Tough times

Good evening
Some days are better, some worse. This one is not a better one. The grief group was helpful tonight and the news that Marilyn will arrive at 11:30 tomorrow evening is just plain wonderful. I don't expect that Marilyn being here is going to fix all the problems but it will be nice to have someone to talk things through with. Marilyn is an excellent listener and very wise at responding. She has been a friend since our Sacramento days when we were first out of Seminary, assigned to the Central SDA Church and Nikki was about to be born. So I guess that makes it about 34 years. That is a long time to know someone. She and Nan were always able to have fun, to get things done and each admired the other. Nan was so thrilled to rediscover Marilyn in Rhode Island and enjoyed every visit we had first with Marilyn and Walt and then with Marilyn after she lost Walt to a heart attack and cancer.
The high points of this day include: getting a first estimate on 2007 taxes at a shocking $11,000 owed, going yet another day without an order, battling through a very difficult Oakland three unit report, feeling really rough most of the day with pressure in my chest, getting to town for the x ray only to realize that I left the doctors orders on my desk somewhere, it just went like that all day, working out an agreement with Citi bank over a credit card which will take $450 out of my checking account every month for a year, in exchange they will freeze all interest which was piling up at a rate soon to be 28.8 %.
So I just slugged my way through the day, napping in the chair, checking my blood sugar and finding it 227 when it should not be over 120.
One of the sales that I worked on and have been back twice to do follow up inspections was 2 days from closing. This morning the title company that has the deposit and all the paperwork closed its doors for good locking everything inside to complete the purchase. For the buyers its a disaster. Those of us effected, lender, agents now must wait until a new title company can fire up loan documents, title search etc before we get paid. Its a hard hit on the agents, one of which has not had a closing this year.
At this point I think I have all the automatics and checks written, everything covered at this moment but one never knows and right now the QuickBooks Pro account is frozen since Ken my accountant has the active file at his office and I can make no changes until the disk is returned. So tomorrow I will be digging to find more deductions, more proof of medical bills paid, business expenses, anything to help Ken bring the total down.
So enough gloom. I'm looking forward to sleep, I can last until about 6 when back pain drives me out of bed for the day. And the weight guy comes tomorrow, this time after all the car expenses I really have no money to hire him.
I would appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts and I'm so thankful Marilyn is coming.

love to all,

tim

Fixing what ails the bug, plug in money!

Dear Family and Friends,
So how goes it with you? I'm just back from a whirlwind trip to Brentwood to pick up the bug after yet another very expensive repair visit to Kendall Automotive. Seems Sunday morning when I turned the fan switch on to activate both a flow of air and to turn on the AC the switch failed. It actually broke apart inside the dash. So last evening Lois helped me get the car into Brentwood where we left it. This afternoon Gary called to say $516 would fix it. Seems the simple little rotary switch was a part of a 3 part assembly, of course that part was only available from VW and at a cost of $240. So with labor to disassemble the dash and then replace the part and then reassemble the whole mess the total came to over $500. Ouch! At the time he told me the number on the phone I did not have the total amount. Then the main came and in it was a check to more than cover the costs of the repairs. Of course that check could have helped with medical bills, pg@e bills or any number of other needs. Yet I was grateful to God for its timing. It is a bill that has been owed since last fall and due to the invoices that went out and the kindness of one of my broker friends it was paid.
Since Lois fed me last night I thought it was only fair to feed her tonight. Yes she was kind enough to take me back to get the repaired little bug. When we picked the car up they showed me the air cabin filter that I had them replace at the same time since they had the dash already apart. The filth on the filter was unbelievable, about 2 inches deep and full of dust, dirt, leaves, you name it. How any air got through I have no idea. My advice to you is, have your air cabin filter changed. This was the first change for the bug in its 176,000 miles and it really needed it. Now the air flow is much increased from the dash.
Ken and I walked this morning and then I began to tackle little jobs, like using the vacuum to catch and destroy a huge spider (it had Sharon's name all over it), you see she happens to hate spiders and this one was over 2 inches long. After picking up cob webs in the kitchen, around windows and the living room I turned to the piano. The only really nice item of furniture we owned over the years was a Kauai 6 foot grand piano. For many months it has been the resting place for dozens of family photos and a mound of gathering dust. So in a moment of energy I moved all the photos to the dining table and using Windex cleaned the piano as best I could. It looks so much better and even sounds better. Then on a roll I went outside and mowed the lawn, moved all the paper products from the packages they come in from CostCo to their normal storage place in a cabinet in the garage that Steve got for me several Christmases ago. Then my neighbor Patty came by with her dog bear, she lost Chuck about a year ago and cares for 5 grandchildren on a full time basis at her home. Her life is anything but easy so we had a nice talk. Then it was time for breakfast and a shower. Finally at 11 I started to work and after a few hours completed one appraisal and am working on yet another one.
This evening as Lois and I talked about where to eat I suddenly thought of Grazies which is a locally owned place right in Brentwood. We had great good, I had a little salad and spinach and cheese raviolis and she had a sandwich. It was pleasant and I felt better since she made two trips into Brentwood and at today's' gas prices trips add up.
After dinner I headed over to Longs to pick up meds and that little stop was $80 for two meds, that's my co pay, yikes. Then a quick stop by Jeans to finally give her the check I've had for weeks, not able to cover. She is the sweetest person and has been so helpful in the past few months.
Now I'm back home relaxing in front of this old computer. While I type I'm listening to easy listening from XM radio online. Jim, the faithful miracle worker who keeps the computers working did a quick fix today and now I can listen to XM while doing other things on the computer at the same time, yes just a little thing but such an addition to the quality of life.
Dolly had mailed me a book and I was able to begin to really get into it. What a hopeful and helpful book. It is by the pastor Olstein who has the largest church in the nation. Every page has very positive encouragement to reclaim life, to dream big and to move forward. Its addition to my mix at this time is just right.
I've felt heavy pressure in my chest a number of times today but with the assurance that its probably not my heart I've not let it worry me to much. I'll get in tomorrow for the x ray just to be sure and to find out why the lungs are rattling. I know something is not right, just not sure what it is or what to do about it.
So many little things join together to make the process called life begin to work better. The fact that some money has come in the mail certainly helps grease the basic needs a bit.
Thank you for being such good friends and for being such faithful friends over the past couple years when times were really tough. You helped carry the load and I'm thanking you now and Nan will thank you someday soon when this world as we know it comes to an end and Jesus blesses us with His presence.

So good night my friends, my family

love

tim

Moving it forward

Good evening Friends, Family and other interested onlookers!

9:20 and its about time to go to bed. This has been a better day. I woke determined to get some things done today and that has happened. As you remember I went to bed early last night and was asleep by 10 or before. As I thought might happen I woke at 5 this morning with such intense back pain that I was forced from the bed. The dogs looked at me as if I was crazy but finally joined me downstairs. Ken had suggesting we walk at 7 so I went to work and wrote an appraisal before the walk. After we walked I was able to hand Ken the 2007 tax years papers and workup, that felt very good, usually I don't hand it over until sometime in October but this time I have the window of opportunity to get a comprehensive settlement with IRS for everything I owe and they want the 2007 year to be included. After breakfast and a shower I started to feel sleepy and so rested a bit in the chair. The chair has become so uncomfortable lately that I think it is contributing to the way I am feeling so I decided to turn it over and see if there was any adjustments that could be made, sure enough there was a big round dial so I turned and turned, resat the chair on its wheels and the chair suddenly became comfortable and was much more upright. I have been comfortable all day and much more alert. I waded into doing a relocation report for a property in Benicia. A year ago it was listed for $729,00 but did not sell and it was listed until February when they removed it from the market and it has just sat empty ever since. It is a beautiful one story home with hardwood floors, two fireplace, jetted tub and sitting room in the master, high ceilings. Well today after working nearly all day I finally completed the report with a value that is over $200,000 less than what they had it listed for and there is no assurance that it will sell even at the lower value. Very scary market right now.
I've got to say high points of my day come in phone calls to two very precious young people, Nikki and Jason. I've spoken to both a couple times today and like Steve Ahn used to say, that is good stuff! Today Keanna went to school for the first time and loved it, Kallie went to the doctor and had 5 shots and did not love it at all, poor Nikki, what a day for her. Jason is preparing for his new career in the classroom as an English teacher and Jo is preparing for her new year of little ones.
This afternoon I tried my luck once again at making bread. This time I thought I would use half bread flour and half wheat flour. Unfortunately I included a little too much water so I got less than a full loaf but its so good and should keep me for another week like the last one did. Oh that smell in the house of baking bread.
My neighbor Lois was so kind as to offer to help me get the bug to the doctor today so this afternoon we drove in, left the car and then grabbed a burrito at a place she likes in Brentwood. Fun stuff and nice to get to know her better. What a dear lady she is and what a huge help in getting the car into town.
In a few minutes I'm going to fill the jetted tub with water and relax for a bit with a good book. I've been thinking about it all day and it sounds good. I've been in the tub once in the last 4 years, it was Nan's favorite before nephrostomy tubes prevented her from her daily soaking in the relaxing hot water.
This afternoon I was supposed to meet with the person who is offering to be the diet coach for a fee but I was not completed with the relo appraisal so asked him for a Friday appointment. I'm really thinking hard about whether this is something I can do myself instead of spending so much money. Just not sure what to do yet.
The weather has cooled to a very decent 60 degrees now and the lake is calm and glassy. It will be a good night.
Thanks to all who care so actively and help me through this time of my life. I look forward to better days but I know I need to learn the lessons of these days and learn them well.

