Living alone

Dear Family and Friends,
How precious you are to me, to hear from you, to read your emails, see you at church, feel the warmth of your bear hug, take your cell phone calls. Living alone may be something some people long for or at least think they would love but then it happens and suddenly every minute of the day and night everything is up to you, just you, no one to encourage good behavior or frown on bad behavior, no one to share meals, walks, talks, TV shows, dinners out, trip planning, bill paying, its up to you. It does take some getting used to.
Many of you reading this know all to well what I am discussing, being alone, some by divorce, some by death, some by accident. I think twice before I step because if I would fall and break something, could not move, it would be days before someone would suspect anything wrong.
Lately I've become so busy doing appraisal work that I rarely think of anything else. It is a luxury to take a moment to share with Jerry or Art or Sharon or Lois or on special moments one of the kids. This weekend was made special by Keanna who came to visit and then my dear Nikki is experiencing a birthday so this afternoon we traveled over to Tracy to Olive Garden for a delightful late lunch with Nikki, Steve, Keanna, Kallie and me. What fun to see Kallie experience water through a straw and Keanna suck up her spaghetti. Oh that is good stuff and after we walked out I paused for a moment as the kids loaded the girls into the car to reflect on how much Nan would have wanted to be there for this special time. It saddened me as I have no clear reason why she could not be there in the great cosmic plan. Why are some struck down in their prime when they have all this love to give? What sense does it make and how do we survivors live with it, the loss. Is it really progress to become numb pretending that everything is fine? Mostly I cope by being so busy that I have no time to think or reflect very deeply.
When I hear of people deciding to divorce I want to scream, you loved once, you can love again if you will just try. How did we come to the place where relationships have become a throwaway casualty, oh it just did not work out so we divorced. Speaking as one who lost a lover through no choice of his own I would urge people to consider choices, consequences, little ones. I think I hate divorce nearly as much as I hate cancer, both rip and tear away precious relationships with little regard for the consequences. Cancer cells do what they do as they are out of control with a foot to the floor intensity, to grow grow grow. My only solice when considering Nan's lost life is that the hateful tumors died as well.

The coming week must be a week of production for me. I have dozens of appraisals to write and now new orders are coming in as well. Its time to settle down once again and crank being thankful for the work opportunities God has supplied.

This morning I ran Pam to the airport where she flew away to Wales to see her precious cousin and spend two weeks lecturing in schools about the US thus rendering the trip tax deductible. she had a piece of luggage that was bigger than she is and of course at check in it was way too heavy. It was filled with books to give children in Wales and they had to be moved to other bags but finally she boarded and flew away. I hope she has a wonderful vacation as she needs it.

So once again tonight I urge an old theme for me. If you have someone there with you, under your roof that you have committed your life to let them know once again how lucky you feel to have them, cherish them, spend extra minutes creating notes, leave messages, if you are in love then act like it. If you have someone that can put up with you be overjoyed. Life is good, very good.

Sending love to all,

tim