you like to meet new people and just talk to them. I have no idea if these are volunteer positions or paid positions. But either way, I still think you would be fantastic at it. So for what it's worth, that's my two cents.
Keep on blogging - you are helping people that way too - more than you know!
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