love to you and yours,

tim

Troubled monday ends in quiet dinner with the girls

Dear Family and Precious Friends,
What a day! Ken and I walked this morning in the cool air. Then I came home and showered, had breakfast of steel cut oats, one thick slice of gourmet bread and apricots prepared by Joyce Conner years ago. By the time I reached the chair in the office I was starting to feel very low on energy and within minutes I was asleep. I just could not wake up. I worked on finishing up the taxes stuff for Ken, tried to burn the data onto a CD and that part of my computer will not work at all so I loaded the QuickBooks Pro onto two other computers in the office which are linked to the base program in my computer in hopes I can burn the data to a CD from one of them. Time wasted by as I worked trying to get the data transferred to a format that Ken can take to his office. As time passed I felt worse and worse, I felt pressure, not pain in my chest as I have so many times over the past few weeks and in general very short on energy. I took blood pressures and the numbers were OK. Finally I just decided to call and go see the cardiologist before something got worse. His assistant could see me so I went in, had an EKG and met with him. He is pretty sure there are no heart issues at this time but he did find a rattling in my lungs which he could not explain. So in the next few days I'll have a chest x ray to see if there is something not right that could be causing the chest pressure and general fatigue. Tomorrow morning the diet guy is coming back and will want to know if I'm ready to part with $500 to start the program. I am so torn, just not sure what to do. His track record is excellent and hundreds of people have gotten much better, lost weight, dropped off their meds and reclaimed their lives. Frankly at this point I find it hard to make a hard decision about anything, the lingering effects of depression, uncertainty about money and sense of lostness, well I've had better days.
This afternoon I took the bug with its broken fan switch to the doctors and it was 93 at the time so I arrived very hot. I took it so I could run it by the mechanic so he could tell me whats next for the repair. He needs it for a day so here we go again getting it to him and then getting home again, not fun at all.
As I driving home Nikki called with a wonderful idea of dinner at La Villa, our place out in Bethel Island. I picked them up in the van and we had a quiet and lovely dinner with good food and great company. What a lift they give the old man!
Now I'm home again determined to get to bed early tonight and see if a full night of rest will help relieve some of the emotional and physical pressures I'm under.
One very bright spot in the day was found in the mailbox. A dear client paid for 4 appraisals in one check. What a relief to be able to finally honor payroll for my two precious helpers. They have been so kind and patient.
I received a very powerful email this evening from Sharon. Her faith has certainly been tried over the years but her courage is strong and she shared precious truths that I needed to be reminded of. I've also treasured emails from Bob and Carrol and Roger and Carol.
So this evening I still have pressure in my chest, feel like a small truck ran over me but am still breathing well and the heart continues to beat on a fairly regular basis.
Thank you for being there, all of you.
love

tim

Wading through piles of paper, tax year 2007

Dear Friends and Family,
Greetings from a very cool Discovery Bay this evening. After a day of 91 degrees I am shivering as winds whip through the house from the lake side through the office and then out the office door, how nice it is to be too cold for a change. Once again this has been a day of challenges for me and I'm getting a better perspective on why I'm in the some of the challenges I am right now.
I've been working through AMEX statements for the year 2007 and can see by the thousands and thousands of dollars spent on medicines, hotels, travel and other related expenses why I'm now facing the financial morass that I am. I do not resent any of what we had to spend, we were on a quest and I think we succeeded in making the last year as positive and helpful as we could for Nan. This afternoon after coming across some especially difficult photos I just broke down totally, it has been some time since I felt that overcome with loss and grief and living in a present reality which holds no promise of getting better soon coupled with powerful memories of a better time with a vibrant Nan was just too much to bear. I ended up talking with Sharon for quite a while and together we climbed back out of the pit of despond and into a better place. After recovering I really waded into the process of locating important papers from 2007 and putting them in order. Ken stands ready to prepare the 2007 tax year and IRS stands ready to work out a payment plan which will include all the different accounts I owe for. It holds out great promise of dealing with at least some of the issues I currently face.
Mid day I was able to visit a home briefly I have seen before and the owner provided a credit card for payment. That along with the check that came in on Saturday should cover the house payment that is in the works for a Monday clearing at the bank. I am deeply thankful for the funds that have come in. I had a very disappointing thing happen when I went to back the bug out to use for today's excursions. I attempting to turn on the fan so the AC would begin and the switch would not turn at first, then it gave and turned but did nothing, no fan, no AC. So now that switch which controls the interior fan has failed and will need to be replaced. I just could not believe it, there are times I just stand back and wonder what could possibly happen next. So I drove it back into the garage and moved things over to the van and used it today. Of course I love driving the van, it is comfortable, has excellent AC and automatic but it gets 20 miles per gallon and the bug gets 43.
One of the tasks an appraiser does is to follow up to make sure things that were not right at the first inspection are repaired before the loan closes. Such was the case for a little home in Oakley. The liner pool had a huge tear in the vinyl and the lender wanted it repaired. So now the new liner has been installed and the pool was filling with water. So I dropped by and shot a photo of the pool with its new liner and sparkling water. It was so tempting to just fall in and enjoy the cool water. So I took photos of the pool and then headed home by way of the Petco, the cats were really raising a fuss, seems their Dana supplied food supply had run out Friday night and they were none to happy with eating the dog food. Now the pets are happy once again.
I have spend the entire afternoon and evening entering the line by line charges from AMEX into the accounting program. I paused as the charges came up for the Princess Dawn hospital, $5,600 for three days, then the charges for the hospital and doctors in Mexico, $6,600 and then the smaller charges as I lived in the hospital in Concord and would venture out to Taco Bell to eat. Then there were the many charges where I would go to Burger King and buy a Pepsi freeze in hopes Nan would feel well enough to take a few bites of this favorite of hers. How she loved to have visitors, the kids, Dolly, Irene, Pam, the pastor, Sharon, Dana, Jan, Marilyn, Bob and Carrol, Sylvia, Wes, George and Yvonne and their faithful Sees candy box, Loren and Emily, Gerry and Barbara and others.........thank you for what you did.
I'm so glad we had so much time together so we could face the looming crisis hand in hand. Because of our business I was able to be with her far more than if I had been stuck in a normal 8 to 5 job somewhere. It was a huge blessing and Steve, Loree, Heather, Jean all helped with the business so I could be with Nan.
Now its time to fall into bed once again in search of strength to face the coming week.
I thank each and every one of you for your faithful friendship and prayers and I sincerely hope your lives are going well for you. This world is not my home, I'm just a passing through and so we'll all try to make this week a meaningful pass.

love

tim

A full day

Dear Family and Friends,

10:25 What an enjoyable day! 1) Ken is back and we walked the 3 mile lake route, 2) Nikki and I took the girls to Sabbath School which was lots of fun for Keanna and sleepy time for Kallie, 3) Lunch with Bob and Carrol at the good old Olive Garden, yes Bob had discount coupons!, 4) short nap at home, 5) BBQ next door with Lois and Ray celebrating his birthday, he made me Boca burgers, yum!, 5) met their two friends who are so nice and friendly, 6) we went for a ride in the boat, my first time in nearly 3 years and we had a very relaxing time, the weather was perfect, the water was calm, Steve has the boat running perfectly, Brett had it clean and wiped down, we arrived back at dusk, totally enjoyable 7) now back and ready to sleep.

What a treat it was to get to have lunch with Bob and Carrol. Carrol is a walking miracle and to see her in action is just plain wonderful. While the service was a bit slow today the food was good and the fellowship unsurpassed.

The mail brought one more check today for which I am thankful and of course a couple bills which I could have done without. The black bug is now working well and is cooling like it has always done in the past which is perfectly. As I consider the past week it could have been worse. I am so looking forward to that day when Marilyn can fly west. She will be a great help with organizing papers, helping put Nan's desk in order, I've not touched it since December and its time to use that computer to control my personal finances, write checks and keep records straight. Nan did such a good job over the years of caring for so many things and I deeply appreciate the fact that she was my pardner for all these wonderful years. I really think I could not have asked for more than she gave, she did and what she created. She was the spark plug for our marriage, the social director, meal planner, vacation organizer, purchasing agent, bill payer, important date rememberer and a class act to be with at all times. She was a lover, a fighter and a wonderful mom. Miss her, heck yes, will I survive? yes unless my heart does not cooperate.

