9:05 and I'm watching a little CSI Miami. I love that town, beautiful setting, great buildings and of course on the show only beautiful people, I don't quite remember it that way though. We sailed from there once on a cruise and enjoyed the city a lot the night before.
Today's highlights, walk with Ken and Lady the dog, attend a bit of the Tracy Church service before learning it was communion, I can't handle the feet washing portion of the service. Many years ago Nan and I introduced the idea of couples washing each others feet and it became some nan and I enjoyed very much, it was a special time each quarter. I've not been able to bring myself to go through that service again since losing her. It was already a troublesome day, 10 months ago I lost Nan as her breathing just stopped and then it was so quiet. I'll never even get close to forgetting that moment for the rest of my life. The most profound loss and defeat I've ever experienced. After all of the miracles, the heroics by so many fine medical people, some of the best in the world to then let her slip away, horrible, gut wrenching. Yes I'm still here and I did have one of those special opportunities this afternoon. I was eating alone at Olive Garden, enjoying soup and salad and Steve called to see a few minutes. So I drove directly there and held Kallie and fed her and listened to Keanna as she worked with a word matching game and kept herself busy playing. Before long Steve was back from his errand and then I left to drive to Lodi Memorial Hospital where Shawn is recovering from surgery. While still in some pain his recovery is on track and if all goes well he will be going home on Monday to recoup. I had a delightful time visiting with him. On the way home I stopped in at Marie Calenders and had steamed veges. Then I came home to just take it easy. This evening I've been working on Quickbooks Pro, trying to get it up to speed and reconciled. Tomorrow is a very important work day with many appraisals to complete and email out.
A new letter from the IRS that arrived today was a bit shocking. It confirmed that I face a new tax bill for the year 2007 for over $9,000. At this point in my life that seems like a huge amount of money. When news like that arrives it sort of throws my emotional state for a loop for awhile. I appreciate the words from friend Roger, be patient, you did not get into this situation overnight and you won't get out of it fast either. How I long for the day when everything can be paid on time, when there won't be so many things to pay and when I can make a better living with adequate appraisal work.
I want to believe that Nan would approve of most of the survival things I have done over the past 10 months. I've worked hard, I've cut spending by hundreds of dollars, I live on a cash basis now and I'm not going into debt deeper in any way. Medical bills are under much better control than in the past and most are about paid in full. A new PG&E bill for $1,000 was a bit of a shock, not sure how that happened.
I'm sort of hoping for a normal month to come along, one without massive car repairs, or huge IRS payments, or large DATA bills which happen once a year, NORMAL would be nice for a change.
I know sometimes it just seems like I am playing the victim. Mostly I don't feel that way and often I'm actually quite happy. The highlight of my work day is getting to meet homeowners, people who are often in a jam or coping with a recent loss and trying to listen to them and render help. There are so many people who just don't have anyone to listen at all. I'm amazed by what I hear in grief group about the families of the people that are there. Many people facing cancer or who have lost someone feel their families are pretty worthless when it comes time for support. That has been so shocking to me as my family extending from cousins to daughter and son have been perfect, just right, they don't try to smother me and they don't forget I exist either, just right and it was so special to travel to Texas and feel so welcomed there by Joe and the family. I sometimes wondered what would happen if I lost Nan, would I also lose her family? Well that has not happened. That is really precious to me.
So for now I'll say good night, take care, enjoy your Sunday, yes even you too Art while you rough it in Maui. Poor thing.
love
tim
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment