Marilyn to the rescue again

Dear Family and Friends,
We are back from a long trip to Windsor where I inspected a nice house. The trip was a couple hours but Marilyn was kind enough to drive while I rested. I can't seem to get well but today I've written a report this morning, inspected a local 2900 sf home here in Discovery Bay at noon, then shot a couple comps in Antioch, did the trip to Windsor and back via Olive Garden, endless pasta bowl ends today, boo hoo. Marilyn like to drive and I like to ride and rest if I can. Her driving reminds me a lot of Nan's driving, passenger hold on to something solid and think of things to add to your will.
When we drove in I came to the office and went to work. I've sent out the report for Windsor, sent out a revised report for Antioch, written most of a new report for Antioch and now I'm tired and going to bed. The coughing is pretty rough and causes headache, still neck, sore chest from the effort of coughing. I long to be well again.
A few minutes ago Jason called to inform me he had landed in San Jose. I'm so glad they are back safely from their extended trip to Italy and I know one little boy who is going to be very excited to see his mommy and daddy. Julie has done a super job of caring for him and I think she will probably sleep for days with relief.
I just spend a few minutes reading from the blog from a time shortly after we lost Nan. What I enjoyed most was not my comments but yours. They were so lifting then and I found them lifting again tonight.
The life I live now is sort of like stumbling through an old house with the lights off, there is no time for peace and joy or a chance to relax in a partners love, life is a huge void with glimpses of life but they are fleeting. I don't know when or how to discover how to live now, I mean really live, not exist. My kids certainly do their part, they are marvelous to me, this is a journey I have to discover on my own and at this point I'm no closer to some reason for life, for purpose than I was 2 years ago as Nan was losing ground. In some ways I feel like much of my life died that day too and I'm just too dumb to realize that its over.
I was so relieved to have a call from Irene today. This modern job certainly is being tested and tried. Now she has shingles with the pain and suffering that come with them. Oh how we need the healing hand of the Lord.
love to all,

Tim