We all face challenges, my challenge is to learn to live successfully alone and incorporate those important things I believe in as cornerstones of my experience. For some of you your challenges are different, perhaps they are how to continue to live with someone you have gotten so used to that you no longer feel lucky to have them or how to make important changes so you will be proud of your life again, maybe you have let some of the things that used to inspire and motivate you slip away and now you are on autopilot. Let this be a wake up call, a life lived on autopilot is not worth living, find the groove again, the zest, the core beliefs that once quickened your breathing, your heart beat, take a chance on waking up, stepping out of routine and being who you really want to be again. Do you feel like a loser? Do you think that is how people around you think of you? Or do you feel invisible? Like if you disappeared no one would miss you? Well maybe its time to make some noise, think some new thoughts, raise new questions, push back and be who you were created to be. In this life there are leaders and followers and some times we should be one or the other, we follow our Lord because He made us and knows what is best and we lead our families, our friends by our love, our example, our courage, our refusal to just conform. If you had a month to live how would you live tomorrow? What would you say differently to those who treasure you? How would you use your free time?

Well Tim, do you have answers to these hard questions, not a chance but perhaps its time to try to find some answers instead of spending so much time in depression and despair. The cards have been dealt, now what!!!

Thanks for letting me impact your life, yes I mean your life. While you have it, use it, spend it in generous living for those God has placed in your path, under your roof, in your sphere of influence.

love to all,

Tim

PS Photo is of Lois, the mature one, and her friends who of course I cannot remember their names. People who know me well know my memory is extremely poor. These are very nice ladies. In the photo we are just back from our wild boat ride.

Living life one day at a time

Dear Friends and Family,

Just in at 11:30 from a nice dinner with Pam Whitted at a Thai place in Stockton. She is doing well with her recovery and is now allowed to place a tiny bit of weight on her recovering ankle. so its still wheel chair time for her and at her school where she serves as principal she has an electric cart to ride. We caught up on each others kids, her work and my lack of work. Nice evening.
In the morning Ken has decided his walking vacation is over, we walk at 7:15. Then to take Keanna to Sabbath School in Tracy. Bob and Carrol called tonight to invite us to eat at the old Olive Garden, he has a coupon, yea Bob and his coupons, got to love that guy. So hopefully Nikki and Kallie can join us for lunch at the Garden.
In the afternoon Lois and Ray are hosting a BBQ on their back deck for family and friends and I plan to stop by to meet everyone, they live next door to the west of my house. They are very sweet neighbors and are real problem solvers.
Today brought another check in the mail so I made the house payment on line this afternoon. it will clear on Monday and I believe I can get it covered by then. At 4:50 this afternoon the mechanic called to say the bug was ready, a fuse box located on the top of the battery had nearly melted through causing electrical power to the fans that pull air through the radiator and evaporator for the AC were only working when they happen to feel like it. This caused the freon pressure to rise to very high levels in the AC system causing the compressor to fail from time to time and also allowing the engine to overheat at times. I paid the $550.22 and drove the car home just to be sure it worked well. Then Nikki was kind enough to drive me back to town to get the van. Hate to ask for help but sometimes I run out of options.
Looking back at the week there have been a lot of pretty challenging times, a few very nice moments, one very scary moment with Starr eating the Actos medicine, checks and credit card income has been minimal but not absent and more money has been promised, its in the mail! I've enjoyed catching up with friends and family on the phone and have a blue tooth earpiece by Jawbone that seems to be working well now. I've dropped 2 pounds and have been inspired to tackle the whole weight thing in new ways which include keeping a daily record of everything I eat, drinking a whole lot more water, using small protein snacks, an egg, a small protein bar, a piece of string cheese along with healthy foods. My third loaf of bread turned out wonderfully and I still have a 1/2 of the loaf left. It is just delicious and hearty.
Blessings abound, challenges continue, Art thinks I might be experiencing some depression, perhaps that explains the dull ache in my chest a lot of the time. I believe he is right. The constant challenge of finding money is always with me.
It was so great to have Art's visit in the middle of the week and to get to walk with him around the lake was a great honor.
I had a real letdown this morning. I accidentally discovered that I've been taking my blood pressure incorrectly and been getting a much more positive reading than is really true.
This morning when I rolled over and attached the cuff to my arm I laid my arm on the bed beside me instead of across my chest. The reading was 125 / 66. Then I tried it with my arm over my chest like I usually take it, 106 / 55. Whoops, I think I have been making a huge mistake. So there goes all those good readings, down the drain.
Right now I'm tired, sleepy and ready to rest. Good night my friends, next week Marilyn will come to town, tons of checks will come in the mail and I'll win the lottery, only problem is, I'm too cheap to waste money on the lottery buying a ticket.

Sending love to all and wishing you a great Sabbath and a blessed weekend.

Tim

A day of contrasts

Good evening,

This morning found Art and I walking around Willow Lake, a 3 mile tour. Then we came back to hit the showers and find something to eat. Last nights bread baking ended up very successful and while the loaf weights in at about 2 lbs when sliced thin it is very very good. Art and I each had a slice this morning and I actually skipped the oatmeal, the toast filled me up.

At 9 a guy arrived to demonstrate and explain his program for weight and life management. His presentation was very interesting and he answered questions I have long wondered about. He also posed new ideas, one was the idea that protein cannot be stored in the body so when a person takes on protein it calls on fat reserves as fuel and helps one lose weight. He came recommended by Dr. Savage who serves as my cardiologist. Art and I both enjoyed what he had to offer. Unfortunately the start up cost is $500 and I have to take some time to consider whether I can find that kind of money when if I just follow the plan laid out in the book Jason gave me I can experience the same dramatic weight loss using normal items from the grocery store. I ask that he contact me again next week so I'll have some time to mull over his offer. Both Art and I were impressed with the professional and reasonable approach to food management.

After the presentation ARt was kind enough to follow me into town where I left the bug in the hands of a local service team. Late this afternoon the owner called to say the fuse box had burned up in the bug, this was causing the AC fan by the radiator to fail part of the time resulting in overheating of the engine and loss of cooling at times. He can have it fixed by tomorrow afternoon with a cost of $550. Ouch again. I told him to go ahead and within an hour the phone rang, it was a lady who has switched lenders, owes me for an appraisal I just completed and wanted to settle up with a credit card. Unexpected joy filled my heart as funds came in I did not expect. Not enough yet to cover the house payment but I'm getting there slowly.

After Art left today I opened the mailbox to find just one envelope from Sprint. As I shared on July 9 Sprint had decided to allow me to cancel the data card service and waive the cancellation fee of $200 for ending the contract early. Well here was a bill warning me my service was just about to be cancelled if I didn't pay for July. Wait, I had already cancelled that! So I called their accounting office and was kicked around for the next hour. They denied the service had ever been cancelled, they said that it didn't matter than I had faxed in the death certificate since the account was in my name I had to pay no matter what. I moved from person to person and even the supervisor said she would do nothing in spite of my being told on the 9Th of July that the service was turned off and the fee waived. In anger I was finally hung up on and I sat steaming. Then I pulled my file and found to my amazement that I had used their chat room to cancel the service and I in fact had a print out of the conversation where they clearly said my service was cancelled without any left over fee. So I found the chat room on line and laid out what had happened, I included the number printed out from the last chat experience and they quickly found it. Within 5 minutes after reviewing the file and account they once again cancelled the service and waived the $200 fee. So now I will wait and see what happens next. Seems the chat room reps for accounting are a different bunch from the live on the phone people. I wasted over 2 hours pursuing a solution. So in considering Sprint I would say chat room yes and live phone person no!

This evening I went to grief group once again, I've been away for two weeks but it was a good experience to be back. We all hang on each persons reporting of their week and cheer when its good and tear up when its bad. Overall its a very good experience. Tonight I took the special book Karen Cress so lovingly created with nan's photos of her life. They were amazed at such a book even being possible. Thanks once again Karen for such a wonderful gift. I've enjoyed it a thousand times and so have so many others as well.

Sending love, looking for work, for money, for companionship at times, all in God's timing.

Sharon sends word that she survived the class #2 storm well with only minor damages here and there. She said the rain did fall, big time.

I've included a few photos from Timothy's birthday party. I know you will enjoy them.

love

tim

PS The little green ATV was a gift from Dana which she purchased almost at the time he was born. Now he loves it. Thanks Dana!

Art arrives for a visit

Good evening friends and family,
Art Diaz arrived awhile ago for a visit and tomorrow morning we'll walk the lake together for a change. I'm so glad to see him, nice to have a visitor here in quiet acres. While we have been talking a loaf of bread is taking shape in the kitchen. This evening I'm trying an all wheat loaf. I noticed that the mix seemed to need more water so I added water. We will see what happens when it finishes. I had quite a time making the bread. I had prepared a slice of the last loaf with a thin layer of peanut butter and thin slices of tomato and had it on the table. While I was working on the bread Starr decided to help herself knocking it on the floor. That made me pretty angry and Starr knew she was in trouble. While I was making the bread and putting ingredients in I had a tub of sugar open on the counter, not watching what I was doing I put the putter and powdered milk into the tub of sugar instead of the bread maker, when I discovered it I moved it over to the maker but I hope it all got mixed in. This will be a wonder loaf, I will wonder until it finishes baking.
Today I walked my full three miles still carrying the inspiration from yesterday. Then I showered, had breakfast and settled down to do a charity appraisal for someone who needed help. After about 3 hours I completed it and faxed it to her. Her first response was, the value was too low, I was just amazed as I felt it was honest and correct. I had set paying work aside to do her work and then it was not good enough. That was hard to take.
Then it was time to leave so for the next appraisal assignment I had to drive to Pleasanton to pick up a key from an appraiser who could not do an assignment due to ill health and then drive 30 minutes to Benicia. The home was beautiful, it was last on the market for around $700K and the comps now say around $540 or so, tough break for the owner. While I was shooting comps the bug overheated so I had to run the heater full blast to lower the engine temp. Then I drove through nasty traffic and it overheated again. I did another appraisal in Antioch, great little house, very low price, easy to appraise and then I drove home arriving here about 8 pm. And that's when the bread making began. Now the temp is cooling off outside, art is channel hopping and I'm about to head to bed. Once again the mail were a wash out today, no money and no hope of any. I'm wondering what God has in mind. I know many of you are facing challenging times as well.
This evening I called Sharon to see how she rode out the storm that hit her town in Texas but the call would not go through. I spoke to her this morning and her courage was good, she had closed the center today keeping the clients safely home for the day. She runs an adult day care business with her brother Rick and a large staff of faithful helpers.
So good evening to one and all, take care.

love

tim

Busy productive day! Had dinner with Mary and Halario

Dear Family and Friends,

This evening as the wind rages around Sharon's house in Texas and rain falls in Houston I write from the calm but warm peace of California. It has been a very full day and it started with inspiration and just kept on that way.

I had more energy this morning in the walk and did the full 3 miles in the cool air. Then back for a shower and a breakfast of oaks, one piece of toast and a banana. I worked in the office for awhile and set up orders. One came in that I could see today, just had a combination lock box on it. It was even prepaid with a credit card, good news for sure. As I was working and setting up orders Nikki called to invite me to lunch at UNO's in Antioch. So I got to see my girls, Keanna was so cute with a new haircut, Kallie slept and Nikki was full of energy. We parted after eating and I headed for Pinole which is a small town near Freeway 80. An add had caught my eye in the newspaper, a show room with grave stones on display. So I stopped in for an information gathering inspection. I found that stones that will work with Nan's setting range in price from $1,000 to about $1,800 with some having vases built in. The photo that I want to be included costs about $300 and will stand up to the weather for several years. It was a worthwhile stop, the first step in getting an appropriate marker for Nan's resting place.

The property in Pinole was empty, updated, bank owned and had just been purchased by my client through an auction last weekend. The appraisal went very smoothly and soon I was heading back home only to be caught up in heavy traffic. I had an important appointment at 6:30. Mary from travel, nan's dear friend had invited me to dinner. I drove about for a long time trying to remember where their home was and finally Art said, call them. I called and I was nearly there. Dinner was perfect and I enjoyed myself a lot. Mary was a very loyal friend to Nan, taught her the travel business and provided her with some of the best times in her life. We hope to get together again soon after Marilyn arrives as Mary knows and loves Marilyn too.

When I got home two additional orders were waiting in the fax machine, both are rushes and will need my attention tomorrow. I am more than willing to comply.

I see that Ken and LeAnn have returned from their trip to middle America but I doubt Ken will be up to walking in the morning.

Starr continues to demonstrate healthy behaviors, the fish tank is settling in with clear water and better temperatures, the floors are freshly mopped and my little loaf of bread is providing so much fun as I cut a thin slice and savior the flavors.

I continue to be in desperate need of funds but gradually then are coming in, never enough, never soon enough.

So my friends and family members I hope you are safe, secure and at peace with each other and the world. I treasure each and every one of you, your advice, your encouragement and your friendship.

Love

tim

Starr takes Actos by accident

Good evening friends and family members,
I had a real scare this morning when one of my diabetes meds rolled off the desk and into Starrs waiting mouth below. One gulp and it was gone. My first inclination was to call the vet but I realized that his first comment would be, bring her in and with that there would be a bill I could not cover. So my second thought was to call my friend and doctor Dr. James Edwards. He graciously took my call and had to admit this was a first time question for him. His concern was the same as mine, here a little 20 lb dog had 45 mg of Actos which is designed to help an adult have better blood sugar control by causing the greater production of insulin. A side effect can be too low blood sugar levels. So we decided I should keep Starr eating today, keep giving her carbs so I dropped everything and took Starr with me to Safeway where I purchased three different types of wet dog food. She had one dish on the way home, another after we got home and still another later in the day. I also gave her a bun with lots of jam on it to give her a boost to her blood sugar. Then I kept her awake all day as I worked. Loree was kind enough to call her friend who works with a vet and we all decided that after several hours the effects were probably mostly passed. I had such a sinking feeling to know Starr was at risk. Seemed the whole morning was ruined just with worry over Starr, she has become such a huge part of my life, welcomes me home at night, watches over me while I sleep, warns me of any danger and even if someone rings the front door bell which I cannot hear from my office.
Bread report: as I mentioned in the blog I made a trip to Safeway for new ingredients for making wheat bread. The cycle takes 4 hours to make a loaf. I carefully located all the ingredients called for hoping I was finding sugar, not salt and then salt not sugar. Well I got a late start so the loaf was not completed until just after 12 last night. I gingerly took it out, dug out the little mixing tool and then put the bread into a plastic sack so it would not get dry. This morning I cut a slice, it was perfect, toasted up rough and tough, tasted perfect. For lunch I made a griller and placed it on one toasted slice of my bread and it was good all over again. Finally a dream come true. This is fun and it tastes real good. Of course it is carbs so I have to take it easy.
I've written two appraisals today, one with 9 comparables and the other with 7. It takes a lot of data to prove your case in a declining market. One check came in the mail and it is in direct response to the invoices Loree send out last week. Sort of makes the minor cost of the mailing seem reasonable and of course it takes time to fold and stuff the statements in the envelopes too.
Two orders were promised today, one came in and the other is just a promise so far. I've watched the email all day but it never came through.
I am determined to find a method for losing weight and stick to it. The weight I carry is dangerous, it keeps me from being active and is just a total turnoff. I must find a way to escape from the tyranny of the carbs.
Please join me in prayer for those who are suffering this evening, there are so many terrible situations where God's special calm and healing is needed.
I'm thankful that my little Starr seems to be Ok this evening.

love to all

Tim

Boy was I lucky!

Good Evening,

Wasn't she beautiful? I just had to share these photos of Nan sitting at our piano all dressed up to go out. After Dana left I discovered them sitting out, she must have located them as she was going through Nan's things. I just love them as they are a wonderful reminder of a happier day before cancer reared its ugly head.

Well I've had a productive day of sorts. The dogs drug me out of bed this morning and insisted on a walk around the lake, that is 3 miles. Before I even rolled out I took the blood pressure and found it to be 103 / 54 with a resting rate of 52. Even though it was early in the morning Starr began to feel the heat and was panting a lot so we took our time and I let her rest in the shade several times. When we got back I just started to do projects, I decided to stop procrastinating and dug out the new device I purchased months ago to drain the fish tank outside and suction dirt out of the gravel at the same time. I figured out how it worked and drained the tank down several inches, cleaned the filter and then refilled with new salt water I had on hand. I found the thermometer that had broken loose and in a few hours the tank cleared and looks pretty good now. Then I did laundry, and for the thrill of doing something totally new decided today was the day to make bread. I've been considering it for the past 5 years but today I brought the bread maker in from the garage, read the instructions on the box of mix, called Dana to find out where the book for the bread maker was and waded in. I'd like to tell you the loaf was stunningly beautiful but that would be a lie. It looked like it had fallen in but when I took it out I found it was very tasty, the house smelled wonderful and Lois and Ray came over from next door and we had bread, tomatoes soaked in balsamic something and olive oil and he brought soy blintzes. Everything tasted great. Lois took the photos of Nan home to scan them for me and Ray helped with fixing the electronic thermometer for the tank, it just needed a new battery. I finally settled down to prepare appraisals only to lose the entire report with a glitch. So I decided I wanted to try another loaf of bread but that required a trip to the store for yeast, wheat flower, powdered milk. $50 later I came back home, started the bread after finding all the ingredients, I hope I put sugar, not salt, I really couldn't tell by tasting and now at midnight the next loaf will be ready. As soon as it started to crank and whir I went out and mowed the lawn. I had been washing baseball hats all day with the new little device I purchased to hold them in place through the wash. I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, watered my tomatoes and the neighbors, raided the tomato plants and took some to the lady who lives down the street and is raising 5 grandchildren by herself, wonderful courageous lady who lost her husband a year ago of cancer.

I've had the chance to talk to my brother, Art, Pam and someone wanting money for one legged police dogs and now I'm ready to rest. I've so enjoyed hearing the beautiful music of the Celestial Praise Chorale, Roger's group in N. Carolina. Wow they have some stunningly beautiful numbers and its been a lift and a tear jerker both today as I worked and listened.

Now its time to rest, my eyes are dry, my back is tired of sitting in this chair, the dogs are signalling they think its time to sleep too.

I hope you enjoy the photos of Nan. I know I sure do. Boy was I lucky!

love

tim

Sharing life one moment at at time

Dear Ones,
9:35 after a day of contrasts, noise & bedlam, quiet and secluded, hungry and then full, emotionally challenged and then feeling loved........ some of the pieces of my reality today. I slept in till 8 this morning, latest time in months, then showered, dressed, had a yogurt and banana and drove to collect Keanna, while there Kallie put on a show enjoying being on her back and watching a little cloth sun and soft music and lights, she kicked, reached, smiled, what a delightful moment. Then Keanna loaded into her booster seat in the far back seat of the van and we headed to Tracy. On the way we saw a fox cross the road and Keanna watched something on her little DVD. We joined the Sabbath School where the teacher was reading a story about Jesus calming the storm, then the kids took turns loading into the little boat and the lights were turned out, someone made sounds of thunder, someone else made little lighting bolts and teacher sprayed water over the kids in the boat, Very effective. They all took turns in the boat, then during craft time we were taught how to make a little paper boat and then SS was over. keanna went to be with her VBS teacher and I waited for my boys to appear. Eventually 3 did arrive and today they were on their best behavior. The church was packed with 100 kids and the normal worship service attendees. Kim led out and the service was loud, joyful and quite an experience. Eventually the kids all got their diplomas and marched out to attend the big lunch planned in the Better Living Center. Nikki and I hooked up at Olive Garden and we had a lovely lunch. Having had such a tiny breakfast I was really ready to eat and cleaned my plate. So kid Keanna and Nikki. Then they were away for Dublin and friends to visit and I sleepily headed home. It was 88 in the house when I arrived so I decided to spend the money and cool the room down to 80. Then I got the Satellite working for the Hope channel and enjoyed music, scenery and feel asleep. I think I slept for hours. Finally at 7 I ventured into the kitchen, found a can of Pinto beans, some frozen corn, a potato to bake and fresh tomatoes to cut up and eat. It all turned out great.
I've really enjoyed the emails about last nights' blog. I'm glad the words made people think a bit. I know full well that there is no way someone who has been in a marriage for many years can possibly imagine or fully understand how it feels to observe your important other half die. Until you are there you just won't feel the full impact, you shouldn't have to but considering carefully and thoughtfully the possibility that you could lose someone close just might help you use the time you have wisely to convey on a daily basis how much you care and demonstrate it with unselfish acts on a continual basis. As human beings we are all to prone to getting used to the status quo and start assuming that the other person knows what we think, how we feel. I'm saying, resist the temptation to assume all is well. Relationships can also improve, you can always do better, so do it while you can. Yes I have a right to say this because my window of opportunity is closed. I can't say anything more to Nan now.
So to my way of thinking another week is beginning. Tomorrow I'll write appraisals and pray that more work will come in soon. I'll work on getting the tax year of 2007 in order so Ken can work on them when he returns on the 22ND. I'll bite the bullet and take money from the little that is left and pay the house payment. Today's excitement over a check in the mail was tempered by it being for $75, not the $450 I expected from them.
I want to thank the VBS team for doing an excellent job with preparing a program which led many children to know Jesus better.
Now am I sorry that I'll have my evenings back, no! but this week just past did go fast and perhaps before the end of this week Marilyn will arrive from the east coast and that will be a wonderful addition to my life, she is a kick, a great helper, a wonderful organizer and a real plus to life.
Take care of your life,

love

tim
ps A CD arrived today from North Carolina. It is a brand new recording of music performed by Roger's choral group and I can't wait to hear it. I'll give a review tomorrow night. Thanks Roger and Carol.

Thoughts on love...

Dear Family and Friends,

As I drove to Richmond this afternoon I spent some time thinking about love, what it is and what it is not and how its reality changes over the years. My thoughts, love is not easy, it is somewhat rare, it makes a huge difference in the quality of life, it changes shape, texture, depth, meaning. When I first met Nan, had the chance to spend time with her, starting blending my voice with hers in music, started to get close to her I found my life changing but I was still a pretty selfish guy, mostly concerned about what I thought and what others thought of me, I thought I was galant at times, thoughtful, tender hearted but mostly I just wanted to be with her, to bask in her beauty, to hear her words, to look into those beautiful bedroom eyes she had, blue, clear, penetrating. My love for her was in fact very shallow, it was the best I knew how to do then, due to my folks divorcing when I was about 11 I actually knew little of love and commitment and caring. Nan decided to cast her lot in with mine and we married, drove across the country together to Andrews and started our lives together. I still knew little of really how to love. As the children arrived I did a lousy job of helping Nan with their care. The church and the ministry always came before her needs, she did not complain but I could have done so much better, I look with wonder at how Steve and Jason help with their little ones. That could have been me, instead of being a third child for Nan to raise I could have been an actual helper.

Even when we discovered the first tumor and Nan had the first of 5 surgeries and was in the hospital I did not get it, the loving with the whole heart, loving until it was obvious, helpful, moving, unavoidable, blatant. No, I would drift in after a full days work at 9 or 10 at night and spend a few minutes and then selfishly head home to sleep. It took more surgeries, repeated bad CT scans, awful reports, to finally get through my thick head that Nan was in trouble and she needed my whole heart, a commitment of every fiber of my being, the real deeply felt words and actions, she needed me to be her real lover no matter what the future held. And fortunately I slowly began to respond to her needs, to her precious heart, to her courage, her fears, her tears. She needed more from me than I had ever produced before, she needed things from me that did not come easy, that cost a terrible price, she needed to know she was the most important person in the whole world, that no matter what she could count on me stepping up, learning whatever I needed to know and doing it on a faithful regular basis. From out of my selfishness something better emerged, she called me her rock. Day or night, pretty or messy, I was there and I ended loving being there. Ours ended up being a tender, loving, arm in arm walk through hell never wavering or thinking of bailing, just doing the right thing no matter how afraid or tired I happened to be at that moment, the facts were she was more tired, more afraid so we faced it all together. I am so deeply grateful to nan for her patience with me as I grew up slowly but fortunately finally became what she needed over the final years. She became first finally, not work, not distractions, it was Nan and what ever she needed at the moment. I loved doing it, everything, finally after all those 36 years she could count on me and not just get excuses. I think that is what love is, yes its nice cards with tender words, yes its even perfume or candy but on a deeper level it is being there when someone needs you, not part of the time, not when it happens to fit the schedule but ALL the time.

The only problem with learning how to love deeply, completely is when the object of your affection, your love in action is finally taken away in spite of all of your best efforts, gone, quiet, and you are alone. What do you do for a encore? Whose rock are you now?

I've found some satisfaction this week in helping in the Power Lab, the local VBS, each night my heart resisted less and I did find meaning in drudging up some old skills. I had 4 very interesting guys in my group and I think she enjoyed the experience this week. I've included a photo showing the group, last night there were 99 in attendance. 99 lives touched and 55 or so helpers who also were inspired. Not bad at all.

What is love? Well a lot has been said about love and I'm wondering what forms love will take now. I enjoy Keanna, Kallie and Timothy a lot and they need my energy and being a good pappa. Will there be something similar to the kind of profound love I feel for Nan ever again? How does one know? Do I even want to go there again? Really wasn't once enough for a life time when it was this good? At this point God only knows my future, your future too. At this point I am living such a precarious existence, not much time for options other than survival right now. Its OK though.

Thanks for listening, ideas you might have would be appreciated. Have I encouraged you to think deeper about your love? I hope so, don't wait until a crisis looms to really go all out and love that special person. Don't wait another day.

love

tim

VBS lifts the spirits

Good evening,

Well I survived yet another evening of excitement, noise, games, songs with hand motions, mobs of kids, snacks, sitting on the floor and so on....

Three of the four original guys are coming every night and are really into all the events. These events include a general session with video led singing, a mad professor (she has such nice hair), memory verses, then sessions with a husband and wife team who have a different exercise every night, last night it was a huge cardboard box shaped like a boat that everyone climbed into, then walked on the water, tonight it was an illustration about the cross. Then we moved to crafts where tonight we created a picture frame for a group photo yet to be taken, then to snacks which was crackers with cheese draped over them, we all find a place to sit on the floor on a little super thin aluminum foil sheet with room for everyone and munch and consider what we can do that would be special at home before coming back, then to the playground where tonight small tablets were placed inside a diet Pepsi bottle with a resulting explosion of soda all over, all over me in fact. We then moved to a little room with a TV and decorations and each night they play a little segment of a very well made movie about a chipmunk and his adventures in a castle with a mad scientist. Then all too soon its back to the main church where we sing more songs and hear from yet another speaker wearing a lab coat, the whole program is called Power Lab and its all about the power that comes from Jesus.

This morning I had the joy of walking in the cool air but I had trouble getting enough air in my lungs and had to slow down several times, I was alone and it was just hard work getting around the course. Then my steel cut oats with fiber and flax seeds, banana, stripples for breakfast. Then to see a local property, then back to write the report up and by 2 pm I was emailing it to the lender, yea! 20 hour turnaround. Then to town to get the blue tooth working, they gave me yet another new one which works great, now I have two chargers which helps. Then to Longs for meds, my part was only $80 today, then to make a deposit of a new check which came in today's mail, then online to pay a portion of the house payment, then home for a quick griller on wheat bread with fresh tomatoes, then off to Tracy. I once again did not turn on the AC just seeing how the house would do, well at 5 it was 87 but cool in the office where the little AC was doing its thing. I think the chiller is working again for the fish tank. The cleaning job seems to have restored it to cooling once again. I certainly hope so.

Well good night to each of you and if you ever get a chance to help in a VBS, either leave town on vacation or help, either way you will have a wonderful time.

Sending my love your way and rejoicing with Bob and Carrol, another good clinic visit and no chemo is needed for yet another month! Now that is good news. And Roger and Carol has a new helped for Lakemont Cottages, she seems wonderful and they are delighted.

Love

tim

VBS is good medicine

Good evening friends and family,
10:35, just in from Tracy where the program is going strong and nearly 100 kids are enrolled. Kim runs a great program and everyone is getting used to doing their correct thing. I find myself loving it. I felt a great loss tonight. My challenging boy could not come as his mother was in ER with low red count and other problems today so he was with his grandparents in another town. I called when I noted he was missing and she called back. You just would not believe how organized this whole program is, tonight the snack was group made soda over ice cream, all planned ahead of time and created in each little group on a big silver blanket we spread over the floor as our place, then crafts, bible story, tonight in a cardboard boat large enough for everyone and then each child got to step out and "walk on water", some strange substance, great effect on the kids.
The day had been a downer pretty much. To save money I decided not to run AC today so things got warm. I worked on the chiller and hope it will keep the tank cool enough so as to not damage the fish and coral. Then I went to a place in Oakland that is really rough, the last tenants were arrested and taken to jail directly from this house and no one has moved their stuff, just locked the doors, it is rough. Then I followed the GPS as it guided me to 6 comparables in the area, then it was time to turn toward Tracy and I fought traffic for an hour or so. Then change the shirt into the VBS "power lab" green shirt and assume a new role.
Major victory today was having herbal tea this morning instead of the mocha, not bad, not exciting but not bad really.
Once again no money in the mail but this evening brought a real blessing. When I settled down in the work chair I turned to see nothing in the fax machine. Calls during the day had led me to believe I would see an order. Upon closer inspection I found the machine to be out of paper. When I placed paper in the holder the machine reached into its vast memory and printed out not one, not two but three orders. Wow! I was talking to Art as I made the discovery and he rejoiced with me over the good news. Thank the good Lord for these orders. I also had a call this morning in response to the statements Loree mailed out yesterday. I nice lady was just calling to say, she had forgotten to mail and check and was doing so right then, yea! So that makes mailing the statements out worth our time, Thank you Loree.

For now I'm tired, eyes are dry, its bed time for bozo here.

love

tim

Home at last

Good evening to all,
Got a nice note from our friends the Hoyts, Don is recovering very well from his heart surgery, walking several times a day and making excellent progress. I am very thankful to hear the news.
I'm just back from VBS in Tracy. My little group of 4 boys is very challenging, they are all good kids but each have their challenges and its hard to keep everyone together, happy and learning. I'm finding it very hard at my age to do what came easy at 25 and 30. Kim is a great leader and seems to have enough energy for us all. There were 92 kids attending tonight, that's a huge deal. There are so many helpers, it is nothing short of amazing.
Nikki and Keanna took pity on me this evening and we went to Olive Garden after the meeting for a quick bite. It was great to just relax with my precious family. Kallie really put the sitters through the paces tonight, had a blowout just a few minutes after arriving. It happens and this one they won't soon forget. Go girl!
Today I walked the dogs to the park and we made an extra circle around the park for more exercise. The dogs met a friendly dog who they played with and had so much fun. Then back for a shower, oats, pick the tomatoes, water the plants next door, start to work on details of life. Get a month of Nan's phone bill wiped out, they were supposed to cancel that account a month ago. Talk to data people, they promise to call back, for the third time they don't. Get the new PG&E bill on line. over $700 for the last two months, wow, that's at 80 degrees. Glad it is cool these last few days.
No money in the mail, house payment is $2,700, have $500 toward the bill so far, due today. My conversation with IRS on the 14Th went very well and they are putting all I owe from different years together and on August 18 will work out a payment plan to catch up. They were very helpful.
I wrote two appraisals today, one is emailed out, the other needs final touches in the morning and then it can be emailed out too.
Please pray that God is guide me to work.
So sleepy now, eyes are dry and painful, time to rest. I really think I am now over medicated, feel tired all the time, takes great effort to do anything.

This morning I took the time to review some photos in digital files in my computer. I was able to enjoy cruise photos, birthday photos, hospital photos and family photos. Yes some made me cry but I so enjoyed strolling down memory lane once again, what a lady she was, how blessed we all were!

love

tim

VBS is the new opportunity / challenge

Dear Family and Friends,
Do you catch yourself thinking in the same manner as when you were younger. I think I usually do, I tend to think I can pick up anything, figure out anything and think of myself as being in my 40s. Sometimes I am startled when I catch a view of myself in a mirror, older, gray hair, overweight, nah, that could not be me.
Well this evening I got a real wake up call, I am really 59 and almost 60. VBS and 4 little guys assigned to be in my group quickly reminded me that time has passed since the last time I was in charge of children or helped with a VBS. Many years ago I could sort of keep up with the crowd of youngsters, not now.
I've never really been into the motions that go with songs, I'm always at least two movements behind the rest, hands up when they should be down, you know the routine or lack of it. This program has lots of singing with motions and 4 sets of eyes were watching to learn the motions from me, yikes.
The leaders have done an excellent job of decorating the entire church complex for the theme and people are dressed up for their roles, the groups move from event to event, crafts, exercise, snack, lesson, movie lesson. What a workout and on top of the fact that recently I've not felt too good. I think I am over medicated now, by 10 in the morning I am sleeping in my chair, by 1 pm my blood sugar is critically low like today and I had to find some food, the apple in my lunch box did not cut it nor did the one piece of string cheese. So I found Taco Bell and that did solve the panic inside from the low blood sugar.
I had the honor of meeting a family who are purchasing a home in Brentwood using a FHA loan. They were a very special family and the place was perfect. Then to Oakland to see another little place that was very carefully maintained. Then on to another place to just get a feel of its features so I could do a better value check. Then onto the freeway to Livermore where I was finally able to return the old used batteries to the Yamaha Golf Cart store, I've had them in the trunk for many months. Then back into traffic to Tracy where I arrived at 5 so Kim could brief me on how to be a group leader.
Now I am home. It felt good to see Nikki every once in awhile as she helped the groups to move on time to their next station. Emily was an angel and held Kallie which helped so much. Keanna was very encouraging to me, she knew I was nervous as a group leader and she kept encouraging me when we crossed paths. What a little blessing she is.
When I got home I found the house warm inside so I opened it up and now cool breezes are blowing through, nice, very nice to be cool and at home again.
It was good to have work again today. Preparing an appraisal has become very difficult for several reasons. Lenders now want the sales to have happened in the past 3 months, no longer accepting sales from the past 6 months like before. Most sales are bank owned and depending on the bank they seem to have no reason for their pricing so the prices tend to be very low. This has pulled the value of homes that have not sold down as comps are the only way we can guess what our subject home would sell for if marketed.
So many people are suffering right now, perhaps some of you are in the bind financially. If so I certainly have only the kindest thoughts for you and your plight.
We all certainly need to stay close to the One who knows what will be in the future.
Sending love to all,

Tim

and so the week begins again

Dear Family and Friends,
Just in from rolling the garbage can out for pickup, mowing my little lawn, fixing the edger and using it to edge, testing the sprinklers.
I'm about ready to go to bed, seems to have been a long day with little accomplished. I wrote the last appraisal I had on my desk and emailed it away, researched for tomorrow's appointments, tried to call IRS, they don't work weekends I found out, made dinner but had made too much so wonder of wonders when I was full I dumped the rest down the disposal. I've never done that before in my life. I made an omlet with lots of fresh tomatos, a bit of cheese and some cut up vege meat pieces. When I think of it I need to make a quick trip to the grocery store. I'm out of nearly everything now. Dana's supplies held me for an entire week!
I've just spoken to my brother who has walked himself out of 20 lbs now. He walks in the forest every day and has eaten very carefully, much of which is from his garden, fresh beets today. He sounds like retirement is working out great for he and Donna.
So tomorrow its back to work again seeing properties in Brentwood, then Oakland and then a commute back to Tracy for VBS where I have agreed to help. Nikki was helping out and she has two little ones, How could I say no. The two leaders are doing a great job and have 72 kids already registered on the web ahead of time, pretty good!
I remember once when I was pastoring in Tracy, we decided to make a real effort to bring kids from all parts of town including parts we usually did not draw from. Well some of the kids were a little less controlled than we were used to, the van we were using was borrowed from Dr. Thompson and after one trip all the ash tray holders were missing, yikes, the leaders were not sure how to cope with a "different" kind of kid than usual but as I remember it everything worked out just fine. Most of the leaders lived to work another day.
Art and Connie are driving back to Gilroy tomorrow after several weeks on the road. They have covered thousands of miles safely. It will be very nice to have them back closer by.
I send my love to all, please pray that God will guide in the days ahead.

love

tim

Our pastor takes a call, he will be missed!

Dear Family and Friends,
11:30, how did it get so late again? Of course I napped so many times this afternoon that going to bed this late may not be a problem at all.
This week I received an email from my beloved church in Tracy. It was a message from Jim indicating that he and Jeannie will be leaving the pastorate in Tracy and taking up the pulpit in Galt. While we are sure Galt will be delighted we are saddened to see Jim leave us. We have been blessed with such good pastors in John and Karen, then Ed and Ann and most recently Jim and Jeannie. Solid preaching, good leadership and warm friendship has marked all three of these delightful families.
I have a very warm memory of Jim coming on two different occasions to hold prayer and anointing services for Nan, one was when we were desperately searching for the "next" step after tumors had returned. Having been denied surgery in Houston at MD Anderson we were frantically reaching out, Jim and the elders came to pray and anoint and within days Nan was accepted into the Sugen, to later be named Sutent trial at City of Hope. That trial ended up giving us 18 precious months of control before it finally failed allowing some tumors to rapidly grow again. Jim communicated with Nan through phone calls and visits many times and gave her peace and a special awareness of God's care for her. Jim and Jeannie are blessed with a very special bedside manner and Nan felt comfortable sharing some of her thoughts and concerns. I will always remember Jim's pastoral care, in a way he stood for the whole church family and he treated our family with respect and loving concern. I personally will miss his wisdom and love for the Tracy church family. My prayer is that God will continue to bless he and Jeannie along with their family as they continue to live and work for their Lord.
In the life of a church family there are a few key appointments that make or break a ministry. Members of a church like Tracy are very gentle with their pastors, I know, I was one for 10 years there but there are a few special events, moments that are key and becoming aware when someone is not doing well and then acting is crucial in the cycle of ministry and church family life. All of the pastors we have had were tuned to the members needs in special ways. It is interesting to compare the training we received in the seminary in some of the classes about a pastor needing to remain aloof from the members, don't get to close or you won't be taken seriously as a pastor, don't socialize too much, don't become to close or care too much. In comparison to that Nan and I allowed the Tracy church family to love us and we loved them. And each pastor that has come has chosen to become close, to go camping, to go fishing, to work side by side and through the process to become much more effective in ministering to the real needs of the people. I'm sure there are many very special church families in the church but I've never seen one that cares and loves better than Tracy. There have been so many special people in the pews, people who were wealthy, poor, most in between but it mattered not, it was the hearts that cared. What a special place to belong, the Tracy SDA Church.
Today I attended church in Loma Linda, I woke late, walked the dogs to the park, took forever to get my steel cut oats just right and then they were very very good and lost track of the time until it was too late to make it to church so I settled into the recliner and turned on the Donna Want memorial dish and enjoyed video church. What a real blessing the dish has been, great music from around the world, excellent preaching and mission programs with Dick Duerkson that just make you want to grab a flight and go help build churches.
This evening I went by Nikki and Steve's. I had found an earphone for hands free cell phone use and since Nikki has not found any device yet to comply with the law now in effect I thought perhaps it would work in her phone. Her phone is so old that the device didn't work but while there we decided to go to the CornFest in Brentwood. We only caught the last 1/2 hour but enjoyed walking around in the cool evening air and seeing all the booths and lights. Kallie took it all in and Keanna enjoyed some pink lemonade.
Marilyn reports that she will be free to fly west in about a week. I'm looking forward to her coming and I think she is ready for a vacation in the west. It will be fun.

Take care my family and friends,

love

tim

Timothy turns 1

Dear Family and Friends,

11:30 and I'm just in from attending Timothy's first birthday party. Jason and Jo went all out to create a wonderful event this afternoon. There were many little ones in attendance and they enjoyed riding in the wagon, riding his little electric car, swinging in his swing, playing in his special little pool, dodging bubbles from the bubble machine and playing the sprinklers. There was food for everyone and lots of wonderful new toys, books and a beautiful plant.

Nikki drove her Pilot and we stopped briefly to pick up a check in San Jose, then drove to Capitola for beach time and a snack. At party time we drove over to MBA and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening at their home. Wanting to avoid traffic we left late and then needed to refuel Keanna again as we passed through Santa Cruz. Kallie was a very good girl and slept most of the time only waking to need food or to play. Keanna watched a DVD which helped to make the long trip pass by more quickly.

I'll try to find a couple photos that I took with my phone and attach them if I can figure it out.

Just now when I got home I found a new order in the fax machine and two orders were called in during the day so it looks like we are back in business for the first of the week.

We got great news today that Steve has been approved to do FHA appraisals. This should yield some more work for him to do along with his thriving landscaping business.

This was a big emotion booster today. How can one be down or discouraged when he is surrounded by a loving family, these three precious little tykes and so many good friends!

Jason's weight loss is starting to show in his face, very impressive. Nikki now weighs considerably less than before she became pregnant with Kallie, nice going kids. Now to get pappa's weight down.

I'm hoping each of you have a blessed weekend with your families and loved ones.

love

tim

Forgotten grief group

Dear Family and Friends,
9:50 and all is quiet here, dogs are resting nearby on standby in case I decide to go to bed or move about. I've just been talking to my friend Art who along with Connie is resting at their Indio home after being on the road for the last couple weeks. They have had a safe trip so far and seen many wonderful things and places, visited with grandchildren and Art's brother and ready to be home for a bit.
Our walk this morning turned out to be quite an experience. Since Ken is away Loree decided she needed to exercise so joined me this morning. She brought her faithful dog Harley with her. We had only begun to walk when two large dogs joined us, we tried to get them to go home and one eventually left but the other one, a lab and Pitt mix just stayed with us. Finally in desperation Loree read a phone number from his collar and when we got no answer attached him to the other end of the leash and she walked both dogs around the lake. As we finished the walk we decided to try to dump him back into the park but as we neared the park a lady who walks dogs for a living pulled and out bounded three large dogs. Loree sort of knew her and had a discussion about the stray. Then the phone rang and it was the owner, he was in Alameda being a paramedic, could not believe the dog was out and said he'd call a friend to come after him. Turns out the dog had taken out a window and escaped. As I walked away from the park the lady was asking Loree if she would consider a job of helping walk dogs! All of this took over an hour to get settled and by then I was hot and tired. After showering I tried the steel cut oatmeal again and thanks to a link Irene found for me I discovered that it can be done in the microwave. So here is the answer, 1/4 cup oats, 3/4 cup water, a deep and large bowel since the oats will bubble up a lot. 5 minutes in the microwave, stir and then 3 more minutes. It tastes great and with a little flax seed and some extra fiber and a touch of milk I had a feast. These oats taste totally different than normal oatmeal but they are great.
I worked on statements for awhile getting them printed out to be mailed to clients, then I worked on an appraisal for Brentwood I've had for awhile. Nikki rescued me from boredom and we had lunch at Olive Garden in Antioch. Then back to work again. Oh and yes a check in the mail today, thank you very much so it got deposited and there will be another one picked up in San Jose tomorrow, thank you very much. This evening I went all out and had a haircut so I could avoid the wild man look that takes over after the wind whips the hair, had a subway gardenburger sandwich, non fat chips, delivered an appraisal to Brentwood, took the old battery back to Kragen to get the core deposit returned and came home to work. However that has not worked out. I've enjoyed several phone calls and then suddenly remembered, this is Thursday night and I missed grief group, I had totally forgotten and I felt bad, I wanted to know how my friends were doing. Bummer.
Tomorrow morning I am going with Nikki and the girls to MBA for Timothy's party. We intend to hit Capitola, the beach, the party and enjoy some cool air for a change. The temperature there is supposed to be in the 70s while ours is 100+/-.
I was down another 1/2 lb this morning which is great news and I'm feeling pretty well health wise. I dread the PG&E bill that will arrive soon, the AC is set on 80 but still runs a lot it seems.
I want to mention my dear friend Irene this evening. I think she could use our prayers in her behalf as she searches for the next step, for a trial program to enter as she has some new tumor growth so soon, only 7 months, after her surgery. She is considering Nexavar and AMN 107 but both would require her to travel, something she has not had to do so far in her quest for the cure. She is a lady that walks with God daily but I know how it feels to have others praying too. It feels good, it feels like you are less alone as you face this dreaded disease.
Thank you for your kind and helpful emails with suggestions and advice. Of special note, I had a call from a local food and life planning coach a few minutes ago. My cardiologist gave me his pamphlet at our last office visit. He spoke with me for about 20 minutes and explained what he had to offer. He has helped over 200 patients of Dr. Savage as they have made life style changes to fewer and fewer meds, better blood numbers and improve health, weight loss and greater strength. I had not contacted him due to the fear of the cost for such a program. As he explained it the costs are not as large as I expected. We will meet on the 23rd to discuss a plan and then I will decide how to proceed. Keith, I have not forgotten your generous offer for when I dump 60 lbs. I think about your words of counsel often and now have fruit out all the time to eat.
Good night friends and family, sure seems different without Dana in the house. I miss her as I also miss her sister. Life moves on, we adjust or else.

love

tim

Keeping going when the spirit is down

Dear Friends and Family,
10:20, the end of a worthless day really. Yes I have done some work, yes I walked to the mailbox, no there was no money in the mail, just bills. I tried to list the timeshare today but it ended up with a $600 fee to just list it so that idea is on hold. I was able to cancel the Sprint data card which costs $60 a month. The two year contract was not up until 2/9/09 but when they learned the details and I faxed the death certificate they waived the fee and cancelled the account. One more little savings.
Today has been warm, was 70 when I walked the dogs to the park this morning. I've stayed in working and have a sore backside to prove it. The real challenge was to write an appraisal for a 4 unit property in Oakland. It is located near Berkeley and is a very nice well kept property. However there are hardly any recent sales in the area of similar properties. What a challenge to search and search to try to find just one more sale that will pull the report together. Finally after 5 this evening I was able to email the report and hopefully tomorrow a check will be coming my way.
I really believe in children, I've heard from both of mine today, Nikki had to cut her call short since she was on her phone on the road with no bluetooth device, so not hands free. Jason called but I eventually had to let him go as I had a call, let me tell you when the business line rings I make very sure I answer it. I carry the phone with me to the bathroom, the mailbox, the kitchen, I'm taking no chance at missing that next order.
Jo, Jason's wife, is feeling better today and is able to enjoy her summer freedom again. We all look forward to getting together on Friday to celebrate little Timothy's big day. He is a charmer, do I sound like a grandpa? I know your kids are really nice and your grandkids are really cute and bright but I can only speak about mine and I think they are just great.
I've been good today regarding food. I had oatmeal for breakfast, raw veges for lunch with a hint of chopped tomato fresh from the vine and a V8. This evening I made wheat pasta and had a 1/2 can of broccoli non fat soup mixed in, another tomato cut up in pieces and green beans. In the last 2 days I've lost 2.5 lbs and am feeling pretty good physically. Its been a battle to keep the spirits up today with the feeling that the walls of life are closing in on me. Its no fun to be broke, I mean really broke. You know it and now I know it too.
I've tried to lay out the financial situation before the Lord and seek His guidance. Sylvia made some good suggestions this morning in an email and I've been working on getting statements shipped out to clients who owe money. I've also been trying to get my desk cleared of all back work and conditions so I'm ready when the orders arrive!
Can I ask that you keep me in your prayers. I've not faced some of this stuff ever before and its hard to know what to do next or not do.
have a good evening, Barbie you can go to bed now!

take care my precious friends and family,

ps this evening Art and Connie have returned from their road trip and are staying at their Indio home. They are resting up from many many miles just driven. I'm thankful they are safe.

Whew, its a hot one

Dear Family and Friends,
Well here I am once again writing a few lines about today and life in general.
Ken and I walked this morning in spite of it already being warm. Then I quickly made some oatmeal (the old fashion kind I know how to make) and hit the road. I drove to Rancho Cordova using some back roads and enjoyed the inspection. Then having confirmed the next appointment I headed for Oakley. As the day progressed it became hotter and hotter, my car said it was over 112 outside but its usually wrong. In Oakley I found all the repair work completed on the house and quickly I was back in the car heading home to work.
Upon returning home the mail box was once again devoid of any checks, booo.
The dogs were glad to have me home, the house was decently cool and comfortable. I waded into the various tasks on my desk and have accomplished quite a bit.
For dinner I decided to go healthy. Jason called earlier and encouraged me. I found Dana had left a package of fresh vegetables unopened. I also found some mushrooms that needed attention. Well I sauteed the mushrooms and draped them over the veges. What a feast and with a fresh tomato cut into little pieces I had a great meal. It was very filling and had loads of flavor.
This evening I got to talk to Nikki and to my brother Jerry, earlier in the day I spoke with Art who was once again on the road traveling west. Checking in with Dana I found she had mowed their huge lawn in 98 degree heat and was enjoying being at home once again.
I face a bit of uncertainty for tomorrow. I have no orders, its been a week since any checks came in and I feel a little uneasy. I would appreciate your prayers for guidance as I move forward.
I am thankful for a safe day of travel, for the work I had to do today and for my basic health. I am very thankful for each of you.

love

tim

Tight times

Dear Family and Friends,
As I write this evening the house AC is still running in spite of being set at 80 degrees. We are in one of those California warm spells, they don't last long but they hit hard for a few days. This morning Ken and I walked at 6:30 and it was warm even then. Ken pulled a fast one and extended the walk to an even longer trip around the lake, its OK though as I have felt I needed to do more. I did not feel that way this morning when we were extending the trip but its the right thing to do. After walking I settled in for a morning of work. I tried to do the steel cut oats in the microwave but even 4 minutes did not do the trick. I don't have the instructions as the oats were moved to a Tupperware and the packaging was thrown away, if any of you know how many minutes to cook steel cut oats can you let me know please. I had to give up and eat Cheerios this morning, could not waste any more time trying to figure it all out.
At 1 pm I left for Oakland having completed a really tough appraisal for a property located in Napa. I drove to the 4 plex and met a really wonderful lady who works for the owner of the property. She had driven up from San Jose and showed me through the 4 units. Then she gave me a small check for the inspection fee portion and I drove the comps. It is amazing how few sales have taken place recently, just amazing. I would never have guessed how bad things have gotten in our local markets. I lose far more appraisal orders than I get to complete since the lack of comparables sales is becoming very serious.
After I completed the Oakland comp search and shot the photos I headed for San Francisco. I dreaded going there late in the afternoon but found the traffic to be amazingly light both going in and coming back out. The inspection was for a property that I had thought should be torn down, it was so rough and full of dry rot, the roof had leaked for 20 years and it was awful. Now after a crew has been working the place is great, granite in the kitchen, new view deck in the rear, new flooring, new bathrooms.
I drove out of the neighborhood which is located very near where the 49ers play football and caught the freeway. I then proceeded to drive the speed limit across the bay bridge, through Oakland, through Walnut Creek and only slowed briefly on Highway 4 in Antioch before coming on home. It was a total pleasing surprise, the trip home, one of those little blessings that are a nice touch to a work day.
At home I found NO money in the mail, that makes about a week now! I did get to go over to a local house and pick up an inspection check for $75 which along with the inspection fee in Oakland will start the fund to pay the house payment in a week. The dogs were very glad to see me come home and let me know how much they missed me and how hot it had been today. I made a cool ice drink using the breakfast mocha stuff from CostCo, wow is it good and I make it really thin, tastes cold and good anyway.
Tonight I made brown rice, corn, picked fresh tomatoes from my vines and cut a couple up to eat with the rice. Wonderful taste, rich and tangy.
Ken called to say we need to walk at 6:30 again in the morning, that's fine with me as I need to be in Rancho Cordova by 10 to do an appraisal, the last order I have at the present time.
Adjusting to a house without Dana is not easy. She is such a pleasant person that when she goes she really leaves a gap in the joy factor. But I'm OK. I had a chance to speak to several people today on the phone including my dear friend Marilyn who lives in Rhode Island. She confirmed that she is ready to fly west when she gets the ticket from Dana so it won't be long now. She and I are going to tackle the office and especially Nan's desk which is exactly like it was when she was still using it every day. Sylvia had an excellent suggestion, that I use that computer for financial and family affairs while I use my computer for preparing and tracking appraisals. The more I think about the idea the more I like it, two different functions, two different work stations. It will not involve spending any money as everything is already there at her desk.
I have found friends and family to be a real resource center for ideas which have helped as the months pass.
This Friday we are going to celebrate Timothy's birthday at MBA. We think we might like to arrive early to enjoy the cooler weather, the beach and a relaxing family day. I had a dramatic illustration of micro differences in climate this afternoon. As I drove through Oakland and approached the tunnel the temp was 77, once through the tunnel into Orinda the temp was 98. What a difference!
Please pray that Steve and I can find more appraisal work.
So tonight I send my love to all,

Tim